to think large ladies proclaiming themselves 'real women' is offensive to us slim types?

[madmn52]

I am so sick of hearing some (stand back from the flame throwers!) big ladies being so defensive about their weight that they even try and claim a monopoly on womanliness. I like being slim and much prefer to be - although I have never really been overweight. I am sick of hearing women saying - 'men prefer a real woman' - or ' men prefer curves' - or 'something to grab hold of' etc.etc. As a slim woman - if I were to walk in the office and announce that men prefer a woman like me to a larger woman - because for example, 'they dont like all that excess flesh ' - then all hell would break loose !! Or if I was to dare say that women over a size 14 were not 'real women' - there would be outrage.
So large ladies - if you are happy and satisfied with how you look - fine - no-ones asking you to put yourself down - but please could you stop putting others down in the process !

madmn, exactly. its still bullying, still hurtful simple as that. i wouldnt dram of calling someone chubby or telling them they were fat. i expect the same courtesy.

ooooh gigglewitch you lucky thing. My size 8-10 friend is like that, she eats more than me yet is nice and slim, but then she does not eat crap in between like I do.

Eh, in most parts of the world (Japan, China, India, Africa etc) women are thin.... Thin is normal!

Op - YANBU! I am a real woman.

In China they do eat a lot of fish and rice, the chineese food here as been adapted for the western palate so its more calorific same with the Idian food too. My Indian friend said that in India they eat mainly vegetarian food.

T'was me Peddlars - and no I didn't say that she was hospitalised because of her obesity. Her asthma is made much worse by her obesity. She's a grown up though and she's 9presumably) well aware of the health implications. In the context of the OP though, it's the fact that she has to go to great lengths to claim that she's healthier/fitter/better than a skinny person (and that extends to the 'something to grab unto comments') which is tedious to me personally.

Hmm gigglewitch.
You may have a point here.

It is an assumption I make because I often hear of larger ladies commenting on how they are singled out because of their size.

I suppose I just don't presume they're lying, but I have no supporting evidence that this is in fact true.

My mum, as a tiny tiny lady (size 6 UK at her largest) was constantly singled out - she hated it!

They were meant to be friendly comments, like "oooh you're sooooo skinny, you mustn't eat a thing".

But again, you wouldn't say to a larger woman "oooh you're so cuddly, you must eat loads to maintain that aize"

Skinny people, you have my sincere sympathies for all the horrible people out there pointing out your slimness. How do you cope?

Here, have a . It will help with the persecution complex!!

I do agree deakell, funny how those comments are aimed at slim women abut you would never say the reverse to a larger lady.

crisproll, wow. i think you may have just proved the point

< Hides thread >

I wouldn't say this is a fat bashing thread tbh.

I'd class myself as "fat" excluding I am heavily pregnant, before hand I was overweight, I'd say I was "fat". That was excess weight from my last pregnancy and going OTT over Christmas.

I didn't feel great for it and look forward to getting down to my more healthy long term size of a 12, which takes work. But I get more insults at a 12 than a 16, which seems to be post pregnancy size for a while, it's noticble on me as I am not very tall. I was told exactly that, you could do with eating a few pies, putting some weight on yadda, yadda, yadda. No I was what I'd call curvy, boob, bum, hips and a healthy BMI. At a 16 the "Daily fail" ideal of curvy I was blergh, just felt ill. I haven't put on any weight in this pregnancy as I didn't need too, should have lost the weight before hand, but doing what I can not to get any bigger.

Dr's are happy with this BTW before I get flamed as I was overweight on booking at a 16! But it's just from eating well, exercising more so hopefully should be a 12 no-time this time as I won't be having amymore kids, more of an incentive.

All women are real women whatever but there does seem to be a distinct acceptibility to skinny bash.

Yes crisproll2 its the truth really, and the negative presumptions that people make about you being skinny, just to reiterate I am overweight at a size 14-16 but do agree with the slim persecution.

I get a few comments about my size (6-8 at 5' 4") but I don't really mind. They tend to be fairly inoffensive things like 'you're tiny' 'there's nothing of you' etc. not said with malice though. There are definitely men who like the delicate look, just as there are those who like the more rounded look (I prefer tall chubby men myself, and have no attraction to slim artistic types!). In general I feel lucky to be slim, and think large people get much more of a bashing. It is more acceptable to criticse fat people now, because you can say that they are costing the taxpayer money etc.

