to think large ladies proclaiming themselves 'real women' is offensive to us slim types?

[madmn52]

I am so sick of hearing some (stand back from the flame throwers!) big ladies being so defensive about their weight that they even try and claim a monopoly on womanliness. I like being slim and much prefer to be - although I have never really been overweight. I am sick of hearing women saying - 'men prefer a real woman' - or ' men prefer curves' - or 'something to grab hold of' etc.etc. As a slim woman - if I were to walk in the office and announce that men prefer a woman like me to a larger woman - because for example, 'they dont like all that excess flesh ' - then all hell would break loose !! Or if I was to dare say that women over a size 14 were not 'real women' - there would be outrage.
So large ladies - if you are happy and satisfied with how you look - fine - no-ones asking you to put yourself down - but please could you stop putting others down in the process !

Good grief. Talk about a competition for who can be the most offended.....tell me, will a medal be awarded at some stage?

As I see it, if you have a vagina, you're a real woman. If you're skinny/slim and get upset about references to 'real women' I would venture to suggest you're a hyper-sensitive real woman, but a real woman nonetheless. Cheer up - you get all the good clothes, after all, and will get to feel smug when the health tsars start chasing we fatties down with bloodhounds and issuing permits for us to be shot on sight for being non-pleasing to look at. I would imagine few people would point at laugh at you in the street as they occasionally do to the more well-upholstered, although they might do if they were to hear you snivelling in a corner about being 'bullied' because you're not sure if you're a 'real woman' or not.

Good grief.

Armi - the point is that no one should feel justified in making comments designed to put others down, no matter if it is directed at a big or a small person. Being told you must be ill/your not a real woman/men want more meat etc are hurtfull comments.

And as for clothes its not always the case that thinner get better...I struggle to find nice clothes that fit me without paying a fortune often! And the doctor is always on my back so I get stick about my health too!!! being slim is not all rosy either.

I think there is only a same group right in the middle that are actually not getting the stick to be honest lol

it goes both ways. when i was fat i noticed sayings like ' the meat is sweeter closer to the bone' and such.

'Armi - the point is that no one should feel justified in making comments designed to put others down'

But are all those references to 'real women' really designed to put others down? Are they all used in a manner which offends the sensibilities of the slim? Or are people just taking offence unnecessarily because of their own issues? It depends who is saying it to whom, as I see it, and the context.

Also, isn't this whole debate a bit pointless with regards to the 'men like a real woman' stuff? After all, some men like slim/skinny women whilst others are driven wild by a glimpse of wobbly thigh and breasts that require the sort of engineering not seen since days of Isambard Kingdom Brunel to keep them off a girl's knees. Some men surely, couldn't give a stuff if a woman has gigantically obese earlobes, a furry back and a tail...because they belong to the person they love, which is what counts after all.

As a bit of a chubster (for past 3 years - something to do with middle age and lots of wine consumption I think), I have never used that phrase to denigrate slim women. However, I do think it's a bit feeble to be hurt by it - if you are slim, unless painfully emaciated, you are feted by society. For heaven's sake you should be able to deal with a bit of unhappy fat lass defensiveness! Get over why dont you

Quite, hmc.

lol, it needed saying didn't it Armi

That is so funny Armi. Please please can I do the judging as the OP. Hello - me me -over here - I was once bullied into plunging headfirst into a box of chocolate eclairs - if you have a worse story - we'd love to hear from you!!
Rosieposie - I have covered that in my previous post - I didnt mean all big women - just those who act towards thin women in the manner stated in OP - that is just my theory about some.

I agree with you on this one hmc (despite my superior driving skills on the other thread ).

I'm a big girl but don't bash slimmer ladies. Occasionally I think it's used in the media to celebrate different sizes and usually refers to larger ladies as it is taken as granted that slimmer women are fine with their bodies anyway. I think it's also used often to refer to "normal" women (whatever that means) as opposed to models in magazines who semi-starve themselves to achieve an anorexic look.

It did, hmc. Given that those of us of the wobbly variety are daily derided and abused in the media and, in some cases, in the street for our lack-of-skinniness it's a pretty poor show to start bleating about 'bullying' because of an out-dated phrase that is hardly ever heard any more...or haven't people realised that 'real woman' has lately been replaced with 'fat-tub-of-lard-drain-on-the-NHS-walking-time-bomb-self-indulgent-repellent-obese-figure-of-fun woman'?

lol MrsMad - it's good to find common ground!

