Support thread for anyone trying to lead an Alcohol free life - Winter 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!
This thread is for anyone who is trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation or a break, there are a couple of really good threads on this board that will be a better fit. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

@Carpetburn

My friends are very supportive and my family, mum and dad local. I really dont know what else the GP will do, everytime i go there they just say to keep going to AA, taking my prosak, get out in nature...get therapy and keep in contact with my alcohol support worker at Waythrough center. I do all these things and juat keep getting so lonely or stressed and then the weekend comes when I dont have the kids and its game over.

After my Wednesday night manic drinking session I feel strong enough not to go near an alcoholic drink this weekend. Plan is to go to the physical local meeting at AA Monday with my friend Charlie who is also in recovery. He is a good support too.

I have so much love and support in my life. I really am a broken toy

Thank you @ShyMaryEllen I'll definitely look into the AF mulled wine options! And thanks for the welcome.. hopefully the excitement will carry me through. Although tbh also just being fed up with myself will help!

I'm sorry @Becky3825 things sound very hard atm and it sounds like booze is making it much harder for you, it's a f#cker isn't it?! If you're into fitness what about scheduling exercise sessions for when you would be hungover so you're less tempted? Have you seen parkrun? They are on Saturday mornings so maybe reduce the temptation on a Friday night - having done one hungover run I'd never want to repeat that.... Sorry things are hard. You can do this x

@ThistimeImdone Thank you for your understanding and taking the time to post. I actually do Parkrun every Saturday, though didnt last weekend as the weather was pants. I often do schedule classes too so I dont drink. I make it one week, 2 weeks, sometimes 3... but then the crushing loneliness of the weekend just gets too much. God knows what the answer is, I have thrown te kitchen sink at this so many times. Have managed months before, much easier when I am working to be completly honest too.

Well I think i do the the answer. It is rehabilitation. But that is not going to happen so I have to just keep trying. Maybe this madness with this bloke will be a tipping point. Having my kids father (my ex) saying this guy was an arse felt good. I just am a vulnerable person when it comes to relationships and so damaged by previous ones that I except behavior that is frankly a huge NO or red flag.

At least this time I wasnt actively looking and had decided to stop any kind of dating the last few months. It was a random meeting that ended in him being a dick and me being insane.

I do not want a repeat of that so at least that is also a big reason to stay away from the pubs

@Becky3825 I'm sorry the loneliness is so hard - would your ex be up for maybe doing one day with the kids at the weekend instead of two for now to support you? If you had them Sunday you'd have motivation to not drink Saturday because you'd not want to feel like crap?? Do you have any pets? Could a furry companion help?
We are all here too to keep you company.

Oh goodness, you have a lot on your plate, @Becky3825.

I hope you get UC sorted out - it seems vindictive to expect you to apply for a 9 hour job when you have just qualified to join a much-needed profession.

Are there meetings at weekends? If that is your weak spot, maybe going then would get you through? I found that knowing my triggers and having something to do at difficult times helped. For me, it was after dinner. I would open a bottle and have a glass with dinner, then carry it through to the sitting room and finish it (and often open and drink another one afterwards). Skipping that, or opening an AF bottle helped. I also kept my hands busy by knitting, but anything that means you aren't sitting doing nothing might help. Colouring or reading, jigsaws or Duolingo - anything that requires enough concentration to keep your mind busy can be helpful. I signed up for things that didn't't involve alcohol in the evenings, too. Night classes, interest groups and so on. Being busy during the times usually associated with drinking can really help. As you have children to look after, you could look on Eventbrite for things happening on Zoom that might interest you? Not quite as good as in-person things, but there are all sorts of options, and if you go to ones where you'r expected to have the camera on you won't want to be showing signs of having had a drink.

Agree with this about keeping busy and finding routines that distract you. For me I go for walks and out to the gym. It stops me from drinking and ive got so fit 🙂
Massive fan of AF options too, especially in a fancy glass etc. An AF beer in a frosted glass from the freezer. A 0% g&t in a big goblet glass lots of ice and lime wedges

Anyone else ever get drinking dreams? I had one the other night where I was so drunk I passed out at a kids party amd was ao ashamed of myself when I woke up. Then so relieved when I realised it was a dream 😌
The best bit tho - knowing I will NEVER be black out drunk or hungover again

Yes my furry skunk creature helps a lot. This is him on me right now 😊

Temted to select 'sensitive image' as he is so bloody cute it can bring emotional anguish to people 😅

Really cementing my image as crazy cat lady arnt I

Good morning shipmates,

I'm sorry you're going through the wringer at the moment @Becky3825. Broken toys can be mended and they are often the most loved.

