to think large ladies proclaiming themselves 'real women' is offensive to us slim types?

[madmn52]

I am so sick of hearing some (stand back from the flame throwers!) big ladies being so defensive about their weight that they even try and claim a monopoly on womanliness. I like being slim and much prefer to be - although I have never really been overweight. I am sick of hearing women saying - 'men prefer a real woman' - or ' men prefer curves' - or 'something to grab hold of' etc.etc. As a slim woman - if I were to walk in the office and announce that men prefer a woman like me to a larger woman - because for example, 'they dont like all that excess flesh ' - then all hell would break loose !! Or if I was to dare say that women over a size 14 were not 'real women' - there would be outrage.
So large ladies - if you are happy and satisfied with how you look - fine - no-ones asking you to put yourself down - but please could you stop putting others down in the process !

I am a surreal woman: FISH

'Ive never derided anyone in the street for their weight, but that still makes me fair game does it?'

Fair game for what, exactly? Being 'bullied' because someone, somewhere has used the phrase 'real women' without providing a detailed definition of what exactly constitutes a 'real woman' to ensure that no-one feels left out, and then offering counselling to those who may feel psychologically damaged by a shop's slogan?

This thread is insane!

no, to be made to feel like less of a woman because i have small hips, to be called a scrawny bitch and told to eat pies. to be told that men dont want a broomstick like me, they want a "real woman".

but if it makes you feel better thats ok

I hate the phrase. It pisses me off. Its rude and dismissive.

I am not going to pretend I am oppressed because I am slim (and have been very thin), I am sure someone who is obese has to put up with a lot more crap than me.

But people do seem to think they have free rein to talk about my weight and comment about my diet. WTF is that about?

I have 7 SIL. Nearly all of them are large women. They made a lot of comments for years and I ignored them. (I have told this story before I think). My DD became ill and lost her appeitite. I tried to get her to eat and was frantic. She lost quite a bit of weight. It was a terrible time. She was eventually dx with cancer.

I said to my OH that I bet at least one of his sister's would say it was my fault she was so thin and that I was obsessed with my weight (not, never have been, never owned a set of scales).

OF course not, he said.

Guess what? Yes. "we thought you were making her anorexic because you wanted her to be thin like you"

Because all women who were not 'real' like them were child starving narcissists
That did hurt, a lot.

When I expressed my concerns to a dr about DD becoming over concerned with her weight (its a big issue when you are on treatment, they go on about it all the time and weigh you). She automatically assumed that i was worried about her putting on weight and told me 'dont worry any weight she puts on with the steriods will go away eventurally' with a look on her face that told me what she thought of me!

NO! I was so worried about the pressure being put on her at such a vunerable age. Like I cared if she got fat! I wanted her to live.

She did become anorexic.
How fucking ironic is that.

I know what you mean. It's annoying. I have no tits, I'm a size 6-8. I would much rather be this way though. Now I have given birth a few times and fed the babas so that makes me about as real a woman as I can think of, unless there is another definition I'm missing...........

Yes I do find it annoying - being a skinny woman who is trying to put on weight.

I really dislike it when people stand back, look at you and then say - 'you're so skinny you really need to eat a proper meal' etc etc in the way they would never do if you were overweight.

We are all 'real women' grr.

I dont get the whole "real woman" thing- surely we all come in different shapes and sizes and different men have their own preferences. Some like petite, others like "bigger women" (size 18 to 24 for example).

What I don't get is when women who are clearly very overweight or even obese insist they are curvy. no love, if you're 5 foot 6 and weigh 19 stone you're fat. Sorry.

'no, to be made to feel like less of a woman because i have small hips, to be called a scrawny bitch and told to eat pies. to be told that men dont want a broomstick like me, they want a "real woman".

but if it makes you feel better thats ok'

It doesn't....but then trying to make me feel bad must make you feel better, so please carry on.

im not trying to make anyone feel bad where on earth did you get that from? i was just saying that slim women get a raw deal too.

Kitty - giving birth doesn't make you any more real than being fat does. As someone has already said - they may sound offensive but as you have already identified they are being defensive.

Maybe they shouldn;t but they are. No-one a size 18+ really thinks they look better or are more womanly than a slim person. At least no-one I've ever met.

kew maybe not.

Armi - we are not just talking about the 'real woman' phrase and saying that we poor slim women might run off in floods of tears because someone has used that phrase - and well you know it.!

You just seem to refuse to accept that anyone slim can be bullied - because its not as bad as when your fat apparently.

Well there is nothing to stop you or anyone else starting a thread about the abuse that big women get and (unlike you when it comes to us slimmies) I can emphasise and accept that they do get abuse.

But its hardly a valid argument with which to dismiss the whole thread - because you believe others are worse off or get a raw deal also. Nobody is saying they dont and nobody is stopping you or anyone else saying they do!.

Ironically who was it who said sarcastically - What is this - a competition to see who gets treated the worse ?
No it's not - but now who's trying to make it one ?

madam - very well said!!
I have been watching this thread and sorry armi but you do need to change the 'fat people get stick too' record - that one's not hitting the spot with me either and I'm sick of hearing it ( same as a lot of other posters it seems ) - its irrelevant.

Maybe us YANBU's could release our own called 'And your point is exactly ??'

I have had numerous women people saying rude remarks about my size, a healthy 8-10.

When I broke my leg, some even told me it was my fault as I was too slim, and my bones must be weak!!

Its really not very nice to say such things.

Most people would never make a personal comment about someones appearance, but some seem to think it ok to do so if a women is a HEALTHY size. Why??

YABU. The "real woman" comments are in response to all the prejudice fat women encounter. It's a way of saying that all women (slim or large) have female body features and no-one should be making them try to look like males, with no bust or hips (it has certainly been suggested that some fashion designers do this).

I think a lack of cream cakes is affecting your cerebral cortex......(runs)

Not you horatia - the uber sensitive slimmies

I have no bust or hips. Do I look like male then?

horatio - there are lots of posts on here about slim women being put down face to face in workplace /social situations - so dont give me that - well people are horrible to us excuse - so we're entitled to be so to anyone who isnt fat even if they've never abused us. What's that about - redressing the balance ? What goes around comes around ? Oh how civilised. Excuse me someone knocked my wing mirror off this morning - must go and knock that blokes up the road off.

Actually if you re-read what I said, I was saying that women shouldn't be made to feel they have to conform to male-like figures. Nowhere did I say that slim women should be criticised.

Imagine this was children in a playground saying these things to each other..

"You're not a REAL girl cos...."

Im sure people would call it bullying then!

I think a lot of you are missing the point of the OP. I think the OP is complaining about big women putting other women down - not about media phrases such as 'real women' - which is nonetheless annoying I agree. More aimed at fat women thinking they have a right to make derogatory remarks to slim women to put them down and build themselves up (no pun intended)

YANBU but I think you are overreacting a wee bit.

As a slim woman, if someone told me I wasn't a real woman, I'd laugh and say "I feel pretty real to me".

If someone said "You don't have curves" I'd say "yes I do, look, there they are" and would point to (small) boobs and (less small) bottom.

If someone said "Men prefer something to hold on to" I'd say "Actually my DH prefers slim women, lucky not everyone likes the same thing eh"

These kinds of comments are so clearly daft and ridiculous that they shouldn't be upsetting. If they upset you that suggests that you aren't happy with your figure either.

I'm slim , size 8 with small boobs (b cup) I have lost count of the number of times fat women have made comments about my body shape-nasty comments. I've also heard nasty comments directed toward a friend of mine who is about a size 20. Some people are assholes be they a fat asshole or a thin asshole.