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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think its cruel and ridiculous to put cold water on a 3 week old to try and keep her awake....

197 replies

inhirsuteofhappiness · 25/07/2010 15:19

Friends of mine have a 3 week old baby. They have read a certain book (!) and are trying to get their 3 week old newborn baby to follow the routine. She is only allowed to sleep at certain times during the day so when she starts to fall asleep when she's not supposed to, they strip her off and drop cold water on to her to keep her awake They won't cuddle her just in case she falls asleep when she's not supposed to and when it is nap time, she has to go upstairs to her cot.

I just think they are missing out on so much I found the newborn stage really really difficult but getting newborn snuggles was one of the things that made it bearable.

They did the same thing with their first dc and, whilst it did work (they slept through from 8 weeks), I just think its a huge price to pay.

They are good friends and I would never say anything to them. I know its none of my business. It still makes me sad and amazes me that some people are willing to pay such a high price for a decent night's sleep ...

OP posts:
Rockbird · 25/07/2010 15:20

Seriously? Poor little thing. I would have to say something, good friends or not, they sound like complete tits.

secunda · 25/07/2010 15:21

yanbu it's a form of torture to keep anyone awake. On a 3 week old baby.... words fail me

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 25/07/2010 15:22

OMG that is awful! That poor, poor baby.

Oh FFS, my bloody hormones. Am 5 weeks pg and this has actually made me cry

lolapoppins · 25/07/2010 15:22

You are right, it's none of your business and of course you can't say anything to them. They can bring up thier baby however they chose.

FWIW, I agree with you, life is far too short to be worrying about following a routine.

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 25/07/2010 15:23

Poor baby Do they not realise that any "routine" established will simply be a response to the child's fear of her parents?

thisisyesterday · 25/07/2010 15:23

Actually, if i were you i would talk to their health visitor if you know who it is

i am sorry, but that is absolutely disgusting

they won't cuddle their 3 week old??? ffs

greensnail · 25/07/2010 15:25

Poor baby
Congratulations alibaba. Its making me want to cry too but I don't have pregnancy as an excuse!

nowherewoman · 25/07/2010 15:25

What horrible stupid people!

jaggythistle · 25/07/2010 15:26

I find this scary

However, I am currently enjoying cuddles myself as 10mo DS fell asleep on my knee after a feed about 2 hours ago...

I really don't get how you could happily do that to a 3 week old? The enforcing of routines on wee babies confuses me anyway.
yanbu

fartblossom · 25/07/2010 15:30

I understand that you want to get into a routine (esp overnight) as quickly as possible, I found it much harder with my second, but I would NEVER, EVER act like that to my 3 week old. Babies are for cuddling, before they get too old and run a mile at the thought of a cuddle from their parents.

My babies slept and were awake whenever they needed to. When they were 6 weeks old we started to keep the light and noise down on a night. DS slept through from about 3 months, DD about 4 months. When I say slept through I mean for about 5/6 hours. Worked pretty well for us. No need for stripping and cold water.

BertieBasset · 25/07/2010 15:31

Poor baby! I remember trying to keep our new born awake to feed and my DH coming in laughing with her lying along his arm totally zonked. Arms and legs splayed.

My point is we couldn't, that baby would have slept upside down if she was tired. They must have a very unhappy baby if they aren't getting sleep and cuddles. And I have no idea how a tired, uncuddled baby would ever be in the right state of mind for a bloomin routine, let alone at 3 weeks! Surely it just leads to a fractious and clingy baby? Which I assume is precisely what they are trying to avoid.

secunda · 25/07/2010 15:32

I am someone who would probably do controlled crying (is that the one where you go back in periodically and soothe them but not pick them up?) if baby was not sleeping through after maybe a year and I was knackered. But a newborn.... they cry, that's kind of the deal. Even if it wasn't damaging, I would be far too selfish to not cuddle the lovely baby!

Maria2007loveshersleep · 25/07/2010 15:35

There is nothing in any routine book that recommends or accepts practices such as throwing cold water on baby to keep awake. This is the particular parents' interpretation of doing a routine...

Original poster
inhirsuteofhappiness · 25/07/2010 15:38

To be fair, the baby seems quite content so far. What gets me is that, even before trying to implement the routine (they started at just over 2 weeks old), the baby was down to one wake up in the night to feed. When my dc's were 2 weeks old, they were still waking 3 or 4 times a night at least

Its probably not fair to say they don't cuddle her. They do when there is no fear of her going to sleep when she shouldn't be (i.e just after she's woken up etc.). They will also wake her up when the book says she's had enough

OP posts:
YunoYurbubson · 25/07/2010 15:40

I have friends who did this too. 1st ones to give birth from our anti-natal group, came round with their 3 wk old, stripping him off and lying him on our cold kitchen tiles to stop him dropping off.

NonnoMum · 25/07/2010 15:40

This has made me really angry. I would report to SS. I mean it.

(And I have done a bit of CC and CIO with a ten month old, but treating a three week old like this is horrendous. Were they guards at Guantanamo???)

Original poster
inhirsuteofhappiness · 25/07/2010 15:41

Maria - you are right. I am a regular (namechanger) and do not want this thread to descend into a SWMNBN debate. They use it, it works for them and to stop the baby sleeping when its not the recommended nap time, they strip her down to her nappy (which I believe is recommended in the book) and put cold water on her. Just to be clear, they don't throw a bucket on her head or anything, they just gently drip water from a cotton wool ball....

OP posts:
wukter · 25/07/2010 15:42

I'm not against routines at all, but for a 3 week old? Isn't the world unnsettling enough for them at that age.

GokWannabe · 25/07/2010 15:42

I'm a 'routiner' and my 5 week old sleeps upstairs for naps in the day and I try to get her to sleep on a regular pattern to avoid over tiredness but have never heard of dropping cold water on a sleeping baby ( or an awake one come to that) and I've read every routine book out there.

It sounds like your mates are twats, please don't think everyone who tries to have a pattern (routine) to the day is like that. My DD has lots of lovely cuddles, is having one now in fact!

nickschick · 25/07/2010 15:43

I think that verges on abuse .

ExitPursuedByABear · 25/07/2010 15:44

I thought controlled crying was not very kind but this takes the biscuit. Poor mite. I loved DD falling asleep on me.

Rockbird · 25/07/2010 15:44

But as secunda said, keeping someone awake against their will is used as a form of torture, doesn't matter how they do it. So they're doing this so that they can sleep. Oh the irony!

coventgarden · 25/07/2010 15:46

YANBU and I would have to say something.

You must say something, the poor child.

Nancy66 · 25/07/2010 15:49

Actually I think they fact that they are good friends means you should say something - they're being horribly cruel to a tiny baby...speak up.

LuluF · 25/07/2010 15:50

That is cruel - hasn't that been used in concentration camps and by people trying to torture people to get information? Or is that just on the telly?

Even so - it's barking. Apart from food and beng warm - they need to sleep when they need to sleep.

I can see why people would want a routine - though I'm not someone who favours routines really, certainly at not such a young age and not like this.