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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think its cruel and ridiculous to put cold water on a 3 week old to try and keep her awake....

197 replies

inhirsuteofhappiness · 25/07/2010 15:19

Friends of mine have a 3 week old baby. They have read a certain book (!) and are trying to get their 3 week old newborn baby to follow the routine. She is only allowed to sleep at certain times during the day so when she starts to fall asleep when she's not supposed to, they strip her off and drop cold water on to her to keep her awake They won't cuddle her just in case she falls asleep when she's not supposed to and when it is nap time, she has to go upstairs to her cot.

I just think they are missing out on so much I found the newborn stage really really difficult but getting newborn snuggles was one of the things that made it bearable.

They did the same thing with their first dc and, whilst it did work (they slept through from 8 weeks), I just think its a huge price to pay.

They are good friends and I would never say anything to them. I know its none of my business. It still makes me sad and amazes me that some people are willing to pay such a high price for a decent night's sleep ...

OP posts:
zeno · 25/07/2010 20:57

Yo Shiney - high fives!

MarshaBrady · 25/07/2010 21:00

Bit of a difference between strip and drop cold water as in op or wipe with cool cotton wool balls.

RumourOfAHurricane · 25/07/2010 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ThatVikRinA22 · 25/07/2010 21:16

as i personally think this is a ludicrous thing to do in the first place if i were their friend i would be giving it to them both barrels. as a mother can you not reason with the mother dripping cold water on her newborn? babies are meant to sleep. stupid women.

it not social services stuff. but its not bloody normal either. do people really really need books to tell them what to do? what on earth did we all do before we had these gurus telling us what to do eh? whats that you say? we just used common sense? whats that then...

zeno · 25/07/2010 21:16

I really can't be arsed with the nitpicking here.

Not the parenting everyone would choose to do? Yes
Vile child abusers? No
End of.

MarshaBrady · 25/07/2010 21:22

No it's not normal. And it really is a fruitless thread as bugger all is likely to happen. Unless op says something.

Original poster
inhirsuteofhappiness · 25/07/2010 21:32

If I thought buying them the book mentioned up thread would make any difference, then I'd get it.

They are so sure they are doing the right thing though and anything we say is just taken as "sour grapes" . I do tell them to "pick her up and give her a cuddle FFS - she's just spent 9 months being inside you, eating when she wants, sleeping when she wants and being close and warm. Give her bloody chance to get used to things for a while. There's plenty of time for routines...." They think I'm sort sort of lentil weavery AP type. I'm really not

And the cotton wool ball thing (as some people seem to think its relevant ?!), it is cold water on a cotton wool ball and then the water is squeezed/dropped onto the baby. I don't think I've contradicted myself ...

Anyway - thanks everyone. Its been interested to hear everyone's perspective and to at least know that I'm not just being over soppy about it

OP posts:
Rockbird · 25/07/2010 21:36

zeno, you mean you can't be arsed when people don't agree with you?

MarshaBrady · 25/07/2010 21:38

I didn't read thread so thought I might have missed further explanation. But no you are being soppy over it.

thisisyesterday · 25/07/2010 21:40

this isn't even ab out whether routines are ok or not

some pepole like them some don't

but when you are deliberately doing unpleasant things to a very tiny baby to prevent it from sleeping when it needs to then that is wrong. plain and simple

and it IS unpleasant, it;s supposed to be.. to keep her awake

i am not saying you should call SS. far from it. but i do stand by my first post in which I suggested you could speak to their HV if you know who it is.
I would be very, very concerned about the life those poor children have if this is the way the parents are behaving with them.

OP- you clearly feel the same, otehrwise you wouldn't have started the thread surely?

snowdropz · 25/07/2010 21:42

Please do give them the the book. It is well researched.
It seems like they might respond to the books and hopefully if they read the recommended one then they will truly see why love matters.

Sorry about the pour - but squeezing water/dropping cold water on a baby? What on Earth? Come on people - this practice is not right.

MarshaBrady · 25/07/2010 21:42

You are not being soppy, sorry!

zeno · 25/07/2010 21:44

Rockbird, If I was concerned about people disagreeing with me I wouldn't have posted a contrary viewpoint on this thread. I simply don't want to go finding posts to quote, and discussing the finer semantic points of drop versus drip, cold versus cool, and so on.

My point was, they're not water- boarding the baby!

