Support thread for anyone trying to lead an Alcohol free life - Winter 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!
This thread is for anyone who is trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation or a break, there are a couple of really good threads on this board that will be a better fit. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

@WhatMaggieDid the link between poor habits and mood, and alcohol is so true, all of the things you have written resonate so strongly. As does too much time alone - I live alone so am not accountable to anyone else. I know my life will improve tenfold if I can crack this - one day at a time, have a good day all.

Morning all.

Good for you and a morning gym session @Carpetburn. I was out with the dog in the dark in the morning - pitch black at first but was nice to see the sun slowly come up. It still is a revelation to me re getting up and out and not have my heart beat abnormally fast when I walk up the hills - or need to feel the wind on my face to wake me up.

I think the needing to be productive is a work in progress - I found the scrolling got worse when I gave up alcohol because I was trying to fill time with something else. I'm still not quite there but I have a cross stitch on the go now and have been steadily doing some de cluttering so I do feel better. Dog is getting longer walks too and to more interesting places at the weekend.

I agree that if you can drive that it's one of the best excuses for yourself and others. I find myself driving back from busy city centres where I would have got the train before. Not particularly environmentally friendly I know but needs must for now and it's lovely to just leave when I want to rather than checking the trains or standing on a corner waiting for a taxi.

It's Christmas jumper day today but I don't have one so I'm on the way to work in a festive..ish skirt today and some red lippy. Channeling Mrs Clause in my head.

Morning all.

I got a lovely Christmas jumper from Lands End. Pink cotton with a red sequin bow detail. I cant cook in wool.

I'm off out this afternoon with a colleague. He wants to meet in person re the skincare scandal. Were havihg a cream tea.

Hello shipmates.

Sid won't tolerate a Christmas jumper. But a few years ago he did something so heinous that it cost me £710 to unpick - so now he must pose annually in festive jumpers, antlers and hats of my choosing until he has paid back every single penny of his malfeasance. We're up to about £96.73 so far. He will comply - as he knows he must - and look jolly and elfin for his socials. 😉

Hope the cream tea goes well @WendyWagon - and very much hope that the colleague isn't one of those types on a spying/entrapment mission.

I've done a bit of decluttering and sorting too. It really is very helpful, Little steps, big wins.

Strength and courage. We will get there. xx

Back to day 0/1. Utterly disgusted by myself.

But you’re still here @Becky3825 that means you want to change and get help x it’s really bloody hard x How many days did you manage? Can you just get to a couple more.
What are your triggers? X We are all here to support you x

Hey @Becky3825 it's such a struggle to get going. I totally understand the self disgust and frustration - but that's what alcohol does. It's not you. It's an incredibly addictive, harmful substance and trying to give it up is SO hard. But it is possible and we can do it. PLEASE don't be too hard on yourself. Keep going.

@Becky3825 please don't beat yourself up. I do.agree the endless day ones are so frustrating (I've been through so many) but you are here and sharing your issues, so we can all support you and each other x

Hello, I’m not quite joining yet, just marking my place. I’m intending to stop in January under the guise of Dry January, I think I’d be jumping at the deep end if I decided now 2 weeks before Christmas.

I don’t have alcohol dependency, I can go weeks without and don’t miss it. But if I ever do have it, I can’t just stop at 2 glasses, I’ll drink until the bottle’s finished/I'm the last one standing/the last train is leaving. The “one is too many, six is not enough” definitely resonates!

I’ve had at least 2 occasions this year when I had such bad hangover the following day I couldn’t get out of bed all day. Quite a few more when it wasn’t quite so bad but I felt dreadful for the rest of the day. I just don’t want to do this anymore.

I think social things are the hardest, I can definitely relate to being worried about people thinking you either have a problem or you’re boring/snobby/judgey. Although there’s definitely a shift to not drinking being seen as normal, it’s just there isn’t anyone in my friends and family circle that doesn’t drink.

