The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2025

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

Good morning shipmates. The sun is shining and I'm in my little outpost office this morning, surrounded by heavily pregnant Highland cows. Ladies are a source of bafflement and dismay to Sid, though he managed to be civil to a little Jack Russell lady this morning.

@Onewildandpreciouslife - I find that I laugh more now I'm sober. It's very good for the soul.

@newme2025 - it's great that you are making these changes, activating some self-care tactics, and feeling some positives.

I just need to say, however, that for a lot of us, myself included, talk of what is still being drunk can be terribly triggering. We're almost all here because we know we cannot moderate, and are one sip away from tumbling back down into the abyss. The recommended UK limit for alcohol intake is 14 units per week. Our recommended intake limit is 0 units and we encourage abstaining, however challenging it can be. We know - or have had an inkling of - what awaits us if we don't keep right off the stuff (The reality of the end | Mumsnet - grim reading). This isn't really the best space in which to post about what or how much we're continuing to drink. I hope you can understand where I'm coming from on this.

If anyone is not yet at the abstinence stage (and I understand how scary that prospect can be), MN have a cracking Moderation Support Thread, which you might find helpful. As mentioned in the OP, all we ask here is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN's other long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread is always near the top on the alcohol support board alongside ours. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.

Lots of friendly folk on our neighbouring thread there who are happy to listen and share, but who aren't quite ready to head on over here yet. Here's a link to the current thread:
On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstaining, no judging, keep on being strong, new thread autumn 2024 | Mumsnet

Here's my main reason to be sober. Sid wishes you joy of your Wednesday.

Strength and courage. We've got this. xx

This isn't really the best space in which to post about what or how much we're continuing to drink. I hope you can understand where I'm coming from on this.

@REP22 I’m confused by this comment if it’s aimed at me? I have stated in several posts on this thread that after attempting to moderate many times and failing, I have decided to give up alcohol for good, and am on day 2 of my abstinence journey. I’m unclear what I’ve done wrong and am suddenly feeling a bit unwelcome TBH! 😔

@newme2025 - Hi, I'm sorry if you felt that I was getting at you in my post. Honestly not the intention at all. It's just a general point that gets repeated from time to time.

Honestly - you're doing fantastically well and you are 100% welcome here. Fantastic on getting to day 2 - I know how much that will have cost in terms of effort and willpower. Hope you enjoy the gardening later - it's a beautiful day for it. I'm a useless gardener myself - I could kill a plastic cactus at 50 paces - but I did top up the bird feeders this morning.

It's great to have you aboard. ❤️💐 x

Thanks - just wanted to add that I’m happy to buzz off elsewhere if I’m not bringing the right vibe. The last thing I want to do is trigger anyone on the thread! I don’t think the moderation threads are for me, because I don’t want to moderate - I want and need to stop drinking for good. But perhaps there’s a different thread that might suit me better (one for people in the very early days of abstinence, perhaps?) If anyone has any suggestions please let me know.

Hi @newme2025 I hope you stay. This is for people who are not drinking, and who can't moderate. I have fallen off the wagon more times than I would have liked... when I do I never post drunk. I'm not saying you would, but just saying how I manage this. When I have fallen I have always been welcomed back with open arms. I made the decision now to not post to say I've 'fallen' as it just made me feel guilty and ashamed. Funnily enough since making this decision I've kept on the straight and narrow.

It's a good safe space to be. And I guess like any safe space there has been some rules agreed long before I joined which are that we are here to abstain.

Is there anything you want to check out about this space? I am no expert, but there's lots of us here, and it's a really supportive group of people.

Anyone who is trying to abstain is welcome here @newme2025 .

I suspect that your post last night which said something like “I am still drinking x units a week” might have been misunderstood! I had read it that you were saying that you’d realised that when you were previously trying to moderate you were still drinking too much, but you can see how someone might have read it differently 🤣

Hang in there - the first 3 or 4 days are the hardest (and we have all been there …). It gets better

Stay with us @newme2025, well done on Day 2. I love the plans you have for self care and you’re inspiring me.

@newme2025 You are very welcome here. I haven’t posted as much recently but I’m not that far off six months sober. The early weeks were difficult but not drinking has become a habit now and not something I have to consciously think about every day. My life is much calmer and I know I am doing my body the world of good, giving it a chance to repair and heal after years of daily drinking. I feel that sober, I am a better wife, mother and friend and importantly, I am much more honest with myself.

