Tulips, Snowdrops and Brownies! Thread 4 for those wanting a coffee not a cocktail🌷🧁☕️

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5147598-day-1-or-100-tulips-and-snowdrops-say-browniesnotbeer

Boldly starting Thread 4, link above to Thread 3. Hoping some of the oldies will join and always open to newbies. This thread is for anyone looking to chat and support those trying to lead an alcohol free life ❤️

Cats are good. Husband is still laid off and now so am I. But it has been good to spend alone time with him.

@AFmammaG I am thrilled for you! That is such a huge achievement and something to be so proud of. Well done to you and I am truly happy for you. Please, tell me about the long term benefits you're seeing! Which support group was it you were using, sorry, I can't remember.

I know in my heart I should quit but I still can't kick the desire to try to be a moderate drinker. It's mad. I'm mad. I have ordered mounjaro even though I don't technically qualify just in the hope it will give me a kickstart. I'm probably starting HRT soon and thinking that is going to solve all my woes. I'm even thinking about antidepressants. All in the hope that they will stop me wanting to drink. Deep down I know I need to quit drinking but there's this demon inside of me that seems to drive me.

I am so pleased and happy for you @AFmammaG , you are an inspiration! x

Hi @SadMama87, sorry to hear you are still struggling I hope all goes well with your treatment.

@Steppered in November 24 I was feeling like I didn’t want to be here anymore. I just couldn’t see the point. Every day was a fight. I had no energy. No drive. No motivation. Sleep was shit. Life was messy. Felt like I was failing at everything.

I joined a FB group run by a sobriety coach(?) and hooked up with some people there who had the same day 1 as me. We had real life meet ups and the support was off the chart. If anyone posted the response was instant and loads of messages, not one or two a day… loads. It was what I needed at the time. I flooded my feed with sober memes and inspiration. It did work.

I don’t see alcohol as poison like some of the group do, but I do know it absolutely brings no benefits to my life. Just nothing. I have to remind myself of that regularly because I still lust after a glass of white wine but it’s not worth it (for me). I can’t see myself ever picking up a bottle again, it’s just not part of my life anymore.

Oh you asked about long term benefits….! Missed that part. I guess the focus is always on the struggle to quit.

Ok so there were very little screamingly obvious benefits. They are subtle and they sneak up on you. The usual sleep, skin etc etc that hits fairly quickly. No the long term benefits for me is 100% loosing the shame meant growing confidence.

I used to avoid people. Could they smell it? Did they suspect? Did I look like shit? I just didn’t want to engage with anyone. I wanted to hide all the time.

Now if I see someone on the school run, I stop to chat. I don’t hide at Sunday morning football quietly trying to hide how hungover I was. I can mingle. At work I feel more confident. I can share my opinion without the same fear or worry or doubt. I guess the “anxiety” has gone but to be honest I don’t think I actually suffered with anxiety, I was just constantly hungover.

That change takes longer. To start trusting yourself again. To value your body. To take your vitamins and have an early night and wash everyday(!) For me stopping drinking was like stopping self harming and once I’d done that, once I’d stopped punishing myself and my body, I started to turn it around and make real sustainable changes.

They say the opposite of addiction is connection. I didn’t really understand what that meant until I actually committed and “came out” in real life. Doing it quietly, under the radar didn’t work for me because I had no consequences if I drank. Once I joined that group and said “this is my day 1” I felt like I couldn’t just reset like we were mostly doing on this thread I had people in real life I was cheering on and them me. I couldn’t let them down. I learnt that I couldn’t let me down. It’s cheesy but I realised I was worth saving. Worth more than downing a bottle of wine every night and staggering through the days and weeks and months. My life was worth more than that. That’s what I’ve learnt.

Aww I feel tearful now @AFmammaG
You are worth saving and I am so truly glad and happy for you.

I feel like one day I will get there but it is so hard when that part of you still wants to drink "like a normal person". I know I can't, and I don;t want to drink. But yet, I still want to drink - if that makes sense. It's exhausting.

Your online group sounds amazing and I am so happy you all found each other. Well done to you, I am so thrilled for you and I will read back on what you've said many times in future I'm sure xxx

I feel like one day I will get there but it is so hard when that part of you still wants to drink "like a normal person". I know I can't, and I don;t want to drink. But yet, I still want to drink - if that makes sense. It's exhausting.

Yes that mental tussle in your head is hard and exhausting. Logically you want to make sense of it and it doesn't make sense.

I'm at day 194 and I promise you the mental tussle gets easier and easier as the days whip on by. I experienced the tussle on holiday at Christmas as it was my first holiday in over 44 years without alcohol. But it passed.

Thanks @Steppered . You know my story. You know how many day 1’s I had. It was like I met my tribe online and it was a last chance for so many of us. It was also quite frightening hearing some of the other stories. People who were yellow. Bloated. Told they had days left. People who had lost their jobs, their house, their relationship, their children. I realised how close to that I was, I had never felt like it was such a problem because I was still functioning but becoming a non functioning alcoholic creeps up on you. I don’t suppose many people realise that and then continue anyway. They just don’t realise how bad they are until it’s too late. I knew I was getting close to do or die. Every time I drank I felt sick. Dry retching. Headache. Wasting the weekend recovering. Not really present in the week because I was preoccupied with constantly planning the next drink. It’s so freeing not to have those thoughts anymore and I genuinely don’t.

I can’t say I don’t miss it sometimes or I don’t want it sometimes but like @Kipperandarthur said the fight gets easier. You can dismiss it quicker and the longer you go, the more you realise, I don’t actually want it.

Hello strangers! I am so sorry not to have checked in recently but been thinking of you lot during the trials of the festive season for us cutting out / cutting down / trying hard gang! I am going to attempt to scan through and find out where everyone is at.

I have no idea how long I have been sober now but have just done my third Christmas and I started in the September. So - 2 and a quarter years?

And I don’t know if it’s a new year thing, a post meno thing or a 2.25 years sober thing but I am finally getting my mojo back.

Hope you are all ok - going to have a read now!

A quick scan suggests I have missed some major milestones - 1 year, 2 year, 100 days, first Christmas, first holiday - huge congrats. And also some people still here, still trying, looking for solutions. Keep looking. It’s totally worth it but you have to find what works for you. And for me, moderation was not an option but it was only once I accepted that, could I move forward. That, along with a hypnotherapy app and this thread was right for me. But we are all different.

Hello all!!! I am coming back to you 60 days sober. Feeling so much better better!!! Hope everyone is doing well :)

And I am 80 days in - about bloody time. Feel a million times better.