Tulips, Snowdrops and Brownies! Thread 4 for those wanting a coffee not a cocktail🌷🧁☕️

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5147598-day-1-or-100-tulips-and-snowdrops-say-browniesnotbeer

Boldly starting Thread 4, link above to Thread 3. Hoping some of the oldies will join and always open to newbies. This thread is for anyone looking to chat and support those trying to lead an alcohol free life ❤️

Here I go again, had a large period of abstinence last year, went straight back to everyday drinking very quickly.

I am 9 days alcohol free, I have a holiday coming up so I am not sure what to do. I think I know in my hear of hearts moderation doesn't work but here I am making deals with myself. Has anyone gone from daily drinking to moderation successfully and if so any tips?

Hi all. Hope everyone is doing ok. (Whispers) just over 2 years sober and I finally feel like I might be getting my mojo back … watch this space!

@Determined24i can’t help with the moderation question. I knew I can’t just have one glass or drink for just one night / week / month so I haven’t tried.

@Kipperandarthuri loved loved loved drinking wine. Your day will come. I think it might have taken me getting through all the firsts like Christmas, holidays etc but it does happen. No alcohol options definitely help.

@AFmammaGhope you are still going strong.

All good here thanks @BoilingHotand50something getting closer to my 300 days. Congratulations on your 2 year anniversary, that’s such a great achievement.
I find as I’m getting closer to the year I’m thinking more and more about drinking again next year. The temptation is still there despite me knowing how much better this year has been. I keep toying with the idea of rules and moderation. I know one day at a time is the way to go but forever just seems impossible.

@Determined24 I managed to go from daily drinking to every Friday and Saturday night. I sustained this for a few years with the odd occasion of drinking once or twice during the week. The thing is, I may have only drank two or three times a week but those times I’d drink at least a bottle of wine and feel like that wasn’t enough.
Until this year I’d been trying to stop altogether for a few years. Yo yoing with dry jans or the occasional 60 day stretches. I couldn’t get it to click until I got support in real life. Even now, almost 300 days in I’m still debating drinking again. It feels like a constant struggle for me.

How is everyone doing? I’m having a wobble. I think as Christmas approaches and I have a few Birthdays on the horizon, I just feel a bit ‘what’s the point’ sort of thing. Fed up of depriving myself. I know that sounds bonkers but then there isn’t much logic to this. Dreading meeting up with friends for their Birthdays or Christmas lunches and them drinking and me sat there, the outcast 😆 that’s how it feels sometimes.

I wish I could just take it off the table completely but it’s always there, lurking in the back of my mind. Sigh. Just feeling a bit tired of it all I guess. Was even thinking about declining an invitation for the weekend because I don’t want to be the odd one out. Should I go and be inwardly a bit miserable? Or stay at home in my safe little sober bubble? Double sigh.

@AFmammaG I empathize. I think the social pressure is the worst - being made to feel like a spoilsport and an outcast is horrible and unfair. I've had a holiday marred for that reason, and yet my not drinking really doesn't affect anyone else so I don't know why they think it's any of their business.

@ AFmammaG
You've done so so well. Don't cave in now as you will only end up having to do it all over again at some future point. Keep cracking on and really try and work on that mind set that you are not depriving yourself.

I'm at day 88 and I will not crack. And I will tell you why.

Yesterday I got the all clear from oral cancer that was found under my tongue this Summer. Had biopsy that confirmed cancer then had surgery last month and yesterday got the all clear. But I will now be checked every 3 months for the first year, every 4 months for second year and then every six months up until 5 years.

All indications for oral cancer point to alcohol consumption together with smoking which I had given up ten years ago. Whilst I drank every night when younger, I only drank at weekends for the past 14 or so years. But it would be a bottle of wine Friday and a bottle on Saturday and a bottle on Sunday plus a few gin and tonics as well.

The surgery was not pleasant and I was extremely fortunate that it was minor. Tongue surgery due to cancer can be major and extremely life changing.
Alcohol is a major cause of about 7 cancers. Alcohol is dangerous stuff.

The wine witch still comes calling to me which is deeply ironic, but I shove her away and select my AF option. I would like her to bugger off completely because she just irritates me now.

I know I will not crack but I also recognise that there can be a mental battle at play sometimes. I've already done quite a few firsts and have my own birthday and a Christmas and New Year holiday in the sunshine that will be a major test of mentally accepting the situation and I am determined that I must adjust my mindset to enjoy the holiday and not feel deprived at not drinking alcohol.

@AFmammaG You’ve been such an inspiration for me over the months, you really have done so well, so as above, don’t give in now!

@Kipperandarthur - I’m so pleased that you are coming out the other side now, but what a horrible ordeal and such a life changing event. It’s amazing isn’t it how we walk around with our heads in the sand at the real damage that alcohol is doing to our bodies - you’re incredibly strong and I hope that wine witch soon buggers off!

It’s amazing isn’t it how we walk around with our heads in the sand at the real damage that alcohol is doing to our bodies.

