The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2026

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the ones I use, I Am Sober and TryDry. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.
Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

Got to love a biscuit or 6 @WendyWagon ! I often think of you when I'm having my Yorkshire brew, knowing that you like a "proper" tea too. Good luck with your house. How was the cottage viewing?

@IChooseToand @WendyWagon Same! Mostly chocolate though. A really quite worrying amount.

Yep, chocolate too @eekwhatnow , and a worrying amount of all those things for me too. But, I'm trying not to give myself a hard time about it- it's better than wine. One vice at a time, hey x

Yes, lots of grace needed. Felt one of my strongest urges to drink this afternoon. Slightly struggling with a young teenager who has suddenly discovered alcohol (and more) and it’s really throwing me. Especially at a time when I’m leaning in to what a poison and a danger alcohol is. Worried they will inherit my bad relationship with it. No idea how to handle it all.

Clearly a drink is not the answer!! But I am really craving that ‘take the edge of my anxiety’ glass.

Ah bless you, that's really hard. And cravings are bloody hard too. I'm really sorry I'm not able to offer advice about your teenager, I'm only mum to a dog not a human so I'm no help there. I'm still learning to deal with cravings too, but it does get easier with time. I'm trying very hard with the re-wiring of my brain, like someone here said recently. There is a LOT of excellent advice here, you're in good hands. You've got this X

Hi, new joiner here looking for support to help keep me focussed! I am a problem drinker in the sense that I don’t drink a lot, hardly at all at home, except for holidays and high days. My issue is that things like my enjoyment of going to the pub feels contingent on having a glass of wine, and the same for many occasions such as Christmas, holidays etc.
i have listened to Allen Carr which resonated with me, but I would love to hear from others that had similar fears of missing out/ losing enjoyment. Ultimately I think about alcohol too much and feel like my pleasure in life was getting far too centred around it

Beautiful cottage but the new agent had. Just tried to beat us down on price again. I feel I'm being stitched up.

I'm very stressed lads.

My mortgage conpany are b*stards.
Very long story. I just want to sell and go.
Dangerous for me.

I've 'lost 'over £100k off the valuation in September. Not seeing anyone else reducing to that level. Tried to help someone on mumsnet and got abused.

Welcome @SpecialBreak lots of support here. I can definitely resonate about thinking about alcohol too much and centering life around it, and I can say it is a huge relief to be getting that under control. You can do this.

@WendyWagon I am so sorry to hear all that, that really does sound very stressful indeed. What a nightmare, you have my sympathies x

@WendyWagon I’m sorry you’re having such a horrendous time. A move under the best of circumstances is well known as one of the most stressful things ever. What you’re going through sounds torturous. Hang in there. You will get through this and out the other side. I wish I had some proper advice or help to offer you.

@elusivehope never worry about posting here to start again. Like others have said it will stick if you keep trying. And we have all been there. I’ve been on a merry go round of day 1-3 for about 2 years with the odd 2-3 week chucked in. Thoughts of alcohol literally consumed me. I had to work very hard to fill my trigger times with things I couldn’t not do! So driving somewhere, paid exercise class, delaying drive home from work. I knew if I got to 7pm it would pass. And the Trydry app was great as it shows total days not drinking as well as the streak! This helped my mindset as saw I was reducing even if I’d wobbled.
@ShyMaryEllen im mad on seedtalks and have done all kinds of events I wouldn’t usually! The history of witches, women’s gothic horror writing etc. Some are in person and some online.
@eekwhatnow that sounds tough. I know it’s not for everyone but AF options do scratch the itch for me if I get the urge. I’m convinced it’s the ritual/habit more than the effect to be honest. Even when I was obliterating my feelings with alcohol I hated it. But just couldn’t cope in the moment! Hence putting in various RULES for myself which I’m sure I’ve bored everyone rigid with by now!
Read my post drinking notes to myself and post here BEFORE. Plus the various activities etc post work. It seems to be working as I’m day 58!
@WendyWagon I’m so sorry you have all this going on and the stress it’s causing. If we can help we will!
@SpecialBreak welcome aboard!

@wendywagon that really is pants and seems like it's coming from all sides. Hope the new agent is more transparent and helpful.

@specialbreak welcome.

