The worlds most boring hen do ever....AIBU to pull out?

[mistletoekisses]

The highlights of the aforementioned hen do involve cupcake baking...and wait for it..a country walk with a treasure hunt. There are far more 'treats' along these lines involved, but dont want to post too much incase another attendee is a fellow mnetter.

My background? I have DC's, I bake cupcakes every bloody week. We are grown adults FGS, why would I want to spend a morning on a walk doing a treasure hunt? It is without a doubt the most boring weekend I have been invited away on?

I think that if I am going to be away for a weekend from my family, then it should be for something I enjoy. Whilst I accept that the bride comes first on the big day...I dont think the same courtesy extends to the hen party. The hen is not a close friend and based on that; I am 99% sure that I am going to back out. AIBU?

(Oh and no monies have been committed by anyone yet)

And maybe the bride-to-be doesn't actually have kids yet and isn't a stay at home Mum. Maybe she has a pretty hectic job and longs for the time when she can spend the afternoon baking cakes and chatting to friends. Maybe this is the happy medium she has come up with.

You're absolutely right, Imarriedafrog - it's not a summons, it's an invitation. Even after all your differences now she still thought you might like to come. And I bet she has given it a lot of thought, too.

Ok - so now that I have decided not to go. Do I go the honest route, say it doesnt sound like my cup of tea and that they will have a much nicer time without me there? I can add that I would love some one to one time after the wedding - if the bride wants to.

Or shall I make up some excuse (which I think she will see straight through).

I prefer the honest route, which is better?

Just make up an excuse - nicer for her.

I'd go with honesty... but your call.

An excuse. Unless you want to upset her.

I´d probably go for the weekend away from family

Isn´t there anyone going who would make this sort of thing a good laugh?

I think it would be insulting to tell her it´s not your "cup of tea"-it´s not meant to be -it´s meant to be hers!

I have a large crowd of mates and when it comes to hen do's we all pitch ideas in. Some one will suggest something and it'll be shouted down and then something else is put forward. All this is usually done over a meal or at someones house over drinks. Hen has final choice but even someone will say 'Nah- I'll skip this one' No problem!

what a lovely friend you are mistletoes

Nicer to make an excuse, really. But it depends if she's the sort who would be offended if you said 'This isn't my idea of fun' or whether she'd just shrug and go, can't please everyone, never mind.

Make up an excuse. Fair enough not to want to go, not fair to criticise the bride for her choice of party.

See, I think this would have been far preferable to my bridesmaid's ideas for my hen, they all involved me wearing L plates and everyone else in matching t-shirts, either in a random city centre, or at the races, or at the sea side... you get the picture.

I took over and organised a short weekend at a spa (arriving early sat, leaving late sunday). Didn't take offence for those who didn't make it due to costs (although I haggled a great discount so it worked out at £60 each - and that included dinner and one treatment) or not fancying it.

although, I weekend in a cottage with good food, booze and just my friends also sounds like bliss.

OP - could you suggest hiring these guys to serve Saturday dinner

Hey missmiss - my crowd have NO trouble whatso ever telling the hen her ideas for a night out are crap!! We've all been shouted down at some point!!!

FGS. You wouldn't really tell her that you thought her choice was dull would you? You sound a bit me me me.

Ooh ooh ohh! I think I can sign up to wholesome dullard status. Hurray! I have a definition.

But I did spend a weekend on a Catholic mothers' retreat once with 6 other women and various small children. I was not quite wholesome dullard enough for that .

Perhap I can be boozy part-time wholesome geeky dullard.

bundle - thanks yes, I am a lovely friend. I just dont waste my energy on people who are no longer (for one reason or another) not in my close circle of friends.

If this was a close friend, I would be there in a heartbeart and this thread would not have been starte. She isnt, and that is why I want out of this. End of.

Jeez, I am not me, me, me.

I do stuff in my life, I invite friends to these things. Some come along and say sounds fun. Some say - god that sounds awful, count me out. I am never offended either way. You cannot please everyone. I know that.

I wouldnt give a monkeys in the reverse situation TBH.

If she isn't a close friend I don't blame you for not doing something you don't fancy.

I think it depends on the people. I could have fun being locked in a lift for 24 hours if it was with my best friends, so I would definitely go if I liked the people. But if I wasn't so close to the people, I wouldn't go.

But the one thing a hen party definitely needs, IMO, is alcohol. Preferably taken intravenously.

YABU, sorry.

It does sound a bit grim to me - I wouldn't enjoy being banged up in a country house with a load of other women all weekend. I would miss DD and DH and would far rather go out for sth to eat and then to a disco!

However, it isn't about you, it's about the bride. Presumably in her misguided state, this is something she would actually like. As such its your duty as a friend to join in in a gracious spirit.

But if at the same time as being boring it was also going to cost an arm and a leg, then you would be justified in pulling out (I hate those hen parties where you are expected to fork out £100s for the weekend - very rude of the organizers to think everyone can afford to blow that amount of money on a hen night).

it sounds like you don't want to go mainly because, since you don't know the bride well, their idea of a slightly silly girlie weekend doesn't match with yours.

YANBU to not want to go and make your excuses...

but YABU to take the piss out of their plans for their idea of a great weekend with friends...

PS although you say you are not close, the bride has obviously said she wants to include you in the party. So, why disappoint her?

If I had invited a friend and she said, "sorry, no, not my cup of tea. See you after the wedding, though!", I would have felt pretty upset deep down (though i wouldn't have shown it and would have said "fair enough" to her face).

FFS you are being unreasonable, its not a jolly for the sake of it, its her bloody hen do, either she is a friend, or she isn't. If you don't want to go because you do not know her that well and don't want to spend the money then don't go, but don't think you should not go because it is crap. That is really unfriendly.

but, tbh, if you are not that close that you would not go to something like this to keep her happy, then you should not really be going anyway, whatever it is she is doing.

upahill - fair play! I think it depends how close you are to the bride; the op says they are no longer close friends, so criticism might be out if order. There are dome friends I would definitely shout down, though