The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Autumn 2024

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @Drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too.

I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023, where @WendyWagon (our most recent ship’s captain) and the others made me feel so welcome. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.

These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the one I use, I Am Sober. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.

Blimey @ShyMaryEllen ! I haven't the words to reply right now. Such lovely lines. Thank you. Sid snores beside me just now. I wish I could have half of your gift with words. Xx ❤️

Good morning shipmates.
The dog and I have eaten the first biscuit of the day washed down with Yorkshire tea. I was so tired last night I couldn't finish watching Monty.
I love the poem @ShyMaryEllen

@REP22 i have agreed to have the original Wegovy weightloss jabs as the inflammation reduction happens with these meds too. They're not as fast and some people get nausea. I'll try for a month and see. I would love to be able to walk a bit more.

We have a quiet weekend scheduled. No visitors. I need to up my veg consumption so I might pop out for supplies.
Have a peaceful sober time everyone.

Morning crew from Sicily.

We're staying in a lovely villa in the middle of a lemon grove only an short bit away from the sea.

Got in late last night and it was all a bit stressful as poor DD had a sickness bug and the town's streets are very narrow.

@WendyWagon I have seen these reports of people with completely normal weights lying to get on the GLP1 agonists. It is very scary but I suppose to be expected. But they shouldn't be a reason not to use them if they are needed. They seem very safe and with loads of benefits in the right situation.

I listened to a Huberman pod about peptides and they discuss them at length l, apparently l, if the side-effects are bad, you can just lower the dose which slows the weight loss a bit but maybe it is better to keep it at 1-2lbs a week anyway?

Lovely poem Sid, thanks for sharing it with us @ShyMaryEllen .

Much love and strength for the weekend ahead.

Good morning lovelies.
I am up and kicking.
Shopping for me this morning. I'm in need of faux gin and more veg.
I stayed home yesterday and watched Rivals. I thought Strickly was a bit rubbish.

I've been buying some lovely kit on fleebay. I now need to sell some.
I have the wedding hat sorted. I shall be attired in amethyst. Max mara duster coat and a very large hatinator with a amethyst bow and flower. As we are all six footers I think my family would have been offended if I didn't look the business.

The DS has been in London and we've received no apology yet. He might come home and say he is moving out, who knows. We're all OK with that!

No update on the weightloss jab only in that I can't have the new mounjaro. It contraindicates my meds. Wegovy might be a possible. I don't fancy the sickness though.

Have a peaceful day my friends.

Morning shipmates. I don’t know what I’m doing awake at this hour, given the clocks changed last night, but I’ve been awake for ages and can’t get back to sleep. I will get up in a minute, but the heating hasn’t kicked in as it doesn’t know about BST.

A lemon grove sounds fabulous, @EastCoastDamsel . I am very envious. Enjoy the rest of your stay.

Your outfit sounds stunning, @WendyWagon. When is the wedding?

Not sure what my day holds. We are in the lodge/caravan for the duration. The plan is to pack it up for the winter, but we hope to stay until mid-November so there is time. I might drag Husband to a retail outlet later. I need a new pair of slippers as the ones that live here are past it. The grandpuppy loved them and would chew them still on my feet given the chance. I think there is still a Clark’s at the shopping village thing, although the shops seem to change every time we go.

I could see if there’s anything I can get to start my Christmas shopping too.

morning lovely ladies.

posting on my 6 months soberversary! can't quite believe it but am very proud of self especially as i've been finding sober really difficult lately. have read that 6 months can be wonderful but tricky. approaching xmas too with all the temptation. but reminding myself how much better i genuinely feel and not fooling myself that i can moderate because i can't.

wedding outfit sounds glamorous @WendyWagon . sorry to hear your DS is being tricky. my youngest DD is over the worst following her surgery and now the eldest is really struggling with her mental health. it's like whack a mole eh?

@ShyMaryEllen i also woke up devillishly early . good luck with shopping new slippers sounds just the job. i've just bought a zara tuxedo for the xmas season - if i can't drink at least i can try and be stylish.