I'm on double digits 10 days today. Sadly I'm still unwell and taking a second course of antibiotics to nuke an infection. I had a very busy evening yesterday, worked late, food shop, dinner. Tbf most of my evenings are busy running about after the family and trying to keep on top of the home. Drinking kept me up too late and made me tired and grumpy.

I have been bashing the chocolate big time, my clothes are getting very snug but it's not kept me up too late so I'm guessing a win.

Hope you all have an AF evening and get to do something you enjoy.

Thanks so much everyone for the encouraging words. Reading your posts made me feel so much better. It's particularly encouraging to hear from those of you who tried to get sober multiple times in the past before finally succeeding! Sometimes I do think I'm a hopeless case, but I know that's defeatist, unhelpful thinking. If I look over the past months and the big picture, I'm definitely succumbing to the drink less often. @Carpetburn I have the Reframe app and it also keeps track of my total non-drinking days. Looking at that stat is definitely more encouraging than looking at the length of my streaks! Putting the work in to get to the field of bunnies is not easy.

I'm ashamed to say that I came close to drinking again tonight. I was tired after a long day at work and making dinner and I realised I was missing a couple of crucial ingredients. I immediately thought I would pop to the shop (5 min away) and get them. Then I thought maybe I would get just one mini bottle of wine while I was there. Or two mini bottles. That would make the rest of the meal preparation fly by. Then my DH said, 'You've had a hard day, I'll go to the shop'. And my first thought was actual disappointment! Then relief as I realised it was a last-minute reprieve from the temptation.

It made me think though about how many times I've 'had' to pop to the shop while making dinner and decided to buy wine while I was there, even though I had already made up my mind earlier in the day not to drink. Late in the day when I'm cooking is clearly a vulnerable time. I will try to make sure I do no more last-minute shop-going at dinner time!

Anyway I feel happy now to be three days sober, by the skin of my teeth.

@IChooseTo I'm sorry you're feeling poorly! I'd love to start exercising too. I feel so flabby and unfit (I'm asthmatic which doesn't help).

@REP22 the Trump stuff really gets to me too. I feel heartbroken for the US and the people I love who live there. Almost every day the news feels like a punch in the gut. I consciously try not to dwell on it too much, and to focus on all of the good people there who are resisting authoritarianism. Rebecca Solnit is one voice I find encouraging. It's not easy though because my family is passionate about politics in general and US politics in particular. DH and DS1 are both obsessed. DH is quite level-headed and pragmatic though (compared to me) and usually finds some soothing things to say when I start freaking out about Trump too hard.

@Onewildandpreciouslife thinking about what motivates me is a helpful suggestion, thank you. Maybe I need to pay more attention to motivational rewards!

@eekwhatnow sending you strong thoughts. I know exactly what you mean when it comes to worrying about your DC drinking. DS2 came home drunk one day last summer and I was very upset (he's only 14). But he seems to be OK at the moment. I've been honest with my DC about my struggles with alcohol over the years. I think that's all we CAN do as parents really: be honest with them, and be there for them as much as we can. Ultimately they're going to be adults making decisions on their own; our powers are limited...

Welcome @SpecialBreak you are absolutely in the right place!

@WendyWagon sorry things are a bit shite for you right now. You've made it through so many hard times before, you deserve some stability and peace! And MN can be awful sometimes when it comes to attacking people out of the blue. I don't contribute to many threads on MN any more apart from this one, but in the past I have participated in many stressful MN conversations! About politics, academia, feminism and family estrangement, to name just a few. 😂It's when I'm feeling depressed anyway that I yield to the temptation of debating people. I mostly manage to sit on my hands now and just lurk, ha. I consider kindness to be very important. Keeping discourse civil. Someone I know in RL posts on MN and she is lovely in RL but I have seen her be very unkind on MN. It's made me see her differently unfortunately.

@endlesswashing congratulations on your 10 days! I'm sorry you're unwell AND busy; that's the worst combo.

Checking out at the end of day 14…2 whole weeks!! 😁

Btw my friend who is struggling so much with relapse has gone completely silent at the moment, which worries me even more. I've decided that if she still wants me to go with her to the local drug and alcohol services, I'll go with her. I don't think it can do any harm (me going with her I mean).

The chat about finding new interests and new ways to fill the time is helpful. In general I always feel too busy anyway, but in reality, when I'm drinking, I tend to completely ignore the things I do just for myself, to make myself happy.

