Support group for those affected by someone else's drinking thread 6

[pointythings]

A new thread so that the conversations can continue overnight. We have sadly been very active lately, so I thought it best to be proactive.

These threads are for everyone who has an alcoholic in their life: partner/husband/wife, sibling, child, parent. This is a safe space where you can vent and say all the things you can't say out loud in real life.

The people on these threads have all been there or are still on their journey. We will share what we have learned, crack dark jokes and offer a shoulder to cry on. Welcome to the club nobody wants to be in.

Link to previous thread here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5515006-support-group-for-those-affected-by-someone-elses-drinking-thread-5?page=40&reply=153683715

I’m fine. He does it every month. He will cancel seeing dd on Sunday / always does after getting uc - he will be 🤮💩

I guess I am matter of fact. He will never change

There is definitely a big spiral when they live on their own @Ebananascroogey. They have absolutely no need to hide their intake from
anyone anymore. Ex’s coke use dramatically escalated living alone and then obviously two addictions at once meant everything collapsed fast - his mental health, his mental capacity, and all manner of crisis when you are constantly drunk and drugged - drink driving, drunk and disorderly, angry behaviour to Ex wife over child contact etc.

But that won’t be your fault and you will need to remind yourself of this. He could choose for that to be his rock bottom and the time he pulls his socks up, realises he has to do the hard work himself, accepts that his reasons for drinking don’t change the reality that he has to learn to cope differently. If he doesn’t (and he won’t), that is entirely on him.

He is ruining your life and it’s your life too. Choose you!

UC day huh @Penguinsandspaniels. it’s so predictable that it would be funny if it wasn’t so boring! Glad you got a laugh out of the FB woe is me. Sure you and DD will have a lovely peaceful Sunday the two of you xx

You're so right. The sadness is getting smaller & the excitement is getting bigger as I think how lovely freedom & peace are going to feel!

@Ebananascroogey as my twin @Nogoodusernamesaid - once living on their own they spiral - they will go one way or the other

obv hoped it would be their rock bottom Thinking about all they have lost - but reality is the other way and they drink/use even more as no one to monitor /tell them off etc

I do feel a bit guilty at times that ex had gone worse but then shake myself and his family tell me it’s not my fault

he has chosen to buy and drink / but I do get why you feel guilty @Ebananascroogey

So predictable - yes will be peaceful and nice not seeing him

yet last Sunday he was ok company. Always is week 4/4 as poor and rarely drinks for that week unless shared with the bloke upstairs from him who is an alcoholic as well

Throw the guilt away. If they keep drinking, they get worse whether you stick around or not. The alcohol affects their bodies and their minds and the effect is cumulative. Yes, they don't have to sneak around anymore, but if our presence in the house failed to keep them from getting sober our absence won't change the path they are on. They are the only ones who can change their outcome.