The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2025

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

@TeaRose29 I will join you for sober spring if that’s okay. I’m a heavy drinker - I drank a bottle of wine or more a night until this year, when I managed to do Dry January with the help of this forum. I’ve been having 3-4 nights off every week since then, but on lots of the days when I have drunk, I’ve gone crazy and binged. It’s made me realise that as much as I’d like to, I’m incapable of moderating. I’m so sick of feeling like crap and hating myself for setting a bad example to my kids. Enough is enough!

Glad you found us @newme2025 - welcome.

Have you read any “quit lit” books? @REP22 has put some excellent recommendations in her original post. Not everyone finds it helpful, but it’s worth giving it a go if you haven’t before

Hello @newme2025 - welcome from me too. I am so glad you've found us. Well done on doing dry January; that cannot have been easy.

As lovely @Onewildandpreciouslife says, I've found The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy) particularly helpful, especially in the early days.

As the great Freddie once sang to us, "I want to break free". The good news is that we can. It isn't easy, often it's horrible (sorry). But it IS, and ever shall be, worth it. Feel free to post as much or as little as you want. We will hear you and understand without judgement. x

Thank you so much for the replies and support.

It isn't easy, often it's horrible (sorry).

In what way have you found it horrible, @REP22? My main issues are that I drink to drown out my social anxiety, general anxiety and for escapism, e.g. after a stressful day at work to give one example of many.

@newme2025 I think what I've struggled most with is temptation and the cravings. It's a hard cycle to break. Plus I drank to blot out unwanted and traumatic memories and thoughts so without drinking myself into oblivion I then had to confront those. Like you, I would also drink to unwind after a stressful day. For a long time I couldn't fathom how other people managed without drinking.

Some people struggle with physical illness as a result of drinking as well. Others find social occasions almost impossible to navigate without a drink. I also needed some medical support when I was giving up drinking. I had to take Librium and Thiamine tablets for a while as my body got used to not drinking. But then, I was drinking very heavily.

Not everyone finds it horrible though. Hopefully you won't. It's brilliant that you managed Dry January and to moderate your drinking since then. It's a slippery slope though, and easy to fall back into bottle-a-night territory.

Keep going - you can do it. x

Plus I drank to blot out unwanted and traumatic memories and thoughts so without drinking myself into oblivion I then had to confront those.

Dealing with negative and unwanted thoughts and emotions without the haze of alcohol to block them out is something I find daunting. How long have you been sober if you don’t mind me asking @REP22 - and how much did you drink before?

I found the thread elsewhere on this board by someone who has quit alcohol and found there to be not much difference quite disconcerting. But I feel horrific today - with my level of drinking there’s no way I wouldn’t notice a difference.

You are in good company here @newme2025 ! So many of us used alcohol as a coping strategy, and it is a really, really crap coping strategy because it makes anxiety far worse.

You can do Dry January just by white knuckling it, and while your body will thank you, 31 days isn’t enough for the mental changes to kick in.

The “magic number” for that is about 100 days, or 3 months, which is why Sober Spring is such a helpful tool. To get there, you will need to find alternative ways of coping with your problems.

Some people find it helpful to think of a “toolkit” - a range of strategies to try. Early nights, long baths, loud music, alcohol free alternatives (some people find these helpful- others find them triggering. Your sobriety: your rules), jigsaws, exercise, chocolate, boxsets ….

And what nobody tells you is that socialising sober can be less stressful- after the first 5 minutes, you realise that you can talk to people without worrying if you’ve drunk too much, being too loud etc. You don’t have to watch yourself like a hawk and that is so much more relaxing!

@newme2025 I stopped my serious drinking in 2019. Had some wobbles during lockdown and after but have mostly stayed true. I was drinking a lot. At my worst I was powering through approx. 6 - 7 litres of Scotch a week. I probably shouldn't be alive.

But it's all relative. I wouldn't want anyone to look at the above paragraph and think along the lines of "I wasn't that bad, so I can't have a problem". If you're just on low-percent wine but still necking it every night, that's still a problem. If there's a niggling little voice in the back of your head suggesting "you're drinking too much", "you need to stop", "enough is enough", that sort of thing - believe it.

It will be alright. You can make it. x

Wow, thank you everyone for the lovely warm welcome. @newme2025 it would be great to do Sober Spring together. I remember you well from the Dry January and Damp February threads, although I didn’t post much (and only got half way through DJ ).

Well Day 1 completed yesterday! It was fine and I slept really well. SS hasn’t officially started yet but I’m going early, as I wanted to start on a Monday. I’ve decided not to tell friends that I’m doing it, at least not until I have a few weeks under my belt and am feeling more confident. Tonight will be a challenge - DH and I have our regular bridge night with friends, and it is always a boozy affair. I’m planning to drink 0% Martini and tonic, which is lovely, and I’ve also got some Nozeco and AF Erdinger on hand. If anyone asks, I’m going to say that I’m doing a Glow Up, which is sort of true, and sounds much more positive 😊.

@ShyMaryEllen thank you for the tip about vitamin B1. I think I’ve got some somewhere, I will dig it out!