"Eh, in most parts of the world (Japan, China, India, Africa etc) women are thin.... Thin is normal!"

Yes. And so if a woman is overweight she is abnormal and deserves utter disdain from society as a whole.

Armi - absolutely, us corpulent ones have replaced smokers as the medias whipping boy (or girl). I am even tempted to diet for heavens sake!

oooh there's an annoying advert where i live at the moment, advertising a women's clothing shop that only stocks size 18 and above. the end of their adverts is the slogan 'where REAL women shop', as if the rest of the population are bloody imposters!!

yes but the whole point of this thread and the OP is not about defensiveness - of course I can deal with and understand someone defending themselves - its about going on the attack. Defend yourself all you like - good for you - fat /thin rich/poor ugly/beautiful - just dont attack and put down others to justify it.

'advertising a women's clothing shop that only stocks size 18 and above. the end of their adverts is the slogan 'where REAL women shop', as if the rest of the population are bloody imposters!!'

But you've got admit it's snappier than 'where fat-tub-of-lard-drain-on-the-NHS-walking-time-bomb-self-indulgent-repellent-obese-figure-of-fun women shop'.

'Armi - absolutely, us corpulent ones have replaced smokers as the medias whipping boy (or girl).'

Give it a few years and we'll all be wiped out and the world will be run by slim, non-smoking, non-drinking people who only wear organic fair trade cotton clothing, live on turnips (locally grown), don't travel more than ten miles from their locality because of the environment and live in wattle-and-daub huts amidst piles of their own uncollected rubbish carefully sorted recycling. Effectively, the life of a 12th century peasant.

Just thinking about it makes me want a cream cake.

Thing is madmn - I agree with you in principle, but I can't get too upset on slim peoples behalf (shrugs). You do hold the trump cards. Strangers tend to be a little dismissive of me initially, I am sure it is because I am carrying an extra 3 stone - fortunately I have an RP 'accent' so that tends to lend some compensating gravitas. It is wearing though - we have such a superficial society who prizes appearance above so many other more substantively important matters.

Agreed - it isn't reasonable to infer that slim women are not real women. Of course that is not the case. Some of my best friends are slim women

However, similarly, can't accept that it is terribly upsetting for slim women to hear this bandied about.

Armi - a most excellent post. You've made my chortle. On that note, it is time for bed.

falling with style re: - "it is not your place to try and psych -analyse other people..."

Where's your office??!!

It is not your place to tell me I cant have a theory or opinion on a discussion site like MN - and I distinctly said it was only a bit of a theory I had and 'maybe' that was the case.

You YABU's recent posts are getting more and more OTT and hostile towards me as the OP and slim women in general. Its as if you really really cant take a positive stance about yourselves - without being derogatory to slim women. But as many YANBU's have stated - its not slim women in general who are giving larger ladies abuse/ridiculing them ( in fact its been stated several times - if slim women made similiar remarks all hell would break loose ).

Ironically - the more wound up some of you have become - the more you have rested my case really!

Eh? OTT and hostile . Are we reading the same posts?

Some people are fat, some are thin, some are medium, some are short, some are tall, some are in between....if you are born with a vagina and you reach adulthood, you are a 'real' woman.

armi you have completely missed the point. so if someone is being bullied for something that is seen as 'positive' by those who are the bullies then that is ok?

madmn52 i am completely agreeing with your OP but dont know what you mean about fallingwithstyle's posts ....? are you on a different thread?!

I aways take it as defensiveness: the vast majority of size 18 woman would prefer to be slimmer but in the meantime they justify their being fat as curvy and fantastic. It's just another form of denial.

As for does really it happen in real life - Oh yes! I have a friend with a beautiful figure, hips and breasts but a size 8 and I am constantly defending her to people who accuse her of being anorexic, never eating, being miserable because she is starving herself, how can her husband want to have sex with her, if only she put on some weight she would get pregnant.

The fact is she eats well, is a "good" weight according to her dr and people are jealous that she maintains a fab figure without too much effort.

It is offensive and shit and I hope she never has to hear a fraction of what people say about her.