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Original poster

Support group for those affected by someone else's drinking thread 5

977 replies

pointythings · 10/04/2026 08:50

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5473399-support-group-for-those-affected-by-someone-elses-drinking-thread-4?page=5

A new thread, because the old one is full - link to previous thread above.

These threads are a safe place for anyone who has an alcoholic in their lives. You can ask for help, you can vent, you can say whatever you need to without judgement. We will listen and support you.

Page 5 | Support group for those affected by someone else's drinking - thread 4 | Mumsnet

I'm about to head out for the morning routine and given how active our thread has been I felt I had better provide a new one. Link to the previous t...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5473399-support-group-for-those-affected-by-someone-elses-drinking-thread-4?page=5

OP posts:
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5
AcrossthePond55 · Today 13:59

pontipinemum · Today 13:02

@pointythings thank you for advising me to join this thread from my chat post. I have been to Al-Anon I do like it. There is 1 meeting near me that is on once a week
Anyway my mother...... where to start. Of course there is a huge back story

So she came out of rehab for the 2nd time this year about 6 weeks ago now. I live 3 hours away from her but I was staying in hers a few days after and found wine.

I have access to her emails - she asked me to when she went into rehab. I still check them I know I probably shouldn't

Last week she spoke to me on the phone and said she was currently pulled in, in a garage on the way home from the company doctors. They need to sign her off as fit for work. She has a civil service office job. She said the app went really well. That the doc said she must be sticking so well to her routine/ schedule etc and that mum would hear from them in a few days about a return to work date.

In her emails I saw that BEFORE she spoke to me on the phone she emailed them saying she'd got lost on the way and needed to reschedule.

I am so hurt by this.

@pontipinemum

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

One of the things I've learnt with DH is that alcohol can turn even the most truthful person into an inveterate liar. DH was one of the most honest men I'd ever known, but now if he told me it was raining I'd go look out the window. And chances are I'd find a sunny day.

And it's not just drinking they lie about. For whatever reason it seems that their first reaction to any question, even something as simple as "Do you have milk in the house?" is to lie. It's just so disheartening. But there's no point in saying anything to them, because they'll just lie that they've been lying. All you can do is murmur 'Mmmm-hmmm' and change the subject unless it's something you must respond to as it affects you directly.

I can't say I blame you for checking her emails, especially wrt things that may affect you or affect her finances. Ignorance is NOT bliss when it comes to something that could hurt us, or that we'll be called upon to bail the alcoholic out of. As far as I'm concerned, the end justifies the means.

Penguinsandspaniels · Today 17:54

I check ex emails at times as had a joint account. He is silly enough to order vodka online using the account so the emails /order/delivery /receipts arrive via email

so I know he has brought vodka and a lot of it recently

yet swears hasn’t had drunk for 4mths etc - he says it so convincingly that if I hadn’t seen the various orders via 3 shops that I may have believed him

but obv I know. He doesn’t know I know so it continues. The lies

why do I check ? To prove to myself that I was right to kick him out and say no more. That he hasn’t stopped or changed

I know I shouldn’t care but I do over the lies - also means I can kinda tell when he’s gonna be a knob and will then avoid him with dd

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