Hi @newme2025 great that you’re here. I have also seen the thread that you referred to that says they weren’t feeling much different - it didn’t fill me with much enthusiasm! However I do feel better without alcohol and I also was very anxious- socially and everything else but that has most definitely improved.

Thanks all for the support. @REP22 I expect I’m still drinking around 50-55 units a week even with three days off, which is far too much. It feels a scary amount TBH - I definitely have a problem. Once I start I just can’t stop.

@TeaRose29 good luck tonight. Today is my day one - I’m not feeling well today so don’t think I’ll find abstinence too difficult, until I get better that is.

@Kindtomyself good to hear your anxiety has improved!

@Onewildandpreciouslife your post is so helpful, thank you. Am going to give a “toolkit” some serious thought. Early nights and baths are definitely helpful to me. Ideally I would just watch tons of box sets all evening to distract myself, but it’s not possible with DC!

I’m feeling unwell and exhausted but also “safe” in the sense that I won’t be drinking tonight. It’s a blessed relief that all is quiet and calm. Nothing can go wrong or spiral out of control, because I am in control.

Tucked up in bed and alcohol free. Night all.

@newme2025 welcome. I relate to your posts, and reasons for drinking. You asked earlier about the hard parts, for me its feeling all the feelings. I'm so used to either dampening them down with booze or feeling like absolute shit (hungover) but trying to cover up how awful I'm feeling.

So, now I have the new experience of feeling it all. When I stopped last year I cried a lot. I think there was some life stuff I needed to change as it was making me feel so stressed. I have made those changes and starting again, but I'm feeling very anxious this time. I still get the fuck it thought, a lot, but I know that it only makes anxiety (and everything else for me) worse. I was drinking the same as you by the way. Sober powered has some great episodes on this if your interested.

Anyway, welcome, pleased you found your way here x

I should also say @newme2025 it feels worth it. I know I'm a better parent, I worry less about the damage to my health. My sleep is so much better! I building a different life... x

Morning sober sisters on the good ship Sobriety 🚢.
I will not drink today.

This is tough but better so much better than drinking.

Love and kind thoughts to all.

Morning. 38 days completed. Sobriety gives me the opportunity to heal from past wounds instead of attempting to suppress them.

Sobriety also gives me the chance to face the shame that I have been carrying for so long. I hadn’t realised I was so shameful of past behaviours until I stopped alcohol.

Good morning. I'm not the captain of the ship at the moment @REP22 however can I ask that any reference to still drinking alcohol is avoided. We are a sobriety thread and I know it can trigger some followers. We have been going for 5 years and the thread was started as an abstinence discussion. None of us can moderate, we were too far gone.
If someone more techy than me can link the long running moderation thread that may prove useful
Thanks. WW

Welcome @newme2025, to this wonderful group.

I post first thing then catch up with everyone over the last twenty four hours, and I'm noticing how many of my posts echo what been written the day before. Is this coincidence or sober telepathy?

You asked earlier about the hard parts, for me it’s feeling all the feelings. I'm so used to either dampening them down with booze or feeling like absolute shit (hungover) but trying to cover up how awful I'm feeling.

Thanks @Womanshour - this scares me too. Feeling less highs in life also scares me - in my mind, alcohol has always elevated good times for me in the past, e.g. opening a bottle of fizz on a summer’s day. But I KNOW that feeling only lasts a few hours and then I feel like a total wreck and full of regret the next day. The shortlived enjoyment of drinking (and for me it really was only the first glass that was truly enjoyable) is not worth the resulting awfulness that comes with it.

I’m glad you said that not drinking has made you a better parent too. That is my number 1 motivation for doing this.

I wish I could moderate but after many attempts, I’ve finally accepted that I simply can’t.

Day 2 for me. I will not drink today.

@newme2025 that is the thing isn't it... just the first drink but it derails so much else. I have tried and tried to moderate and it always ends the same, and it's terrifying the units that would disappear each week.

I am trying to make sure i add in things that bring me joy. I've started running (again) the runners high helps, it also helps me with the anxiety.

I'm very early days... but noticing the intensity of craving has reduced a bit x

Morning all.
I think when you realise the highs of drinking aren’t worth the lows, it really helps. I once did a thought experiment about the first drink, and I realised the BEST moment for me was actually the moment just BEFORE I drank - knowing that my tension was going to disappear (for a while!) made my shoulders relax even before I’d drunk anything.

So if I looked at the whole 24 hours of my day, that 5 minutes of escape just wasn’t worth the price.

Also, I have found that, now I don’t drink, I laugh more, and harder, than in my drinking days.

Absolutely agree, @Onewildandpreciouslife. I feel I have got to the point of realisation (understanding? Acceptance?) that it simply isn’t worth it.

Really like your username BTW.

In the absence of drinking, I’d like to incorporate some little acts of self-care into my life, however small. So yesterday I shaved my legs and bikini line, which I haven’t done for weeks. Today I’m working from home so will do 45 mins of gardening in my lunch break - something I wouldn’t be motivated to do if I was hung over. Shamefully I would drink to the point where I often fell into bed without brushing my teeth, so I’m hoping to improve my dental hygiene. Perhaps I will also get up the energy to do some jobs around the house that I have neglected. These sort of things make me feel good and more positive. It helps that the weather is improving also.