to think large ladies proclaiming themselves 'real women' is offensive to us slim types?

[madmn52]

I am so sick of hearing some (stand back from the flame throwers!) big ladies being so defensive about their weight that they even try and claim a monopoly on womanliness. I like being slim and much prefer to be - although I have never really been overweight. I am sick of hearing women saying - 'men prefer a real woman' - or ' men prefer curves' - or 'something to grab hold of' etc.etc. As a slim woman - if I were to walk in the office and announce that men prefer a woman like me to a larger woman - because for example, 'they dont like all that excess flesh ' - then all hell would break loose !! Or if I was to dare say that women over a size 14 were not 'real women' - there would be outrage.
So large ladies - if you are happy and satisfied with how you look - fine - no-ones asking you to put yourself down - but please could you stop putting others down in the process !

I think that cupcakes is right, and that 'real' generally is referring to the ordinary woman rather than the image that is seen in the media.
I would consider a 'real' woman to be a natural woman whether big or small, and generally women, even skinny ones have some so-called imperfections, whether wobbly arms, a larger bottom than they would like, less than shapely legs etc.
Many women in the media I feel are not real because they are very thin and then have implants inserted into their chests to make them appear womanly. Now I appreciate some women are naturally thin, but then they generally are quite slight in the boob department, which to me is more real.
Saying that fat is considered the enemy these days, therefore I can see why anyone larger than average may feel the need to defend themselves.

YANBU.

As someone who has always been naturally thin, I resent it when there are these women who think they are 'better' (for want of a better word) as they are 'real women'. I'm just as real as you. I also think there can be cases of slightly protesting too much.

There are women who are obese and claim to be healthy and happy etc when it is clearly not the case. To be too big is a health risk, as is being too thin.

Just for the record, large ladies are real women.

Average size ladies are real women.

So are teeny ones.

Irrespective of your size, it is wrong to belittle others based on their size.

There's a thread started today in AIBU about some poor women who worked really hard to lose weight, is a now 14, and had some idiotic boy pointing at her and insulting her size.

That is disgusting and totally unacceptable.

And to be fair, I think this type of scenario happens far more often than a very slim person being singled out for being too skinny!

YANBU

I also get really pissed off with the whole 'Curvy' label too. The word Curvy these days seems to be only used for being a bit bigger, and not for actual curves.

Being slim and having a fair pair of tits and arse, I get really excited when I see something advertised 'For Curvy women'. Only to usually find it just means clothes in bigger sizes.

YABU sort of with your OP - but only because the 'real woman' thing is a load of old cobblers. I'd go with your most recent post, but rather more bluntly: they only say it because they're too big and it boosts their confidence to make out that it's attractive when it, um, isn't necessarily.

I speak as a stick insect.

Anyone with a fanjo is a "real woman". My missus (a former athlete) oscillates between size 8 and 10, and when she went to join the gym (to regain some fitness), she had to run the gauntlet of questions about her attitude to food, diets, etc, as they thought she was a likely anorexic. As if all women go to the gym to lose weight! This would not happen to a fella I bet. Or a chunky lady.

I have never heard anyone say this in RL, EVER

Also I would like to know how asthma is caused by being obese please

Oh jeez.

YANBU, it's a bit of a silly thing to say really isn't it. "Real woman" we're all bloody real FGS! However as a current fatty who used to be a skinny minny, I don't half get sick of the bloody media babbling on about curvy celebs. Who are in fact a size 8.

I used to get really wound up about my size and the fact I'm not a size 10 any more.(Bloody kids ruining my shape ). But as I'm getting older I'm starting to like being me. I'm comfortable in my own skin. I'm a size 18, and actually I think I look bloody good. Maybe not a bikini any more, but I'm ok in a one piece. I've started to dress to my shape, and wear things that do accentuate my curves more and hide my stomach.

If we stopped listening to other people telling us how we should be and just listened to ourselves we'd be a lot happier. I like my food and I ain't giving it up because the rest of the world thinks you need to be anorexic to look good.

Agree - and I'm a big girl! I would like to know what a pretend women is.

Curvy is a strange definition. I'm a bit underweight but I'm definitely curvy.

Have boobs and my hips are curvy. They don't have much flesh on them it's just the shape of my pelvic bone in relation to my waist. I'd have to have a thicker waistline to go straight up and down

Other women, friends and colleagues mainly, comment negatively when I'm this weight or under it. I'm been bigger (size 14) but then it was just my Mum who nagged me

See I know the media plays a part but in RL and this is my experience coming from a family of slim, big boobed females around 8-12.

They are all told to eat more, legs of a sparrow, fall down a drain pipe etc amongst other insulting things, it is more common than some people think. If that were said the otherway round there would be outrage!

