Tulips, Snowdrops and Brownies! Thread 4 for those wanting a coffee not a cocktail🌷🧁☕️

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5147598-day-1-or-100-tulips-and-snowdrops-say-browniesnotbeer

Boldly starting Thread 4, link above to Thread 3. Hoping some of the oldies will join and always open to newbies. This thread is for anyone looking to chat and support those trying to lead an alcohol free life ❤️

I toy with the idea of having an occasional drink in future - maybe a cold pint on a hot day or a glass of wine before dinner? But then I think 'Why?' Why would I want to? And the answer is that alcohol wants to lure me in again. I darent go back to that and I don't need to. It's much easier to stay on this side of the fence.

@LillyPJ in the early days I would say to myself “if I really want a drink this much tomorrow then I’ll have one” and over and over. Now I’m saying to myself “if I really want a drink so much, maybe next year I’ll have one”…. This will also be my plan for 2026, 2027 etc!

Just taking a quick break after a difficult meeting. I can’t tell you the difference long term sobriety is making to my performance at work. I always thought I performed at work regardless of the drinking but now I realise I was never hitting my full potential. And how could I? Despite a difficult meeting this morning, I slept well last night. I’m refreshed this morning. I was prepared for the meeting and they knew it. It was awesome!

Morning all. I went out to a Weatherspoons last night. Used to be my idea of heaven. Cheap booze and everyone pissed so no judgement coming my way. It was awful 😆 Hated the drunk men, they never bothered me when I was also drunk but they were banging into the table, looking like they were going fall, I felt on edge. I hated getting the bus home. A drunk lady tried to initiate conversation with me despite me holding a magazine and pretending to try and read. She just wouldn’t take the hint and despite me being perfectly polite, I was annoyed she wouldn’t stop ignoring my very obvious ‘leave me alone’ signals.

To think I would have considered that a good evening in the past. I probably would have enjoyed the conversation with the lady on the bus, thinking it was normal to be so pissed.

I’m not in any rush to repeat that!

Weighed in this morning and I’m another 2lbs down. Probably sweated it off! This is the lowest I’ve consistently been in years. Feeling great about my appearance right now. Doing well at work. Looking forward to the summer holidays for the first time in years. It will be hard to stay on track but I feel determined.

How is everyone else doing?

I like Wetherspoons (some amazing buildings and o much cheaper than elsewhere) and have only occasionally seen drunk people in there, but I'd usually only go in the daytime so maybe that's why. I've been losing about a pound a week - not intentional and I wasn't overweight to start with. Could partly be due to this heat though - can't be bothered to cook much and don't feel hungry. I'll be so glad when it cools down.

Tapas last night and the AF menu was 👎 so I asked them to make me a non alcoholic cocktail. Cost me £7 but was lovely. Going to hit 200 days this weekend. Can’t believe I’m succeeding this time! Finally starting to feel free of this wretched habit.

👋

I am about to embark, well have just started, on a long streak again aiming for at least 100 days but actually Christmas. I had been moderating nicely and tracking at the same time but I have begun to find that even much smaller amounts are leaving me feeling really anxious, the hangovers are disproportionate and there’s an awful lot of sneezing going on! I’m not sure if it’s stronger sensitivities to sulphites or what but I don’t like it and I hate the sensation each time. Other things are going nicely like weight loss and running (probably linked tbf) and I am concluding I just don’t have the time or inclination for it at all any more.

I still struggle with triggers and the moderating isn’t helping with that and anticipate it will still be a struggle to riding them so work ahead.

Speaking of AF, I’m away at the moment and had the most glorious mango and soda concoction ever which I shall hunt down immediately I am home. That’s a drink to be excited about on a weekend!

Your 200 days is amazing @AFmammaG and I shall be shamelessly using you as inspiration!

200 days is epic @AFmammaG ! What was in the AF cocktail? I've only had one AF cocktail in my life and that was in Wetherspoons (it was ok, not very exciting but it didn't cost £7!)

@LillyPJ it had grapefruit and sugar around the edge of the glass. It was a real treat. Edited to add, it wasn’t on the menu so can’t tell you the name. I just asked them to make me something AF….

I was looking at pictures of me last year. I look so tired. Just worn down.

I got in last night at a reasonable hour and had a herbal tea. Got up for work fine this morning. I mean, everything is just so much easier. I’m feeling really content.

Nice to hear from you @TimesaChangeling and good luck on your long streak. You remind me of me last year when I was yo-yoing all over the place telling myself I was ok with the occasional drink. I wasn’t. I just wasn’t ready I guess. I can’t really explain it but it just clicked this time and I strongly want to protect my sober run of days. I haven’t had this long under my belt since I was pregnant many, many moons ago.

200 days!!! Whooop @AFmammaG you absolute legend! Your journey is so inspiring!

Hi all. I joined in autumn 2024 but left as I started drinking again. I'm back. Have been diagnosed with a fatty liver and need to give up the dreaded booze for my health. Not had a drink since Sunday. I feel it's easy to give up but keep getting lured back in after a few weeks. So I suppose I don't find it easy to give up! I'm back anyway, to try once more.

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis @duckduckgooseduckagain, welcome back. I always wonder why we keep putting ourselves through the hardest part again and again. I want to tell you something. It does get easier. If you can mentally take alcohol off the table, it doesn’t need quite so much determination or willpower.

I used to agonise over “will I or won’t I” drink. It was still a choice in my head I had to fight. Now I say no and I mean it.

What I will say is that for me, it did take time. I know some people say 100 days but for me it was a bit longer. Just to have that confidence in myself. The benefits don’t flood you over night. It’s a long game and the prize isn’t immediately obvious but if you keep chipping away, eventually it’s there.

