9 year old served ‘birthday drinks’ at sleepover

[Calpi]

My daughter recently attended a birthday sleepover. The girls are 9 years old which I thought was slightly on the young side so I was a little hesitant but agreed.

I have just seen some pictures and I really am not happy. The girls were given ‘birthday drinks’. They were only squash and obviously no alcohol was used but they were served in actual plastic flutes. The drink was bright pink with fizzy sweets in the glass but I’m not happy.

The mum in question parents very differently. Her 9 year old gets bought VERY expensive skincare products. And her daughter acts like a
full on teen - we’re talking crop tops, Stanley cups, skincare, TikTok dances, eyeshadow etc. I have been in the girl’s bedroom and she has a dressing table completely covered in drunk elephant etc. The mum is into that overconsumption stuff she sees online. Fine, parent how you want but I want my daughter to have a childhood and to not be adultified.

AIBU in thinking this was massively inappropriate? Why couldn’t they have just made milkshakes or smoothies? Or an ice cream sundae?

Same. It's just a glass 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'd have much more of an issue with the other bits, all of which are basically designed to make children feel inadequate - your skin's not good enough, you don't have the latest cup, you don't know the new dance etc.

You’d have been horrified at our school disco then. Year 4 were downing squash at the bar like it was a shot of tequila.

A CHILD drank a SOFT DRINK at a BIRTHDAY PARTY?!! Call social services!

😂

My kids used to drink from empty beer cans and then pretend to get "drunk"! I have no idea where that came from (it was non alcoholic too!)

It's a bit irritating when threads just become a pile on with posters tripping over themselves to insult/criticise/slag off the OP and it's just a race to be more outraged than the last poster.

It would be useful to have a thread where people can discuss and debate this a bit more meaningfully tbh.

Except it wasn't alcohol she served.

We went away last year all inclusive and my older kids (12 and 13) were allowed a couple of mocktails in the evening. And we were in a bar, with karaoke, at about 10pm. My 6 yr old loves a glass of squash with a straw and a strawberry. Also likes clinking glasses!

On the other hand, we are never drunk in front of the kids, I have 2/3 g&t’s a week and wine with dinner is probably once a month when the kids are there.

I think kids learn from what they see at home and as long as you’re not getting pissed yourself/ have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, a couple of mocktails at a party is going to make not a jot of difference.

Plus don’t let middle class bias start making you judgmental- would you have the same issue if she had a mocktail by the pool in Spain, or the Caribbean? What about a glass of shloer in a champagne flute at a fancy wedding? Is it just that you think all of this sounds a bit common?

HA! This can’t be real!

Mum gives kids soft drinks in a flute - totally unacceptable as looks like alcohol

Mum gives kids actual wine (!!!) - totally fine and great parenting.

It's fun for kids to have a child-friendly version of an adult experience. It makes them feel 'grown up', which most children aspire to.

You don’t need to buy your child expensive skincare and make-up, so not sure that’s relevant.
Having a problem with mocktails though…..You seriously need to unclench.
I let my toddler play pretend “burger shop” and “cook” his own burgers. Maybe pretend employment and kitchen skills are too adult for him 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I also presume your daughter likes this girl. Maybe take the time to get to know the girl rather than judging her by the parents she happened to be born to. Your daughter sounds far less judgmental and I hope she doesn’t lose that in life.

What a non-issue. Children served soft drinks at a party. I thought the thread was going to say they'd been necking gin all night.

Discuss what? If it’s okay for children to drink soft drinks?

I doubt very much that a bit of pop in a champagne flute with sweets in it is particularly 'glamorous' to kids or that your child is now going to obsess about drinking cocktails in the future.

You're dreaming up really rather OTT outcomes purely because you look down on the Mother's parenting.

I can only assume that you have now called social services? I can see questions being asked in the House about this! It’s a slippery slope from orange squash to crack cocaine after all!!!

