Tulips, Snowdrops and Brownies! Thread 4 for those wanting a coffee not a cocktail🌷🧁☕️

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5147598-day-1-or-100-tulips-and-snowdrops-say-browniesnotbeer

Boldly starting Thread 4, link above to Thread 3. Hoping some of the oldies will join and always open to newbies. This thread is for anyone looking to chat and support those trying to lead an alcohol free life ❤️

@AFmammaG I agree with @TimesaChangeling that it’s the long summer that does it. I’m over 500 days without alcohol now and I had the biggest urge to drink a few weeks ago. It was because I was stressed and sweaty hot wondering around a city, loaded with heavy day-out bags, spending the whole day out with bickering kids! Like you I miss the ‘release’ from reality that alcohol provides. Also like you I know I couldn’t stop at one drink if I did start again. I know myself and it would be one bottle. At least. But in general I really don’t miss drinking at all. I’m at the point where I genuinely don’t see the point in having one or two drinks. I don’t see any benefits. All of the things that I used to accompany with alcohol are SO much better without. Waking up without a hangover/feeling groggy after bank-holiday or Christmas or a dinner (or any day in general 🫣) will never not feel wonderful. I don’t feel like I’m missing out because I know that I will feel so much better without alcohol. I really try not to judge… BUT I do tend to watch people drinking and think whhhhyyyyy are you doing this? Feeling so glad that I’m not going to feel like them the next day. A little bit of smugness goes a long way over here 😂. I get what people mean about feeling a little bit flat without booze, I guess this is what it feels like to have a life without alcohol induced swings of high and low. We’re basically conditioned almost from childhood to accept this as the norm so I tell myself that after almost 30 years of living with this habit it will take some time for me to mentally adjust. Well done on your 8 months, it’s an awesome achievement. This last week of August is always a bit of a nothing time so hopefully September and the changes that come with it will make things feel a bit easier 🤞🏻

Thank you for the support @MrsCrocombesJellyMould, I really enjoy hearing the perspective of someone who has a good run of days under their belt. I know I can’t go back. It’s taken me so long to get this far, it will all be lost in a night if I do. I quit smoking last year and vaping this year, so I know I have made real progress. I guess I just kind of hoped this far into the year I would be feeling a bit more sober smug 😉

I guess this is why there are so many “serial resetters” out there. It is hard to get used to this new normal. Plus I hated the highs and lows of drinking and hangovers. Jeez I posted enough on here about that. There were times in the lows where I was so low I didn’t want to be here anymore. It just felt hopeless. So to be 8 months in now is something I didn’t think would be possible. I have to keep reminding myself of that and cling on during the times I romanticise about drinking. I guess it’s a bit like an ex. When you finally break up you feel free at first but then over time the doubts creep in and you wonder if you did the right thing. I need to find myself a new challenge or goal to focus on and stop dwelling on that missing out feeling.

Hi all! Hope everyone is ok! Just checking in very quickly to say hi! I am still going. Nearly 2 years now.

Wow! 2 years seems unthinkable to me at the moment. Well done!

500 days @MrsCrocombesJellyMould (great name!) and nearly 2 years @BoilingHotand50something ! That is immense! Amazing stuff💪

Our first thread was just over 2 years ago, which is amazing when you think about it. Whether or not there have been pitfalls along the way, we are in such different places now I think. Time marches on and so do we all, doing our level best to be happy (and that’s basically it - sole goal is happiness!).

It seemed unthinkable to me also when I started! I was a half a bottle of wine (at least) a night drinker, more at weekends for as long as I can remember. I can’t imagine drinking again. Not after all this hard work!

I was getting through two-thirds of a bottle every night and couldn't remember a single day without drink. I wanted to stop but never did. I don't even know how I managed that first step now - think it was just a lucky group of coincidences. Anyway, surviving one day without my 6 o'clock wine spurred me on to try another... Now it's nearly 4 months. I'm not sure what will happen in future. I sometimes really fancy a drink but I daren't try now and often wonder why I'd want to.

