Support thread for anyone trying to lead an Alcohol free life - Winter 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!
This thread is for anyone who is trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation or a break, there are a couple of really good threads on this board that will be a better fit. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

@FiloPasty so would I, to be fair. God bless Mr. Rodda and his little pots of golden joy. x

I had a decent AF sauvignon blanc on Wednesday. I had friends round and drank it when serving them the real thing. The brand was Tread Softly, but it cost about £17, which IMO is too expensive for a soft drink to have at home. When I drank I willingly paid £30+ for a waiter to bring a bottle of wine in a bar or restaurant eight years ago, and told myself that that was ok 😐, but (a) it wasn't, (b) I was earning then, and (c) you expect to pay more when out, as there is rent, wages, heating etc to cover. I opened the bottle myself on Wednesday used my own fridge to chill it, and the heating bill will arrive pro temps, so I resent paying silly money for wine-flavoured water. I enjoyed it though, so those with more money than me (AKA everyone) might want to look out for it.

I'm out tonight, and really CBA. It's a Christmas 'do', and was booked back in September when I felt better than I do now. I'm tired and feel a bit sick constantly - nothing too awful, but below par - and I have health anxiety for obvious reasons, so am preoccupied. It's not the ideal state to be in for a party at a restaurant, but a few people have dropped out because of flu, so I will take one for the team, paint on a smile and put on the motley.

@rep

having given it some thought- L says Sid is cute enough to allow you to be forgiven

Now i wouldn't confess what id do with a tub of clotted cream!

I have a tub of marks extra thivc in my fridge.
No scones yesterday, we postponed as my colleague got the time wrong.

Hello all, just a quick update before I catch up on the thread properly. It's been a mad week but I made it through and am on day 7. This is the longest stretch of sobriety I've had since August (!), so I'm chuffed. I came very close to drinking on Tuesday evening, because I felt panicked over not having finished doing the prep for the following day, but I kept telling myself that the work I was doing didn't have to be perfect, that it was good enough, and I managed not to drink.

I still have to be very vigilant (with regards to staying sober), but physically I'm already feeling so much better. Work has been relentless this week though and I will probably crash hard as soon as the adrenaline runs out. I've been doing admissions stuff from morning to night. My boss whom I work with closely is a good woman at heart, but can be extremely anxious and critical, so I'm just trying not to internalise her critical voice. To be fair, at this point in the term most of my colleagues are exhibiting symptoms of fatigue and stress, so at least I'm not alone. I must say that it's a lot easier to feel all right with myself when I'm sober.

Work emails are still flooding in now even though it's after hours. My workplace is crazy. The madness will continue next week Mon-Wed (though at a reduced level) and then I'll be truly free till January.

Last night was parent-teacher evening, and I was so overhyped from work that I quizzed each one of DS's teachers passionately and in depth, while DS and DH sat and watched me open-mouthed. Usually DH does most of the talking on these occasions because he's the extrovert, but he said last night he could barely get a word in edgewise. Oh dear 😳It's true I'm feeling a little manic.

The house is low on food and drink so I'm sitting in bed with a Becks Blue and a plate of Birds Eye hash brown potato bites, fresh from the oven. (In America we call them tater tots.) That was the best snack I could unearth in my foraging just now.

As someone who is not British-born, I'm staying out of the Great Scone Controversy 😂

Thanks @taylorean for your thoughtful post of earlier in the week, suggesting sick leave. I've thought of that multiple times, but the logistics would be very tricky, and frankly I'd struggle with the financial hit. But it's certainly a possibility to bear in mind. I know that as soon as I stop drinking for any period of time, I tend to lose a sense of how dreadful the drinking has been, and minimise my problem I guess. I should keep coming back to that post I wrote a week ago when I felt so sick and afraid I wouldn't be able to stop.

@Onewildandpreciouslife I hope your run went well. I'm happy for you that you're able to start running again. Thanks for posting Clare Pooley's 'bunnies in the field' post. It's so great. I've seen it before (probably on these threads) but given that I'm a chronic relapser, it's good for me to read it again now.

Yikes @WendyWagon at your dodgy criminal ex-boss. Your life is more exciting than mine! Sorry to hear your legs are acting up; I hope you can get back on the meds that help you soon.

