Tulips, Snowdrops and Brownies! Thread 4 for those wanting a coffee not a cocktail🌷🧁☕️

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5147598-day-1-or-100-tulips-and-snowdrops-say-browniesnotbeer

Boldly starting Thread 4, link above to Thread 3. Hoping some of the oldies will join and always open to newbies. This thread is for anyone looking to chat and support those trying to lead an alcohol free life ❤️

Hello ladies. Thanks so much for tagging me. I am not doing well in the alcohol department. But I am doing very well in electrical school. Sorry to just do a short update but as usual I have a million things to do.

Take care everyone!!

I was the first person to join the OP on the original thread a couple of years ago. Since then I have been going round and around in circles, I just couldn’t seem to break free of the constant day 1’s. I’m very proud to have just hit 90 days sober and so hopeful that this may be it for me this time 🤞 I’m here for anyone who would like to chat about the ups and downs of trying to get back in control of the booze. No judgement, just a sympathetic ear and a chance to share what works and what doesn’t! It’s not easy but it’s totally worth it.

@SadMama87 so good to hear from you. Sorry the alcohol is still an issue. How is little miracle doing? Electrical school sounds interesting! Thank you for updating. I hope your DP is doing a little better.

Thank you @AFmammaG . Miracle was adopted last summer and we hope she’s in a loving home. We adopted her mommy and she is fantastic!! Truly such a sweet kitty.

Funnily enough things between my DP and I are better than ever. I have been asking for what I want and need more often, and am not sacrificing myself upon the alter of motherhood and partnerhood. The catch has been; to not get caught up in the result.

School is going so well, the men in my class are starting to get angry with me. I try to ignore them but it’s good training for what’s to come in a male dominated field.

How are you doing?? 90 days is so fantastic!!! What is making the difference now? I did two days this weekend and went to see the new Chosen in theaters as a treat. It really helped me.

Checking in. The original thread inspired me and I am now nearing 600 days dry. Am here to listen, support, compare notes and for accountability.

Thanks for the tag, feel I probably have a lot to catch up on!
Pleased to say I’ve largely stayed alcohol free since mid August sort of time. Proud to have managed a dry birthday, Christmas and New Year. I got exam results in Feb and bought a nice old fav bottle of wine to raise a glass with the husband but didn’t enjoy it at all, I’d go as far as saying I felt like a teenager grimacing at the taste which was alien to me after too many years drinking far too much. I didn’t finish the glass.. To cement the thought process I came down with a virus the next day and the thought of wine is now enough to take me back to feeling sick.
I just have a terrible habit of drinking pop right now but much happier and feel like I’ve escaped the grasps of something that could have really hurt me and my loved ones.

As I lost my younger sister to alcohol I feel immense relief and hope I can keep this current resolve. It is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to overcome whilst juggling an intense uni course, young family, full time work and dodging a hospital admission for an autoimmune condition that’s flared and required aggressive treatment.
Good luck to everyone on this path, it is possible, not always easy but so freeing.
Well done to everyone, wherever you are on this journey, the first steps are definitely the hardest but this group, whether I’ve been active or not has been such a great source of support as I haven’t spoken about my own journey with family or friends.

Another oldie here, who checks in every now and then. 6 months sober last year helped me reset my attitude to drinking. We come in all shapes and sizes - this thread helped me when I was working out what I needed and wanted from my alcohol consumption. And ultimately take control.

Well done @AFmammaG - glad you are smashing it.

Yay! So happy to read the updates!
@SadMama87 I can’t be sure what has changed. There are 2 things. I think I mentioned that I paid to join a sobriety group here in the UK. I got a “sober buddy” and she has given me a lot of support. She’s a lot older and we have been messaging loads and I feel like she’s been a crutch when I couldn’t use alcohol.
The other thing was (and please don’t judge
me) my DH did dry jan to make a point of how easy it is “just to stop” and I used my anger at his obnoxious attitude to stay strong 🤣 whatever works right?! I’m glad you are getting on better with your DP and not feeling as unsupported.

@seasaltandsand that’s interesting about the taste. It’s how I imagine I would feel if I smoked a cigarette again, a bit unwell!

@BoilingHotand50something thanks for checking in and for the advice on Monday. I saw a lot of people give in on Mother’s Day and break their dry streak. I feel quite protective of mine. No way will I break it lightly. This is the longest I’ve been dry in years!

