The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Autumn 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @Drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023, where @WendyWagon (our most recent ship’s captain) and the others made me feel so welcome. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

@Becky37 IWNDWYT 💪🏻

@REP22 Can I just say that one of the most comforting things on this thread is you saying "it will be alright xx". It makes me tearful every time I read it. It's like when you are a child and upset and someone you trust tells you everything will be okay. And you believe them. ❤️

Thanks to everyone posting on this thread, old timers and new folk. It is such a help xx

Thank you @CarrotSeeds - that's so kind of you to say; I am very touched and glad that it is helpful. ❤️❤️ It is frightening and upsetting to be dealing with some of the things we are facing, and not a little bit humiliating sometimes either.

I too derive so much comfort, hope and strength from all who post here.

Keep going. I promise there's a nice view from the top. With love. xx

Morning all. Ahoy me hearties.

Ee, I had a horrendous row with the DS yesterday. He made me and the DD cry.
We shut the door on him and watched 7/8 Rivals (I did make the tea between episodes) The husband came home and said what's going on? I told him, calmly and without getting pissed and slurry.
It was pretty poor behaviour from a fully grown man who's staying rent free in our home.

The funny thing about Rivals is the boozing and bed hopping. It is a period piece and one of the actresses said in an interview I couldn't get over how much they drank! Wait for the 90s baby, it gets worse.
Off out to meet an old colleague for lunch. We're meeting halfway. I'm driving so no risks for me. They can make their own meal tonight.

Ahoy @WendyWagon - I am so sorry about your DS. He has no right to treat you and your DD that way, it's not fair. I hope you are OK. 💐 xx

Checking in, doing okay but staying focussed and doing everthing I can to be accountable. Today I did not drink and tomorrow I will not drink either 👊

Thought I would post today as it's my 5 year soberversary. I was on Drybird's original thread.

For anyone having a wobble, this has always been a wonderfully supporting and non judgmental thread, and it helped me so much in the early days.

I originally aimed to give up drinking alcohol for 30 days, but when that time was up, I just didn't see the appeal any more. This from someone who loved a drink (often too much).

These days I have so much energy, sleep really well, and have totally overhauled my diet and exercise, something I never could have achieved when drinking.

Life is so much better. It's so great to feel in control, and never having to plan my life around my drinking days.

To those who might be struggling, do post on here, everyone is so supportive. Remember that there are so many positives to being alcohol free.

Morning all.
Lovely to hear from you @ElsaCrag and many congratulations on 5 years! I think I remember you posting from when I first joined about 2 and a half years ago.

@ElsaCrag oh well done on your sober anniversary. Five years is fantastic.

Ahoy to the sober sisters and Sid.
I'm up early after the dog woke me although I was hungry so I suspect the old body clock was grumbling.

I've not had an apology from the DS yet. The DD called him a very rude name yesterday. She's not amused.
I know the DH will say give him some house money and tell him to sod off. I had planned to do that in the new year but I'm waiting on various things. Little Lord Fauntleroy needs to wait.

I had a bit of a shock yesterday. A lady that I use to attend AA with in 2017 has terminal pancreatic cancer. Same age as me, the poor soul is on her last days.
She was a gifted horse woman.
It really made me think oh shit, there for the grace of God go I.
I felt like going on a bender when my DS was so nasty to me but ye God's I don't want the above to be my story.

Hopefully all will be well. X

Morning all

So sorry to hear about DS @WendyWagon .

Thank you for sharing @ElsaCrag your soberversary with us.

Well done on not drinking yesterday @Becky37 .

👋🏻 To @REP22 and Sid.

We're traveling a bit , off to Italy tonight but spent last night in Manchester having gone to see a favourite performer of ours at the Exchange.

Had a glass of AF Gewürztraminer with dinner afterwards. It was very decent. Quite like the real thing but without the booze.

Made me realise that really I was never drinking the wine for the taste! As actually I prefer diet coke.