Sounds like you are on the right road to freedom from the Wine Witch! Keep going. It’s totally worth it

@BoilingHotand50something please help my memory, were you on the first thread and did you stop at the very start? So 2 years of posting here on this thread? Wow. I thought it must be around that length of time but to hear it confirmed is a little mind blowing.
I think I said before but I had been on a few threads before this one too (without much success). It’s a useful reminder of how much it has taken me to get here.
2 years is a fantastic achievement, well done! And congratulations to everyone on here. It’s certainly not easy. I’ve felt so tempted this past week. Like every day. It’s taken real strength to push through. I keep focussing on next week. Back to school. Back to work. Back to life as normal. I’m desperate for that routine and regularity and reliability. I need a better plan for next year because I just can’t do this again. I know I said that last summer and I did make some changes but this is just too hard. Almost 7 weeks at home entertaining the kids mostly alone. I’m literally losing my mind.

Yes! I was lurking to begin with when the OP posted the first thread. Think it was PeppaPigFanClub? I was drinking over the summer holidays but knew I was going to stop and then I went dry at the beginning of the school term and literally haven’t had a drink since.

You have done amazing to get through the summer but you have done it. And now you have done it once, you know you can do it again. All the firsts are hard but the next time they come around, they are not nearly as bad. I have done all the regular firsts such as birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, Kids off for Summer Holidays, Christmas, New Years twice and have also done gigs, Theatre, a funeral. The things I haven’t done yet are a flight (but I very rarely fly) and a wedding / hen night but at this point, I do not feel worried. Also, another year and the kids will be older. Things will change. You are doing brilliant. You have got this.

Yes it was thepeppapigfanclub, I think of her often. I remember from the first thread you were one of the ones consistently popping up to say “keep at it”. Thank you for still posting and showing us it can be done!

I also think about sadmamma and wonder how she and others from the early days are doing. I think that’s one of the reasons why I keep coming back to the thread to update. I wonder if they log on every now and again just to see how we are doing.

Re next school holidays. I am seriously considering booking a holiday for four weeks somewhere. Even if I just get a tent and a couple of sleeping bags. This summer has felt like lockdown for me. Weeks of trying to find things to do. Weeks of looking after the kids alone. Resentment building. I haven’t enjoyed it. I need to do something differently next year.

Love the username 😄 I can definitely relate!

Wow, reading your post is such an inspiration and I’m guessing by how upbeat and positive your posts are that it was the best decision you ever made? I’m 6 weeks in but have had periods of sobriety before, but something feels different this time, these last couple of years I have become more worried about the physical and mental effects from alcohol, not just my liver but my heart, brain and risk of dementia if I continue, and I just can’t hide from it anymore and it seems to so far be helping me when those urges hit.

@AFmammaG I love your posts, they’re so real and I identify with so much that you say. My DC are all grown up now but my god did I hate the summer holidays! It all got a lot easier when I was working full time and they were in clubs all week (back in the day when it was affordable). So you’ve done so well and I know that relief when they go back to school and normality returns. Not long now!

Thank you @Openthisdoor! and well done on your 6 weeks. When I was drinking I would go to bed and my heart would race. Palpations at night. I could feel it through my chest. All that has stopped now and I’m so grateful not to have that worry anymore.

@Openthisdoor yes it was the best decision for me. Bar pregnancy, I had done very short stints of sobriety and something definitely felt different this time, I think it was that I actually wanted to do it, as opposed to feeling like I should be doing it.

Coming on to share my 250 day milestone! Truly feeling wonderful. I’m flooding my social media with messages like the one attached and working really hard on investing in me.
Time for me.
Nutritious food for me.
Exercise for me.
Sleep for me.
Good friends for me.

I’m focused on the positive. Zero negative self talk, I have no time or energy for it. Everyday I’m doing gratitudes. Journalling. Feeling stronger and stronger.

It’s not perfect. I still have down moments but they no longer consume me. I’m able to work out a plan. Tackle it. Move on.