Thank you @Thelittlestranger, I still
ponder over whether I could ever be a moderate drinker. I’m glad your 6 months was the re-set you needed.

I should have said in the intro my goal is a dry 2025. I can’t look further than that at the moment and I’ve no idea if I’ll get to the end, if I get to the end and decide this is it now or if I get to the end and try the occasional drink to see how I get on. It’s not the right time to be thinking about that for me.

Thanks for the new thread @AFmammaG
Great to see that we are still going, and thank you for that. (And PeppaPigFanClub, wherever you are my lovely).

I achieved 4 months dry last year but crumbled in the face of Christmas. Tbh the timing of the dry spell was very difficult because I had started doing group therapy at the same time so it was a LOT. I don't want to make excuses but I found it overwhelming at times trying to deal with 1) working through trauma in the therapy and 2) trying to face up to permanent sobriety. Honestly it was all a bit too much and the inadequacies caused by 1 really fuelled some self-esteem issues in dealing with 2.

The group therapy will soon be coming to an end in terms of the formal sessions however "the work" is always ongoing. The 2 are very wrapped up and interwoven as I have always said. But I have realised that alcohol is not a coping mechanism for me, and that when I feel empowered, it works better? What I mean in practice is: I recognise that drinking a bottle of wine on school nights makes me feel like shit and so I actively choose not to do that because I know I will sleep better and feel better. I don't feel I'm losing anything then.

But I'm still drinking socially. Now, if anyone else wrote this I'd be thinking, hmm, that's your wine witch talking, trying to keep relevant in your life! And I don't disagree! My eyes are open wide to it. It's not something I can Unknow. But I'm working hard on both these issues, hoping it will all come together. Perhaps with more self-compassion and self-esteem could come sobriety? I don't know. But there's an honest assessment of where I am today.

I've not posted much but it has genuinely been a terribly busy time. I do read a lot and I will make sure I lean back into this great group. Well done to all of you here, however long your sober spell x

I looked at this thread because it has such a lovely title. Just want to wish you all the very best , enjoy your coffees and tulips 🌷

Just to come back to you as well @AFmammaG I can totally understand being in a second marriage and having children and all the pros and cons of staying together or otherwise. I know it's a real dilemma. I've certainly heard a few podcasts address the issue of when you quit drinking but your partner doesn't. (Spectacularly unhelpful, I can't remember which ones). It's really tricky. Thinking of you as ever x

Hello can I join. I am in another AF chat but like to chat and read!! Placemarking to read and then I'll post my background if appropriate x

Editing as I've read though and feel like it's OK to share a bit about me
Ironically mothers day was the day which made me want to stop. I was so well behaved before then trying to moderate my drinking, alternative wine with soda etc but it all went to shit on mothers day. Too much white wine, an argument with dh and a black out. Not good. So this is day 4 of sober. Longest I've probably done in the past apart from pregnancy is maybe 5 day streak. The weekends are my downfall. I'm aiming for one day at a time. I'd like to do all of April. I have a holiday at the end of may and a sober holiday sounds quite nice tbh...

Thank you for the new thread @AFmammaG
@SadMama87 are you training to be an electrician? I’d love to hear more about it.
I am 34 days AF and my sleep is just starting to improve

👋 it’s been a while! I’m glad this has been such a good period for you (from a sobriety perspective at any rate) @AFmammaG Absolute respect for aiming for a year.

I am full of the joys of spring. Really! I have been weirdly bouncy recently which always makes me think a grey period is about to follow but perhaps, just maybe, I have finally emerged from some of the crapper life periods and this is more a status quo. I am doing my best to make sure it is so! I have had a glass here or there and enjoyed them and that was mostly working well but December and March saw a bit of an uptick and I don’t want to skid down that slope so am re-embarking on a longer dry period again. I an a shocker for habit forming tbh so I think the key for me is to make sure I disrupt the bad patterns very early on.

Yes!! I am training to become an electrician. There’s several avenues to do it over here (USA). This is year one of four, and I’m in an accelerated program. One year condensed into 3 months.

I honestly love it so far. I’ve done manual labor my entire life so I know my way around hand and power tools. The only part I don’t like is one “man” in my class that is very “sarcastic” and always has a smart thing to say whenever I speak. I know it’s his insecurities but today I left and cried (my moon is coming on soon so that’s not helping).

My husband wants me to report him to the school. I think I will let him know that I don’t enjoy that type of humor and if he continues I will report him.

