Tulips, Snowdrops and Brownies! Thread 4 for those wanting a coffee not a cocktail🌷🧁☕️

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5147598-day-1-or-100-tulips-and-snowdrops-say-browniesnotbeer

Boldly starting Thread 4, link above to Thread 3. Hoping some of the oldies will join and always open to newbies. This thread is for anyone looking to chat and support those trying to lead an alcohol free life ❤️

Well done @AFmammaG on the 165 days, that's amazing!
And @BoilingHotand50something , 650 days is such a big number, blooming well done to you! x

Checking in, I spent some time this morning just walking and thinking about my feelings these past few days. One of the biggest benefits of not drinking is having a clear head. I’m not quite so confused by my emotions. I realised I haven’t been out for a walk alone for a month not quite sure how that happened. Just got swept away with jobs and the never ending list of things to do. I really must carve out the time for me. I think that’s the key to keeping sane.

Feeling a bit more upbeat about things. Keep trying to remind myself how well I am actually doing and how I simply cannot risk going back to old habits. Thanks for the encouragement and words of wisdom. @BoilingHotand50something 650 days is just fabulous! Well done you. It’s wonderful to see that it can be done. I need to remember that whilst an alcohol free life isn’t perfect, it’s a darn sight better than the alternative.

@AFmammaG I've been inundated with jobs and events too. I felt quite down when I looked at my diary and saw that I'd got something on every day. To make matters worse, my freezer died over the weekend so I'm trying to cook/eat/save as much as I can and sort out a replacement. I regularly walk with a group and enjoy the company but I love walking alone so I'll put that on my calendar. As you say, it's important to carve out time for yourself.

Checking in day 175. Feeling great today, had a lovely weekend. I had a rare Saturday night to myself. In the old days I would have used that as a way to indulge in a bottle (or more) of wine without judgement or accountability.

This time I got myself some cakes for once the kids were in bed but I didn’t actually eat them. I have a lot more self control these days and hardly ever binge on food anymore. That craving to take things to the extreme is fading.

How is everyone else getting on? On the support group I’m part of in RL, there are lots of people drinking, tempted by beer gardens and the sunshine. I completely get it. I can’t put my finger on what’s different for me this time but I just don’t want it anymore. I guess now I’m nearly half way through the year I feel like I’ve got too much to lose to go back to another day 1…. I just can’t do it to myself again.

@AFmammaG Congratulations on reaching 175 days! Today is Day 53 for me and I had a good weekend too. I was out on Friday (pub skittles match) and Saturday (concert) nights and wasn't in the slightest tempted to drink, despite the barman in the pub sneering at my AF choice. I'm actually going out more in the evenings now. I've not got to worry about driving home and I'm not put off going out because I'd miss the 6 o'clock wine! It's very freeing not to be ruled by alcohol.

I’ll never stop being surprised by people’s attitudes to being alcohol free @LillyPJ. My local doesn’t sell AF gin. It has one really sweet AF cider. I like an AF Prosecco… doesn’t have that either. I end up with a pint of squash for 80p 😆 like a child.

Well done on day 53. I hope you are feeling the benefit. I am honestly so much more productive these days and although I still have my down days, they are less severe and easier to pick myself up from. It really is worth preserving with this life if you can.

Hi
just checking in, had a horrendously busy time where I felt like I was losing the plot! I can’t keep carrying on like I am, work and life is so very hard to juggle at times.

Still AF but DP is back on it and it’s verrryyy hard at times. I have sniffed a lot of drinks!

@AFmammaG well done on 175 days… that’s almost half the year 🙌

Well done for keeping AF @Cantdoitalll. DH spent 6 hours drinking on Saturday and Sunday I could almost feel his hangover.

It is hard of an evening when I can smell his wine but I keep drawing on my reasons why and how much better I feel within myself now. Keep going! This is for you! You’ve got this!

@AFmammaG and @Cantdoitalll When I smell white wine now, I can't quite remember what it tastes like or why I liked it so much. That's worries me a bit because I think one day I might be curious enough to have 'just one sip' and that might set me off again. That might seem ridiculous but that's exactly what happened with one of my failed attempts to give up smoking.

I still lust over a large glass of white, I’m not gonna lie 😆

Me too. It’s felt very hard to resist these last 2 weeks. Anxiety is high with end of term, transitions to new school, work and unwell parent. My poor dog is unwell too, weight loss and off food… I’m worried.

Keep going you lovely strong ladies! WE DO NOT NEED THE WINE WITCH!

I went out to a meeting tonight. I knew there'd be wine on offer and some uninspiring AF drinks, so I took a flask of home-made iced tea with ice cubes in, and it was really good!

Jumping on for a Dry July. It's crept up again over the last 2 months and I need a month off. A lot of you are doing so well, it's great reading your messages x

Hi everyone! 6 months done. Can’t believe it. I’m still totally committed to my year, despite the warm weather temptations….! Hope everyone else is doing well. Welcome back @Steppered.

@AFmammaG Well done! 6 months is amazing! Do you still get tempted? I had a sudden unexpected thought today that it would be nice to sit down with a glass of wine. Then when I tried to imagine doing so, I just remembered how one glass would lead to another and another, and then I'd feel tired and I'd really regret breaking my streak and I'd have a terrible night's sleep... I had a cup of tea instead.