Thank you everyone so much. I feel like I am cursed but I do know it is alcohol every time that messes everything up for me. I have reached another rock bottom of sorts so that is something I guess as it is usually my motivation for pulling my shit together. I havnt been to any meetings for a while so I will have to start them again. My alcohol support worker basically disappeared 3 weeks ago and I havnt heard anything from him and he doesnt reply to messages. God knows.

I also contacted this guy when I was wasted yesterday afternoon and last night, repeatedly. Like hundreds of messages on WhatsApp. He didnt respond to any of them of course. Like what the hell is wrong with me!

@Becky3825, I don't know your domestic circumstances, but is a residential rehab possible for you? It sounds as though that could be helpful, maybe for a month or so until the alcohol is properly out of your system - longer would be even better, but more difficult to achieve, I think.

I know you are job seeking just now, so I'm guessing that paying isn't an option, and NHS provision is patchy, so could you organise a DIY version, maybe with the help of your GP, who could prescribe some tranquillisers to take the edge off? Is there someone who would stay with you so you don't have the opportunity to drink, and so that if you feel ill you can be looked after (or referred for medical help), and just to be company for you? A huge ask, I know, and probably not very practical, but if it is possible it could be an idea. After a month (January?) any physical symptoms should have gone, and then it's 'just' the matter of making not drinking the norm in your daily routines, which will be easier if you aren't feeling ill. You'll most likely be in a much better position to look for work by then, too. Brighter eyed, more confident and without hangxiety.

Sorry if this is a ridiculous idea. I doubt many people can not only have a month to themselves but also have someone who can devote a month to unpaid 24/7 care, but if you could do it it might be a good way forward.

@Becky3825I won't repeat anything anyone has already said to you but just wanted to wade into the mass group hug you're getting on here. We believe in you.

Also - delete his number, and all the messages and the WhatsApp's. Don't give yourself an opportunity to go there again. The shame of it isn't helping you x

@Becky3825
what real life support do you have?
you sound like you need a lot more support than an online group can offer you?

I know you said that your alcohol support worker is not getting back in touch, but I think you should get yourself back to the doctors.
I am worried that one of these binge episodes is going to end really badly for you.

sending you strength

@WendyWagon i hope the cream tea was lovely and the chat was sizzling.
@Becky3825 its good to see you here irrespective of being back at day 1. I’ve done plenty of those myself. Agree with others that you sound like better IRL support is needed. If your support worker isn’t getting back to you maybe call the team and ask to speak/meet with someone else. And go back to your GP and see what they advise. I really do feel for you at the moment. It’s a rough time of year but there’s always hope.

@LlamaFluff @Becky3825 I’ve been on here, posting very little but reading every day, since Sept. Had several day 1’s. I made the decision to do dry January as it’s ‘normal’ & they’ll be no pressure from anyone, then just not start again; but I’m going to read Allen Carr’s ‘The easy way to control alcohol’ before that, it encourages you to carry on drinking whilst reading it (I don’t get drunk, I just drink every day unfortunately) I’d love us to support each other (as well as all the other wonderful shipmates!) & be with these superstars when they have their AF toast next Xmas.

Sorry to hear you’re struggling @Becky3825I wish I had something helpful to say!

I am only on day 3, feels like day 300000 as I would usually love nothing more than getting a bottle of wine on a Thursday after work.

My mum offered me a glass of wine this evening and my reply was ‘no thank you I’m not drinking at the moment’ mum did say ‘neither was I but I fancy one’ and I just said I’ll have water instead. Proud but very early days and I am worried about pressure at Christmas.

@hereshegoesagain36
well done for not caving in the moment.
and try not to think about Xmas day. Keep it in the day.

coz today you can do it,

Good advice @Whenindoubthugitout dont know if it helps @hereshegoesagain36 but I’m very much going day by day. And if there’s something that looks wobbly/risky I’m just not going! Christmas pressure is very real. I had an AF Xmas last year and had to be very firm with “go on just have one” relatives. It helped that DH wasn’t drinking either as he was working later xmas day.
Am sure there are plenty of people with top tips to share. I fell off after Xmas because I thought I would try moderating for the billionth time. It didn’t work!