I am choosing not to drink tonight @AFmammaG . I want to feel clean again.

Thank you @AFmammaG for the new shiny thread. Coffee is joy for me!
It’s lovely to hear the updates from you all. These threads have been so helpful for me in my pursuit of an AF life. I’m day 48 today. I am still taking it one day at a time, trying not to become complacent and think that I can moderate (I can’t!). This is the longest dry spell I’ve had in years.
@AFmammaG I feel like we are in a very similar boat with our relationships, my DP has a habit of rewriting events, he’ll accuse me of being over sensitive but being AF has allowed me to see that he is very moody when he doesn’t get his own way. I am now calling him out on his behaviour in a calm way and walking away when he reacts. I think gaslighting is too strong a term but there is a version of that in our dynamic. Usually I stay silent for a quiet life but I feel more empowered now than ever.
I think it’s a combination of things; I’m AF, I’m paying attention to my emotions and working out the triggers, I’m investing in my health with diet and fitness, and I’ve completely reset my sleep wake cycle so I’m up at the crack of dawn and in bed early which has transformed my mood. It’s like we are in different time zones now.
I know he misses “fun” drunk me. He misses me being miserable ready to drink again to numb the pain.
I am doing this for my kids but most of all, I’m doing it to save me. I want the next half of my life to be filled with happy moments that I’m fully aware of.
I don’t want to wake up sweaty, feeling dread and loss of hope and full of self loathing.
I might buy myself some tulips on Sunday to celebrate reaching 50 days 🌷

Well done @Cantdoitalll on reaching 50 days x your handling the dynamics with your dh brilliantly! I agree than the hangover/anxiety/sickness/dread just isn't worth it

Morning all! Welcome @DoBetter3590, lovely to have some new faces join our little group! I will update properly today, just juggling the kids as Easter has started already apparently!

Thanks so much for tagging me, I’ve been meaning to catch up with you all.
I’ll come back later but wanted to check in and thank you.

Morning all, what a day yesterday was. I was shattered. About to head out to the kids hobby but wanted to say I went to the pub for some leaving drinks. I left at 11.30 while the ladies were finishing off their 3rd bottle that they had drank (since I arrived). Yes I was counting. The urge is still there, I’m not going to lie. I’m much better at ignoring it now but when you see others indulging it does sting a little.

@Steppered it sounds like you are really coping with a lot at the moment. Don’t forget to keep up the positive self talk about how well you are doing. Totally abstinence isn’t right for everyone. For a while it just sent me round in circles of failure that undoubtedly made my situation worse. I think you are right about eyes open. Sometimes being perfect isn’t actually the goal. Sometimes there can be control and success in other ways. There’s no one size fits all to this.

How was your Friday night @DoBetter3590? The number of people on my sobriety group that drank on Mother’s Day was crazy. People who have paid to try and stop drinking, failing their own challenge on a day that was supposed to be about celebrating them. Shows how strong the grip of alcohol can be.

@TimesaChangeling I loved your post. Sounds like pink cloud territory! So full of optimism. Are you using a tracker to keep on eye on your drinking? The warm weather was a terrible trigger for me. Feels like a green light to sit in a beer garden at 5pm.

I am doing this for my kids but most of all, I’m doing it to save me. I want the next half of my life to be filled with happy moments that I’m fully aware of. I don’t want to wake up sweaty, feeling dread and loss of hope and full of self loathing
Amen @Cantdoitalll you and I are one. So happy for you hitting 50 days tomorrow, what a milestone 🌷

Thanks @DoBetter3590 I am feeling pretty damn proud of myself right now - I bought my tulips tonight 🌷
Well done @SadMama87 on the career, I too am studying to better myself and my prospects. It’s hard but will all be worth it.
Well done for staying AF @AFmammaG
It’s really hard when you feel the urge and it’s all around. Hopefully there will come a day when you can go out and not even think about it.
I had a VERY strong temptation to have wine tonight, reminded myself of the reasons I didn’t want it. Also… I am a little bit scared to drink. About the effect it might have, what it’ll do to my mood, and how I’ll feel in the morning. The feeling of dread washing over me when I wake up. That cloud of anxiety that lingers all day after drinking.

Im feeling quite sad today, a bit reflective. I’ve been busy with housework, walking the dog and dissertation. DP has been playing his video game after getting up at 12, he drank last night.

I really feel like we have diverged down different paths. One day at a time at the moment for me.