That’s not to say that it’s always easy. It would be a lie to pretend I never think about alcohol. But it’s the only sensible choice for me and I promise it does get less difficult. I hope you stick with this thread and find it as supportive as I did and still do, especially in the early days ❤️

Another vote for you to stay, @newme2025. I think @Onewildandpreciouslife is probably right about what might have led to any misunderstanding. Because of the precarious nature of sobriety it is an unwritten rule that we don't mention 'live' lapses if we have them, and whilst I don't think you did that I can see how it might have been interpreted as such. Don't worry about it. It's not that we are unforgiving of lapses on here (who are we to judge, after all?) but that as a general point not directed at you at all, it can be easier all round to have clear boundaries.

I used to post on a different site that has since closed down, and lots of people posted on a regular basis to say that they'd 'caved'. They always got lots of sympathy and support - to the point where it was almost a rite of passage to have done so. It was clear that some people were lonely and feeling unloved, so were reaching out to get messages of solidarity, that 'we've got your back' and so on. It was all meant very kindly, but IMO was counter-productive. Anyone reading could feel that a lapse was part of the process, and would do no harm, when in fact weekly binges are harmful, whether they are commonplace or not. Also, hearing about someone opening the wine (or poison of choice) and how they felt when drinking it can be very unhelpful to those who prefer to avoid thoughts of alcohol altogether.

People on this thread are supportive of one another, very understanding about how we've got here, and appreciative of advice as to how to stay sober. We've all travelled different roads, and found different ways to get off the booze roundabouts and back in lane. You will find what works for you in time, and before you know it you will be giving advice to others. Stick with us? You've done the worst bit. Making the decision to quit is hard - we all know that. It's easier to say you'll drink every other day, or alternate with a soft drink, or water it down, or have three days a week alcohol free, or. . .[insert empty promises of choice]. Reframing your thinking to 'I'm a non-drinker, so wine/gin/beer is not an option for me' is difficult in some ways, but a lot easier when you really accept it.

Meanwhile, you might wobble a bit at first, but you can always post, and someone will be around to talk you down. You've made the decision to stop, so this is the thread for you.

Plus, you get to see photos of Sid😍

Thank you so much all. I can see how that earlier post could be misinterpreted - apologies, I’m not the most articulate at writing!

I totally understand about the need for rules on here. When I did DJ a few years ago I was on a thread where a few people posted about having a “one-off” drink during January on their birthday for example, and it nearly blew me off course. One thing I would like to ask: if I do fall off the wagon at some point in the future (and I sincerely hope I don’t!) is it okay to come back here the next day and post about that? Or is it best just not to mention it at all? I wouldn’t want to trigger anyone so would be useful to know from the outset. Also, is it okay to post if I’m really struggling and craving a drink at any point?

I found Dry January got easier as the weeks went on and I experienced situations I thought I could never do without alcohol and not only got through them okay, but saw multiple benefits from not drinking (not panicking about what I said when drunk the next morning for example).

I’m still feeling rotten with this bug I’ve got, so finding it easy to abstain ATM. Am planning a bath, early night and looking forward to ticking off day 2 on my app.

Another thought I had is that being ill, the old me would have had a debate in my head. Should I drink tonight even though I’m not well; not wanting to “waste” a drinking day on an evening when I didn’t feel well; resenting myself for giving in and having a drink when I wasn’t well because I couldn’t not, even though it’s clearly a dumb decision; the list goes on. It’s such a relief not to have those endless mental gymnastics in my head and just say no, I’m not drinking.

I’ve seen other people post about this before, but don’t feel I really “got” it until now.

I think you'll know what you need to do if and when it happens. If you are struggling there's no reason why you can't post about it and someone should be around who is able to help. I think so long as you bear the audience in mind it will be fine, but others might feel differently, and obviously have as much right as me to give their opinion. It's not the mentioning of alcohol that's the issue - it's pretending that it's ok to drink, or talking about the positives of it.

I doubt that anyone on this thread has got here without a glitch, but we are all aiming to move forward without drinking, and that is the norm on here.

I've not posted for a while but still following, I find it such a comfort. I've had some slips it's reminded me I can't moderate. I will keep going, I'm determined to stay sober.

Morning ships company and cabin boy Sid.
I will not drink today.

