Support thread for anyone trying to lead an Alcohol free life - Winter 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!
This thread is for anyone who is trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation or a break, there are a couple of really good threads on this board that will be a better fit. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

Morning @WhatMaggieDid

get back aboard
happy to have you here.

do you know why you did it?
was it premeditated or spur of the moment?
did you plan to just have one and it got out of control?
what would you do differently next time??
can we help?

I had a major wobble on Friday night, but didn’t succumb, and hit day 50 yesterday,

@WhatMaggieDid First of all, Well bloody done you for showing up to to thread and being honest. That alone says so much about the kind of person you are (not “that person” you’re worried about).

Let’s get a few things straight then lovely,

1. You drank wine, you did not summon chaos demons or murder small furry creatures.

1. You dropped an award, not your values.

1. You ate toast like it personally offended you. Honestly, toast has been through worse!

1. The frame is dented, not your future!

And the mental replay is just classic post-wine gremlin brain. It loves to narrate a dramatic documentary called “Everyone Definitely Noticed and Judged You”. In reality, most people were thinking “Nice evening....What’s for breakfast?” and “Where did I put my phone?”

Do NOT publicly berate yourself 🥰😊 You have noticed the facts, named the consequences, and refused to flog yourself. That’s not failure, that is learning with dignity.

And this line you wrote

"I don’t want to be that person"

Good news: you aren’t. That person wouldn’t care. That person wouldn’t reflect. That person wouldn’t reset and recommit. You did.

So yes it is Day 1 again. Not because you’re back at the start, but because you’re back on your feet.

Today’s plan:
• Hydrate like it’s your job
• Eat something
• Speak to yourself as you would to a dear friend
• And most importantly: I will not drink today

We’re right here with you ❤️‍🩹💜

Morning all.

I've woken up with the leg swelling nearly gone, hoorah. I didnt take the big guns pain killer last night as it had some pretty intolerable side effects.

@FiloPasty i cannot wait to say 'get stuffed' to the next headhunter who rings me with some toxic job in a scumbag company. That's my 60th birthday present to me from me. I'm hanging up my corporate boots this week to work on my legacy project that would have made my parents very proud. Failing that i rather like 'arse sitting' too.

Well done Becky.
Dust yourself off @WhatMaggieDid and drink plenty of tea and water.

Thanks @WendyWagon , first weekend in a while I have stayed sober. AA tomorrow in person to keep momentum. Sending big virtual hugs to you

Still Knitting like a maniac too! Will update my progress later

@WhatMaggieDid agree wholeheartedly with @Becky3825 snd @WendyWagon I did the same 3 weeks ago. But came back the next day and got straight back to business. I think as others have said be nice to yourself. I’ve found that a much better way to keep moving forwards than berating myself for being a failure. I also like the trydry app because it shows total sober days as well as consecutive so even with a blip you can see you’re still doing well in the bigger scheme of things!

I’m nearly at day 100 eek!

Can’t quite believe it. It’s that time of year though and now I’ve found some AF wines I’m mainlining them. I just think a lot on and I just associate the drinking with stress relief so it’s obviously great I’m not actually succumbing to alcohol there needs to be further introspection into it. I vaguely remember someone saying something about after 100 days delving further…..

I genuinely don’t even want to drink. I think I’m a better version of myself and much more present for my children which was my main goal.

Love and Light and here’s to a sober Sunday for All x

You've actually made me well up! Thank you so much for this xxx

Thank you everyone, and in answer to the questions @Whenindoubthugitout...

Do you know why you did it?
Yes, big social gathering with lots of people we haven't seen for ages and feeling awkward/anxious.
Premeditated or spur of the moment? Premeditated. Even though I didn't actually drink until last night the thought had been there for a few days.
Did you plan to have just one and it got out of control? I didn't exactly plan to just have one, but definitely drank more than I anticipated.
What would you do differently next time? To state the obvious I wouldn't drink! The woman sat next to me wasn't drinking and I'm pretty sure another woman I was talking to for a while wasn't either. They looked happy and relaxed and were having just as pleasant an evening.
Can we help? I think this thread and everyone on it are a tremendous support. I might post daily for a bit - when I was here before there was a lady who posted daily IWNDT. I think reaching out when I feel a wobble coming might help too? Its not in my nature really to ask for help, but maybe that's something that needs to change.

Thanks all you, hugely appreciate being part of this community. I will not drink today 😊

I totally get where you are at,

I have a massive holiday coming up, and there’s a voice in my brain, saying, drink on holiday and start over when you get home, and I am trying to get that voice to shut the fuck up. I know I can do xmass, but the holiday is stressing me,

well done for coming back to thread, for being honest with yourself, and for not letting one night stop your long term objective,

you rock

@Becky3825 huge well done for not drinking this weekend x

@Whenindoubthugitout I had a recent holiday and nearly drank but I didn’t although my husband did. I gave myself some rules (I like to gamify most things) absolutely no drinking on day 1 just because I can prove I can do it, if offered I’m going to say no 3 times, so this was earlier on and my husband asked if I’d like some wine with dinner I said no and ordered a Diet Coke, then the waiter offered me a glass when pouring my bottle and I said no thank you again and gave him the empty glass and I didn’t get asked a third time :) next night again I nearly did and wanted too, my teenagers said “you don’t want to get crosseyed mum” and then told me how proud they were of me not drinking. So I didn’t drink and I continue not to drink as I just don’t want to let them down.
I’d just write yourself a plan, do you know what you’re doing on each day? Ask waiters before you sit down to remove wine glasses. You can totally do it, think how proud you’ll be to get through it. I enjoyed my holiday so much more and was so much more present.
I also got to tick off my sober holiday badge on Try Dry and I do like a sticker or badge ha!
Don’t be defeatist give yourself some strategies.

