The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2026

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the ones I use, I Am Sober and TryDry. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.
Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

That’s really powerful journaling. Incredibly honest and emotionally raw. You should be very proud of yourself for that.

Evening all. Day 41 for me and I’m also proud of me. Zero temptation, I even went to M&S recently
and didn’t even think about the booze aisle. Only after I’d left did I realise that normally there would be a bottle of wine among my purchases.

Well - I'm still a terrible mother, colleague, partner and general failure! I try to project positivity here, but, well, it's all a bit of a mess.

However. One thing which is genuinely easier and easier is sobriety. I suddenly realised earlier today that I don't think about it much at all. I don't have to use huge amounts of willpower every day.

So, all those years when I overindulged, spent money on going out that I did not have, carried hangovers, did badly at work, was a terrible friend... it turns out that it was a bad habit that was surprisingly easy to break. And all that time I was so frightened that I was addicted and would one day end up in a ditch, drinking hairspray.

I think the social pressure to drink is beginning to fade, which is a great thing.

Hello shipmates, I'm still rubbish at posting consistently, but I love reading your posts. I'm still doing a lot of stopping and starting (at sobriety I mean), but overall I'm feeling much better mentally than I was. I'm beginning to actually believe that I will reach my goal of an AF life (as the thread title says!) instead of just wanting that life, but feeling very unsure about my ability to get there.

I met someone in recovery today (from an AA meeting) and we just bonded so quickly over so many different things. It was very uplifting. It turns out she also has reservations about the AA structure, but goes to meetings because of the community (why do I always manage to gravitate to the heretics, ha). Anyway she made me feel better about my attempts to get sober myself, doing what feels authentic to me.

That said after I talked to her, I really wanted a drink as I felt I had made myself vulnerable by talking so much about myself. I got an AF pina colada from M&S on the way home instead. Slightly crazy, but it worked!

@FiloPasty your comments about ADHD are very interesting. If you do start an ADHD thread I will join. I haven't been organised enough to pursue an official diagnosis yet, but the more I read about it, the more some of my own (previously inexplicable!) patterns of thought and behaviour make sense to me.

@HorrorFan81 much sympathy about the job. Your attitude is fabulous and so is your sobriety.

@Carpetburn moving jobs absolutely sounds like the right decision for you.

Strength and courage to everyone struggling a little or a lot: our brave guide @REP22 , @eekwhatnow and @WhatMaggieDid . Maggie I can very much identify with swinging from pink cloud one day to low mood the next. I think occasional low mood can carry on for longer than people realise after one stops drinking... I'm reading Clare Pooley's Sober Diaries and she talks about PAWS, which I have read about before, but always seem to forget exists as a phenomenon.

@Adsy1988 I feel like you do about winter. Am taking comfort in the days slowly getting longer, even though the weather right now is the opposite of cheerful. Best of luck to your son tomorrow!

Waves to everyone I haven't mentioned. Keep on keeping on, you are models of self-awareness and courage.

Well - I'm still a terrible mother, colleague, partner and general failure!
@taylorean I'm 100% certain that you're being too hard on yourself here!

Every time I think of the line, 'my life is a bit of a mess' (and I do think that on a fairly regular basis), I then think of the title of a very good memoir I read by the screenwriter Georgia Pritchett: 'My Mess is a Bit of a Life'.

That seems like a better motto. Modest enough to be realistic, but more positive as an overall take on things 😂

Morning all.

Up early after early lights out. The DH is driving me to London to see my friend. I only managed it once last year due to us both being poorly.
She lives a very grand life but it's not all roses.

I have quite a clear weekend so hopefully I can sort out my study. Twenty years of paperwork has appeared. I know I'll feel better when it's shredded and binned. (Tip don't buy houses with dry cellars, you just stuff rubbish down there!).

I'm hoping the lady estate agent has had some luck with the cottage owner. It really is my favourite. If I go there that's me done.

I'm very into orange juice at the moment. I could never get my share when the DC were small. The rotters would drink most of it and put the carton back!

Good luck all for Friday (always hard for me). X

I'd also join an ADD thread. I'm toying with the idea of getting assessed, but am not sure if it's worth it at my age. I don't think I'd take drugs for it, so it would really just be about being certain of something I'm already sure of, IYSWIM? Also, the money for assessment would be of more use to my daughter, who is setting up home, and/or my son, who is looking into fertility treatment.

I think that however hopeless we might think we are at life, we are guaranteed to be a lot better at it when sober. IME the people who think they are good at it all are spectacularly deluded, but maybe I've just been unlucky when it comes to listening to the self-satisfied 😀 Even if we are terrible people (I doubt it), why make things worse by being drunken terrible people? That's never going to help, is it?

