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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bloody, twatting, (D)F

587 replies

Bunnysoprano · 12/07/2010 23:07

I am absolutely sick to death and need some perspective. However, I should warn you, this is long.....

This weekend, I parked my car in the drive in front of DF's car. We had two sets of keys - DF lost one set but denies it. Usually, I leave my keys in a glass bowl in the hall but, for some reason this weekend, I stuck them in my bag.

Today, I had to leave the house about 5:30am as was travelling for work. Whilst on the train to Glasgow, I got a text from DF saying he couldn't get his car out as I had blocked it in and taken my keys. Naturally (and I do understand this), he was annoyed.

He then got a taxi to and from work today which cost £50. However, he has used the money that I take out each month from our joint account to pay for the cleaner. I am apparently to pay this back as I need to be "punished" (I kid you not!) for what I did today re the car.

I have arrived home this evening at 10:00pm after travelling to and from Glasgow today an d am rather tired. Therefore, I have not taken very kindly to this and am absolutely fuming. Part of the reason is because F is saying that he can't afford to take a taxi to work and back (notwithstanding the fact that he is pretty much a three figure earner). Now, I do accept that it was wasted money due to my mistake but I earn nearly half of what he does. I have just paid nearly £400 for flights this month for us to go to a wedding which has left me very short on the basis that DF would sub me if I needed any money. I trusted him to do this but obviously this isn't happening.

We both put equal amounts in the joint account but just enough to cover the bills so there is no flex. F is making dire threats about not putting money in this month etc if I don't pay for the taxi etc.

I know this all sounds RIDICULOUSLY childish but I have actually had a moment of utter panic and thought that I can't actually marry someone who is going to treat me like this. What if I am off on maternity leave and need "punished"?!?!? Will I get no money.

I am fuming and have actually taken myself off in the spare bedroom to sleep tonight and think about things.

I am quite prepared for a total flaming as I am SO angry I can't think straight but AIBU about this?!?

OP posts:
booyhoo · 12/07/2010 23:10

i couldn't be with someone who took it upon themselves to 'punish' me for mistakes. i am an adult.

Original poster
Bunnysoprano · 12/07/2010 23:12

I am thinking similarly. I am veering madly between extreme rage and sobbing. I truly think that I cannot marry him and have said this. He clearly feels that he has done NOTHING wrong an d acted entirely appropriately. I cannot see how this can be resolved.

OP posts:
singsinthebath · 12/07/2010 23:14

What's a DF?

TimothyTigerTuppennyTail · 12/07/2010 23:14

You need to be punished?

It's easy for me to say, I know, but I would be seriously re-thinking this relationship.

Original poster
Bunnysoprano · 12/07/2010 23:15

Fiance. Sorry if that is not the right acronym We are engaged.

OP posts:
Buzzybb · 12/07/2010 23:15

I am at his views. This is a house where cars get blocked in with some one gone off with the keys on a regular basis and yes it causes snotty phone calls and rows but 'punishment' No way we are all human and make mistakes.

rupert22 · 12/07/2010 23:16

Dump him, asap. Punished??? If that warning bell isnt ringing rather loudly, it damn well should be,

singsinthebath · 12/07/2010 23:16

Sorry I was thinking father!!
Bit tired. need to go to bed.

He's BU BTW

maryz · 12/07/2010 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

secunda · 12/07/2010 23:17

What a twat. Quite disturbing tbh

Tablefor6 · 12/07/2010 23:19

I'm waiting for AnyFucker

Tortington · 12/07/2010 23:19

tell him he needs to be punished for losing his keys.

as per your household insurance, you will need the locks changing - you think it should come to about £50.

then say this verbatim

"fuck off you nobber"

chitchat07 · 12/07/2010 23:19

You need to be 'punished'? URB TOTALLY R to have second thoughts. Can you really rely on him? It seems such a silly thing for him to get so annoyed at, especially if he is a bigger earner than you and you have just spent all that money on the flights etc. It's already unreasonable of him to not put extra into the kitty given that he earns twice what you do, I think you are right to be worried.

cocobongo · 12/07/2010 23:20

Sounds like he is using money to control you. Once you are partners, all money should effectively be "joint" money, either it is explicitly all put into an account or bills etc are split more in accordance to who earns the most. But you don't have either situation. If it is like this now, then it will surely be worse when you get married. I think you need to have a conversation about your attitudes to money. If his attitude is different to yours, then it may be time to think about whether you can live like that. But sleep on it tonight, it may be better tomorrow- if he coninues to issue the threats to withold his money, then he really does seem to be a controlling type.

cupcakesinthesnow · 12/07/2010 23:20

If he acts like a tight, arrogent twat over something so minor (on the grand scale of things) I cant imagine the trouble and frustration that would be caused over major issues.

Taking the cleaning money is just so pathetic. It just doesnt sound like an equal partnership if you are on one hand happy to pay for flights etc and he doesn this! It will end up deteriorating into 'wel you paid for this and I paid for this' scenarios.

Incidently, do you ususally always pay the cleaner? I mean, does he think its a case of either you clean the house or pay for the cleaner as its not his problem? Just asking as I went ballistic when this came up with my husband

Original poster
Bunnysoprano · 12/07/2010 23:21

Custardo - I have said a whole lot worse tonight. I am fuming. I was exhausted when I got home and couldn't wait to get to bed. Now I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight as I have so much adrenalin rushing about.

As an aside, he denies losing the set of keys I gave him. Of course.

OP posts:
runnybottom · 12/07/2010 23:22

Run. Fast. Don't look back.

Original poster
Bunnysoprano · 12/07/2010 23:23

Sorry - just to be clear. The cleaner money came out of the joint account so, strictly speaking, that was half his money. However, I am to re-imburse that myself as he had to use it for the taxi.

OP posts:
clam · 12/07/2010 23:23

And of course, even more worrying is that he can't see that there's anything wrong with his attitude!
Well done you for stepping back and at least considering your options.
Good luck in the morning.

(Oh, and by the way, none of this would have happened if he hadn't lost his own set of keys in the first place. Maybe he should be "punished" for that mistake. And be made to pay for a rpelacement set out of his own money before you'll cough up for your unfair share of the bills)

chitchat07 · 12/07/2010 23:24

Oh, did the 'key fairies' take them? If so, where is the £50 they should have left in exchange?

caramelwaffle · 12/07/2010 23:24

He lost his keys. He needs to be (sniff) punished. Over to you......

Tortington · 12/07/2010 23:25

ahh i see, so you can't use the keys scnario. he must of made some mistake that has a financial value that he need punishing for.

shit under his pillow

colditz · 12/07/2010 23:27

you are right. you can't marry someone who thinks he had the right to 'punish' you.

Spacehopper5 · 12/07/2010 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Pancakeflipper · 12/07/2010 23:28

Not surprised you are fuming.
He's turned a moment of forgetfulness ( though he lost his set of keys....) into a right escalating drama.

If he hasn't calmed down and apologised tomorrow then I think you need to think about his pathetic but controlling behaviour because you are his equal.

Is this a crazy one off or has he done similiar stuff?