So much kindness and wisdom from lovely friends here. I do agree with the sage advice to delete this new guy's number and details from WhatsApp, so you can't be tempted. I've lost some friends due to texting drunken sh~te at stupid o'clock, friends I cherished and still miss. And I humiliated myself utterly with an ex-boyfriend who was so utterly worthless that every second spent ruminating over him was a moment squandered. Believe me @Becky3825 - I was once where you are now (apart from children, which I don't have). It will not always be like this. You can pull free. It is so, so hard, especially at first. But you can do it. We know you can. It sounds like your kids' dad and your family are useful allies. I'm sure they want to help you to be your fabulous self. Are there any SMART recovery sessions you can tap into locally? Or even online (Self-Help Addiction Recovery | UK Smart Recovery). I found them very helpful. I do my best to keep sober for little Sid. There's no-one who can step in to look after him if I'm out of it and I really REALLY don't want him to outlive me. Keep going Becky, keep trying. You will get there. We're all with you, willing you on. It won't always be this rubbish, I promise. ❤️💐❤️

Very glad to have you aboard @ThistimeImdone - greetings also to @wonkymumbun , @LlamaFluff , and @hereshegoesagain36 (congratulations on turning down the wine. That's a victory not to be underestimated). Christmas is a wretched time to be sober, or trying to be. I find it fairly easy as we're usually staying with my DB and I don't want to make a tit of myself in from of my DNs and family. But it is horribly, horribly hard.

How was the cream tea @WendyWagon? Cream first THEN jam, I trust? 😉

Strength and courage my friends. It will be alright. xx

@HorrorFan81 i had mental dreams in the early days but they seem to have gone. I often gave weird dreams about driving terribly or being naked in public!

@Becky3825 you gave so much support here. Are there any health care assistant or other jobs in your local hospital? It might be easier to get a nursing position once you’re already in the door? You should be so proud of passing all your exams. I have my fingers crossed that you get the dream role in 2026.
One of us is usually checking in or reading the thread so you can just post for support whenever you are about to go into fuck it mode. Having some strategies ready can only help. My mantra when I was cutting down was “The first drink is a choice, once it’s in I know I won’t stop”

Sampled a 0.5% bottle of red Pinot Noir from M&S last night and it was pretty good if anyone wants a Xmas tipple £12 a bottle though. They also had an alcohol free rose at £30!

Was anyone else offered watered down wine at Christmas as a child? I’m not sure what age I started but I was always allowed a glass of Gemma white wine with some lemonade in at Xmas, so this will be the first alcohol free Christmas since early childhood!

What time will our virtual AF toast be? X

Jam then cream @REP22 I am pearl clutching here!

😱😱😱 "Get thee behind me, Satan!" Turn away, Sid, oh turn your face AWAY....

I have never "crossed the Tamar" @FiloPasty - I haven't got a passport to those badlands. Hehe😉🙂 x

@FiloPasty I dont think I had wine as a kid but was definitely drinking at xmas by 14 so this will be my first sober xmas in 30 years! Am actually really excited. Got AF prosecco for bucks fizz with presents and some af beer and gin for later on. Mother Root for an afternoon treat. Might get some af amaretto for an amaretto sour in the evening. Will go for a nice long walk mid avo (I usually dont want to leave the house as I wont be able to drink if I am walking 🙈).

He's a beauty @Becky3825 - Sid would like him. He doesn't recognise all cats as cats. For a long time he only ever encountered two cats - Parsnip (his nemesis) and Syrup. Both are ginger. So "all" cats are therefore ginger. The non-ginger ones are little not-dogs and are greeted with keen tail-wagging (apart from the newcomer tortie who cr-ps in our border, for which Parsnip rightly metes out a jolly good hiding whenever he catches him at it (our garden - his patch, you see)).