@taylorean thank you, that’s inspiring and what I needed to read today.
@Carpetburn so great to have those journal entries. I wish I’d been brave enough then.
@TheMentalMentalLoad well done on your 41 days!
@elusivehope thank you!
I’m feeling incredibly fragile and heading off to a weekend with old school friends who have been messaging this morning about the wine they are bringing to the Airbnb. Completely fair enough but when I was preparing myself I’d imagined they’d drink when we were out, not that we’d be drinking at the Airbnb. Stupid because that’s exactly what I would have done previously.
My lovely DS who is struggling with severe mental health problems has just lashed out in a very hurtful way. I feel terrible for leaving him this weekend as he is hugely dependent on me for emotional propping up but equally I desperately need the break as I’m on my knees with it.
I just don’t know if I can manage not to drink this weekend.

Thanks @eekwhatnow!

I was trying to say that I feel such an idiot - only realising so late that my bad habits were down to marketing, social pressure and bad habits themselves, rather than being a very bad person with a Problem.

Of course the bad habits lead to dependence. It's moreish stuff! And the first few days of Dry January did feel strange...

But if I'd known it would be this straightforward, and that the benefits would be so huge, I would have done it ages ago. I hope it helps to know that if it feels tough or weird right now, it gets much easier.

The message that we will probably have to battle a drinking urge every single day undersells the benefits and makes it sound punishing - and must also stop some people from getting started on sobriety.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so fragile @eekwhatnow .

The situation with DS sounds really hard, but “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. Please take the time for yourself this weekend.

And as for staying sober when you’re away, the key is planning. Can you take your own supply of AF stuff? Have you told your friends you won’t be drinking? (It’s a very personal thing as to whether this is helpful or not, and you can decide how much of the truth you give them - saying something like “I’ve found that alcohol makes my anxiety worse so I’m going to skip it this weekend” might take the pressure off a bit, and is hard to argue with).

I completely agree with you @taylorean - I almost think Dry January can be counter productive, as it seems like some sort of punishment for excesses over Christmas, and a deprivation, but that’s not what longer term sobriety is like at all. And so much of drinking is habitual (and studies show it takes 60+ days to break a habit).

I believe that Catherine Gray (of Unexpected Joy fame) raised the limitations of Dry January to Alcohol Change (who are the driving force behind Dry January) and together they came up with Sober Spring (20 March to 20 June). I found that incredibly helpful

Good morning shipmates,

We have made it to Friday. M has a UTI. Sid has been on nursing duties. Will this pleasure never end?! 😬 Sid has asked me if I can buy him a little nurses' uniform to wear. No. No I will not.

And Sid will brook no talk of being failures on these decks. The fact that you are here with us now shows that you are very much NOT a failure. You are strong, brave, and determined to win.

We watched the film "The Great Escaper" on the iPlayer last night. It's with Michael Caine and Glenda Jackson and is based on the true story of the D-Day veteran Bernie Jordan, who did a runner from his care home and made his own way to France so he could take part in the 70th anniversary of the Normandy Landings. Lovely film, very well made. It touches on the effects of war on two characters (one elderly, one young) who both seek solace in drinking. It's not preachy or overdone, but very subtle and well-handled.

Strength and courage, brave shipmates. It will be alright. x

@REP22 My FIL was telling us about that film recently - he's a bit of a film buff and highly recommended it. I plan to watch it this weekend now!

@eekwhatnow that sounds very difficult at home. DH has struggled with his mental health over the years and I know how it feels to be the one holding everything together. Could you use your son's situation as a reason to not be drinking this weekend? "I need to be on call/available to DS if he needs me so I'm not drinking".

The clouds are parting here - I dragged myself to the gym last night and feel better for it. Have lost 3 lbs too so that's even better. I'm hoping that by this time next week there'll be a 10 on the scales for the first time in about 5 years 💪

Today is day 31! One whole month!!

Happy Friday shipmates. A couple hours of marking and one more hour of teaching and then I'm done for the week. It has been a fairly calm week all things considered, apart from a couple of tricky student meetings. One student in particular has done effectively no work all year. She is neurodivergent and a lot of support has been put in place for her, but my gut feeling is that she really doesn't want to do the course. She does a lot of demanding extracurricular stuff, but can't make it to lectures and tutorials. I've literally never seen a case so extreme. I think eventually she will have to suspend (against her wishes), but the process is excruciatingly slow for everyone concerned. It's very sad and I have to make a conscious effort not to let the situation take up too much space in my head. I'm mentioning it here just to get it off my chest.

