Support group for those affected by someone else's drinking thread 6

[pointythings]

A new thread so that the conversations can continue overnight. We have sadly been very active lately, so I thought it best to be proactive.

These threads are for everyone who has an alcoholic in their life: partner/husband/wife, sibling, child, parent. This is a safe space where you can vent and say all the things you can't say out loud in real life.

The people on these threads have all been there or are still on their journey. We will share what we have learned, crack dark jokes and offer a shoulder to cry on. Welcome to the club nobody wants to be in.

Link to previous thread here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5515006-support-group-for-those-affected-by-someone-elses-drinking-thread-5?page=40&reply=153683715

My wages get paid into my own current account already. I have a standing order that pays my old ‘proportional’ payment into the joint account on the 1st then I top it up in the middle of the month when the mortgage goes out. That means we’re covered for the essentials. I only leave about £100 extra in the account just in case the gas/electric is a bit higher. But he’s spent it this month at the local shop.

I don’t know what’s keeping me. It feels impossible. It’s 20 years of history.

We’re not married. Engaged for ages but I told him I couldn’t plan (and pay) for a wedding when things were this bad. He doesn’t understand what I mean because he’s not falling around drunk or vomiting or going missing.

@Legofanaticuk A lot of what you said rang true with me. Well done for posting, telling the outside world about what is happening is so hard. Do you have any real life support system? Don’t be ashamed about sharing with a friend or family member, they will likely have some idea all is not well.

When you are ready you will take the first step.

From my experience all the practical reasons I had to stay with my husband (dogs, house, sunk costs) which seemed insurmountable while we were together became manageable when it was a reality. It is not easy, but there is another side, and a calmer life to be had.

Do keep posting.