The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2025

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

“And we’ve all been the ones with the bottle of Prosecco, and look where that got us!”

Really good point OneWild.

Also, I had several years where I wouldn’t touch Prosecco because it gave me heartburn. So it was stupid of me to start back on it again, but it was one of those big night out “ooh, shall we share a bottle of Prosecco?” occasions that kick started it agin. Feels like ‘just a bit of fun’ at the time you make the decision but the consequences are just not worth it. So not worth it.

“For those that have been out for big nights out how do you handle it? I don't go out much so it won't often come up but I know it will do. I often go for meals with a friend but drive then which works for both me and her as I save taxis money and she enjoys a glass of rosé with her dinner but has a medical condition that means she struggles to walk so I can drop her home or to the bus station. I enjoy the cinema too but wouldn't drink there anyway.”

I was thinking about this last night. It’s interesting that you make the point about places / activities where you wouldn’t drink anyway, as I had a similar thought last night but about eating sweets.

One of the challenges I found last night was the general expectation that you’re all going to sit there with a glass of something in your hand all evening. Now when I’m at home sitting on the sofa in the evening I don’t sit there chugging on glasses of water or juice or multiple cups of tea. If I’m not feeling thirsty I don’t sit there sipping away.

It made me think about the other situations that I find puzzling - like people paying loads of money for theatre tickets and then sitting there chomping their way through massive bags of sweets. As if going to see a show is some sort of endurance test that can only be survived if you’ve got sweets to get you through the experience. I find that weird and never eat sweets in the theatre as it distracts me from the show.

So it occurred to me that I could reframe those big night out occasions as another “why do other people do this? it’s so weird” situation. I am never ever tempted to eat sweets in the theatre. So I could try putting drinking into the same “things I never do” box as eating sweets at the theatre, by thinking things like “why do people pour liquid down their throats all evening, like that? it’s not even hot in here, they must be bursting for a wee, what a strange thing to do”.

Your approach of being the driver is a good one too as it gets you off the explaining why you’re not drinking hook.

@ThatWasShh well done on the night out! Fantastic job!

Day 21 x

Well done on 29 days! I hope your health issue resolves so you can enjoy the benefits. I've done some nights sober as the driver, and I find you need to have realistic expectations. So I tend to gravitate to other sober people, and I leave when people start getting drunk and repeating themselves! I don't stay if I'm not enjoying it. It has made me realise I drink at so many events, because they're boring... well when it's boring I can just leave!

Thanks! Stay in bed, it's hideous outside!

I had a scare summer 2023 and basically gave up for 12 months
stupidly started again summer 2024 and it has gradually ramped up
dealing with v difficult family issues, v stressful work and a bereavement
this is a new day one

Good morning Shipmates. Wonderful to see new and familiar friends on the new thread.

Not nice here today, very wet and windy. Sid was most displeased when I confirmed that, yes, he WOULD be downloading his wee-mails outside. I think he's forgiven me now. Or possibly not. Judge for yourself.

Strength and love. You can do this. It's going to be aright. xx

Hi everyone,

Day 89 here, sorry if this isn't appropriate I really don't want to trigger anyone. The past few days I am really struggling, more than I have since I started even in the early days.

Is this normal? I am dreaming about having a drink, this has happened before and I woke up relieved I hadn't, but not this time.

I am wondering is it the amount of time that has passed? I can feel the 'bargaining' slipping in, I will have a few and get back on it. I know this won't work and I really don't want to do it but it is consuming my thoughts at the moment. I know moderation won't work for me and still want to avoid drinking.

I really thought the amount of time I have behind me that I would have had a turning point or an aha moment by now.

I have read all the books, I know how bad it alcohol is, I feel so much better, I know the science, I know the horrible effects it had on my life, but I am still craving it, I actually feel so crap over it.

So sorry for bringing the tone down, I really am trying to stay positive, one of the main reasons stoping me having a drink is I have told a lot of people in real life and I would be so embarrassed.
Obviously I don't want to let family down either.

Any tips to get over this or is it something that has happened anyone else?

Thanks so much.

Welcome @Apigcalledsue - sorry you have so much going on in your life at the moment, but well done on deciding to start again with sobriety

I think it’s completely normal to struggle at times @sugarytea2024 . Clare Pooley in the Sober Diaries talks about PAWS (nothing to do with Sid - post acute withdrawal symptoms). I’m not sure I’m convinced about that, but I definitely think that some times are harder than others. I often used to struggle around milestones- the “oh goodness, is this it forever?” voice used to pop up.

Can you identify what is causing the struggle? I often find my brain is like a well meaning but unhelpful friend - if I can tune in to what it’s telling me it’s much easier to handle.

Hang in there!

Do you find that people expect you to be the taxi? Lol I really don't mind doing it for my friend who has walking difficulties but not for people to sit and get drunk. I want to leave when it suits me.

Hi @sugarytea2024 I know someone with more wisdom will reply, but in the meantime....

I have had 2 longer sober stints one nearly 2 years and last year nearly 6 months. Each time I had one drink and so quickly my drinking became very unhealthy.