LadyBiscuit · 25/07/2010 21:48

Vile behaviour. Not SS worthy but really, really grim. There is a lot of evidence nowadays to show that this kind of parenting can cause irreparable damage to babies.

kalo12 · 25/07/2010 21:49

what do you mean 'it did work, the baby slept through from 8 weeks' ? clearly the aim is to nurture, cuddle, make secure, meet the childs needs. sleeping through from 8 weeks is not normal for a new born so their system has failed

snowdropz · 25/07/2010 21:51

Zeno - No one ever said they were water boarding the baby - what an awful statement.

The majority of posters do not believe it is right to put cold water on a young baby to ensure the baby does not go to sleep... is that really so hard to comprehend.

Mollydoggerson · 25/07/2010 21:58

I've heard district nurses advocate the water drops and the stripping to wake the baby up.

I didn't do it myself, but that was my choice.

I wouldn't interfere or give advice to parents who choose this method. It's a recognised method of parenting. It's their own business. It wasn't my choice but it's not child abuse.

ItsGrimUpNorth · 25/07/2010 22:06

It's a bollocks method of parenting for moronic parents. They are morons. Utter cretins. That's it. Pure and simple. Idiots.

Why did they bother to have a child if they are seeking to put it within a stupid arbitrary routine? Don't they understand new babies and what new babies need?

Dickheads.

Bumpsadaisie · 25/07/2010 22:09

Yuk. And shudder. How can people be such idiots.

booyhoo · 25/07/2010 22:23

boak at it is a recognised method of parenting. recognised by who? by people who care more about not having their meals disturbed by a baby they chose to have. (i am not talking about parents with sleepy feeders, i am talking about the parents in teh OP who dont want the baby to sleep so it sleeps at night.)

Original poster
inhirsuteofhappiness · 25/07/2010 22:23

kalo12 - I meant in their eyes, it worked. To them, the holy grail is to get your child to sleep through. My ds, in particular, was a real high needs baby and a terrible sleeper. They honestly think that we "caused" that and were continually making suggestions about how we could resolve it

OP posts:
priyag · 25/07/2010 22:55

inhirsuteofhappiness Your post is not very clear, are you saying a certain book actually advises this abusive treatment of a baby ? If this is the case then you really should report your friends to social services, along with the author of the book they are following. No baby should be forced to stay awake, or subjected to the treatment you describe.

"Friends of mine have a 3 week old baby. They have read a certain book (!) and are trying to get their 3 week old newborn baby to follow the routine. She is only allowed to sleep at certain times during the day so when she starts to fall asleep when she's not supposed to, they strip her off and drop cold water on to her to keep her awake They won't cuddle her just in case she falls asleep when she's not supposed to and when it is nap time, she has to go upstairs to her cot."

As a matter of interest, which book is it that actually advises this cruel treatment ?

bibbitybobbityhat · 25/07/2010 23:06

OP: are you sure they do this regularly?

I only ask becasuse I was once at an nct tea group with ds who was about a month old and dd who was 2.9. Ds was asleep in my arms and on my lap for the whole two hours I was there but I needed him to wake up so I could go home and feed him and feed dd lunch so that she could then have her much-needed afternoon nap. So I gently put ds down on the living room floor while I got dd ready to leave. The tea group host and all the other mums were horrified but I said I wanted him to wake up so that the rest of our day wasn't wiped out.

No doubt some people would think I was cruel for doing that!

mamatomany · 25/07/2010 23:07

I think whether you get called sour grapes or not I'd still tell them what fecking idiots they are squeezing cold water onto her.
My step sister nearly had her baby taken off her by SS because her boyfriend at the time was a bit slow and they felt he took too long caring for the baby, the baby got cold after baths and nappy changes. She was told the boyfriend goes or the baby does, so not sure what SS would make of this treatment.

thumbwitch · 26/07/2010 00:35

Booyhoo - I saw that programme as well when I was in early stages of pregnancy - at the time I thought the Truby method was far too harsh but was nodding along with the routine thing. Couldn't get over the "no eyecontact while feeding" though - to me, that was bordering on inhuman, suggesting to the baby that "you are only being fed because it has to be done". Couldn't see much love in that system. I remember one of the mums in that system was distraught by it - did she stop doing it?

Anyway - few months later, DS pops out - and I didn't put him down for 2 days. Instant attachment parenting, completely involuntary - if anyone had tried to push me into a forced routine at that point I'd have bitten their head off!

If the mum is doing this against her natural instincts but being held to it by her DH then I really think OP should have a chat to her about it. It's a completely different thing using cold water to wake a child for a feed, than to keep a child awake when it wants/needs to sleep. Poor little baby.