Yes it really is amazing how easy it is to just ignore all the articles and facts about how damaging alcohol really is. When in your twenties and thirties it's extremely easy to ignore. Perhaps not so much in fifties onwards.

It's been a real wake up call for me at 60 and I keep reminding myself how lucky I have actually been.

But I sympathise with everybody trying to remain alcohol free. I have an extremely valid reason that is a stark reminder every single time that bitch wine witch pops her head up on a Friday night. I also know that I would not enjoy a glass of wine having had oral cancer.

But there is also this mental battle that goes on in the head after years and years of enjoying wine especially at the weekend.

It's everywhere. All over the TV (and in books) and will increase with all the Christmas ads popping up. Alcohol is considered the go to for a celebration, a commiseration, get togethers, holidays, ways to relax, ways to celebrate the end of the day/week etc etc.

For me finding AF options to enjoy at the weekend has been important and there is a decent range available.

It's everywhere. All over the TV (and in books) and will increase with all the Christmas ads popping up. Alcohol is considered the go to for a celebration, a commiseration, get togethers, holidays, ways to relax, ways to celebrate the end of the day/week etc etc.

You are so right. I was only saying on another thread yesterday that I went into my local Tesco’s where they’ve now started displaying alcohol not only right at the front of the store but have also started displaying it on the end of all the fruit and veg shelves! It suddenly dawned on me that they were there as I was picking up some avocados. Gone are the days of steering clear of the alcohol aisle, it’s everywhere throughout the store and such clever marketing!

Thanks for the messages guys. Day 285 today and still hanging in there.

my not drinking really doesn't affect anyone else
@LillyPJ I think it’s just a bit of a buzz kill isn’t it? It shines a light on their own drinking and can make some in the group feel a bit uncomfortable. Even more so if like me, you used to drink loads with this group and now you sit there with a pot of tea 😆 I know if they are good friends they’ll accept me for sober me but I think it would be easier if I was 100% committed to this and when I’m having a wobble it’s sooooooo hard when everyone else is drinking.

@Kipperandarthur you are so brave and strong, I am so sorry to read about all you have been through and so thankful you are now in remission. If there was ever a reason to drive you forward, that’s it. I can’t imagine how scary that must have been for you. Undoubtedly health has to be one of the top reasons for me to stay sober. I vividly remember laying in bed at night after a bottle of wine and my heart racing and feeling petrified that I was going to have a heart attack or was seriously damaging my heart. I am also an ex smoker so have that added risk factor too.

Alcohol is a major cause of about 7 cancers
Reading that back this is just madness isnt it?! Why would I ever consider drinking again? I’ve come so far. I don’t think I would have the strength to make it through all these firsts again. It’s been a gut wrenching journey this year. Definitely more highs than lows but completely consuming. I’ve thought about this pretty much daily for 285 days. No wonder I’m exhausted.

@Openthisdoor I was also thinking about this the other day. The shops are full of bottles on offer, 25% off if you buy 6, ideas to add Bailey’s into hot chocolate etc etc I find it confronting. Alcohol served at the park cafe. Soft plays. Play dates. I’m not a fan of the whole ‘slummy mummy’ vibe, ‘wine o’clock’ or the like. I think it just normalises alcohol as an every day activity. Do we really want our children to see us popping a bottle of Prosecco in the park at lunchtime? Or glasses of wine on the table at a soft play? It’s pretty gross really.

I was looking for a ‘benefits of not drinking’ quote, which led me into recovery quotes and then found this. Are we in recovery? If we are then we admit we are/were addicts? That’s an uncomfortable place to sit. I think I will start to flood my feeds with inspirational quotes instead of the ‘stop drinking / sobriety’ ones. Maybe it’s time to switch my own focus away from not drinking to being in recovery.

Alcohol is a major cause of about 7 cancers
Reading that back this is just madness isnt it?! Why would I ever consider drinking again? I’ve come so far. I don’t think I would have the strength to make it through all these firsts again.

@ AFmammaG I think the fact that you have made it through all those firsts shows just how far you've come. And yes just imagine having to do all those firsts yet again.

My major first is going to be Christmas and New Year holiday!

The thing is that drinking over a period of many years is very ingrained and it's years and years in the making. It's then hard to just undo all of that mindset and association of drinking with a "pleasurable experience". It takes time, effort and sheer hard slog. But you really have achieved so much in your 285 days.

I gave up smoking 10 years ago and still occasionally think it would be nice to have a cigarette, but I know I won't and actually I am really really glad I don't smoke any more. So presumably in time that's how I will feel about wine!

I am going to read back through this thread later when my son is in bed and I’ve got my cup of tea, but….

TODAY I AM 2 YEARS ALCOHOL FREE!

I can’t believe it - in so many ways it’s flown by. Being AF is just who I am now and I don’t think I’ll ever drink again.

Thank you so much to everyone on this thread and earlier ones who have been part of the journey. Maybe I’ll make it a celebratory hot chocolate tonight 😂

Congratulations on your 2 years @MissSmith80! How amazing. You sound free!

