Tulips, Snowdrops and Brownies! Thread 4 for those wanting a coffee not a cocktail🌷🧁☕️

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5147598-day-1-or-100-tulips-and-snowdrops-say-browniesnotbeer

Boldly starting Thread 4, link above to Thread 3. Hoping some of the oldies will join and always open to newbies. This thread is for anyone looking to chat and support those trying to lead an alcohol free life ❤️

@AFmammaG Congratulations on Day 218! You are an inspiration. I was a teacher for a few years until I retired and I loved the summer holidays, but I was divorced and my DC were grown up so I was free to please myself. Now I'm not so keen on summer just because of the heat and the fact that there is more outdoor noise. It's Day 96 for me and I'm excited to be nearing 100. I rarely get tempted although I think about drinking a lot. I used to love going for a walk or into town and popping into a pub for a pint on the way back. I could still do that but it is not so tempting for an AF beer or a tonic water! I too have a list of jobs to do but I'm too good at procrastinating. Today I will force myself to change my bedding and do a pile of ironing (I think we ironers are a dying breed!) I find if I can complete one simple task early on it makes the whole day better and more productive.

Oh wow @LillyPJ a hundred days is such a big achievement! Congratulations! I hope you treat yourself to something to celebrate. It really is a long slog but one day you realise it isn’t quite so hard anymore 🤞

I saw on another thread about getting the kids up and doing the exercise with you, tried that this morning and then went to the library (free), had lunch at home and now playing games. Appreciate this isn’t sustainable for the whole summer but it’s good for today.

@AFmammaG 'Good for today' is good enough! Your day sounds brilliant to me. And thanks - I do think it would be nice to reward myself when I get to Saturday. I've just ordered a tree online so maybe planting that could count as my reward. Although I've just remembered that I recently found some special chocolate online that I'd not been able to find for years. It's ridiculously expensive and even the delivery is £8 but I might go for it. It's strange that I wouldn't have thought twice about spending that on a single bottle of wine that might have only lasted one day!

Absolutely go for it!

I’m struggling so bad with the summer holidays. I just spend every day feeling like we are doing too much or not enough. Everything is so expensive. The kids aren’t eating well / too much crap. I’m not getting enough exercise. The house isnt tidy enough. We have too much stuff. There’s always stuff everywhere 😭
I constantly doubt myself. Are they having too much down time? Should I take them out more? Am I over stimulating them? Should I be doing some home learning or let them relax? I’m like this every year. Someone help me! Why are they sooooo long? Why does everyone else look forward to them?! I dread them! Counting down to September when we can all get back to our normal routine and I regain my sanity.

@AFmammaG How old are your children?

Hi @duckduckgooseduckagain sorry I missed this question. They are primary age so still little. They don’t seem to be able to amuse themselves for any length of time… probably my fault for pandering to their needs a bit too much.

I would love to be posting today saying how much better it is but it just isn’t 😭 I’m thinking about taking a social media break as a heads up. I can’t keep reading all this conflicting information about parenting. Keep them busy and wear them out OR let them be bored and amuse themselves? Make sure your home is clean and tidy OR prioritise your children and let them play? Feed them fresh fruit and veg OR don’t make meal times a battle? I could go on and on. When I look around my home I just feel overwhelmed. So much stuff. Clear it out and risk them missing it OR leave it? They are only little once enjoy them OR put your mental health first?

Everyone has an opinion but no one says “just relax it’ll all be fine in the end”. I feel like I can’t risk failing them so I’m trying to do everything and my mind is starting to struggle. I’m constantly doubting myself. Desperate to escape but no where to go 😆

The good news is, I don’t want a drink. That is one thing I know I cannot go back to because if this feels hard now, I know how much worse it can be!

@AFmammaG Oh I understand the struggle. Take a break from social media if you need to. Sending love xx

@AFmammaG Parenting is hard and conflicting advice makes it doubly harder. The best any of us can do is try our best and accept that nobody is perfect and there isn't one perfect way to do it. I guess looking after yourself is probably a good start and if that means forgetting social media, then so be it. I definitely find it's a big time waster! I've had a glorious day out walking on the moors today - sunshine, hills, heather and no internet. I feel better for it.

@LillyPJ I have to admit that taking the kids out for the day is mainly for my benefit. I hate being at home all day. The full time entertainments committee. I did manage some time outside this afternoon and it did help. It’s just so… relentless.

I decided this afternoon I’m just going to tackle one little job each day and hope it starts to make a difference. At least that feels like a positive step and manageable.

Checking in. Still here. Still chipping away.

@LillyPJ I must apologise for posting my rant and forgetting to mention your 100 days. I was just reading back over the thread and realised my error. How did it go? Did you buy yourself anything or do something special to mark the occasion?

By the time the kids go back to school I will be at 250 days. Hardly ever think about drinking these days. I’ve (obviously) struggled over the summer and this has had an impact on my diet 😭 but I’m slowly crawling my way back to better choices. It really is something I have to work on all the time. Worth it though.

@AFmammaG No need to apologise! I celebrated my 100 days with a fabulous day out. I was up on the moors with friends in the sunshine. (They don't know about my 100 days so I kept my happy pride to myself.) The heather was out and all was right with the world. It's a day I'll remember for a long time.
Maybe my next target will be 250 days - that's brilliant! Yes, there's always something to chip away at. I've gradually chipped away at my weight over many years and now feel happy with it (but not with the wrinkles and sags!) At my age, I should be doing more/some strengthening exercises but it's so boring.

@LillyPJ that sounds like bliss. Love the colour of the wild flowers out over the summer. The heather sounds right up my street!