Hope everyone has a good day. 💪🏻 IWNDWYT

Good morning everyone. It's a beautiful autumn day here, sunny and dry and the leaves on the trees are turning the most stunning orange 🍁

@WendyWagon Sorry your son's is being such a sod. Kids can be very selfish sometimes. I now have a good relationship with all my kids but there were times when (for many reasons) things with my eldest were very strained. He's now lovely with his own place and a beautiful little girl and we get on very well. There is light at the end of the tunnel. So sorry to hear about the lady with pancreatic cancer. A sobering thought to us all ❤️.

@EastCoastDamsel l love The Exchange Theatre. We go there if my husband is in Manchester for work. The AF wine sounds interesting.

@ElsaCrag That's amazing! 👏 I hope I can say the same in years to come.

@Becky37 Really well done on yesterday. I'm not that far ahead of you. Day #19 here and feeling loads better, physically and mentally.

I'm discovering that around 6/6.30 is definitely my danger time, as I'm so used to preparing dinner with a glass of wine or four in hand. That stupid joke which says "I cook with wine, sometimes I even put it in food" rang very true for me. Yesterday I had a glass of AF wine and sometimes I'm having a slimline tonic with ice and lime and that gets me over 'the feeling' pre-dinner. After dinner I'm fine as I never drank at home after eating, preferring a cup of tea instead.

Good morning lovely shipmates. Hearty waves to you all from me and enthusiastic wags and snuggles from Sid 👋

@Becky37 - you are doing so, so well. So proud of you. Keep going. ❤️

@ElsaCrag fantastic to hear from you and many congratulations on the goddess-level five years. It's brilliant to know that you are still sober and enjoying life. It gives us all hope and strength.

Ahoy @WendyWagon - I'm so sorry that your DS is still not apologetic about the misery he has caused. It would grate on me to be 'rewarding' that sort of thing with financial help, especially when he's been insulting you, but I can understand wanting him gone. I really do hope things improve, you deserve a peaceful and happy life. How is the shoulder these days? I am so sorry about your AA friend, that's awful. Sid's predecessor went early with pancreatic cancer, it's a particularly cruel and rapid one. I wish I could give you a hug or offer words that could make it stop feeling so sh~te, but I know that none really can. Sending love anyway. I hope you have many better times ahead. 💐

Have a fantastic holiday in Italy @EastCoastDamsel. My last foreign holiday was to Italy, to Naples, Pompeii and Herculaneum. I climbed up Mount Vesuvius and pretended to be a gladiator in the amphitheatre in Pozzuoli. Much pizza and gelato consumed. Would love to go back one day. Have fun!

@CarrotSeeds , glad that you are doing so amazingly well too, that's brilliant. I think the 'preparing dinner with wine' is a real thing that ensnares a lot of us before we know it. It was a common theme for Clare Pooley too. Just before bed is my danger time. I would generally drink myself to sleep, but would start thinking about it - yes to "the feeling" at around 6.30, ramping up to 9.30 and then the urge to dash to the Cave of Wonders (local Tesco Express) before it shuts at 10pm. Awful. But it is a beautiful autumn day today. The sunshine and the colours are lovely. Every sober morning like this makes the challenges worthwhile.

Keep going - as has been posted before, we haven't come so far to only get this far. It is going to be alright. Strength and love. xx

Solidarity re adult children, @WendyWagon . I'm no further forward with mine and it hurts so much. My son is staying out of it (whatever 'it' is), and I don't blame him.

I have an appointment for a (routine) liver ultrasound in a couple of weeks. They are painless and non-invasive, but they are a constant reminder (if one were needed) of the harm we do to ourselves. Despite having been downgraded, I am still at higher risk from cancers of the liver, spleen and pancreas, and always will be, which is not comforting. There is the risk that the fibrosis will develop into cirrhosis, too, which would be ironic. Anyone not at the danger level should get off the hamster wheel now, before it's too late. I feel fine - so much better than I used to - but the constant worry is stressful.