How are you @Kipperandarthur? I’m approaching 300 days. Had a night out on Saturday, everyone drinking. I didn’t feel too tempted this time, which was a relief. Was quite glad on the way home as I navigated the trains and then had a nice sleep. There are definitely a lot of pluses of staying sober.

I’m about to embark on half term, then it will be the Christmas planning. Usually I’m dreading it but I feel a bit calmer this time. The kids are that bit older and I’m that bit more experienced. Will get the usual requests for a dog and then a switch, they’ll be getting neither 😆 Hope everyone else is ok!

Well done @AFmammaG
Good to hear you didn't feel tempted on your Saturday night out.

I'm at 101 days and all is well. I try not to think about never having another drink again and just focus on the present and immediate future.

Congrats on 101 days @Kipperandarthur! I found breaking through 100 days a real milestone as it took me so many attempts to make it there. 3x that now! Life is a lot calmer these days. Looking forward to getting myself organised for Christmas!

Can’t believe it’s been nearly a month since I last posted
Time certainly flies. Just checking in with 320 days under my belt. The Christmas “drinks” have started. I did one this week, had a few pints of squash. I managed to stay until the end but I’m so conflicted. On the one hand I did enjoy the evening on the other hand I still feel left out.

Curious as to how everyone else is doing?

Hey all!!! So happy to report that I am now on a drug that helps people stop drinking. Vivitrol. I tried naltrexone first, and it worked for a couple days but then the alcohol cravings took over again. Today is my first day on the shot (it lasts a month), and I haven’t drank alcohol for two days.

This has been a very stressful few months for my family and I, and instead of loving myself I turned to booze to cope.

A condition of taking this shot is that I had to get my liver looked at with blood work and to my IMMENSE surprise, I have a healthy liver!!! I am really taking this as a blessing and that I’m not too far gone.

@SadMama87 so good to hear from you you! How are the cats? How is everything with your DH?
I’m still not drinking. Can’t believe it really. Well done for getting the medication, once you have a few more days under your belt you’ll start to feel the benefit

@AFmammaG I’ve meant to reply to your previous messages so many times! Sorry for being rubbish. I’m really pleased to hear that you’re still off the booze. I think it’s quite natural for you to still be feeling like you’re missing out a bit, after all it’s only your first Christmas without alcohol? Despite having been alcohol free for nearly 2 years now, this will actually be my fifth Christmas not drinking and I love it so much. I actually feel a bit sad and panicked thinking about all the people that will be drinking extra around Christmas, feeling like absolute hell in the mornings, embarrassing themselves at Christmas parties and making terrible decisions. I know not everyone will be doing that but a lot of people will. My husband has an office in the middle of town and you can definitely see the Christmas effect on the streets in the mornings 😭. Not gonna lie, occasionally I do wish I could drink a glass of wine, but it’s more about the being able to switch off thing that I’ve described before than about actually wanting alcohol. I guess it is a bit isolating when everyone else is drinking BUT at the same time I’d rather that than doing something that is terrible for me. When I’m sober and watching people get more and more drunk I definitely don’t want to be like them! I went on a weekend away with friends recently and was the only one not drinking but I think I’m used to it by now. And I’ve noticed that my friends are starting to drink less too (maybe cos I was the one always opening another bottle of wine and encouraging people to drink with me 😩) and are more interested in my alcohol free stuff. I was drinking Guinness zero when we went out to pubs. Have you got yourself some nice alternatives? I’m really loving a glass of AF bubbles at the moment it just feels more special than a basic soft drink. You can mix them with fruit purées too, Bellini style. I’m planning to make a few cordials that I can mix with tonic and soda and last Christmas I had fancy cola with lime and a cocktail cherry on top which felt like such a treat! I always come back to this article around Christmas time, it really resonates. www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/dec/01/grace-dent-biggest-gift-love-life-without-booze-christmas

Hey @AFmammaG. Been thinking of you today and wondering how you are doing?

I'm still stuck in the vicious circle of drinking and self-loathing. I wish I could take a magic pill to make me sober.

Hey @Steppered: Nice to hear from you, sorry to hear you still feel trapped in the cycle especially in January as that was always one of my more successful months (feels a bit easier when no one is drinking).
Unbelievably I’m still dry. 386 days. Still posting regularly on my support group. It’s a funny bunch but makes a difference to have real life people who are there at the touch of a button. I still feel like drinking A LOT so I won’t pretend it’s been a magic wand and I’m skipping off into the sunset… but the reality is I can’t ever see myself drinking again. I’ve come too far.

Did you try the dry Jan group? It’s always good on MN and always full of people with varying levels of success. I’m not sure how useful this thread was towards the end, hence the lack of updates from me.

Wow!! That’s amazing you’re doing so great!! Gives me hope 😅

The shot didn’t stop me from drinking. It wasn’t as fun but I still drank. Last night I drank a whole bottle of tequila and blacked out. This morning I looked up treatment facilities near me and tomorrow morning I’m going to do an intake evaluation to join a program.

Cant make anyone any promises, but I have a very strong desire to quit drinking. It’s wrecking my mental and physical health.