To want my dd to have the biggest room?

[reddaisy]

I want my 18-month-old dd to have the double bedroom in our home. She currently has the box room and her toys are ALL over the house and her clothes are in with mine.

DSD, 13, has the double second bedroom. And I want them to swap rooms. There is enough room for a bed, chest of drawers and we could put her television in there. She also doesn't spend much time in her room when she is here.

DP doesn't want them to swap because DSD is the eldest and he doesn't want to upset her I think.

Bit of background, when we moved into our three bed house DSD was with us for one full week out of two. And it was before we had dd. Now she is only with us on Wednesdays and every other weekend.

It bugs me that DD doesn't have a space to play and that the larger room is empty most of the time. So, aibu?

I think YABU tbh. You DSD would feel pushed out and that's just horrible. Your toddler won't care about the size of her room and by the time she does, your DSD will more than likely be living in her own place anyway. Maybe you could talk to your DSD and see if she minds sharing wardrobe space with your DD, but don't push it on her. Can't your DD play in the rest of the house? And how many toys and clothes does she have that a small room won't house them?

Why can't your DD play in DSD's room when she is away?

Yabvvvvu

YABU as your DSD will feel forced out and second best to her half sister.

That is what DP thinks and I definitely understand the viewpoint but doesn't it make more logical sense for the child that is here all the time to have the most space?

Her room has no toys in it, just teddy's and a book shelf. And the living room is where most of her things are and I would much prefer to have the majority of it upstairs.

I was going to suggest that DSD got to decorate the room/got new bedding etc etc so that she at least had the room how she wanted it.

YABVU

Your DD has a room perfectly adequate to her needs. Moving a teenager so that a toddler can have a bigger room is something you'd only consider doing to make a point about who was the more important daughter.

I have learnt to avoid any mention of boxrooms!

Speak to your DSD about it and make it her decision.

18 month olds do not keep their toys neatly upstairs.

Pluto, the reason I don't let DD play in her sister's room is so that DSD feels like her room is just that, her room not somewhere where we all go when she isn't around. Plus, DD is prone to scattering everything around and I fear that would upset DSD more.

I am definitely open to the fact that I could be being unreasonable, I realise that my dd will always be my priority but I still think it is a logical suggestion.

Can anyone tell me how they work sleeping arrangements with their DSCs please?

Your daughter is 18 months old, therefore it is unlikely she'd be in the room much anyway just now.

Why don't you get a toy trunk and put it in DSDs room and she can use it when DSD isn't there.

As others have stated I think it's not fair to force out DSD and she won't be coming round that much longer and by the time she's 17/18 then your daughter can have the room.

Have you talked to DSD about it? At 13 you should be able to have a reasonably rational discussion with her about it.

Honestly, I dont think that giving your DD a bigger room will stop he rtoys from being strewn around the house- that is the reality of life with toddlers- and it is likely to get worse before it gets better.

Do you have an attic that could be converted?

In a couple of years you could get a bunk bed for your DD to create more space in her room.

YABU. Toddlers don't play in their rooms, do they? They play in the living room. If space is an issue, you can get a couple of big storage boxes on wheels, sling all your DD's toys in it and use DSD's room whilse she's not there. When she comes, just take them out, even if it means they are in the way for a couple of days, so she doesn't feel like her room is being used as a storeroom.

Your DSD won't remember that she was given a choice of paint or new bedding, only that it was decided her half sister was more important than she was - not saying that's how you feel, but she is 13...

I wouldn't swap-it sends the message to DSD that she isn't as important and her sister comes first in the house.

Sorry, I think you are being unreasonable.

At such a young age surely it is fine for your dd to play in the livingroom. My ds has a small room but he really only sleeps there, I wouldn't want him playing there as I don't want to hang out in a toddler's room half the day.

You should not be priorising your dd over your dsd.

Poor child :(

Soupdragon, that is a good idea.

And yes skidoodly you are right. Maybe I mean not in every single room of the house instead of neatly!

When DSD was here for a full week at a time then I wouldn't have suggested it to DP because I see that it would rock the boat and there is a hierarchy but it just seems daft that the child that is here 365 days a year gets the smallest room and the one who is here two weekends a month gets the largest.

You can't swap - being 13 is hard enough without being made to feel unwelcome/second bets (and that's how she will feel). It may well screw up your future relationship - just don't do it.

But talk to her - ask if you can store some clothes in there or something.

I do understand how you must be feeling. But as a step-mother myself I wouldn't do this ... it would be unkind. It is your DSD's room, and always has been in a sense. You wouldn't want to damage her relationship with her new sister would you? So YABU. Sorry.

Oh, and my dd (6) is my husband's stepdaughter and he has never felt a room swap is necessary.

I can see why people think you're BU but I think you're NBU. My friend is going through exactly the same thing. Her dd (20m) has the small room. Her dscs have the big room. The eldsest dsd (16) doesn't stay over any more and the younger dsd (13) only stays over one or 2 nights a month. I suggested she did what soupdragon said and talk to the dscs, explain what she's thinking and see how they feel about it. And I think the idea of offering to make it be completely her room and making it special is fab. If she doesn't want to move rooms you could ask her if she would mind having a cupboard in her room or toy chest or soemthing so you can store stuff in there.

I agree with those who worry about your dsd's feelings too, being a teenager (and a child of divorce) is a difficult time, forcing a swap will make things very strained.

I would swap them, enough with this pussy footing around step children, nobody can make you feel 2nd best over a bloody bedroom which you sleep in occasionally.
Utterly ridiculous, what happens when your DD grows up and says why am I in the smallest room in my own home ?

But it is ridiculous having a double bedroom empty for 6 days out of 7! That makes no sense!

My dsd is 13, my dd is 4. When dd went into a single bed at 2, we swapped rooms. We sweetened the deal we redecoration and furniture for dsd.

At 13 they don't want to stack blocks, play lego (usually!) or set up a train track, they want to be using an iPod, dvd player or laptop etc - and don't need a double bedrrom to do it in!

OP you will get a huge amount of stick for being an Evil Stepmother from some posters - ignore them.

If you don't swap the rooms at some point, it sends the message that your dsd is just the baby and of course is subservient to dsd in all matters.

There, that last sentence made about as much sense as 'you can't swap rooms cos dsd will think you love the little one more.'