The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2025

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

@Fliss123x I’m on day 3 of my journey so similar to you. I’m aiming to do sober spring and beyond, as I’ve finally come to accept that I’m someone who is unable to moderate. Not much advice as I’m very early on too, other than keep posting here for support. We’ve got this!

@newme2025 the way I understand it is that over time, as you drink, your brain adjusts to the various effects of dopamine, cortisol etc, so your baseline happiness falls and your baseline anxiety rises. When you stop drinking for some time, those baselines readjust - and 3 months is roughly how long it takes to lay down those new neural pathways

I’m determined to get day 90 (and beyond) I want to see what happens.
@Onewildandpreciouslife if you don’t mind me asking, how are you feeling generally now compared to 3 years ago? What changes have you experienced?

Today’s tiny act of self care: finally charging my electric toothbrush. The battery died months ago and I never bothered to recharge it due to being drunk/hungover and not having the energy to find my charger, which was in the back of the bathroom cupboard somewhere.

Good morning shipmates. @Fliss123x - a hearty welcome to you. I am so glad you've found us. It's great to have the words of inspiration and comfort here - they really help me to keep going.

@newme2025 - congratulations on getting to day 3. In my early days I struggled to make it to hour 3, let alone a whole day. I love your little things that you are doing to make a difference. Small things, that don't seem like much in themselves, but which really do make a genuine positive difference. Charging my electric toothbrush was a key thing for me too. As was clearing away a single but persistent cobweb. My latest "big little" thing is that I bought myself a lampshade for my bedroom main light. I've lived in my house since 2008 but never had a lampshade for the light in my bedroom. It was a big victory for me to go out, buy one and fit it myself. Sid did not welcome the presence of the stepladder in his bedchamber. But a Bakers Sizzler purchased his acquiescence. He's easily bought. 😉

Lovely to hear from you @swanchaser.- I'm glad you're still with us. And @Kindtomyself - you are doing so very well. And @mermadeincornwall - to see your voices getting stronger with every day dispenses renewed strength to us all.

As the Wilson Phillips ladies tell us - "I know that there is pain, but hold on for one more day - break free from the chains". It's going to be alright. We are going to make it.

Strength and courage. xx

This is what happens when you give up. I found it very helpful in the early days.

It's coming to eight years for me, apart from a blip when I discovered that my diagnosis of cirrhosis was inaccurate. The blip was useful, as I discovered then that (much as before) I don't want 'a drink', I want a couple of bottles - wine being my poison. I did it a couple of times, and realised that even after all this time I can't moderate, so have gone back to not drinking. It's so much easier.

The last time I had a drink I was out with new friends and decided to have a glass of wine with dinner. The service was slow, so I'd finished it before the food came, and I ordered another. After that, I wanted a third, which took it to a bottle, as they were 250ml glasses, and I felt restless for the rest of the evening, as I'd got a taste for it by then, and was already a glass ahead of the others. It was exactly like before I'd stopped, except that there was no wine in the house when I got home, so I couldn't down another bottle before bed. It was obvious at that point that if I decided to have 'an occasional drink' I would soon be on the path it had taken such a shock to get off in the first place, so I just don't do it now.

It’s an interesting question @Kindtomyself . I just looked back at some of my first posts on this thread, and in many ways I was a different person - I was only 3 years post my cancer treatment, and still very much in the trenches dealing with mum’s dementia.

One huge change has been the reduction in my anxiety. I am also much better at working out what I can control and what I can’t, and not getting stressed about things I can’t control (like DH’s stress and mood!).

My life feels richer and more genuine, and I trust myself more - if I have a reaction to something, I know it is a genuine reaction and not chemically adjusted.

There is an old hymn called “It is well with my soul”, and the first verse is
“When peace like a river attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll
whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say
it is well, it is well with my soul.”

I think that’s a good summary of being sober.

Congratulations @Onewildandpreciouslife - 3 years is amazing!

I’m another one who makes a point of finding joy in small or inconsequential things. A therapist called them “little glimmers”. I descaled my kettle the other day (see - incredibly inconsequential!). It’s a very beautiful kettle, if there can be such a thing - Dualit Architect - and now it’s just as shiny on the inside 😂 But each little glimmer brightens my day and I’m grateful that I now notice these things. I’m also grateful that I am equally able to tune out the less shiny things!

