To want my dd to have the biggest room?

[reddaisy]

I want my 18-month-old dd to have the double bedroom in our home. She currently has the box room and her toys are ALL over the house and her clothes are in with mine.

DSD, 13, has the double second bedroom. And I want them to swap rooms. There is enough room for a bed, chest of drawers and we could put her television in there. She also doesn't spend much time in her room when she is here.

DP doesn't want them to swap because DSD is the eldest and he doesn't want to upset her I think.

Bit of background, when we moved into our three bed house DSD was with us for one full week out of two. And it was before we had dd. Now she is only with us on Wednesdays and every other weekend.

It bugs me that DD doesn't have a space to play and that the larger room is empty most of the time. So, aibu?

Did you see DSD this weekend?

What have you decided to do?

In my our house, I make the decisions about organisation and decor. Now the DCs are older, I talk to them about what they would like in their rooms in terms of colours and furnishings etc... If their ideas are not practical, we fiddle around until it suits me works. But they're both my DCs.
Whilst on paper it ought to be the same regardless of who lives there in terms of stepchildren etc..., the crux of the matter here is that there are Teenage Feelings to consider. Which means that "normal" rules don't apply.
Talk to her. She might not give a damn about the size of her room. But if you glean the slightest indication that she does, then leave it. And if you are planning another child, then it might be worth postponing the chat until then. Strengthens your argument, I guess.

I think that it is a bit different when they go to university-we did a swap at that point in that the eldest had had the biggest room for a long time. He was quite happy and could see the fairness of it.
I think that Clara is right-discuss it and leave it if she is upset. (If you did have another child she would have to swap and let the bigger room be shared by the younger two).
My DH is step father to my eldest and I would be very upset if he put our joint children first-they are all equal.

Hi

You said that she used to stay one week at yours then one week at her mums house, now its weekends [every other?] and one weeknight.

When and why did that change?

This is so tricky. I can fully see both sides. I have an 8yo DSD, 2 DSes under 5, and a DD about the same age as yours. DSD always had her own room with the DSes sharing, until DD came along and now DSD has to share with DD. The DDs room is smaller but the DSes room has a sloped ceiling so less actual usable space. I was so worried about DSD feeling pushed out by DD sharing her room, and spending more time in it than she does, but needs must. And she's been totally fine about it - they all play in all rooms, it's only at bedtime that the rooms where their actual beds are really become relevant.

Obviously this is a completely different situation to yours as your DSD and DD are such different ages. TBH I'd just ask DSD what she'd rather do. Rooms can be good and bad for reasons other than size - one might be nearer the bathroom or overlooking a road, one might have grotty carpet, one might get the sun early in the morning. Don't just present them as 'the big room' vs 'the small room'. You might be suprised.

You can see the title of one of the threads from the OP in a few years.

"My SD won't babysit when she comes for the weekend"

or

"My SD won't talk to me and does not respect me"

Talk to the girl and see what she says.

the only rush here is that you want a tidy house.