Honestly guys, this is it.

Happy 250th! I sometimes think I've spent most of my life doing things that hurt me and not saying 'No'. I'm hoping I've finally learned my lesson. Day 130 for me today. You are proof that it can be done - thanks.

Ahhh @AFmammaG that is AMAZING and I am so truly glad for you. Whatta woman, well done to you and I'm so happy that you're feeling the benefits.

Well done to you as well @LillyPJ on 130 days.

I'm still drinking so haven't really been on the thread much. I must admit to feeling rather adrift and sick of the treadmill. So please, allow my current state to cement for those of you who are doing so well that I'd love to be where you are, keep on going and I'm bloody proud of you x

Thank you both ❤️ I too think a lot of my drinking, smoking and eating habits over the years have been a form of self harm @LillyPJ it’s been so hard to break free of that pattern of behaviour and yes, I do miss the “high” of drinking but my goodness there are so many benefits of sobriety that I had no idea of. As simple as bumping into another parent on a Sunday morning and enjoying a quick chat. No shame. No fear. No sickness. No smell. No doubts. Just me.

@Steppered I am sorry to hear you are feeling this way. Didn’t you get a good run under your belt previously? My longest was 60 days prior to this. I really do believe that if you keep trying it eventually clicks. I needed more support to do it. I always thought I could do it alone but truth be told I needed help. Was just too afraid to admit that I guess.

My drinking is definitely a form of shame spiralling self-sabotage. I've given alcohol so many jobs over the years it's complicated to unpick.

Yes, I've gone over 100 days in the past. I can't lie though, I still romanticize moderation. With that in mind as an option, I can't quit. And yet, am not very good at moderating. I need to change the way I'm thinking about alcohol, stop giving it so many jobs, but also to understand that I'm not depriving myself by not drinking, I'm actually making positive choices.

Anyway, blooming well done to you ladies who are doing so well, you really do inspire me, it does help and personally having watched your challenges on these threads for 2 years I feel so genuinely happy to see you defeat this bastard bottle of poison x

It was the knowledge that I wasn't depriving myself that allowed me to give up smoking. I read 'The Easy Way to Quit' and realized that rather than depriving myself, I'd be giving myself so many good things and I'd be free of a controlling monster. I think that way of thinking has helped me a bit with giving up alcohol, although the fact that drinking is encouraged in our society whereas smoking became a bit frowned upon has made this less clear cut. I too have a dream about moderating, but I think I'd be terrible at it.

hello all! Congrats @AFmammaG and @LillyPJ on your milestones! Good work and keep going!

nice to hear from you @Steppered - I honestly feel like accepting I was never going to be able to moderate was the thing that has got me through as I just put the option out of my head.

so 2 years for me. Feeling good but now need to sort out my weight! I need to channel whatever got me dry to get me thin (well thinner!).

“Alcoholism is to give up everything for one thing…
… Sobriety is to give up one thing for everything”

This struck such a chord with me. I would love to just drink once or twice a month and who knows maybe I could in the beginning but truth be told I know I would be back to square one before too long.

Hi everyone! Jumping on as I hit 265 days and know I have 100 left to the big 1 year.
I had a pink cloud day yesterday. Just felt brilliant. I was thinking about last year and how low I was. Waking up with dread in my stomach. Feeling sick every weekend. Living the rollercoaster of abstinence and then ‘relapse’. It’s an awful way to exist.

I like to post around significant dates but I also wanted to post today to say I have zero desire to drink anymore. Yes, sometimes I fantasise about a glass of wine but I know deep down I won’t. I think the trick is to keep revisiting the past. Sounds morbid but I need to remember my ‘whys’. I can never go back to that feeling of hopelessness and not wanting to be here anymore.

Sharing in case it helps someone scrolling the board, just like I used to. I hope everyone else is doing just as well ❤️

Well done @ AFmammaG.

Day 69 and looking forward to the day when I have zero desire for a glass of wine. I won't crack but I would like the wine witch to never ever visit me again!