The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring 2025

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Warmer weather is coming. Keep an eye out for that first daffodil waving in the breeze, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

Morning all.

Sorry to hear about the internal screaming @SmellyMe - can definitely relate. I put on loud music and dance in the kitchen at those times

I’m sure the cocktail maker will have dealt with non-drinking guests before @Womanshour . Do you know the organiser of the hen do well enough to have a quiet word beforehand?

I used to find it so hard to order AF alternatives in pubs etc, then realised that DH would just go up to the bar and ask “so, what are your alcohol free alternatives?” really loudly, cos he didn’t care. But it made it easier for everyone! So I learned to do the same- pubs and bars really need to up their AF game as more young people go sober, so we’re doing them a service really!

Morning. Day 42 completed- 6 weeks - yippee!
I’m aware of default leanings to alcohol, I wouldn’t call them cravings but definitely my brain is going ‘eh, what’s happening here? This isn’t how we behave, we’re usually getting plastered by now’ etc etc so I need to be on guard.

Posting here daily and basically just submerging myself in anything quit lit is the way forward. I’m listening to a good audiobook at the moment called ‘We are the luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life’ by Laura McKowen. Her description of her drinking at the beginning really hit me. It’s pretty raw and scary.

I have a lot going on at the moment that I wish I could share here but can’t as could be outing so will journal. I would definitely benefit from a therapist but money is tight just now.

Glad you’re ok @SmellyMe.

We’re on page 40 which I think is the last page of a thread - is it @REP22 who is the Captain?

Not sure if I’m allowed to say this here but I relapsed. I absolutely hate myself, feel terrible and in despair this morning.

I’m sorry to hear that @newme2025 . The question is: what do you want to do now? The fact you’ve come back and posted is a brave step. If you want to live a life free of alcohol, it’s about learning from our slip ups. Was there a particular thing that caused you to drink? Do you think you need more support?

I found the Laura McOwen that @Kindtomyself recommended a really tough read, but her “9 things” are the truest things I’ve read about sobriety

“1. It is not your fault.
2. It is your responsibility.

1. It is unfair that this is your thing.
2. This is your thing.

5. This will never stop being your thing until you face it.

6. You cannot do it alone.

1. Only you can do it.
2. I love you.
3. I will never stop reminding you of these things.”

— We Are the Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life by Laura McKowen
https://read.amazon.co.uk/kp/kshare?asin=B09PLMYV6K&id=mgwgc3rvyvfbvamtsetaedryim

I have chronic low self esteem and social anxiety (always have done since primary school), and worry desperately that I’m boring and people don’t like me. Some friends came over last night and I drank to try and silence those feelings and boost my confidence. Social anxiety and low self esteem is probably the number one reason why I have drunk so much over the years. Woke up this morning with the usual horrendous hangover, highly anxious about what I said last night (I can’t remember much but got into a fairly heated debate about something with a friend and know my tone was bad) and hating myself for all the reasons above and because I drank. I don’t know how to fix this situation - my anti anxiety meds didn’t take away my social anxiety entirely but did help quite a lot (more than therapy), so getting back on those is one thing I can do.

@Onewildandpreciouslife definitely a tough read. It really hits home.

@newme2025 sorry you’re feeling crap, horrendous feeling I know. In my 6 weeks I have learned that I have to put myself first if I want to be sober and this means not picking up a drink. Not for any reason. It’s absolutely ok to have social anxiety. I have generalised anxiety which includes social anxiety but it is improving without alcohol. Immersing myself in anything quit related is my focus - books, podcasts, instagram, AA meetings online or in person.

Morning beautiful shipmates.
I will not drink today.

Being away, and not drinking means I'm enjoying everything around me and not thinking about when I can start drinking.

Love and kind thoughts to all.

@newme2025 I’m sorry you’re feeling crap. Don’t beat yourself up. It’s all
part of the process of understanding your relationship with alcohol. What kind of friends were you meeting? Maybe stick to good friends that you’re more relaxed with for now. Can you chat to them about your worries ? I’m better company sober , a better listener.

@newme2025 I’ve just reread your post. You can’t be any worse than an argumentative drunk when you’re sober surely?! You need to play it forward next time.

I’m also an argumentative, opinionated drunk and that was part of the reason I gave up. The peace of mind it gives you is unbelievable! When I wake up after a night out, it’s so nice not to have those feelings.

Anyway, what I would do today would be send a text or pick up the phone to your friend. Be honest, apologise, say you know you were unpleasant last night and you’re trying to knock drinking on the head.

it may not feel it, but today is a positive day. Alcohol is not your friend. It does you no favours. Apologise to your friend and be nice to yourself today. Is there anyone you can talk to? Get outside and go for a walk, something positive and those feelings of shame will reduce.

Morning all.
Sorry late to the deck.
I've been doing a few tasks.

@REP22 can you hold the thread again? I don't want to let anyone down if I have to go back into hospital.

73 dry days for me this year, current streak is 62 days.

Hidden benefits: the money is adding up, and I'm able to get more done in the evenings. I used to see a glass of something as a reward for hard work, but it was actually getting in the way of keeping on top of everyday tasks & chores.

Keep going everyone! There are quick wins to begin with, then continuing slow wins, and it all adds up. Every extra day counts!

@Onewildandpreciouslife I'm one of the bloody organisers! My friend knows I struggle with booze and does not judge me. I think i need to practice challenging people to create non alcoholic drinks and getting comfortable with that!