Having things catch up with you after years of effort is so awful, whether it's health or relationships, but I suppose we reap what we sow.

Give hugs to Sid from me, @REP22 ?

So sorry you're no further forward with your DD @ShyMaryEllen - that must be a constant source of heartbreak. I will be keeping everything crossed for your appointments.

What you say about the harm done to ourselves really resonates with me. At the level of drinking I was doing there ought to have been more on an impact on me there was. But I have been fortunate. However, I am acutely aware that we are not dealt an unlimited hand of 'get out of jail free' cards, and the law of diminishing returns means that continuing to drink will have more serious, lasting repercussions. We'll be fine, we can keep drinking without consequence, it'll be OK - until the day we can't, and it isn't. The consequences will be sudden and devastating. It's why I occasionally re-read the "Reality of the End" thread on here - that's what awaits me for sure if I don't stay true. Your wisdom and advice is so much valued here and shines like a beacon. I hope all will be well when your tests come through. ❤️

Sid sends you his love and a special lick and squashy cuddle. xx

Hello dear ladies,

I haven't posted much, but have read all your updates, so much strength and love in this group, it's very inspiring!
Today I have been sober for 30 days 💪and I have had a few firsts that were tricky: first trip to a pub, first meal out (0% beer isn't bad), first family gathering (no, I'm driving, thanks) and I managed to survive!
One thing that really sticks out to me reading the quit lit (which has been a life saver for me) is that nobody pays attention to you, really. You can not drink and no-one really thinks twice about it. The only spotlight we are in is our own.
Virtual hugs to you all and a special cuddle for Sid :-)

It's true about nobody else caring. Only drinkers even notice what other people drink 😀. Everyone else is used to people having a night off because of driving, illness, pregnancy or out of choice, and it's no more of interest than whether they have a slice of cake or not.

Congratulations on 30 days @RunningtheHill ! That's a real achievement.

@RunningtheHill
Wow! Congratulations 🎊. That is amazing and so inspiring.

Checking in , day 5/6

Morning all.

Morning 👋🏻

Well done on 30days @RunningtheHill and almost 1 week @Becky37 .

I do worry about damage I may have done to myself @REP22 but am not really ready to face up to it and request a liver fibro scan (which I really should). Main reason being that I don't really want my drinking on my medical history.

DSIL who has been AF for over a decade and has no long lasting health consequences still got stung recently in being denied life insurance because she was honest about her past.

@EastCoastDamsel
Thank you 😊. Jesus that is absolutely awful about your Sister in Law. It really is terrible that these things arnt like 'expunged' after a certain time , I mean it happens with criminal records ffs. It stops people being honest to doctors and reaching out for help about so many things, same with depression or any kind of addiction. It just is so wrong

Good morning shipmates. Cabin Boy Sid sends greetings to you. 👋

Hello @RunningtheHill - fantastic to hear from you. Absolutely brilliant on your 30 days and all your triumphs; each one is a real cause for celebration and a mark of your strength and courage. ❤️ That's a very interesting point you and @ShyMaryEllen make - I think you're right. I never bat a single lash if anyone I'm with declines a drink; but my self-scrutiny is merciless.