The AA friend I had coffee with yesterday texted me to say she's been to a meeting and thought about it some more and realised that what she said to me yesterday was wrong: the Big Book and the 12 steps are the one true path and the only way to go (I'm paraphrasing). I feel surprisingly unworried by this, ha. I know for a fact that people do manage to get sober and stay sober without AA; this thread is living proof! I think that some of us do have to put a lot of effort in, especially at the beginning, but there's not just one way to do it. At the moment I feel like I just have to keep putting the effort in. Posting here, meditating, doing gratitude lists, reading quit lit, journalling and so on. That's what feels authentic to me right now.

Apologies as I keep harping on trying to work out my relationship with AA; I hope I'm not boring people. Because I've been going to 12-step meetings on and off for so many years, that model still looms large in my head.

@eekwhatnow I'm so sorry things are tough for you right now. You've had good advice on this thread! You should definitely go away and have the break from your DS. You have to put your own lifejacket on first as they say. And bringing AF drinks with you is an excellent idea. In my experience, if you have an AF beer or a glass of some sort of fizz in your hand, your friends quickly stop thinking about the fact that you're not drinking booze like they are.

@taylorean sorry, I know I rather distorted the message of your post by copying the first sentence only! It was a great post, and I completely agree that however messy our lives are, giving up drink can only improve them.

@WendyWagon enjoy your trip to London, and @WhatMaggieDid I'm glad things are looking up chez toi!

@Lavrander I forgot to say that I'm very jealous of you being in France. I'll look out for the AF 1664 next time I go.

Bonne journee to everyone, including Sid!

@WendyWagon hope you had a lovely time in London!
@REP22 Sid doesn’t need a little uniform to be a tonic to all! Although it did make chuckle to think of him with a little nurses cap and old school cape ensemble! I shall have a look at that film. Sounds a good watch!
@eekwhatnow agree with other good advice on here. You have to look after you to look after others. And I say that as the parent of a DD who has really struggled with her MH. Although I think without alcohol as I’m less anxious she’s also somewhat happier - she definitely doesn’t have to worry about me making a fool of myself or being a loud PITA which I know both mine hated. Plus I just feel more able to be supportive when I’m practicing my own self care.
Happy Friday lovely shipmates!

@WhatMaggieDid congratulations on your 31 days!!! Smashing it!

Hello! Is it ok if I join you? I’m on day 34, so early days but this is the first time I feel properly committed to giving up for good, even though I’ve known I needed to for a while. The first month felt surprisingly easy but I expect it’s because it’s January as we weren’t doing much. I’m starting to get inklings of cravings (but don’t actually want to drink) now and wanted to hop on for some support and accountability as this seems like a lovely friendly group.

Morning all.
Welcome @chocopuffs and congratulations on your 34 days! Glad you’ve joined us.

31 days @WhatMaggieDid !! Whoop whoop!

I find your reflections on AA interesting @elusivehope, not least because it makes me keep a more open mind about it! I think we each need to do sobriety our own way, and half the battle is working out what works for us.

I have a friend who I know would be happier sober. He does Dry January or Stoptober, and sometimes mutters about maybe stopping completely, but is a completely social animal - anything he wants to do has to be part of a big group. I think AA or Smart would be the key to him stopping.

Hope you’re not too worn out after London @WendyWagon

Afternoon shipmates.

Ahoy from a happy Wagon household.
The DS has exchanged on his house! He's off later this month.

Lovely trip to see my London friend, horrible weather but the DH was driving.
She's on the second round to iradicate the big C but looked surprisingly well.
I can't wait for my electric car because it's going to cost tuppence h'penny to charge it up. I'll be traveling for a fiver! Suits the sometimes skinflint in me (not present often!).

I've just had a lovely orange juice it's really hard to shake off those 1970s messages of it being calorific. So was wine mate would be my answer. Blinking same with some people and avocados. I left slimming world over a frozen banana!

Not doing much. Too long yesterday with my poor arthritic knees bent. The DS is cooking later.

I had a lovely late birthday gift of a aquamarine necklace. One to give an outing to later this month.

Morning all! Feeling good after a morning at the gym 🏋️‍♀️

Hosting a few friends for a poker night tonight and I am SO happy I will be doing it sober. Previously I would have been apprehensive in the run up to the night because I would be worried about drinking too much. But then also excited at the thought of being able to start drinking mid afternoon whilst I was getting ready. God it took so much head space. Tomorrow would have been a write off too

Am away with work this week and previously would have used that as an excuse to drink every night I am away. Probably would have drunk on the journey there. In fact I remember one trip 5 years ago where I was flying to Germany. Had drinks at the airport. Got delayed, had more. Had drinks on the plane. I was 'that' person who asked for two at once. Was honestly hammered when I got there. Had to navigate Berlin airport and getting a taxi to hotel. Colleagues already there, had waited up for me. Obviously had to have a drink with them. Was 2am before I got to bed, absolutely smashed. Day one of the event I was a hungover mess and had to miss a key session to go lie down

This trip I will be clear headed and present and actually taking my running gear for the mornings!