As an example, last week when I was sober I decided to go to an academic reading group I hadn't been to for ages. It's a group that's been meeting for many years, and there are some members of it who are very famous in my (niche!) field. So sometimes I would go and feel anxious about Not Appearing Clever Enough. Impostor syndrome aside though, I used to greatly enjoy it. People are reading literature just for the pure love of it, and the mode is very much, 'Ooh, this is a difficult bit, what do you think is going on here?' Anyway I went to the group for the first time in over a year, and it was a wonderful experience. There were only about half a dozen people and they were all so passionate about the text and full of interesting things to say. They welcomed me warmly. One senior scholar whom I've been in awe of since I first read his work as an undergraduate was there. He seemed so feeble when he came into the room: almost dazed. However, as soon as he sat down and opened his book, he came alive and kept offering gentle, incisive insights. I thought to myself that he was clearly getting older and that he must be in his 70s by now. When I got home I googled him, and he's 87. 😳Honestly I had no idea.

The experience reminded me of why I went into academia in the humanities in the first place: people reading books and loving them and having interesting things to say about them. I forget this when I'm so bogged down in the termly grind of teaching and marking. I forget this when I'm feeling rueful about not having researched or published enough. Actually, I'm in a place where people across different generations gather in a room and talk about a book just because they want to. It's a beautiful thing and I need to do it more often, because it reminds me that life is not just a rat race. It's about actually connecting with yourself and with other people whose company you enjoy. Anyway I'm going to prioritise this reading group from now on. It only meets a couple of times a term.

Another LONG post from me, sorry! Wishing everyone a good night's sleep.

Fantastic @WhatMaggieDid ! I'm so happy for you!

Well done on 2 weeks @WhatMaggieDid !!

And well done on swerving temptation @elusivehope . Do you have enough snacks in the house? I’m just wondering if you had an early evening snack you would stave off some of the tiredness, and cravings are sometimes just hunger.

On children and alcohol, children are much more influenced by what we do than what we say. One of my huge motivations to stop drinking was my DD being at a family wedding, when she was about 17/18 and taking a glass of wine up to bed with her. When I challenged her, she gave me a cheeky grin, and said “like mother, like daughter”. Oh my God. I was in the depths of my struggle with alcohol, and she thought wine was funny and cool.

I’m sorry if that’s hard to read, but children learn what we model for them. Both my kids drink, but at least they can now see that it is possible to dance at parties and cope with tough shit without it. When I was growing up, alcohol was just how you coped with pain.

Good morning all, hope everyone has a good day. 3 weeks for me today. Seems very small compared to others but 3 day me would be jealous!

@eekwhatnow - 3 weeks is wonderful!! Congratulations 🥳

Morning

Well done @elusivehopefor swerving the temptation last night.
Also fantastic @eekwhatnow and @WhatMaggieDid! Not that I don't think that longer term sobriety isn't a challenge and the big numbers aren't worth celebrating, but those small numbers are so challenging to get to. If my experience is anything to go by, you'll be having internal arguments several times a day so winning each one of those is a cause worth bringing out the banners and party poppers for. Don't discount the small numbers because you're reading about the big ones. It gets easier the further you go, not harder.

Mkrning all.

Bad night but a few good conversations with DH.
I ordered a new car yesterday. Electric, automatic and much higher up than my mini cooper sport . I'd been avoiding driving as I had difficulty getting in and out.

The estate agents around here are a conceited buncb. Ive got one more to see next week then I think I'll start the kitchen and see if i can get a stair lift. I can't sell it for less than i paid after moving costs . I just can't.

@elusivehope you'll gef there again. Its not sonething that is 'ever over'. My DS likes to remind me I'm not cured!

Well done @elusivehope on not giving in, it's so hard. I really understand what you're saying about cooking dinner, that was when I started on the wine too. I would go the shops after battling with myself all day- waking up determined not to drink that day, but by the afternoon unable to conceive of going through the evening without wine. I would happily spend hours cooking, so I had to adjust how I went about that, and I could not do without the AF alternatives to start with. You are absolutely NOT a hopeless case. And I feel flabby and unfit with you!

Huge high fives to you @WhatMaggieDid and @eekwhatnow awesome milestones 🙌🏻

Very wise words @Lavrander I absolutely agree. SO hard to get to the big numbers, and every single milestone is an achievement.
Thinking of you @WendyWagon with your dealings with the awful estate agents. Very exciting about the new car though, and very, very well deserved x