I do think the whole "curvy" thing which to me is a 10/12/14 is being used to describe the average size of 16/18 + which in reality is excess fat in most cases. I say that as a size 16 before this pregnancy, still am a 16 in mat clothes, I didn't try hard enought to tone up form last time

But everyone is a real woman, whatever their shape.

Spanner you can't seriously be wondering why obesity can cause complications in asthma of course it's related. That's what people mean I think about denial to be honest.

"nowherewoman Mon 30-Aug-10 22:01:09
Can anyone slim say, hand on heart, that they have actually experienced anyone saying this to them in real life?"

yes. several times. in fact Ive had one woman tell me that my fertility problems were because i was too skinny (i wasnt and am not) and she cant see what men find attractive in me. must be like shagging a matchstick.

fucks me off no end. If i told someone they need to eat more salad or that they were too fat Id be accused of bullying. and thats exactly what i'd be doing. but its ok because we aren't real are we?

And I have definitely heard this - almost on a daily basis - in the workplace. One large very outspoken colleague - who would tell anyone who would listen that she loved being a 'real ' woman - actually held me up as a point in case in the canteen - as in "You cant tell me that men prefer that (points to me)to this (pointing to herself) - they want something to grab hold of. Also Ive heard several comments about life being too short to live on lettuce leaves and spend hours exercising - its just vanity - theres more important things in life . !! So now Im not only not a real woman - I'm shallow and vain to boot !

Dont get me wrong - not all larger ladies are guilty of this - and I have some friends size 16/18 plus who do not have this attitude towards me/slim women. Also I accept that some ladies are very genuinely happy being big - or genuinely dont care either way.

This is just more 'fat-bashing' in a different guise.

These type of threads make me really sad.

I agree with you, I hate that term, real women come in all shapes and sizes, they are not only fat, oops sorry curvy. I am overweight myself size 14-16, and yes I do wish that I was thinner and trying to do something about it. Yes some men do prefer curves or BBW but some also prefer slimmer ladies too. I thin that this is a media term i response to overly thin catwalk models.

I'm a pretend woman.

it isnt pirateparty, its no different to the threads moaning about bullying for being overweight.

Pedlarsspanner - links between obesity and asthma are widely reported and documented, particularly I think if BMI is over 30. From a purely physiological point of view, lung capacity can be significantly reduced in obese patients making asthma symptoms much more severe.

Snobear totally agree about the gym. I was nagged about all sorts including my BMI (apparently it was like Geri Halliwell's when she looked really ill - cheers )

I didn't look great myself and wanted to firm up. I didn't give a shit what I weighed and was expecting to put some on.

That said, I hope nobody has ever had an unflattering celebrity weight comparison made by a gym trainer but going by some of the threads here I doubt it

I really hate those images of celebrities/models that have been photoshopped to an inch of their lives that it is totally dispraportionate to what the person looks like i real life. You do find though that in RL a celebrity looks so different and well erm more normal rather like the rest of us do, it portrays a very negative image and the media have a lot to answer for. I do like the pictures of celebrities looking normal, when out on their shopping, or jog, or just got out of bed, not the ones in the magazines.

emmlou you seemed to be saying that her obesity caused her to be hospitalised for asthma 3 times this year

I would say that asthma would cause someone to be hospitalised for asthma, non?

of course being overweight may affect lung function

[shrug]

Deakel, not singling you out as others have said it too, but your assumption that overweight people get more comment than thin ones isn't a correct one. people do comment regularly on me being size 8. And it's really unbelievably irritating. I'm utterly sick of it. I think we're all agreed that someone's shape, weight or size shouldn't be a topic of comment by strangers. But unfortunately it is [heaven knows why emoticon] It's assumed that people like me don't eat (in my case that's so far from the truth that it's hilarious) or those who don't know my family say "oooh you'll put a bit of weight on when you have kids..." (I've had three, and no joy on reserving a couple of stone there either)

Also agree that the press add to the issue. And why do all women's magazines have to have the "bikini diet" the "before christmas diet" the "after christmas diet" etc etc and assume we're all overweight ?

Spanner - No I didn't that post wasn't by me she never said obesity caused this persons Asthma, like you suggested and I was merely pointing out, but it's not rocket science that obesity will make it worse which was the point she was making.

So agree about the double standards in bullying. I am often told - 'You could do with putting a bit of weight on' - I couldnt really - I am well within the BMI guidelines and slim but not stick-thin. Can you imagine if I started commenting to colleagues that - 'You could do with losing a bit of weight' - I'd probably be summonsed to HR for workplace bullying.