Day 1 or 100 tulips and snowdrops say #browniesnotbeer

[CoffeeLover90]

Didn't think I'd be worthy, being so new to these threads, but an amazingly brave woman managed to drive past a shop today and not give into cravings. And I was one of the people that were thanked. I'm humbled.
I may not post on here daily, life, child and pets demand attention but I hope people find what I have from this- encouragement, reassurance and no judgement.

It's been almost a year since I began drinking 3 to 7 days per week. In that time I've many failed attempts to stop or moderate.
I'm now on my longest dry spell since my first attempt. Day 21, with @AFmammaG beside me.
I have no plans for September. I'm in an hour by hour, day by day situation.
I will do Sober for October. Definitely. No doubt.

#browniesnotbeer came to mind when another poster mentioned they'd 'rage ate' a brownie rather than pour a drink. I've turned to food but balancing that with exercise and telling myself it will be easier to cut out chocolate. Although I could be lying to myself there...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Hey @Overthewater52 - here’s to your new dry streak starting today!

https://www.oneyearnobeer.com/festive-af/

Some discount codes for alcohol free alternatives. Just giving myself the best Christmas present and signing up for the 90 day challenge. It is pricey but I know by now I need all the help I can get!

@Overthewater52 today is also my Day 1. I had planned on drinking tonight (one more one last blowout) but honestly I drank more than a bottle of wine by myself last night and I’m sick to death of this.

I have to do 2025 alcohol free I just have to. The good news is I’ve been a bit more honest with some of my close friends about my drinking. I'm so surprised they acted like they had no idea and I believe their reaction. How though?! I didn’t even hide it with these people but they had no idea how much I am/was drinking at home. I guess why would they? I’ve never told people before so the only one who really sees it is DH.

I can’t wait for tomorrow. I love a new year. So full of hope! I love a new month, a new week because it always felt like a new chance. I wish all of us the best of luck. We’ve got this!

@SadMama87 you’ve been in my thoughts. I’ll be with you for the first 75 days of your challenge and will share anything useful I find.

Right there with you @Overthewater52 !! We only have to admit we are disasters to ourselves (and your Higher Power to ask for help). It’s frankly no one else’s business unless you’ve harmed them with your alcohol consumption (which I absolutely have).

Hi all - I wasn't sure whether to post or not, but thought I would offer another perspective to a thread that really helped me this year, and say thank you.

Last New Year's Eve I was up to hear the birds singing and on New Year's Day I had the worst hangover I think I'd ever had. I kept one of the champagne bottles all year to remind me not to get in that state again.

I proceeded to spend the next 6 months and 17 days sober, using this thread as a support and outlet. I decided that I wanted to enjoy the odd drink or two - that was the piece I enjoyed, not anything past that.

Tonight I have had one pint and a glass of champagne, and I'm now in my PJs. The six months off gave me a huge reset and it's rare now that I drink at home. Yes, I've had nights out - but none that I regret. And I can see a different way of drinking.

Huge encouragement to every single one of you to find the right way for you - it might not be the same, but try not to punish yourself for it. Alcohol is built to be addictive. Be kind to yourselves - and good luck with each of your journeys.

@Thelittlestranger that’s awesome that you had a “reset”!! I have done that in the past too with other substances (used to smoke two packs a day, and a lot more of the green stuff and now smoke only a couple hits of the e cigarette when I’m drunk). Never done it successfully with alcohol though, I slip back into “if a little is good, more is better.”

For instance, I was drinking only on weekends for a while, and then the other night I polished off a bottle of wine, and four high test beers (9+%) and only stopped because I took my sleep meds and passed out…. I have been drinking every night for a month and I barely felt that alcohol, but I was not myself, I was drunk.

DH bought me a nice bottle of wine tonight…. little devil. I put it up in the cupboard and told him thank you, that I may have it for a celebration when the 75 days is up. He said “it’ll be gone before then”, which made me want to do this even more.

2 dry days down, 75 more to go.

@AFmammaG alcohol is one of the only drugs that people encourage others to do, or at the very least, look sideways at you if you don’t do it. Especially in our countries!! (Presumably the UK and the States) We love our booze!!

I am able to hide it very well, but not from my husband…. He sees all, and even though he drinks beer often he rarely gets messy. I drink to get drunk. Period. Some nights I would have one glass or one beer, sure. But if I could, I would choose to have more. He has watched me struggle and beg and make promises, for almost our entire relationship.

I don’t want to make promises this time. This time I have a secret weapon.

Im an all or nothing person, if that bottles open I'm going to finish it, and round it off with a few beers.

DP has a habit of bringing a bottle home for me "because you'll only want one later and I'm not going out again". He rarely drinks and I've never seen him drunk.

I got given five bottles as presents, everyone who knows me knows I like a drink, just not how much. Anyway the champagne has remained unopen tonight.

Day 2 here too! Feeling very positive this morning. I’m just reading about how stopping drinking shouldn’t be focussed on breaking an old habit and therefore obsessing about that, rather we should be looking to the future to make new, better habits. This is definitely going to be my focus in January.

It’s pissing down with rain here today so I’m letting the kids chill out while I jump on the treadmill.

I recognise some people from previous DJ threads I've tried and failed. Mind if try I again!?

I'm a daily drinker. Literally a bottle of wine a night. At the weekend I'll start off with a bottle of wine and then a few shorts.

Always feel shit. Always wake up feeling mildly sick.

The usual - work, kids, marriage etc. Wine was my treat and only way to unwind.

On the run up to Christmas I was very much "fuck it it's Christmas" and drinking a few beers before my usual wine then a few shorts.

I saw a pic of myself from last month and I don't recognise myself. I'm so fat, my fingers are swollen. My stomach is a bowling ball. I look like shit.