Why is it ok for the larger lady to discuss these issues on here but not ok if a slim person discusses them. Are theynot allowed to feel persecuted because they are within the slim ideal People can be very harsh and negative towards slim women too.

crisproll that was a bit mean

my aunty (who has always been underweight) went to the docs as she was worried about her (non) weight and he laughed her out of the surgery - armed with a load of the bullying comments we are referring to here.

i am no skinnymalink (shortarse 14/16) but i agree that it is bizarre that it is socially unacceptable to comment on an overweight persons diet but we should feel free to slag off the skinnies

YANBU. It's a pet hate of mine too that the 'realness' of a woman should be defined by her figure. So sexist.

Also, there's no such thing as size 0. It's an American size which equates to size 4 here, but even that means absolutely nothing due to vanity sizing; it would have been called a size 8 or 10 once upon a time. That's why vintage clothes are usually so tiny. I suppose because it's rare these days to be that thin, that's why it's become sought after by some, and such a big deal. Whereas in times gone by, a more rounded hourglass figure was more aspirational. Funnily enough though I have never heard anyone in real life aspire to be super-skinny and straight up and down, as we might expect if the 'best bikini bodies' type articles were anything to go by. Most women I know, myself included, would rather be curvy in the true sense of the word, i.e. with breats, hips and a nipped-in waist, a size 10-12ish overall.

I don't think anyone should comment on anyone else's size, whether they are over or under the desirable weight for them/ their height. It is indeed bullying to make negative comments about someone else's appearance, in any context.

My concern was with the slipping into comments that madmn52 made "they dont want us to know they secretly would rather be like us ??"

Dont even get me going on that song - 'big girls - you are beautiful' - find it patronising to both big girls and slim ones.

pirateparty - that was text laziness really rather than 'us and them' mentality. By the phrase 'they' I only meant the big ladies who are guilty of putting down slim ladies and by 'us' I meant us slimmer ladies when on the receiving end of those remarks. I didnt mean to generalise.

Fair enough, madmn52.

I have been called 'skinny' and 'fat' as an insult over the years - neither was pleasant. Both are effectively bullying aren't they?

BTW, I agree with the underlying post - YANBU.

YANBU

I find it very annoying to be told I am not a "real Woman" and yes I have been told this more than once.

I never put on weight, despite trying bloody hard!!! I lose weight far to quickly, have had so many tests done its untrue, and I am a bit sensitive about it to be honest. I wouldn't ever mock somebody about their physical appearence, and I wish people would extend that to me too.

One thing that really upset me happened only last month. I was in a cafe having a huge heart attck inducing fry up (yes I know not the healthiest option but very tasty), a woman I sort of know came in and starts chatting normally at first. then she launches into a whole attack that she could be a "skinny little runt" like me if she stopped eating too. To which I pointed out erm have you seen my plate. She leans in and says, yeah but your gonna bring that straight back up again arent you, doing the fingers down the mouth sign. I was speechless, and it still gets me angry now!!!

Thankyou Pirateparty - I did read back that post of mine and it did sound really bad I must admit - but I really really dont have a problem per se with bigger ladies / skinny ladies etc etc. In fact I hate generalisations full stop. A lot of bullying and 'isms' spring from generalisations and stereotyping i.m.o.

what is desirable or "real" should correspond to being healthy, which is more a question of BMI than dress size. If the curvy, voluptuous "real" women are actually overweight, then that's as bad as a superskinny size zero model - neither is healthy and therefore neither should be aspirational.

I agree with your OP but also take issue with the 'they wish they were secretly thin' post.
Not everyone who is fat wants to be secretly thin, its total bollocks all this 'real women' stuff - there is a difference between curves and being fat - im really fat and have never called myself curvy - i have also never aspired to be thin (i have and do aspire to be healthy) but one does not necessarily corelate with the other.

Women are overweight for lots of reasons, some physcological, some physical sometimes just because you like eating too much however i really do think theres room for all types of 'real women' not just fat ones. I dont really hear fat women bashing thin ones as skinny is the current ideal and its something that most women i know aspire to - seems to me to be the other way around - fat bashing is as socially acceptable on here as it is in RL.