Just checking in friends, to send some love, you are all brilliant. Sorry to any of you who are having a tough time- I remember it was so hard to begin with- I felt the evenings would last forever and so I would end up going to bed so early- but if you are able to do that and it means no drinking then do, much easier to snuggle up in bed this time of year. Have done a couple of work parties- definitely find them easier now and must admit, enjoy the quiet relief the next day when they all look green and sheepish back in the office and I’m feeling normal,can remember everything and didn’t make a fool of myself (or if I did it was through choice 😊)
Just wanted to say hello and say keep going. Just one day is an achievement, talking about it and sharing and encouraging each other is a massive achievement too. I NEVER thought I was the ‘type’ to be a sober person, I worried I wouldn’t be funny or good fun anymore and life would be dull. But I am here nearly four years in- it can be done and life is so so much better xx

Hi all,
Please could I join? I was here about 6 months ago but then decided I could do the moderation thing. Well as you can see I'm not great at it. The problem is I can stop enough ISH to convince myself I don't need to BUT then I do drink every day, which clearly isn't healthy. Anyway I've had enough, it's time so please may I jump aboard? I am slightly worried I might be setting myself up by choosing now to start but then I'm done so I want to roll with it whilst I have the motivation.

I haven't read the whole thread but I'm sorry to those who I've seen are having a tough time and those who are finding it very hard ATM. I hope life gets easier for you all.
@Becky3825 I hope you're ok x
@LlamaFluff sounds like you engage chosen a similar time, shall we cheer each other on?

Thanks for having me :)

Hello and welcome, @ThistimeImdone. This is a good time to join, as often the first weeks are 'easier' as people are excited about stopping (assuming there is no real addiction). If you get Christmas over, things usually slow down a bit afterwards, it's winter, so you might want to stay indoors more etc.

Why not stock up on AF drinks for the holidays? AF mulled wine is nice, or spiced hot chocolate? Plan what you'll drink at the Christmas table (assuming you celebrate), so you aren't tempted to 'just have one' and slide into having the bottle. Post as often as you like, and you're welcome to join the Christmas Day toast. I'll post a time and clearer suggestions for that nearer the time, so everyone is likely to see it.

@ShyMaryEllen Thank you so much for taking the time to respond and with such good and compassionate advise. I agree to all of it, it is what I need. What i have need for a long time. But... single parent to 4 children, twins are 5, other is 7 and nearly 16 year old doing her gcse's. There is just no way. UC have also just sanctioned me as I didnt apply for one of their ridiculous jobs, 9 hours at a local theater. Even though that week I had applied for over 10 nursing positions all at least 30 hours and also seasonal super.srket work. I am appealing but it has seriously messed up everything financially even more for me. I have done everything I can to find work since kids went back in September, I only qualified as a nurse in July but they are just ON me constantly. I am sure that the appeal will be successful but it takes ages. Everything just got too much with that, then I didnt get a job interview thought I would at at GP practice as they wanted someone with more experience.

Its an impossible situation as I a newly qualified so cant get experience until employed.

Regretting everything right now. Even training to be a nurse tbh. My life would be so much better if I hadn't done that

@Lavrander Yes I spoke to my kids dad yesterday and he is supportive of me getting back to AA and everything really. He agrees I've had some kind of mental collapse. I sent him one message last night to apologise and to say O wouldn't contect him again. I know I wont. I know its all adhd, booze, stress, mental health related. Fixation and obsessional behavior patterns. Non of it is real. I probably dont/didnt even like him or give a shit really. It is always the 'idea' of someone and never the reality. Fantasty. I know i will move on from him quickly now, like I have 'come down' from i and bubble has burst. And then I'll move onto another obsession.... the cycle of mania. Hopefully the obsession with be health and fitness.

I have been training like a maniac to the last few months so really extreme exercise and dieting. I need to learn to find a balance, with everything! Arhhhhh!