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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think large ladies proclaiming themselves 'real women' is offensive to us slim types?

239 replies

madmn52 · 30/08/2010 21:48

I am so sick of hearing some (stand back from the flame throwers!) big ladies being so defensive about their weight that they even try and claim a monopoly on womanliness. I like being slim and much prefer to be - although I have never really been overweight. I am sick of hearing women saying - 'men prefer a real woman' - or ' men prefer curves' - or 'something to grab hold of' etc.etc. As a slim woman - if I were to walk in the office and announce that men prefer a woman like me to a larger woman - because for example, 'they dont like all that excess flesh ' - then all hell would break loose !! Or if I was to dare say that women over a size 14 were not 'real women' - there would be outrage.
So large ladies - if you are happy and satisfied with how you look - fine - no-ones asking you to put yourself down - but please could you stop putting others down in the process !

OP posts:

sloanypony · 30/08/2010 21:51

I hate that too - its the "real" bit that annoys me.

YANBU

gigglewitch · 30/08/2010 21:52

I never post on "AIBU" threads ... but have broken the self-imposed ban as I agree with you so wholeheartedly.

fuschiagroan · 30/08/2010 21:54

I agree. But I know I'm a real woman, so I don't really care. Also, women are not 'allowed' into the public eye unless they are slim, so I can see why there is a backlash.

FallingWithStyle · 30/08/2010 21:55

Absolutely agree.
And I'm in no way skinnny.

cupcakesandbunting · 30/08/2010 21:55

I think that the 'real' refers to the average size you see in the street rather than the 'unrealistic' size 0 that gets thrown down the catwalk.

We should be blaming the media though, rather than bickering with other women over what is attractive/real.

deakell · 30/08/2010 21:55

Totally agree. It's truly annoying. Many of the examples of curvy real women in my opinion are indeed curvy, but they are also fat, plain and simple.

That's fine - I've no problem with that.

Embrance your size and love your body!

But, please don't tell me I'm not a real women because I'm a size 10.

It hacks me off no end.

And yes, I have some nice curves too.

nowherewoman · 30/08/2010 21:56

Speaking as a "large lady", I'm perfectly happy with how I look and don't feel the need to put anyone else down. Who says this anyway? Do you know anyone real, or is it more in the media?

curlymama · 30/08/2010 21:56

Couldn't agree with you more.

It's a bit like the bullying thing where the bully puts down other people to make themselves feel better. But somehow when big people do it to slim people it's ok, it's just them being proud of what they've got.

Bizzare.

Sassybeast · 30/08/2010 21:56

I don't find it 'offensive' but I do find it slightly tedious to hear obese people go to such great lengths to convince anyone who'll listen that they are happier and healthier than anyone else. SIL is a case in point - despite her 3rd hospitalisation for asthma this year, apparently she's MUCH healthier than anyone else she knows. Really is a case of protesting too much.

llbeanj · 30/08/2010 21:56

while I do agree - surely you can understand the over-defensiveness? I am sure that you don't get to hear nearly as many unpleasant comments as they do.

FallingWithStyle · 30/08/2010 21:57

Also agreeits a crap media thing rather than other women though.
Have never heard anyone say it in rl.

Altinkum · 30/08/2010 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pirateparty · 30/08/2010 22:00

And here we go again...

nowherewoman · 30/08/2010 22:01

Can anyone slim say, hand on heart, that they have actually experienced anyone saying this to them in real life?

HecateQueenOfWitches · 30/08/2010 22:01

Agree with you. And I'm fat not thin.

I would suggest that those large women who do that, probably want to make themselves feel better about being fat by sneering at thin women and coming up with reasons why it's better to be large.

It's about making yourself feel better.

It's always about you, not the person / group of people you are attacking. Always.

sharon137 · 30/08/2010 22:02

I'm not a skinny person, but this has always annoyed me. It's a sad way of making yourself feel better by putting others down. I have heard it said in RL too, although ony a few times, whereas you see it in the media all the time, most often with a story on how to lose those extra pounds on the page opposite.. Another way of dividing and conquering!!
Real woman = woman with no unnecessary plastic bits, big, small, tall, ahort, medium, whatever.

Original poster

madmn52 · 30/08/2010 22:03

Right - thanks for your replies- now that a few of you have agreed with me I am going to stick my neck out a bit further - ready with the fire extinguishers my new slender friends

I have a bit of a theory that some large ladies are not really happy being big and so they are over-defensive - as though they are trying to convince themselves and us IYSWIM. Also maybe a bit of pride aswell - as in they dont want us to know they secretly would rather be like us ??

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 30/08/2010 22:03

YANBU.

Altinkum · 30/08/2010 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deakell · 30/08/2010 22:04

Yes nowhere woman.

I have.

I've had three kids and got back to size 10 pretty sharpish each time.

Have been told it's a shame I didn't develop some womanly curves or bigger "bad boys" after having kids.

I mean, seriously, what a thing to say - fuck off!

BusyMissIzzy · 30/08/2010 22:05

Agree, the message should be that real women come in all shapes and sizes.

FallingWithStyle · 30/08/2010 22:05

Ah, well now you're being unreasonable.
It's not your place to try and psychoanalyse other people any more than it is their place to declare you Not A Real Woman.

TimothyTigerTuppennyTail · 30/08/2010 22:09

nowherewoman - yes, several times. :( It was when I was a lot bit younger and I worried about my size constantly as I knew I was too thin.

emmyloulou · 30/08/2010 22:09

I agree, all women are real whatever their shape size. It's offensive that real women somehow have to be what a 12/14/16/18? Rediculous.

It seems more acceptable socially to "skinny" bash than it is to "fatty" bash, both hugely offesive views/words but one seems more acceptable than the other.

I also think some bigger women are in denial that excess weight can sometimes just be fat and be very unhealthy, think diabetes, heart disease etc.

BMI can be misleading yes, it does not really account well for muscle tone etc but I do think the huge embrace the curves thing at the moment is a justification for being overweight/unhealthy for some.

I have been at both ends of the spectrum.

BellasFormerFriend · 30/08/2010 22:10

The whole thing is totaly aimed at the size 0 rubbish not at anyone who is a "real" size - i.e. size 8/10ish and over for an average height woman.

All of you ladies getting upset are actually being overly sensitive - it is just not about you, it is about 0 models, lollipops and the glamour industries vendetta against anyone who has a healthy body and does not have oversized plastic tits.

Instead of getting cross with anyone over a size 16 perhaps this is something that could apply to you too - "real" women are not a size 0 - which is the point.

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