I don't have an answer about if this stops but I do think cravings keep coming... for me anyway. Be secure in the knowledge that one is never one... for me it was 6 months back in alcohols clutches. I just couldn't seem to get straight again.

I think for me developing a good sober life is what I didn't do last time I stopped (for 6 months). So trying to loose some weight and run (it give me that lovely runners high). That will give me some short term things I want to maintain that alcohol doesn't mix with.

What do you enjoy more about your sober life?

@Onewildandpreciouslife that is a good point about trying to identify what is going on right now, I think life is actually good so I feel even worse that I am having so many cravings if that makes sense. I struggled previously with thinking too far ahead and about trios away but I brought it back to taking things day by day. That helped for a while but things have ramped up again.

I actually don't know if tiktok is making it worse, my whole for you page is about people being sober and while I love all the tips and positive stories, is it healthy to still be thinking and reading about it all the time?

I guess @sugarytea2024 we have a lot of unlearning to do.. (I have years of alcohol use behind me to unlearn!)

All big emotion seems to make me want to drink to some degree. Sad, stressed, annoyed, happy, bored. Then there's good weather, seeing some friends. The list is long... but after the first glass (for me) I'm just trying to have more. That's not that fun.

Good luck with it, keep riding it out and you'll have easier days again x

@sugarytea2024, it gets a lot easier, but cravings pop up every now and then, even after years. I think we are all different, as I'm not really a believer that one size fits all where addiction is concerned. Some are hooked on the physical aspects - dopamine, chemicals, whatever, and others on the habit side - it's wine o'clock, I need a drink to sleep, it's Christmas etc. Some will be different again, or have a mixture of traits.

I stopped drinking in 2017, and I still get occasional thoughts that I can moderate. I can't. I've tried. When I found that my health wasn't as bad as I'd been told, I thought I'd have a couple of glasses now and then, but I found I wanted more. Much more. So I know what would happen if I tried to be a social drinker. I just can't, and it's easier to accept that. I'll raise a glass at a wedding or something, but not more than that.

I'm not a fan of quit lit either, for the reasons you describe. It's better (for me) not to think about alcohol, but I understand that others get a lot from it (and from meetings where people talk about not drinking, which are not for me either). Horses for courses.

Evening lovelies, hope you’re all ok. Sid looks so snuggly and cute in his towel, love him. Thanks for the new thread @REP22 .
Take care x

@Womanshour thanks so much x I definitely need to ride it out.

@shymaryellen I think I will take a break from the quitlit and tiktoks for a while. I am feeling a bit less overwhelmed this evening. It is reassuring that it's not just me, sometime it feels like others find it so much easier even though rationally I know everyone who has difficulties with alcohol will struggle xx

Thanks for talking me down, this thread and all of you have been lifesavers, I really mean that xx

Hi all, I'm here under a name change just for this thread.
I only posted a few times on the last one as I was terrified someone would find me. No reason for that really but I'm a chronic overthinker.
Anyway, 6 weeks tomorrow, the odd craving but I'm OK, I am starting to think about a drink when I'm away in a few weeks though, being away is the only time I can and do drink responsibly, but I know I shouldn't drink at all, I'm terrified of coming home and thinking it'll be fine the the odd evening in front of the TV, and it won't, I've far too many lost years to know it won't, but damn I want some nice away drinks.

Hi Tequila.

You’ve just reminded me that “some nice away drinks” was part of my slippery slope back to over-doing it last year. When I was trying to moderate, via a lot of “not in the house” “not in this circumstance” “not in that circumstance” rules.

Wishing you strength and resolve.

Yes, that's exactly my worry and why I'm determined not to fall into that trap.
I guess I'm just a bit sad I can't have a, "normal", drink anymore, though I'm guessing, hoping?, that passes.
I'm aware six weeks is still very early days in the grand scheme of things.
I hope you're doing better now 💓

Morning sober crew,captain Repp
And ships hansom mascot Sid
I will not drink today
Love and kind thoughts to all

Day 71 for me. Dreamt of having half a cider the other night! Having the odd wobble where I kid myself i will be able to open a nice bottle of red and just have one!

Have thus far resisted the urge (and plan on doing so).

I'm not actually missing alcohol too much and am finding susbstituting with an AF bottle of wine is satisfying my need to feel like I'm having a weekend drink.

Reading these threads is definitely helping when I kid myself on that I can moderate (knowing full well that it's,a very slippery slope).

Thank you all for your input, you're all a great inspiration.

I found the AF cider to be pretty good when I was doing dry January last year Sissy.

Interestingly I made me realise that it’s the alcohol content that triggers a ‘drink more!’ response. With the AF cider, I’d just have one glass out of a 500ml bottle, which gave me the taste hit I was looking for, and then not think about it anymore.

Well done on 71 days.

@ThatWasShh I haven't tried the cider, so will give it a go.

Morning all.
Sleeping a bit later.

I belive smashed cider is the closest to the real McCoy.

@TequilaAndPickles i only use Wendy for this thread and if I answer a booze related question in relationships etc.
I had IRL stalker who found me on here as I used my nickname originally. It made me very anxious but MN did step in.

A picky friend is due this afternoon for cake and a visit. Very wealthy, very tight fisted.
I've got the cake!