One thing that helped me in the earlier days was to shift the time I ate my evening meal. I didn’t particularly like eating after I’d been drinking (until the last couple of years when there really wasn’t a point in the day when I wasn’t drinking) so would push back eating till 8/9pm. In my first two or three months I would eat at 5.30/6pm - or even earlier if I felt myself wanting a drink. 5pm was not out of the picture. But it averted the craving.

I think we all need to find what works for us, and there is often a bit of trial and error to find what that is.

Old timers look away now, as I've said this a million times before, but new shipmates might find it helpful. I realised that a lot of my problem was habit. I liked going out after work, and when I was at home I was in the habit of opening a bottle with dinner, finishing it and opening another in front of the TV. I kept this going when I stopped, but replaced the wine with AF versions. I carried on going out until I gave up work, and even then I still went to bars and restaurants, but drank lime and soda or similar drinks. Covid put a natural end to going out so much, and I do it less now, but I don't restrict where I go, or with whom. I lost a couple of friends, which I now realise is because my stopping drinking was uncomfortable for them. I've made far more new ones though, and many of them have never known me as a drinker.

I used to be a real night owl, which gave lots of opportunity for sitting up late with a bottle of wine. I was scared of lying sleepless in bed, and really didn't think sleep was possible without wine. I changed that by going to bed early most nights. Instead of falling into bed, I would run a scented bath, and make the bedroom as appealing as possible, with essential oils to help relaxation, nice pjs and hypnosis tracks (some for stopping drinking and some for insomnia). I'd get into a made bed, listen to the hypnosis through sleep headphones, and know that there was a TV series to watch if I didn't sleep. I often didn't at first, but learnt not to be scared of that, and just went with the flow. I usually sleep well now, although sometimes I get bouts of insomnia.

I didn't join groups (although I posted online) and didn't read quitlit, as I chose not to 'identify' as a drinker, and didn't want to be reminded that I was denying myself anything. I found that useful, although I know that many people find the books very helpful. Again, I think we all need to learn what works for us there - there is no 'one size fits all'.

Aaargh! I can’t edit, but I meant I didn’t like drinking after eating. Not the other way round. Sorry.

That's really interesting @Onewildandpreciouslife and really helpful and hopeful for me.

It's the high levels of physical anxiety I'm feeling at the moment, which I know i am prone to (for various reasons) and I know is not always this bad, but is horrid right now. So to hear your experience that this is one of the improvements is just what I need to hear, thank you. And thanks for keeping posting you and others with long standing sober lives it really gives hope and makes it feel possible. X

I had a craving this afternoon - I finished work early and with the good weather, felt tempted to sit in the garden with a “glass” (which would have turned into a whole bottle) of wine. I’m still not feeling well so focused on how wine would make me feel even worse, and the thought passed quite quickly. Now sipping a non-alcoholic beer instead.

Those temptations will always be there, @newme2025. They get less frequent and easier to resist, though. I was invited out for drinks tonight, and have to admit that the idea of going for 'just a couple' was appealing, but I played the tape forward, and decided against it. I was going to go anyway, and have set drinks, but in the end I decided against that, too.

Thank you to all the welcome messages and words of wisdom 🩷
It's been really refreshing to have an evening where I haven't drank a bottle of wine. Having a sober evening means that I have had a lovely long shower and actually done my skin care, also tidied kitchen and got my stuff ready for work tomorrow. Normally I leave the kitchen a mess, forget to take my make up off and flake out in bed at 8am due to wine!

I know its only day one but I'm taking it one day at a time. The weekend will be difficult but I think they key at the moment is to keep busy!

Hope everyone has had a good day x

Hi all, just checking in, still sober, off to catch up on your inspirational posts. Be kind to yourselves, love x

Safely in bed after day 3 of sobriety. It hasn’t been hard so far but that’s probably because I’m not feeling well and haven’t faced any social situations. I fully anticipate it to get harder once those two things change.

The best advice I can give is to consciously change your mindset until it becomes an unconscious change. A bit like 'I can/can't do that as I'm married/a parent/in charge of this situation/can't afford it/floating in space/allergic to peanuts/whatever'. You are now a non-drinker, and that's ok - you can do everything else, but there is one thing you can't do, and that is drink alcohol.

At first you have to convince yourself that this is the case, but before long it will become your reality.