I have been a little slack in the exercise department too. I blame the kids. I’m so shattered after they have gone to bed I’m just flopping on the sofa. Slowly getting back into the groove though. I saw this meme about nothing worth having is easy or words to that effect. So true. Consistency is the key!

Love this!

Just checking in. Still dry 🤯 almost 8 months now, still can’t quite believe it. Saw this today and it resonated so thought I would share here. Do I still think about having a glass of wine? Yep. Will I have one? No.

I’m still flooding my SM with AF groups, in case anyone wondered where all these are coming from 😆 I really advocate doing this, it’s keeping me on track and reminding me daily why I won’t pick up that glass again.

How is everyone else doing?

What a weekend 😭 found myself thinking about drinking a lot. Around my triggers. Poorly prepared. Went to a bbq with no AF drinks and I didn’t want anything they had so just felt a bit miserable while everyone else had wine or gin or cider.

Yesterday we went out for a roast and DH drank. He doesn’t usually on a Sunday but it’s the bank holiday weekend… he then had a bottle at home. That feeling of missing out creeping back in.

I find myself thinking about drinking: I’ve done 8 months, I’m fine. I’ve proved myself or thinking about rules. Maybe I could just drink when I'm out, not at home. Or maybe I’ll just drink once or twice a month.

You know how it goes.

How is everyone else doing?

Can I say something else that is really bothering me? The way people count their days on these AF groups. I just saw someone write something like “hit day 1000 (minus 30)”. And everyone is congratulating them for hitting 1000 days and inside I’m like “well you’ve drank once a month on average for 1000 days”. I don’t mind a -1 or so but -30??? Where’s the line??? Surely you have to re-set at some point? And doesn’t it take away from the people who actually did 1000 days?

I used to be so relaxed about this but then I was constantly re-setting and drinking on and off. Now I have consecutive days and appreciate how HARD it is it just feels a bit of a piss take.

But obviously could never say that on these groups because even a hint of negativity or criticism and you get kicked out.

I've had similar thoughts @AFmammaG Thinking what difference would one drink make? Also, I'm now starting to feel curious as I can't quite remember what it feels like to have a drink. I was at a barbecue on Saturday. Fortunately the host was well prepared for non-drinkers, despite being very much a drinker himself. It's only the knowledge that I'm bad at resisting temptation (if I have one, I know I'll carry on) that stops me having that first one. I'm hoping I'll think less about drinking as time goes on.

“The only drink you can control is the first one” and all that @LillyPJ

I go through ups and downs. This weekend was a complete down. I really missed having a drink. I do remember the frequent bad times and the hangovers and I don’t want to go back there but I also miss the feeling. I just haven’t found anything else that comes close. It sucks a bit that I can’t just have a couple of glasses of wine and leave it there. Whatever I want to pretend, it was never just a couple.

Aloha! I have just been away for a camping weekend and witnessed lots of people on the booze. It’s never a combo that has appealed to me so I was safe and sound. I am about a month into my new streak ( no minus days 🤣) and enjoying it.

Sorry you’ve been down @AFmammaG. Do you think the bbq was really about what you were (not) drinking or were you just a bit down anyway and your brain focused on that to get grumpy about?

I also think summer is a long old slog. I get very bored of it and ready for a change. My love of autumn is being catfished by the fake autumn the drought is causing which is annoying me a bit.

Just wanted to say I'm on 2.5 years now and it does get a lot easier! I don't go out much these days but I've been to a few friends houses who drink loads and go to pubs during the day.

I did have a health problem when I stopped drinking so I know that helped.

I am about a month into my new streak ( no minus days 🤣)
@TimesaChangeling this made me laugh this morning. Never used to bother me. You do you and all that. Maybe I have flooded my SM with too much AF gump and it’s diluted the quality. I mean -30 days. Honestly. I do believe every dry day counts. I do! But I can’t congratulate someone for “hitting” 1000 days when they drank 30 times in that period. If that makes me an arse then so be it.

Yes I was moody at the BBQ for many reasons and yes the summer holidays are too long! This is the thing, I wasn’t really at risk of drinking because I know this year I just can’t and I won’t. I guess it’s everything getting on top of me and I miss that release. I do dislike seeing everyone around me drink too. Makes me a bit jealous.

Thank you for the words of encouragement @GreatTheCat 2.5 years is a real achievement. I mean this is the fourth thread which has seen me trying to stop drinking, maybe over 2 years? Maybe longer. I know to finally have 8 months under my belt is great work. I just feel a bit down I guess. Have you found anything to replace the feeling or sometime to fill the void?

I'll tell you what I don't do - drink nonalcoholic drinks like beer etc. I don't want the taste of beer reminding me!

No, i haven't found anything to fill the void because I no longer feel the void. I no longer want that wine when I get home from work.

Ah ok maybe I just need to give it longer then @GreatTheCat. In the early days I’d have squash in a wine glass most evenings. I do like an AF gin in the same glass as everyone else to take the attention away. I just feels awkward having a pint of juice or water.

I know some things I need to do. Get back to exercising consistently. Get back to being strict about my diet. Get on top of my list of jobs. Have a clear out. All these things will help and I will be able to focus on them once the kids go back to school….!

I do remember the frequent bad times and the hangovers and I don’t want to go back there but I also miss the feeling.

It's missing the feeling that I find the hardest. I'm only on day 44 and know that this has to be permanent due to a health issue.

I'm finding AF options that I like for the weekend, namely AF Gin and Martini Vibrante. But nothing gives you that lovely feeling. I've tried the Sienta Gaba drinks as well and just an expensive waste of money.