@REP22 really sorry to hear the lump is back. I hope it can be sorted again quickly. Sceptical Sid is looking great. I love the fact you have an appropriate Sid icon for every mood and occasion 😂

@WhatMaggieDid you said, I find that a lot of things go hand in hand with drinking for me; mindless scrolling on social media, poor eating habits (constant grazing of carbs/snacks/toast/biscuits), low mood, lethargy. All the things I want to change. It's not hard to see that alcohol is the catalyst for all of this. I really identify with this comment - thank you. Very insightful.

@Becky3825 I'm very glad you're still here, and so sorry you're struggling. You do have so much on your plate. That's shocking about you being penalised on the job hunt front when you're trying so hard to find work 😥I identify a lot with you as someone else who is really struggling to stay sober. Your toughest days are on the weekend and mine are during the week, but we have a lot in common! I'm also a crazy cat lady. As others have said, if you can make it to meetings on the weekend, that might help? I went to a women's AA meeting again this week and the people were lovely. NA is a good option too. I've found that there are a lot more people in NA relapsing than there are in AA, and weirdly this was comforting to me, as someone who is a serial short-term relapser. Also in NA everyone hugs one another all the time, which is a good thing if you ask me.

Welcome @ThistimeImdone ! This thread is honestly the best place ever to be.

@ShyMaryEllen good luck getting through your Christmas do tonight!

Hope everyone has a relaxing Friday night, including all the people I haven't mentioned x

Good luck to all. Ive just had a dairy fest including a vanilla yoghurt.
I'm eyeing the cream for tomorrow. It needs summer pudding.

Evening all.
This thread has given me a giggle today thank you. Light in the darkness, bunnies in the field 😀

Welcome back @ThistimeImdone. I have definitely been where you are. Very easy to convince ourselves that we can start up again after a break. Moderate for a few days but then end up right where we started and then some. You're really motivated now which is natural. Make sure you download the naked mind app and do the 30 day break on there and get yourself some AF options. Christmas falls right on that 'two week window of feeling great and so let's start up again' window for you so you'll need back up!

Rather interested in the neck cream.

Evening all or actually good night in a few minutes. Just back from another Xmas gallivant. Was a relatively jolly affair with lots of people I didn’t know. But fortune smiled upon me and I was sat next to another AF designated driver at dinner and my DH on the other side. So was pleasant and I didn’t feel resentful. After the meal when some of us went home and some of them went onto the pub I felt not one moment of regret! And now I’m tucked up in bed catching up on SCONEGATE which has evoked clear strength of feeling in this thread. And just to be clear it’s CREAM then JAM. I am prepared for the consequences of this bold claim.
@WendyWagon i always thought Danny La Rue looked rather fabulous!
@Becky3825 sending you a big hug! You sound pretty blooming awesome I think. Nurse, mum to 4 and a crazy cat lady. Green flags all over the place 😄

Morning.
Glad it was a good doo @Carpetburn.

I had lots of plans to be productive today but can't quite get moving. My car needs a clean out and as the weather is dry it's the best day to do it but it's one of the worst jobs. Then whilst I'm out there I thought about putting the Christmas lights up. All in it's probably only going to take me an hour.
Whilst not drinking does give you time back it's far more obvious when you're wasting it isn't it.

Morning all.
I think another thing we need to learn @Lavrander is that just because we have the time, we don’t need to be productive 100% of that time! I am very bad at this. Choosing to rest is a positive choice

I’m quite good at doing nothing. I then feel bad about it, but it’s something of a talent.

I had planned to do very little today, but remembered I have an online class from 10-12.30, which has scuppered my idle intentions (we are in a break just now).

I think we need to learn or remember who we are when we stop drinking, and for those of us who spent most of our adult lives doing it, we might need to reinvent ourselves a bit. Even if we’d been teetotal we won’t be who we were at 20 if we are over 50 now, and that’s ok - in fact it is a good thing.

I think (and I don't want to put anyone of stopping because being sober is miles better than not) that it's the promise when I first stopped of becoming this incredibly fit, polished and productive woman, and then the realisation of it still not coming naturally!
Obviously I have far more motivation than I used to, but stuff that was a chore back then is still a chore now.
Did the car though 🎉

Afternoon everyone. I’ve been quite motivated today. Even AF I like to lay about a bit but do still experience the guilt about not being this zen, shiny meditative member of society. But I certainly like myself when I’m AF much better. There’s definitely a peace to it. So I’ve been to the gym, done shopping and went out with my DD. It’s fascinating how she has wanted to do things with me more recently and I know it’s because I’m not drinking. So I do feel bad about wasted moments with her but also trying to be in the moment. And now I’m sat with a cup of tea watching Pluribus.