Congratulations @AFmammaG I am so pleased for you x

Congrats @AFmammaG - you rock!

Just popping in to say a huge well done on the 6 months! That is brilliant.

Well done @AFmammaG on 6 months dry - that’s a huge achievement!

Thank you all ❤️ 6 months! I had a video call with a colleague yesterday and couldn’t believe the change to my face. The puffer fish has gone!

@LillyPJ it’s not tempted that I feel… honestly, I think about alcohol a lot still. Kind of fantasise about it. In my mind it is still something I think I enjoyed. I can’t seem to change that belief.

However, I went to the pub on Tuesday and despite loads of people drinking I didn’t want it. I’m exercising regularly. I’ve lost the chocolate pounds. My clothes fit nicely. My skin is clear. My sleep is great. I constantly remind myself of the benefits and my ‘why’.

The longer I go the easier it gets, that much is true.

I’ve been thinking about my post and it isn’t very inspiring 😆 we all know the benefits on paper. So I wanted to say this. When I was drinking I felt incredibly embarrassed about my alcohol intake. I felt ashamed doing the school run hungover in the morning. I avoided people because I didn’t want anyone to realise. I was worried I smelt of booze. I was worried they knew. I wanted to hide.

Since I stopped I’ve been honest with a few friends. I’ve joined a real life support group and I’ve worked really hard to improve my friendships and network. I looked at the reasons why I was drinking and I immediately stopped the excuses. Digging deep into the why was a really hard thing for me to do because the surface level for drinking was obvious. Hard day at work etc etc using it to ‘unwind’ etc etc. But let’s be real. I didn’t drink because of work. Or my children. Or my relationship. I drank because I wanted to make everything stop for a while. I wanted my head to hit the pillow and be out. I wanted the noise in my brian to quiet. Part of me wanted to forget. Part of me was searching for peace. I was constantly in inner turmoil.

It was through constant exposure to other sober people that I realised alcohol is the opposite of peace. Alcohol gave me the opposite of everything I was searching for. It isolated me. It silenced me.

It’s only been through complete abstinence that I’ve given my body a chance to heal. A chance to rest. A chance to recover. And now I am seeing things much more clearly. I am able to separate emotion from reaction. Bad things still happen but I can acknowledge that and sit with it and manage. I can cope.

And that’s the reason why I can go to the pub and have a pint of squash. I have too much to lose now and I’ve come too far. The longer I abstain the more I realise how much damage alcohol was doing to every part of my life.

Incredible to read @AFmammaG , I feel so pleased for you, having been with you since the start of your mumsnet journey. It's great to see you thriving with it, bloody well done!

I haven't had any alcohol since Saturday which means I'm coming into day 6. I've bee out running every morning and feeling okay but also very irritable (not helped by my third period in six weeks...). Parenting is pretty tough right now too.

I did have a fleeting temptation last night to drink because my husband was out and I could have done it and got away with it but then I just thought .... no .... that's slippery behaviour, which is just what I want to avoid. I'm happily doing dry July and really want to feel the good benefits. Not my first rodeo after all.

It's pretty quiet on here? How is everyone doing?

@Steppered I well know that feeling that if nobody knows, I could get away with a glass or two. But I also know that it never stops at a glass or two! I'm actually on Day 64 now, but might try telling some people that I'm doing Dry July. Not everyone knows that I've stopped drinking because they didn't know how much of a problem it had become for me. I'm meeting my brother next week and he knew nothing about my daily drinking. We always meet in a pub and he's usually first there and has a pint waiting for me so I'll tell him I'm doing Dry July and to get me a tonic water instead. Good luck with Day 6!

And I think a lot of us are going through similar @Steppered. Challenging children. Changes to our bodies. Stress at work. It’s real. And how to cope when the thing we used to lean on is taken away?

I’ve tried so many things in the past. Distraction. New goals. Avoidance. Replacements. Incentives. Punishments.

The thing I hadn’t really tried was honesty (because that was far too hard). I did drink too much. It was my choice. No one made me. I did regret drinking. I look back at posts where I failed previously and I actually said “I’m ok with it”. No I wasn’t! I hated that I couldn’t stop. Even to this day I think I enjoyed drinking. My brain still thinks that. I didn’t. I might have “enjoyed” the first one. But I hated the control it had. My preoccupation with it. The way I would count how much I was drinking compared to everyone else. Was it too soon to order another. Were they judging me, or just as bad as me?

The energy it took from me wasn’t just physical.It sapped my strength. My confidence. There is nothing positive I can think of that it added to my life other than the blackout. I haven’t found anything that does the same…. but I don’t need that as much these days. I’m finding new ways to deal with life.

I really do recommend getting some real life support. You can do it anonymously. But I needed to flood my brain with anti drinking literature. With like minded people. And whilst people fail quite a lot in real life, none of them seem to be happy with moderation. For people like me, it really does feel like it’s an all or nothing choice. I tried the all approach. It lead to me not wanting to be here anymore. So now I’m trying nothing and so far, I’ve never felt better.