What are you going to do when your DD is 15 and sneaking off to meet with her boyfriend with a bottle of vodka in the park?

As much as I detest over consumption and wouldn’t really want for my DD to be into skincare so much at 9, I really don’t see the issue here with a fizzy drink out of a wine glass. It would have been some silly fun making them feel special and grown up.

What's wrong with soft drinks in glasses?

I took mine out for mocktails at that age (glorified milkshakes) and they loved them

Is this serious? My daughter had a 10th birthday sleepover and I gave the girls pink lemonade in plastic flute glasses! I’m quite strict with certain things in comparison to others but this is absurd.

I do feel bad for you OP as this is a pile on, but I agree with everyone else that the way of serving drinks is fun and harmless. I think your outrage is misplaced because I get your worry about how will your DD be influenced by how adultified this friend is - you may have difficult decisions to make at times there - but fun drinks are not the issue here.

And you come across quite judgemental. It’s not pleasant.

I think you just wanted another reason the judge the other mother - expensive skincare for a 9 year old wouldn't be my thing but if she enjoys it I don't really see the harm.
This woman seems to parent in a less wholesome way than you do and it seems you wanted her to be vilified on here for her loose morals and inappropriate parenting.
Next time, just say no to any sleepovers at homes where they parent differently to you. Or just un-clench and let your daughter have fun with her friends.

I am going to get a complete pasting, which I understand, but I agree with you @Calpi. The normalising of alcohol from such a young age and the dismissal and laughing reactions to your concerns are typical of why this is a problem.

Would the reactions on this thread be the same if the birthday pictures had been of the little girls holding rolled-up banknotes or straws to their nostrils, posing and pretending to snort lines of strawberry Nesquik, I wonder? Because alcohol, whilst not being illegal, is still a powerful and destructive drug. Possibly worse, because it is acceptable, 'fun' and creeps up on us in an insidious way.

Alcohol does make us have more fun, lots of times. Until it doesn't. And so, by definition, the ones having the most drink should be having the most fun, shouldn't they? - But look at the average city centre high street at 3am on a Sunday. People stumbling about, puking and p-ss-ng in doorways in states of undress, getting into fights with bouncers and rozzers and their mates trying to haul them away, girls sobbing after pointless arguments looking for a lift home that may or may not be in a registered taxi. Most people can enjoy a few drinks and then stop. Brilliant. But the actual facts of the harm caused by drinking, the burden to society, the NHS and the despair and broken relationships that lie behind the sparkly gateway are grim and getting worse. I know someone who was screamed at for saying "no thanks" to a cocktail at a birthday party, with everyone else piling on and telling them they were 'no fun', 'hysterical' and 'they'd ruined the party for everyone'. It was a party to celebrate a 3 year old's birthday.

The MN Health section has an Alcohol Support category. That runs to nearly 39 pages of individual threads - around 1,950 separate threads asking for help and advice with problem drinking. The category for all other addictions combined (gambling, junk food, shopping, drugs, plus others) runs to only 12 pages of individual threads. That's no coincidence.

Normalising drinking for small children - and pouring mockery, derision and unkindness on people like the OP here who are brave enough to voice a concern - is problematic and very sad to see.

I doubt anyone will look at this. But I share it here anyway. The reality of the end | Mumsnet. We all start with one single sip.

You can hate me and laugh at me for posting what I have said. That's OK. I won't ever hate you back.

Me too.

OP is either a massive hypocrite or just taking the piss, sips of wine are fine for 9 year olds, but she draws the line at mocktails 🤣.

OP I kind of get it. You are wondering why they are making the drinks seem alcoholic to be "more fun".

I don't think I could get upset about it though.

I can't vote because I'm on the app but YABU. They are just soft drinks served in a different way to make the birthday celebration special. I do get your point about the skin care etc.

Very, very obviously, no. Otherwise it would be a different thread entirely, wouldn't it?