If you’ve read my story you’ll know the difference for me was getting help in real life. I needed the accountability and the fear if I drank. I guess pride comes before a fall and once I dug deep and started being honest, it made it easier to say no.

I’m here rooting for you and everyone struggling with this. I think as a society we massively underestimate the addictive nature of alcohol and normalise drinking for every occasion. I’ve even seen it sold at a soft play. If you embrace the sober community you’ll start to see the tide is changing. People are starting to realise and hopefully one day, drinking will be seen in a similar way to smoking. That’s my hope anyway.

Good luck @duckduckgooseduckagain ! I 'gave up' smoking hundreds of times before I finally gave it up. Some lessons take a few times to sink in. I hope you succeed this time.

Hi everyone,
Thought I'd come back to the thread. Things havent been going too good.

My drinking and mental health have been out of control, leading me to an overdose and a hospital stay.

To say I'm at the lowest point of my life would be an understatment.

I know now that I'm not a "problem drinker", I'm a full blown alcoholic. I need to own that before it kills me one way or another.

I've started engaging with alcohol and mental health services, I just hope they can help me.

@Overthewater52 So sorry to hear that but I'm glad you've come back to the thread. You must know that everybody here will be wishing you well. It's good to know that you're contacting other means of support too. I hope things start to improve for you soon.

@Overthewater52 Just wanted to say hi and wish you well x

Oh @Overthewater52, I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope the support you are receiving is helping. I honestly believe we are all just a couple of steps away from that at some point in our lives.

I think posting regularly helps. If you feel able to, exercise can work wonders too, especially outside. I also worked really hard to lower my expectations. Of my family, who are generally pretty shit. Of the house, it is tidy enough. It is clean enough. I am more important. Of work and my colleagues. It really helps to stop feeling disappointed all the time. It also helped me to appreciate the better things and people.

I know self care is probably the last thing you feel like but if you can, prioritise yourself. Your sleep. Your needs. Put you first because goodness knows, the world would be a much worse place without you in it. Sending love ❤️

Thank you so much for your kind words. They really do mean a lot.

It feels like I have an impossible mountain to climb, but I've taken the first tiny step. Onwards and upwards hey?

I'm starting with you and now on day 10.

I think all mountains look rather big when you look at them as a whole mountain.
It's easier to look at various bits of the path on that mountain. The wiggly path that goes up the side and then reaches the top and then the path down the other side that you can't even see yet.

It would be great to fly over the mountain wouldn't it and reach the other side?But it's all about the journey up and over that mountain to get to the other side.

I actually don't even want a drink at the moment as I gave up drinking in the week years ago and then just heavily "rewarded" i.e. damaged myself with my binge drinking at the weekends. A health issue has got me firmly on this path now.

We're all on the same path. Some are further along, some haven't even put a foot on the pathway yet. But we all need to do the same journey.

I'm actually shocked with the reading that I'm doing just how damaging alcohol is and how the fact that any alcohol is actually really bad for you just is not a message that is loudly proclaimed. Yes of course I understand government revenue, lobbying etc. etc. But alcohol is literally everywhere and should be treated like smoking cigarettes is now viewed.

One thing for sure is if alcohol was a new product that a manufacturer wanted to bring to the market it would never see the light of day. It's a dangerous drug and is marketed and presented in so many palatable ways that are so far from the truth of the product.

@Kipperandarthur One thing that's helped me to carry on trudging up that mountain path was watching 'Rain in my Heart' - a documentary about alcoholics in BBC iPlayer. It's gruelling and shocking and very sad, and it shows just how dangerous alcohol can be. It was scary stuff but well worth watching and it made me realize how much I was in denial about the damage it could do. I'm on Day 83 now and feeling determined to get to Day 100.

@Overthewater52 I saw this on one of the AF groups I’m on and thought of you. Hang in there.

Thank you @AFmammaG , peace not borrowed from a bottle, thats what I crave. Ive been told not to go cold turkey because it's not safe. But one drink leads to another... I feel such a failure.

Peace is also what I craved. And quiet. I just wanted to stop thinking about alcohol.
Are there any groups near you? I know AA isn’t for everyone but a support organisation may be able to give you a bit more help with tapering if that’s what you need to do.
The group I’m a part of has such a diverse group of people from those actually in a rehab facility and weaning off alcohol and drugs, to those who are professional business people functioning fairly well, to those who just want a better quality of life. If it’s of interest to you, I’m happy to pm you the details. They do a few social meet ups. I haven’t been to any yet because none have been local but I will do at some point.

@Overthewater52 how are you doing? I saw these on Facebook the other day and I love them because I always used to press the fuck it button every time I failed. I would chuck away all my hard work and progress over one blip. It didn’t just happen with drinking, it was my diet, exercise, work, you name it. Over time I’ve realised that progress isn’t a straight line and there will be difficult days and some steps back. It’s slowly chipping away and showing up that really makes a difference.

Day 218 for me today. It felt great starting another month with very little desire to drink. It’s the school holidays, which you guys will know I really struggle with. It’s very hard to explain to people why. I just thrive on the work routine. The social connection I get there. The structure to the day. I find school holidays really tricky. If the holiday clubs weren’t so expensive I would try and utilise those more but money aside, they aren’t really suitable for my child with SEN.

So it’s down to me to be the entertainments committee. To make sure they eat well and get out the house and don’t have too much screen time. All the while the list of jobs sitting there for the new term, staring at me. I need to get my arse in gear and get organised but I’m just soooooooo tired 🫣 hopefully it will click into place.

How is everyone else doing? @Overthewater52 @LillyPJ @Kipperandarthur how are the summer holidays treating you?

I’ve recently stumbled upon Mel Robbins online and I’m enjoying her content. Anyone got some good sober people to follow? I like Sober Dave too.