Is Pluribis worth watching?

I am drinking tea and watching night at the museum.

ctree acquired - in garage for tomorrow.

@ShyMaryEllen you said, I’m quite good at doing nothing. I then feel bad about it, but it’s something of a talent. This is me! Nothing makes me happier than a weekend where nothing is in the calendar and I can lie around all day.

I woke up feeling quite zen, but then I met my boss for coffee so that we could plan next week's work timetable (yes! met my boss for coffee on a Saturday!) and even though the meeting was fine, I was hit by a massive desire to drink immediately afterwards. I went to Tesco and got some of the Gordons AF G&T tins instead.

In theory I was going to clean the front room today in readiness for putting up the Christmas tree and decs, but I don't think it's going to happen, I'm just too tired. Never mind.

DS's football club is also having a Christmas party/fundraiser which is taking place right now at the end of our street (!), but I'm skipping that too. I don't think I have in it me to interact with any more humans than I have to today (we've also been invited round to dinner with friends tonight). Fortunately DH is holding the fort at the football party.

I feel like changing my username to ElusiveHopeTheMisanthrope. At least I'm not drinking.

Hope everyone else is having a good sober Saturday, productive or otherwise!

Afternoon shipmates.
I watched the latter half of night at the museum. Always a goodie.

Ive still got these involuntary twinges yet i have no gallbladder?
Im going to give the oral painkiller a miss tonight. Its drying my mouth too much. I wake up for a drink after about three hours.

Im going to be controversial on Sconegate, I like apricot jam! 😅

Just a quick one to say the important things:

1. I love you guys eternally
2. I am sober
3. Cream then Jam (cream is like the butter ffs)

Will respond more tomorrow but long day exercising and swimming.

Oh and job wise because I am a band 5 nurse I can't apply for HCA jobs or lower bands unless I relinquish my band 5 status. Joys of the nhs

@WendyWagon i think that apricot jam could work? It’s never occurred to me but I’m not horrified 😂
@Whenindoubthugitout its an odd but clever show. Quite dark but does have funny moments. I like that kind of thing. I’m a gloomy little creature at heart. But I do like a good Xmas film and a feel good movie now and then!

@WendyWagon Apricot Jam and clotted cream sounds INCREDIBLE 😲. I need this in my life!

I now hear Tuesday whether I got this hospice job so my day of reckoning looms. Crossing every part of my body but also keeping expectations low. Will just keep applying for every band 5 position that comes up. At some point something surely will happen? Or the six months post registration will elapse and then I'll probably have to go on some kind of extra training course.

And the cycle of madness continues

Good to hear from you @Becky3825 - hang in there.

As I was born the right side of the Tamar (sorry @REP22 🤣) it is of course jam first for me. But there is also “thunder and lightning”, which is golden syrup and clotted cream

I’m also not horrified at apricot jam either, must sample! Little clue in my username @Onewildandpreciouslife it I was born on the right side of the Tamar too :)

I am a dab hand at doing f all, I actually loved Covid being at home all the time (if I could have taken work stress out of the equation)

Im currently drinking a zero beer after an exhausting day Xmas shopping. Feet up and need to put a movie on x

Thats super annoying @Becky3825 youd think it would be a great idea having over qualified staff. Fingers crossed for the hospice job x

@Onewildandpreciouslife i feel like
this thread is taking me to new levels of scone appreciation!
@Becky3825 so happy you’ve checked in today! Yay!!!! Fingers crossed for good news on the job.
Day 20 for me today. Heading in the right direction.

Morning all. Just catching up on the thread and posting to say I drank wine last night. Obviously hugely regretting it now.
I'm not going to publicly berate myself - it's happened and I wish it hadn't. There's nothing about it that has benefitted me in any way - I'm awake now at a silly time wondering if people thought I was drunk, I ate too much and ploughed into the toast when we got home (it was an awards evening), I dropped my husbands award when we got home (fortunately didn't break it, but dented the frame) and I know I'm going to spend today feeling sluggish and low.
But I will use this to strengthen my resolution - I don't want to be that person.
So day 1 again. I will do this.