@REP22 sid the poet has made my day ☺️☺️ what wonderful verse. i love poetry and have just discovered mary oliver whom i would thoroughly recommend.

@EastCoastDamsel wow enjoy the lemon grove hope your DD has a rapid recovery.

weight loss jabs are a conundrum eh? i've lost a bit very gradually since stopping drinking but nothing dramatic. good luck to all who decide to take the jabs - why not, if they help and are medically approved. we need all the help we can get. osteoporosis is also in the news abs us older ladies need to get in the vit D and calcium - cheap and efffettice.

power and compassion to all ladies on here

@ponzusoup !! 6 month! That is awesome work. I saw an instagram post recently that says 6 months is hard because you’re over the euphoria and novelty of energy, good sleep etc.

But this is where the really good stuff can start, as we start to dig in to all the underlying reasons we drank.

I love Mary Oliver (as you can probably tell from my username!)

Good morning everyone and @ponzusoup that's amazing! Well done 🎉

@EastCoastDamsel I hope your daughter is over the worst and can start to enjoy the holiday. The Villa sounds beautiful.

We've had a busy weekend with most of the adult kids and their other halves here plus my mother in law. It was nice but now everyone has left it's blissfully quiet and I'm about to get on with some decorating.

Sobriety is providing some very useful personal insights. A few nights ago my husband replied quite sharply to something I asked him (all forgotten now but I was a bit hurt at the time) and interestingly, my immediate reaction was to pour a glass of of AF wine and retreat to another room. It did make me think about my reasons for drinking alcohol and my reasons for stopping. Normally, if I was drinking wine, the booze would have added to my feelings of hurt and resentment and escalated them.

There has been a fair bit of wine drunk over the weekend by family but both me and my husband remained AF. Interestingly we have mountains of alcohol in the house and in the cellar. Hundreds of bottles of wine, some expensive, some cheaper, and a cupboard chock full of spirits. I don't think it's making any difference to my decision not to drink. Three weeks sober here now and really starting to feel much better because of it.

I hope you all have a peaceful Sunday and thanks again to everyone on this thread. It helps enormously 🙂

@CarrotSeeds its interesting about booze stores.
I collected wine, bored people to death with my thoughts on it and drank it.
We still have cupboards of the stuff but it sits there until we have parties.
I can't have champagne in the house though even nearly three years later.

A friend who once said you can't be an alcoholic if you can ignore that cupboard. Let me tell you can be!

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean —
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down —
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

ooh don't know why it put strikes through those lines! ignore!

Well done, @ponzusoup! 6 months is amazing. I know you’ll feel so much better than at the start, and you’ll look better too.

Christmas will be fine. You’ll be at 8-9 months by then, and so used to the new you that it will be second nature - it probably already is 😀.

Nearer the time we can all agree a time to raise a glass of something non-alcoholic to Sid and The Shipmates? Knowing we are all cheering one another on will help any of us in challenging circumstances - and Christmas can be challenging at the best of times.

gorgeous idea @ShyMaryEllen would love a virtual s

... virtual sober toast to the achievements off all the wonderful strong brave won on this thread.

women rather!!!! jeez. sausage fingers!!!

😂

@ShyMaryEllen What a lovely idea. Definitely up for that 🥰🎄

Morning all. I thought my phone had given up!
I've dropped the DD and made the DS breakfast. He's poorly.

I was interested to read in the i that two French wine makers have made posh AF wine. £25 a bottle. Prince Oscar. If I can get it as part of a mixed case I'll try it but I'm not buying twelve. It's red bordeaux.

Lots of paperwork this week but a bit quieter than the next.
Congrats to @ponzusoup

Hello all. I posted on earlier incarnations of this thread under different usernames, the last time in spring 2022 when I was making yet another doomed and failed attempt to stop drinking. I had been trying (extremely half heartedly it has to be said) to change my drinking habits for more than a decade by then.