I'm only 35.

First night AF in probably a year last night.

Shit nights sleep. But I don't feel sick this morning.

I really really want to complete DJ and reevaluate from there.

I need to kind myself and not think I'm "giving up" anything but looking after my body.

I tried to order This Naked Mind on audible but it's not working. I also can't listen to it on podcasts or Spotify because me and DH share a car and he can see everything I listen to. Was reluctant to buy the book because it'll be harder to find. Anyone have any ideas?

Good luck to you all!

Hi everyone. I'm back. Started dry Jan, not missing the booze at all but had terrible night's sleep last night, waking up every hour. Hopefully will be better tonight. I want to not drink at all in January and then hopefully reset so that I can enjoy a glass of wine on a night out but not drink every night at home. Good luck to all. We really can do this.

@TouchOfSilverShampoo May I ask why your husband can’t know the book you’re listening to?

I was drinking daily also. Tried to give up a lot of things along with the alcohol; sugar, start exercising (again), start reading again, etc etc.. Turns out I only have enough willpower for the alcohol as I am literally arguing with myself every night/day about why I should/shouldn’t drink.

Having been through this before (I have had several dry years before) I know that this is part of the process at first, that the mental gymnastics will ease up a bit (and become more cunning the longer I’m sober which is how it doesn’t stick).

All that to say; it’s great that you recognized a problem with your drinking. It’s great to want to be healthier and feel better. The more distance you put between yourself and the alcohol the better you will feel physically.

But- that doesn’t touch on the ::why::. Why were your drinking nightly? Stress? I have three kids (two of whom are toddlers the youngest of whom refuses to speak, the eldest being very ADHD), three cats (one is special needs), a husband who drinks, and no real support network as I’ve moved across the country (USA) so all my family is thousands of miles away.

I am STRESSED too. Alcohol was my quick fix to chill out before bed, connect to my husband, and be “fun”. It’s very superficial though. I am not making deep connections to anyone or anything I love while I’m drinking. In fact, I often damage my relationships while drunk, especially the relationship I have with myself.

I don’t trust myself. I don’t like myself. I can’t control myself.

What are you going to do to backfill the void that not drinking creates in your life?

Day 6 here. Might get snowed in this weekend, never really know since we are near the water on both sides, so the weather is unpredictable.

Tried to catch up on the thread, reading about husbands who are not supportive/possibly struggling wihh the their own issues. I feel that. Before I’ve tried to control his drinking and the only thing I can say is; I have to worry about myself. Trying to control someone else is not effective, and it will cause huge problems with the relationship.

Creating a boundary is different though. That’s for you. And if you decide you cannot live a life with a partner who drinks alcohol then you have to be willing to walk away. I cannot draw that line in the sand. I do not want to end my relationship and I am not willing to either.

For now I am just going to worry about myself and if I get triggered I am going to try to come to him asking for help with MY problem. For instance; not buying alcohol, not pouring it or fetching it for him, and being able to lovingly remind him to be his sweet self even while drinking. (I get a little grumpy/resentful and he responds in kind 😂).

@duckduckgooseduckagain how was your sleep last night? In my experience, it takes a while to improve but it does improve.

@TouchOfSilverShampoo - welcome. You will find only support and kindness here. It’s been a bit quiet of late but I am always here, keeping an eye on everyone (I am approaching 500 days sober, something I thought I would never ever say).

How is everyone doing?

@BoilingHotand50something

I'm doing not so good. Last night I caved.

My sleep has been awful, I was so so tired. And then we had a family bereavement.

It just sent me over the edge.

So yeah, I feel like shit today. Why the fuck did I do it????

Hope everyone else is doing better than me.

Oh @Overthewater52 - dust yourself off, be kind to yourself and start a new dry streak when you feel ready. And so sorry for your loss.

Same here @Overthewater52 . I’ve been home with the children for two weeks and beyond stressed. I drank beers. It was fine but not as fun as I hoped.

Thank you @BoilingHotand50something

@SadMama87
No it never is, is it? Hope the kids go back soon and you can get some peace!

I need to remember how I'm feeling right now. No matter how bad things are drinking only makes them worse not better.

@BoilingHotand50something Well I felt like I had a WONDERFUL sleep, just looked at my fitbit and apparently it wasn't. 6 hrs 20 mins and "fair". Strange as I felt it was better than that. Never mind, it should only get better.

@Overthewater52 you’re absolutely correct. It never is as fun as I’d hoped.

The kids have school Monday, unless it dumps snow and they call it off, or the roads are too dangerous. But if that’s the case, DH may be stuck home also so I’d have help at least.

@duckduckgooseduckagain those fitbits are a blessing and a curse. I never realized how poor my sleep was until I got one of those.

@SadMama87 Last year I had a bad virus and my Fitbit started vibrating while I was asleep. I was too unwell to look at it but the next day I got a message (email or text - can't remember) asking if I had been unwell with a fever as my heart had been beating weirdly. Apparently if I did have a fever it was due to that and wasn't anything to worry about but suggested a GP trip if I had not had a fever. Never had that before but it was kinda nice to have something checking up on me!

That’s wild!! @duckduckgooseduckagain I didn’t know all the cool features it had.

About 2.5 years ago I got an invitation to participate in a pregnancy study from Fitbit, but I wasn’t pregnant. I ignored it thinking that I must’ve done some setting incorrectly.

Well, another week goes by and they email again. Quite strange, especially because I had a new copper IUD in, which is 99% effective.

At the same time my cat suddenly starts sleeping exclusively on my lap, when he never did before. Turns out, I was pregnant!!

The Fitbit saw my skin temp go up, as well as my bpm. Thankfully they removed my IUD and our baby was born healthy (and huge). He’s almost 2 now 🥰.