Thank you.
I am trying not be defeatist - but I am concerned.

its a country where wine is cultural - and there’s a lot of it about:

i like the idea of turning it into a game!!

Quick in and out today. Hello lovely shipmates.

God bless L for his benevolence @Whenindoubthugitout and mercy.

@Becky3825 - you are doing so, so well this weekend. I know it's hard and horrible. Proud of you (in a non-patronising way. Excellent words for @WhatMaggieDid. @WhatMaggieDid - well done for coming back on the thread, that is not easy to do. We've all had slips, we're only human. Be kind to yourself. It will be alright.

The Marie Antoinette exhibition at the V&A yesterday was fantastic. Exquisite in style and actually quite moving. So glad I was able to experience it. London itself was bonkers (but a joy as ever). There was a big demo parading through Piccadilly for "Say No to Digital ID". Most of the protestors were filming it on their Smartphones. 🤔

I am by no means averse to apricot jam, syrup or honey. As long as it lies atop the welcoming coverlet of cream. 😉

Strength and courage bold warriors. We shall make it. It will be alright. xx

@REP22 im desperate to see the Marie antoinette exhibition! Its been fully booked up every time i can go but determined to see it before it goes!

It was amazing. I've actually booked to go again in January! Hope you can find a time to fit it in, it really is worth it. Failing that, the guide-book, which you can buy online from the museum shop, is very comprehensive and has pictures of most of what's there. The perfumes (including the smell of the Conciergerie prison cell. Grim) and the AI recreation of her smiling young face obviously not, but it was money well spent, and some good articles, including one from Manolo Blahnik himself. I took my DN (15) with me and she loved it too. Hope you get to go. xx

Congratulations on 50 days @Whenindoubthugitout 👏👏

Well I’ve drunk more tea today than I would’ve thought humanly possible, have done some angry vacuuming and I’m about to settle down with some nibbles, candles and a Christmas film or two.
I feel as if last night has actually brought me a step closer to being wholly successful in sobriety and I’ve felt confident enough about it this afternoon, to set a new goal of 100 days on TryDry. I think Christmas should be fairly ok now and then Dry Jan will makes things a bit easier and by the end of that I’ll be well on my way I hope 🤞

@REP22 I love the V&A - very envious of your Saturday. Are you London based? My son was based there until earlier this year and I loved visiting. I lived in Hackney for a while as a student nurse when I left school and really miss the theatres and museums. I live in very very rural Wales now and couldn’t really get further from culture!

@WhatMaggieDid I've just read your thread and @Becky3825's response. Thankyou both for such wise words - I two drank wine last night, somehow kidding myself that a small glassful in front of the TV wouldn't lead to drinking the whole bottle - which of course it did 😭. Now on another day one. I really want to make it further.

@Crazeechick you're here and that’s the main thing. Back on course!
@WhatMaggieDid ive learned a lot from my failures as well as the successes. I’ve jotted down how I feel after I drink and also how I feel when I don’t. And have made a rule for myself I have to read them if I get wobbly. Which I have!
My vivid dreams have stopped now but I often wake up worried I’m hungover-because I always was! It’s nice to realise that I’m just tired-ordinary clear headed tired!

@Crazeechicklets do this together! 💪🏼

Hi everyone I havent posted in ages - probably a couple of name changes ago so I hope you dont mind me popping in for a bit. Im celebrating 2 years AF today. Actually can't believe it and in the early days it was you ladies on this thread that kept me going.
Sending strength to those struggling or who have had slip ups.
I know Christmas can be particularly tricky and also that not everyone wants to have AF versions of the drinks they used to have but for any that do I'm here to recommend Bolle blanc de blanc as a really good AF champagne or Twisst AF Carmel cream. Really genuinely tastes like Baileys.
And if anyone can recommend a red wine alternative I'll be forever in your debt.

@Sexentric £12 pinot noir 0.5% from M&S I was v surprised at how good it was.

I tried a 0% Guiness tonight out with friends and again tastes exactly the same x

Morning all.
Congratulations on your 2 years @Sexentric !! 🎉🎉

Morning all.

Well done to all that kept the faith this weekend.
@Sexentric congrats on your two years, do you ever go back and read your first posts?
I have done and I'm a different person.
My ds still checks our recycling nearly four years on!

Im off out lunchtime with the cream tea colleague. I cant decide if the skincare company founders are guilty of corporate incompetence or corporate criminality. Thank God i stepped down from a role of significant control last year.
Gosh im looking forward to my birthday this week. My 50s have been a roller-coaster.

Morning Shipmates,

@WhatMaggieDid I'm not London based (though I am from London), not too far off though. Wales is very lovely, but I would miss not being within an hour or so's train ride away from London!

Welcome back @Sexentric nice to see you again.

Strength and courage. All shall be well. x