I've noticed I run through a list in my mind about the benefits of being af. I think this is keeping the noise from the witch down.

Love and kind thoughts to all.

Morning all.
Good to hear from you @Swanchaser .

So today I am 3 years sober. I did Sober Spring 2022 and then kept going.

I remember in the early days a friend asking me if it was a permanent thing, and I replied I didn’t know- there were so many things I couldn’t imagine doing sober. But I’ve done them now - largely through the support of the lovely ladies on these threads over the years.

There is still a lot of work to do - I am still a people pleaser who is way too hung up on measurable achievement and reaction from others (thanks, mum ….), but I’m working on it.

@Onewildandpreciouslife wow 3 years, that's incredible, congratulations.

Do you still have cravings anymore? Or rarely think about booze?

No, I don’t have cravings any more. I occasionally wish I could turn my brain off or escape from hard feelings, but I don’t associate alcohol with being fun any more. I think the hardest thing I’ve done recently was a long train journey “home” on my own after my mother died at the end of last year. A lot of cake was consumed!! But I just told myself that “drinking isn’t something you do any more”.

I can’t escape alcohol in today’s society, and sometimes I miss the bonding that goes with it, but more often I find it frustrating that people don’t realise alcohol is holding them back (because no one tells you that, and people probably wouldn’t believe it anyway!)

Morning!

Congratulations on 3 years @Onewildandpreciouslife .

Welcome to all new sisters, we've all been where you are and the early days are the hardest. It isn't for everyone by I found quitlit (audio books in particular) and sober podcasts particularly helpful..and listened to them while walking the dogs, cooking dinner, tidying the house. And still occasionally dip into them.

Thanks @REP22 for your continued, able steering of the ship.

I appreciate the clarity that this is a thread for those trying to abstain going forward and not just taking a break or moderation. I suppose I have always read it the boundaries as being about our intentions and that anyone who wants to live an alcohol free life. Even if sometimes we slip and fall, our sisters are here to pick us up

So today I am 3 years sober. I did Sober Spring 2022 and then kept going.

This is so inspiring. Congratulations. I really hope I can achieve the same!

This is day 3 for me. I will not drink today.

Hi! I hope it's OK to join this thread?
I'm on day one of my journey. My drinking is slowly getting worse and I'm tired of wasting my evenings drinking and then waking up full of regret and anxious.

I know today will be difficult but I'm going to try and fill my day with things to keep me busy. I'm on annual leave today so looking forward to having a long walk this morning and also going to focus on hydrating and eating well 🩷

Any advice for start of my journey would be appreciated! I've been reading this thread for ages and it's been really helpful, so thank you everyone!

Morning Day 39 completed.
Had a slight wobble last night, I have a lot going on at the moment so spinning plates a fair bit. I had to ground myself. I didn’t want to have a drink because I know how that plays out and it certainly wouldn’t end with me feeling relaxed, at peace and proud of myself.
I know how exercise helps but I didn’t get chance to get out for a walk or run as hoped.
Anyway, a new day today and it’s going to be a nice one, I can hear the birds singing even in my busy neighbourhood and they’re sounding joyous.

@Onewildandpreciouslife 3 years is fabulous, well done.

Welcome @Fliss123x, I have found this thread so helpful with lots of support, advice and encouragement.
In my 5 weeks sober (so all very new to me) I have consumed loads of podcasts about sobriety as I get on with my day (even taking a break from work and listening to 10 mins), it really helps me keep focussed and not become complacent. There’s a lot out there - I started with Sober Awkward from the oldest episode, it felt like a gentle introduction to sobriety which I needed because I was so fragile.

AA meetings- listening to the similarities not the differences and finding ones that feel right because there’s loads out there.
Also listening to a great audiobook called Soberful (like the podcast) and I am finding it so relatable about how to manage sobriety.

I also have tried to get some fresh air daily by going out for a walk and I post on here at least once a day for accountability.

Being kind to myself is my number 1 priority (hence the name) and being my own best friend.

Congratulations @Onewildandpreciouslife

I think both yourself and @fortheloveofgod joined at the same time. Here's to you both.

I’ve seen several posters on these boards say that the difference in how you feel between a month off drinking and three months off drinking is quite big. Someone said one month isn’t long enough and you need three months to feel the full benefits. Is this true and if so, what are the differences between 30 days off drinking and 90 days?