To dislike strangers telling my children off

[Anenome]

Right...before I get too many "It take a village to raise a child" comments Let me just say that I am all for people supporting parents in a tactful way if their DC's are having a meltdown. But today in M&S my 2 year old was having a little argument with me...not screaming...not kicking or yelling...she was just saying "I hold it! I hold it!" over and over again in a shrill voice...as they do!

As she was talking about a large box of cakes I was about to pay for, I kept pushing her and saying "No, but later you can eat one" and similar platitdes....anyway...an M&S assistant suddenly stepped right in front of our path....stopped e in my tracks..I actually thught I must have dropped something...she knelt in front of my DD and said in a stern voice..."Now! You must behave!" No smile....

I immediately wheeled around her and said "NO! If there is any telling off to do, then I do it...not you"

And carried on... as I was slightly fuming ...my DD is quite shy...and who on earth did this bloody woman think she was!?

As I left the woman beind, she started shrieking with laughter...(witch like laughter!) and LOUDLY...SO I turned and said "It's not funny either!"

I thinkt the laughter was due to a nervous reaction...but really...I am I being unresonable?

I TOTALLY like it when elderly ladies and the like, will come up and smile and distract a yelling or grumpy toddler...thats ok!

But you dont kneel in front of my child and stop me in my tracks to do it!

Also, another issue I have is my DC's learrning that not ALL aduts have the right to tell them what to do...

still

It DOES seem to be the middle aged ones doesn't it? Funnily enough they are all the right age to be MILS too!

Maybe they have horrendous DILS and take it out on us!

was just remembering as well, the one time I really had a go (at a 50something cardiganned bloke) it was in M and S! I was trundling through the doors with my pushchair and him and Mrs Beige were coming out and we all sort of collided, I apologised (I was sort of pushing the door to get in with the pushchair IYSWIM?) and he rawped and bawled at Mrs Beige about "grrrr look at them, bliddy things, rant rant strop strop, never even looked where she was bliddy going, huff puff."

I hope his new beige slacks fell down.

at his new beige slacks! i never connected it but M&S does seem to be overrun with beige folk doesn't it...and they're not known for their patience with snotty kids and harrassed bossy Mothers!

Me and my Mum (who I won't let into beige) laugh about it...I want to walk up to women of a certain age and say "put the beige skirt back love, come on, live a little".

YANBU.
I had two preschool staff screeching at my 6yo DS yesterday -- one with hysteria and the other one in a rage. Because he was...

sitting on a sturdy steel gate. No gate damage, no damage to anything else, no high immediate risk. Nobody trying to use the gate at the time. He was there maybe as long as 2 minutes in total and 90 seconds before they started, which presumably justified the intense reaction (I was up to my elbows in another DC's dirty nappy or I would have shooed him down earlier).

I wouldn't mind if they had spoken to him sternly and calmly about climbing off the gate, but no, instead they went mental about it.

These are trained professionals who have to deal with irrational and dopey children daily. Needless to say I won't be sending the younger DC to that preschool.

Bugger the village, im an island! I will do as i wish with my dc and i dont expect 'help' lukily i have the 'harrassed mom scowl' down to a T, not for the children, but for anyone who dares to approach me - for any reason!
good job im already married

damn! child on lap means pants spelling!

I agree with you that is rude and good on you for saying something to her :)

I tell strangers' children off all the time! Sometimes, I tell thirty off at once!

YANBU to be annoyed (as you don't like it) but I agree about the village thing I'm afraid. Sometimes habits form where child shreiks for something, parent pacifies, child shreiks again etc. It can happen as routine as oppossed to need iyswim. Sometimes another adult indicating to a child its not OK to behave that way makes the child see that its a general rule not just something mum/dad says no to.

Children have to learn the effects their behaviour has on others - better to start them young.

I swym mumbar....BUT...just because one person believes it's better to start them young...does not mean the parent of the child in question has to allow that person free reign to tell them off according to their own beliefs...my beliefs are what counts...and I don't believe a 2 year old understands or cares aboout the effect it might have on others...distraction is the best technique....and unless someone is prepared to run alongside my speeding buggy, singing the Chuggington theme for my DD...well then they can keep their bloody nose out!

I was leaving...not lingering..she actually hindered my exit the stupid cow....I might complain after all.

[Humph emoticon]

Anenome, I'll run along side your buggy singing the chuggington theme. But then again I'm a bit of a loon and randomly start singing stuff to my dc when out even when i've not got them with me

I am outraged for you Anenome! I would be furious! How bloody rude!

As for people saying they are happy for other people to tell their children off, then it's one thing if you are not there but if I am there and dealing with the situation then there is no need for anyone to step in and if anyone did with myself and my dc's I'd soon put them straight!

why do people get upset about telling their DC of if they're misbehaving.
i would have been grateful in your situation Op -a stranger seems more authoritative than 'mum' and often gets results.Do you lack confidence in yourself as a parent?

YANBU - but well done for telling her what you thought. I would have been too to say anything.

The reason I wouldn't allow anyone else to tell my children off in my presence is because of my confidence in my parenting.

Additionally, strangers don't know how each individual child "works", what their individual needs are, if there are any special needs, what forms of discipline are used at home etc.

Brassband..lol...no, the opposite...which is why I KNOW that my way is best...not that of some silly/loopy shop assistant.

In this instance YANBU but sometimes it is necessary for someone else to intervene. I know I have told children off when their parents have been there before, normally when the little brat darling is attempting to pull my dogs tail or something else that I don't deem safe that directly involves me, while their parent is smiling indulgently at them. I don't really care if that offends them TBH! Having said that I wouldn't intervene if it was just a kid having a tantrum or something that wasn't directly involving me (unless the child was in immediate danger).

YANBU. Why can't people just mind their own business?

Bet she felt really smug about "helping" you out too.

Anenome/mummynightandday- you are assuming that your child is the centre of everyone's universe!! the shop assistant was not 'telling off' your DD for her benefit ie to make him a well behaved child
.She was doing it for the benefit of other shoppers who were being subjected to her 'shrill voice'.She just wanted her to shut up why should she care what your DD's 'individual needs' are

Brassband....but I dont care what she wanted....its NOT HER CHILD....therefore she has no right to tell her anything does she? No. And while I am at it, her witch like cackle was FAR louder than any noise my DD was making....as were the gossiping shrieking shoppers nearby....she doesn't care what my childs needs are..I dont care what HERS are...and I told her so. And I WILL complain and I WILL get her in trouble and therfore she WILL think twice about stopping another Mother from going about her busines the way she stopped me...ergo I will win.

If another shopper had done it then I would not be so offended...but she is staff...her personal opinons should never come into her work.

So you gave the adult a good telling-off but not your child.

The woman overstepped the mark and it m ust have been annoying and a bit humiliating. But I think that by admonishing the adult and giving the child platitudes, this is an example of a lack of adult authority in the eyes of the child.

I don't think that's good.

Brassband - I am presuming nothing of the sort. I am simply saying that it is not the place of anyone else to step in and say anything to my DC when I am dealing with the situation. In the same way that I wouldn't expect anyone to step in and tell me to behave if myself and DH were in heated debate in the supermarket about what to have for dinner!

There are too many busybodies about all thinking they know best when in actual fact only we know what is best for our children.

Additionally, this was a member of staff! If one of my members of staff had behaved in this way, particularly with the cackling afterwards there would be consequences.

"takes a village to bring up a child" my arse!

Dance in the Dark: "I don't mind if my children are being naughty and i am not doing anything about it."

Well actually, I DO MIND if your children are being naughty.

If you can't be bothered to say anything, then the 'village' will.

Society is going down the toobs.