God life is SO MUCH BETTER 🙏

Afternoon everyone,

This is my day 28, 4 whole weeks. I have been a grumpy git last few days. I've been tired, nails keep breaking or splitting (they are already short) and put on half a stone since going AF thanks to all the biscuits and treats 😳Had a nap this afternoon so hoping that's helped with my moodiness.

Got 5 teen girls here for the night (2 are my DDs). There will be much fun, laughter, snacks and noise.... might watch a film with DH and try to ignore the chaos.

@endlesswashing I have it on very good authority that the weight loss kicks in after month two 🤞.

@HorrorFan81 I like the sound of a poker night. Always liked an activity when socialising and even more now.

@WendyWagon glad you had a lovely trip.

Welcome @chocopuffs I hope you find this group as helpful and supportive as I do.

Thank you all so much for your support, advice and understanding when I was feeling so fragile. It was so appreciated.

I’ve had a lovely weekend. Can’t quite believe I did it! A couple of awkward moments but so many more good ones and I can say without any doubt whatsoever that I had a better time than I would have if I’d been drinking. I also feel like I’m going home better able to support my DS after a rest. I bought an art print today and I’ve suddenly thought that when I put it up in my house, every time I look at it I can remember this achievement.

Just saying hello and goodnight before I go to bed. Almost drank again tonight but actually changed my mind when I was already in the supermarket, which is virtually unprecedented for me! I feel happy and relieved not to have had a drink.

Welcome @chocopuffs ! And congrats @WendyWagon on your DS's house!

@Onewildandpreciouslife these are wise words: I think we each need to do sobriety our own way, and half the battle is working out what works for us. I completely agree. I think I have trouble trusting myself about what might work best for me, because I've been to so many 12 step meetings and I have internalised the messages. Eg, if I pick up a drink, it must be because I'm not 'working a good enough programme', not going to enough meetings, not doing the Steps with a sponsor, not 'surrendering' enough, trying to 'run my life on my own terms', and so on and so on. I have felt a lot lighter lately since I decided that I would stop worrying about all those things so much, and trust my own gut instincts more.

@HorrorFan81 that's a very inspiring post. And @endlesswashing bravo on day 28!

DS1 has just had his 21st birthday, which is hard for me to believe. I'm very proud of him right now. He's at uni and also working part-time at his first ever job (tutoring failing students in a secondary school). He hasn't had the easiest run of things, as he had some fairly serious MH issues in the past. It's such a relief to see him gaining confidence in himself.

Peace and courage to everyone.

Morning all!
Welcome @chocopuffs. You'll find loads of support here.

@eekwhatnowI was grinning so much reading your update. Bloody well done.
How are you feeling today @endlesswashing? Hope the teenagers didn't keep you up too much. Do you take a B vitamin complex at the moment? If not I wonder if that will help. Don't worry too much about the weight gain; it will settle once you get more on an even keel.
I've put on half a stone during my holiday! I had an awful lot of cake and was drinking hot chocolate with cream during apres rather than vin chaud so that wouldn't have helped.
Had a lovely week though. The chalet hosts kept me topped up with AF alternatives at the same time as serving up everyone else. I didn't feel like I was missing out at all. I loved having a good night's sleep, being out in the fresh air, and having a good natter with friends in the hot tub. There was a wine pairing with the evening meals at the chalet which I did have a little pang about but the louder voice was reminding me of what awaits just for agreeing that yes this wine does go nicely with the steak. Seriously what is the point?

Washing galore today. Hope everyone has a good day. We've got this x

Morning all.

Woken up by a neighbour getting a taxi at 2pm .
Feel like hell again. Mutinous even.

I'm in need of kind words this morning. The boys are off out.

Ouch. Can you have a nap @WendyWagon? That might help a bit.

@Lavrander your holiday sounds lovely and relaxing. Weight gain on holiday is always allowed. I hope you and @eekwhatnow are right about weight gain settling down in the near future. I take vitamin b complex, hopefully it will start to help without the interference of wine. Teens were good and fantastic company when they dipped in and out for a chat and had me cracking up at times. I got to sleep about 1.30, so much harder to drift off to giggling and music radiating though the house when sober. Had an uninterrupted sleep which is brilliant and feeling positive today.

Welcome @chocopuffs

@wendywagon that is pants. If you can have a nap that might help or at least a restful day, hope you haven't got a busy day.