Well done on day 20 @SmellyMe!
There’s so much quit lit out there . If you go back to @REP22 post at the beginning of this thread there’s some good reads suggested there.
Also I’m reading Love your Sober Year, and I like this because like you mentioned it talks about the seasons … so spring is where you are now and next comes summer etc. It’s an easy and motivating read for after 30 days I suppose.
Quit lit didn’t do it for me but I’d read read read for at least a year before quitting so I think it was there somewhere filed away in my head iykwim.
Once I’d quit I found my own way of coping and reading more quit lit just seemed to remind me when I coped by not thinking about it.
I found giving myself permission to focus on me for a couple of months was so important.
I was lucky in one sense as I was able to be off work on full pay for a long time to do this ( Id had a heart attack so quitting was a no brainer and I was off anyway)
What helped was lots of early nights, reading books again because I could !!
I’ve learnt crochet.
A lot of people exercise more. I think you need to replace the dopamine and exercise can do this, but I wasn’t really allowed until recently. I honestly don’t think I would have had the energy anyway.
Those first weeks were so exhausting.
i was sooo tired for weeks even though sleep was 100 % improved and anxiety too.
Rest lots if you can.
Get some fresh air.

Be kind to yourself x

20!days is amazing you’ve done the hardest bit.
You really really don’t think about it much I found after day 100 and then and life is so much better.
Hope all the shipmates have had a kind evening and enjoyed some of the warmer weather today x

Morning my wonderful sober friends.
I will not drink today.

Its an massive relief to not drink, not overeat, and not make a twat of myself . It's also a masssive relief not to be hungover and full of regrets.

Love and kind thoughts to all.

Morning all, really big unexpected expense yesterday. Feel like we are having an unlucky wave of crap. But I'm not drinking, and have noticed I've been able to save some money this month... no guesses why! Alcohol is a very expensive habit!

Well done everyone for hanging on in there and doing something different. X

So. 42 days AF!

The stats are sobering (ho ho). In my case 84 bottles of Shiraz 13.5%! Ponder that for a sec. About 50,000 calories, or 250 mars bars, (although I’ve only lost about 4kgs.) Oh, and an extra £400 in the purse. Health wise my bowel moments have returned to normal (sorry!), I sleep better but fewer hours, I feel ready for the day at 8AM not midday, I no longer have a racing heart and my blood pressure has reduced. Do I miss my wine o clock Shiraz? Sometimes, especially that first glass. But I know what I’ll be missing if I take that first sip, glass, and bottle. Many thanks to those inspirational posters here who are further through this journey, and “just do it” to those about to embark on this wonderful trip!

Morning all.
Congrats to all making their first, firsts.

I used to white knuckle it on Fridays. It was my wfh day and 5pm was party time.

I've checked the fridge and I shall be requesting the blood orange juice.
I'm about to have Yorkshire tea and a posh cherry yoghurt.

Good luck to all for a peaceful Friday, it will be worth it.

Good morning shipmates.

I'm all for not making a twat of myself @mermadeincornwall - I mean, no more than usual (my default position in life IS making a twat of myself). I have to "get mediaeval" with a useless colleague in a minute who has caused massive and far-reaching issues - I'm glad a post-drinking fug is not part of this mix today.

I'm so sorry you're surfing a wave of sh~te at the moment @Womanshour - I really hope things get better for you soon. Hang in there - it won't always be this rubbish. 💐

Does anyone else hate Mother's Day? Father's Day brings a stab these days, as my DF died well before his time. But I can't seem to find a card anywhere that says: "Mother's Day. I acknowledge the fact that you hosted me for nine months." Gap in the market there, methinks.

Sid and I wish you joy of your weekend - and your Mother's Day if it will be joyous for you.

Strength and courage. Keep going. We are going to make it, you and I. For we are strong. xx

Amazing work @Slackfoxy - congratulations! Those numbers add up, don’t they?!

Ah @REP22 - Mother’s Day is a complicated one. Years of trying to find a card suitable for a very unhappy mother with dementia… But this is the first year of not having to do so, so it will be tricky. I’m running a half marathon with an 8am start on Mothers Day, so hopefully won’t have time to dwell!

Hope you are recovering ok @WendyWagon

Feeling a little better today finally, and it’s Friday - so thoughts of alcohol are naturally starting to occur. It doesn’t help that DH is a drinker and will be on the beers and wine tonight. I won’t drink today though - I want to feel good for the weekend and to be present for the DC. That’s the least they deserve FFS. I also don’t want to feel sick, sweating, struggling to get up and totally lacking in energy to do anything. That’s the reality of what drinking does.