I am delighted to say that it finally clicked for me at the beginning of 2023 and I've now been sober for one year and nearly ten months. Life is immeasurably better in pretty much every respect and I'm so proud of myself for finally sticking with it!! Thanks to anyone who was posting back in May 2022 for all your encouragement. 🥳

Hey all,

@ShyMaryEllen - your prose is lovely 💕

@ponzusoup congrats on 6 months, twine - it feels great doesn't it.

I'm 10 days into Mounjaro now. IT.IS.INCREDIBLE.

This must be what being a genetically normal eater feels like.

I lost 3.1kg the first week. No side effects so far.

The biggest win for me is the calmest, the lack of 'what shall I eat, what can I have'.

I'm so glad I gave up drinking before I started. I don't think the two would mix well, although I've heard people say it stops the booze noise as well as the food noise, so maybe that's helpful too.

@Faffodils - that's just amazing. Huge congratulations, such a great thing to read xx

@Faffodils That is such amazing news! Jolly well done 🎉. I love reading that your life is better now in every way. So many people say this and it's very encouraging 😊

Morning, thank you for sharing your update @Faffodils . It really helps to hear these encouraging stories.

Happy 6.montjs @ponzusoup sorry to hear you are finding it a bit of a struggle. I must say, I can understand it a bit. I mean for me, not drinking seems normal now tbh (no more pink cloud) and I see all these people round me just drinking normally.

I think I mentioned up-thread about the AF free wine I had and realising that I just don't really like it at all with the alcohol and, in a way, that has made me feel quite sad. Not entirely sure why.

On the other hand... Sicily has and incredible soft drinks culture with lots of interesting, traditional, unusual flavours.

Chinotto being the one I am most familiar with but other citrussy ones too. (madarino, Cedata etc) Unfortunately full of sugar but delicious and a nice treat in the sun.

I have wondered about starting to import and distribute some of the craft brands but I think the sugar content would be off putting. (They don't seem to have sugar free versions)

Morning all. That’s a lovely update to read @Faffodils - congratulations!

I think we’re bound to have complicated feelings about AF alternatives to our usual drink @EastCoastDamsel . I think it’s why often people find it easier to use an AF version of something they didn’t drink.

I know when I stopped I really still needed the feel of the wineglass in my hand, but af rose worked better for me than trying to find a white wine.

I had a shift about 6 months ago, and dropped the af wine for af G&T, and then maybe only one glass, because I didn’t want the sugar content

Now when I’m out, I sometimes don’t want the Af wines even if they’re on the menu - why would I pretend to do something that caused me so much pain?

Although it is sometimes nice to try an alternative that’s more interesting than water and nicer than Diet Coke! I went for dinner at Cote the other night and was impressed by their af offering- a few mocktails and a decent af sparkling rose

Good morning all.
Very interested to hear about these posh AF drinks@EastCoastDamsel I wouldn't worry about the sugar as Italian brands don't use sweetener. It's dangerous stuff anyway. Wine 900 calories a bottle. I think there's a real business opportunity waiting to be snapped up.

Well done @Faffodils what an achievement. There was a lovely medic on here in 2022, if its you hello!

@NextPhaseOfLife oh wow. I'm so happy for you. I can't have mounjaro but they are going to try me on wegovy. I should get it by Friday.

I didn't post much across social media yesterday as it was the twentieth anniversary of my mums passing. She was a difficult person at times. Others amazing, funny and lion hearted. I do think it had a profound effect on me and my family as there were no female relatives left. She was the baby and they had all died. No great aunt Maud, no rosey cheeked granny. I grew up with a huge group of strong women, my daughter did not. I was late to the baby making lark. When she died I gave up moderate drinking and eating. Two things she had asked me to do for my health. . She was very beautiful and didn't like putting weight on. She had also had two alcoholic brothers so drink didn't come into the house unless it was Christmas.
My rebellion was to push the 'stuff it' button.
I'm glad sobriety gives me the power of reflection. I never sat with any feelings before 2022, I just buried them.

I'm gardening today my sober sisters and hoping my son will dig a big hole for my Magnolia. It's living in a pot.