@HorrorFan81 I get the vivid dreams such as you describe. It's a relief to wake up and realise they were just dreams sometimes. Bizarre situations, with just enough plausibility to make them credible. I generally have something like Saturday Kitchen on autoplay throughout the night to distract me if I wake from one of these travesties. Sid likes Police Interceptors, but that's not terribly relaxing at 3am.

Afternoon shipmates.
I'm suffering with my legs (fibromaylgia). The dh has been having to get me up so I'm later as his start time has changed. I'm hoping i can go back on my RA meds tomorrow.

Some old timers may remember my most memorable drinking dream was bonking Tom Cruise (i cant stand him ).
However Nick Knowles looked good this morning on the bbc. He mentioned not drinking and how people push it. ' just have a half' he said I don't eat fish either but they dont offer half a fish! Very witty.

The husband has been Christmas shopping, I've asked for Gordon's AF. It really helped me in my first few months.

I was off to rehab (£10k) when something clicked. I bouhjt myself a new mini instead. I'm luckily i know to have close family. I'm also a bit of an over sharer so i asked for help.
I don't have all the answers, i leave that to the writers. I liked Allan Carr and Sober Dave which is surprising as im not fond of men in general.

I'm so sorry your legs are playing up @WendyWagon - that sounds grim. Hope you will be feeling better very soon.

That's a great analogy from Nick Knowles, he's spot-on there. I should think he does well in many dreams - bit o' rough, hehe Although he was once on Celebrity Fame Academy (remember that?!) or similar and couldn't sing for toffee, plus he snored the place down at nights (not literally - although that might be a good way of drumming up more projects for DIY SOS). x

@REP22 i think dear Nick had been on the hair dye but havejt we all?

I used to snore when I was drinking. I also had a bigger neck before the super shrinking. I bought myself some cream off qvc for my scaggy neck. I'm going to film it now i dont work for a skincare brand. The BFF has got one too for Christmas ( she wont take offence) she said my 60th birthday dress would make me look like Danny La Rue!

@WendyWagon - you could not be further than Danny La Rue; you will look fabulous. ❤️ I look like a sack of King Edwards - but fortunately Sid attracts most eyes away from my ample belly, hehe x

@REP22
i thought I could forgive anything - but it’s always jam them cream -

So - I thought we could be friends - but alas - it is not to be

These heretical posts have been brought to Sid's attention @Whenindoubthugitout and @FiloPasty . Examine your consciences. He makes his views clear below.

I shall keep a moment's silence for all the lost cream, which has slid needlessly from the jam and thus lost to the world. Without it's creamy anchor, the jam is naught but black ice on the narrow country lane of baked teatime treats.

@WendyWagon does scraggy neck cream work? My chest is looking very lined I think I hunched when I sleep. I definitely snore too! Maybe not so much now I’ve lost week and am not drinking.

@REP22 you can tell Sid that even I would lick clotted cream off the floor if it slid off but the good Cornish stuff would never slide off :)

He looks lovely indeed.
I'm on day 152 and I promise you one thing it does get easier as time goes by.

But you absolutely have to push on through and force yourself through all those weekend obstacles (and loneliness) when you want to drink at the weekend. You are actually making it harder for yourself as you are letting the alcohol beat you and then you beat yourself up. If you force yourself to stand up to it and take an element of control you will then feel more in control.

When I first started being AF I was utterly obsessed with it and I thought about wine first thing in the morning, throughout the day etc when in fact I only drank at the weekend anyway. As time has gone on I think about it far far less but I do still miss it but nowhere near like I used to.

For me the key is finding something that suits the treat element of having a drink, albeit AF. Squash, water, colas etc don't cut it. I need Gordons AF Gin, Martini Vibrante, Crodino, Trip drinks, posh Fever Tree tonics. I go to bed much earlier and read my kindle. I don't loiter around the kitchen and I force myself to change some of the habits that I used to have regarding a "drinking schedule" in terms of timings etc.

Do I still want to drink wine? Yes I do, but no I won't actually drink it and I'm getting enjoyment out of some of the AF options accepting they never deliver the buzz and dopamine hit that wine did. But neither do they deliver the crashing hangovers either.

What's that saying about the definition of stupid is doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result - or something like that. Force yourself to power on through so that you experience several weekends without falling back into the madness and see what it's like afterwards.