@EastCoastDamsel bless you; try not to worry too much about damage - the liver is a very resilient organ with a strong capacity to heal. You are doing what you can to make things right. You and @Becky37 are wise to be wary. My honesty with medics and the driving people back in 2017 continues to bite me on the ~rse to this day. I am waiting for renewal of my annual medical driving licence at the moment. Each year I have to submit two questionnaires, plus one from my GP, plus attend a full medical including blood tests. I am doing my nut at the moment because I had this year's in August and have still not heard back. All they can tell me is that they've received the information and will contact me as soon as possible. I've never committed a driving offence and don't have even so much as a single point for speeding, nor a warning about a dodgy headlight or anything. I know someone who has actually served time in prison (rightly) for DWI (after their 3rd(!) offence - they are sober now and have been for years, and are very generous with their time and experience in helping others unable to help themselves) who doesn't have to undergo this level of scrutiny on an annual basis. At least I can continue to drive under Section 88 whilst they sort it, but my nerves are in shreds. I fully accept that I did the right thing back in 2017; I absolutely should not have been driving back then and took the steps necessary. But here we sit in 2024, I've long been sober and true but my licence to drive the Sidmobile expires again in six days and I've been waiting on test results since 12 August.

However - I am in a better place for all my trials, and I am glad that I sit here among you fabulous people on this thread. Things could be so much worse. I daresay all shall be well.

Here's Himself (and his shadow), exercising patience and wishing you strength, love and a good weekend. Keep going. It's going to be alright, honest. ❤️xx

I've just poked my head above the parapet and posted on this thread: Page 14 | 9 year old served ‘birthday drinks’ at sleepover | Mumsnet. I'm staggered by some of the responses on there. It saddens me greatly. I doubt anyone there will read or care. I will await the "this is the most ridiculous/evil thing I have EVER read on MN" responses. Sid is standing by with the scented oils.

@REP22 'cheekydrinks' is how a lot of people see booze when they are minimising. I haven't seen anyone flaming you yet.

I have been on the weightloss jabs threads for few days gathering research as I'm scared. There are people on there at low normal weights (bmi 20) trying to get the meds. It beggers belief, but hey you can't argue with stupid.

As an aside the kids drink thread mentions serum creams for kids. Ah, no. It will give them acne and possible scaring. There is nowhere for the actives to go. No wrinkle to sit in. Puberty is when you get the skincare out. Just my forty years of experience.

Thanks @WendyWagon. I've taken a couple of drubbings on there but by no means as horrendous as I was expecting. I once posted on an old Covid thread about how sad I was that, after nigh-on two years in isolation, my M and a group of her elderly vulnerable friends (including some with dementia) had been corralled into attending an intensive religious "conference" where they'd ALL caught the 'rona for the first time. Honestly, you'd think I'd kicked in people's doors on Christmas morning and p~ssed on their kids' stockings. The hatred was unbelievable. And no Sid to comfort me. 🙄😔

I'm interested in the weight loss jabs as I've still got a lot to shed. There was something on the news about it the other night. One was a lady who'd lied to an online pharmacy in order to get the jabs as she was struggling to get down from a size 8 to a size 6. 😮Alas, the first thing I think about when those jabs are mentioned is the Dr. Who episode with Sarah Lancashire, where she gave people diet pills that turned their fat into baby aliens which popped out and ran away (Adipose | Explore | Doctor Who).

I don't agree with adult skin creams/treatments on children's developing skins either. But hopefully no extra-terrestrial influencers there. xx

@REP22 , did you give Sid my contact details?

He's sent me this pottery that he thinks you'd like to share. I've wiped off the drool and paw marks, and pasted it from him to all of us.

Hello shipmates, it’s me again
to remind you of my old refrain.
I had considered dance, or mime
but thought I would fall back on rhyme
so that I can reiterate
the message that it’s best to wait
when tempted by a glass of grog.
So take the word of this wise dog
and leave it till tomorrow’s here,

• and that won’t happen, never fear. Tomorrow’s always some way off remember that before you quaff from glass or goblet, flute or tankard It’s better that you don’t get w *nkered when in attendance at a ‘do’. Now people will remember you as calm and grounded, smart and wise. Don’t listen to the winewitch lies. For lies they are, fibs and untruths. Imagine fifty photo booths all taking pictures while you’re p *ssed so that your reputation’s dissed. I’ll shut up now my lovely crew but know that my wags go with you. See them as a lighthouse beacon and let them guide you if you weaken