Felt awful today. Classic problem drinker, that makes me want a bottle of wine. Ffs. Anyway, managed to stay strong, but sugar consumption has been high!

@newme2025 I've made lots of mistakes and fallen, sometimes having a fall has meant the proper f it button. My last was just a slip, and it helped me know I can't just have one (again.... it seems I've needed to learn this many many times). You can do this. X

I know we're all different, but this is where AF wine helped me. If I felt the urge, opening a bottle, getting a proper glass and pouring it out was often enough to get through, and drinking it over the course of the evening put me off the idea. Even if you start out by telling yourself that if you still feel like a 'real' drink after the bottle is finished, the odds are that you won't want one by then - the sugar will have kicked in for a start, you'll feel full and it will be a few hours later.

Daughter, SIL and Grandpuppy have left. Carpet deodorised, cushion covers and throws washed and order restored, apart from a tennis ball stuck under a sofa🥳. I haven't ventured into their room yet - sufficient unto the day and all that.

I’m really sorry to hear you are having a tough time @newme2025. Giving up alcohol when you have been so used to relying on it is not easy and you have made a very brave decision in deciding to address the problem. Don’t forget that. Today is a new day and the time you have spent booze free still counts. I think sometimes it takes a few hiccups before we are ready to quit completely. Good luck today, I’ll be rooting for you ❤️

I am on holiday and yesterday evening, while sitting on our balcony looking over the most amazing view, I thought ‘what would make this moment perfect is a nice cold glass of white wine’. What a silly thought, as if being lucky enough to have a holiday with beautiful scenery, people and experiences and no stress isn’t enough? Fortunately the moment was fleeting but it was interesting to think about. Why would alcohol have made that moment more complete? It must just be old habits trying to trick my brain as I know I am much happier and healthier now I am sober.

Good morning, I have woken up feeling ready for the week ahead, I want to bottle this feeling and hold on to it every evening when the craving strikes. Wishing you all a good day x

What kind of friends were you meeting? Maybe stick to good friends that you’re more relaxed with for now.

This is a very good point. Some people I feel naturally more relaxed around and some I just don’t (usually very loud, uber confident types), and these friends fall into the latter category. Unfortunately they’re long term friends and we see them fairly regularly. Our DC are friends too. I’ve tried opting out of social situations in the past because they’re a major trigger for drinking, but DH feels that it would be unfair for me to avoid all social situations and for him to socialise alone with other couples every time. I do understand that.

I’ve been feeling very low all weekend. Am restarting my anti-anxiety meds today as they really help (I very much notice a difference in my mood when I’m not on them). One step at a time. I will not drink today.

@newme2025 its interesting isn’t it. I actually don’t see some friends now as I realised I needed to drink to feel good around them.

Oh blimey @newme2025 I have exactly this problem! There is a friendship group that are DH’s old friends and I never feel comfortable with them. My worst drinking excesses were with them for exactly those reasons, although it took me a very long time to join the dots.

When I first did Sober Spring it was off the back of a Dry January, so I was able to say “I felt so good during Dry January I thought I’d try a longer stint”. I find it easier to be upfront with people about making a positive choice not to drink (although they will inevitably see this as an invitation to tell you about their drinking ..) but once it’s out there it’s done for the night.

My suggestion for next time would be to plan really carefully. You will find the first 10 minutes or so really hard - like @ShyMaryEllen i used to find AF options really helpful for this - just having a wine glass in my hand made me feel more comfortable. And snacks - lots of crisps or nuts so you have things to do with your hands and mouth.

If you manage to stay sober, you will find that you get more tired more quickly, so have an agreed exit plan with DH. This is where marathon training comes in handy “I’m sorry I have a long run in the morning so I need to get an early night” is a very good excuse, but I’m sure there are easier ways! - maybe plan an an early morning outing with the DCs?

The other thing I used to find helpful is have a goal for the end of the evening “I want to be sat in bed sober with herbal tea and a good book” and then everything else was focused on getting to that goal

Getting sober is really, really hard, so for a little while you really need to invest in it. It gets much easier over time and is completely worth it. Hang in there

Morning all.
I'm happy to hold the thread folks but I might need some help linking in a minute.
I'm worried we'll run out of posting room.

New shiny thread. Please can someone link for me. Thanks x

MornIng Day 43 completed
Sobriety for me is all encompassing at the moment but it won’t last forever. I am reading and listening to quit lit and individual experiences which are really helping. I noticed I started gently and am moving slowly to different ones as I became stronger mentally. I found the Sober Awkward podcast helpful at the beginning because it’s fairly gentle but now it’s not hitting the spot (so to speak).
Some of the stuff I have read is pretty raw and hits home. I need it as a reminder of my behaviour and relationship with alcohol as I am noticing that little voice, very quietly saying ‘you’re not that bad, just one won’t hurt’ etc
Glad your having a great holiday @CarrotSeeds.
Hope you’re feeling better @newme2025 it’s good that you have recognised why you thought a drink would help in a specific situation and also that it didn’t. It’s all learning and it now gives you the opportunity to reflect and plan what to do differently. This means you are moving forward.

Today is a new day and the sun is shining here.

Hopefully this is a link to the new thread - thanks @WendyWagon

New thread

Morning sober crew.
I will not drink today.

Life is short and I want to be present for all that's left.

Love and kind thoughts to all.

This thread is nearly full and so will stop accepting posts soon. Lovely @WendyWagon has started a shiny new one, so please head over there and say hello!

Yay - a new thread! Have just popped on.