Day 1 or 100 tulips and snowdrops say #browniesnotbeer

[CoffeeLover90]

Didn't think I'd be worthy, being so new to these threads, but an amazingly brave woman managed to drive past a shop today and not give into cravings. And I was one of the people that were thanked. I'm humbled.
I may not post on here daily, life, child and pets demand attention but I hope people find what I have from this- encouragement, reassurance and no judgement.

It's been almost a year since I began drinking 3 to 7 days per week. In that time I've many failed attempts to stop or moderate.
I'm now on my longest dry spell since my first attempt. Day 21, with @AFmammaG beside me.
I have no plans for September. I'm in an hour by hour, day by day situation.
I will do Sober for October. Definitely. No doubt.

#browniesnotbeer came to mind when another poster mentioned they'd 'rage ate' a brownie rather than pour a drink. I've turned to food but balancing that with exercise and telling myself it will be easier to cut out chocolate. Although I could be lying to myself there...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5066932-day-1-or-1000-all-welcome-on-the-tulips-and-snowdrops-thread?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

@SadMama87 Wow!!

Ladies I’m sorry to hear the struggles you are having. Totally been there. I signed up for the 90 day one year no beer challenge and the daily affirmations are helping. I also joined the private Facebook messenger group, which again is helping.

Day 5 here and I’m still holding out for the sleep to improve. I know it will from experience.

My advice is to prioritise your sobriety above everything else. It’s only when I’ve done this in the past that I’ve seen success. DH bas been working all week so today I went out for a walk alone. Got a cup of tea and read. It was me time. I’m carving out more time for myself to recharge. I’m going to be really selfish and just do it.

Hello all, hope it’s ok to rejoin this thread. I am on day 4 of staying dry. Last year I had a number of dry streaks of 30-40 days which was massive for me given I had been drinking daily for a few years. But then I would have one evening when it felt ok to drink with friends and then I’d be back on the wine at home as well. So lots of stops and starts and day 1s and it crept back up considerably end Nov and through Dec. So I am determined to do dry Jan (started 2 Jan!) and then hoping I will feel like continuing. I’d really like to give up for good.
sorry to hear some of you are struggling, I relate to many of the stories and experiences.

wishing you all well and staying positive for the days to come.

Been drinking all weekend here. Yesterday was fun, tonight, not so much. We have a huge storm coming and I am a worry-wart so I have been prepping. My DH (usually “darling husband”, tonight “dipshit husband) has lived in this weather much much longer than me, and is making sure I know I’m being foolish to prepare so much.

We have been fighting this evening. He wouldn’t even kiss me goodnight. Trying not to catastrophize it, and start new tomorrow. Without alcohol.

Hi @Limeandsoda2023 we share a similar history in 2023 with our drinking. I feel so determined this time. I’ve basically told everyone I’m doing the whole year. I just wanted to put my cards on the table from the very beginning and avoid any temptation come February (when I had “finished” dry Jan). The response has been really encouraging. I’m on day 7 today and last night I slept well for the first time this year. I dreamt. Again for the first time in a while. Last week I let myself eat what I wanted to get through that first weekend but today I’m starting my little health kick with diet and exercise. I would really recommend joining one of the dry Jan threads. There is so much support and whilst my heart is with this thread, it can be really quiet at times. I’m on the one that is on the alcohol board and says something like “dry Jan and beyond”.

@SadMama87 I read your posts and I really want to cuddle you. It feels like you are stuck in this cycle of stopping, feeling good, starting again and feeling bad. It’s exhausting. Please keep posting. That will help. I’m sorry you and your DH fought and I hope you wake today feeling better.

Thanks @AFmammaG , I’ve been reading the dry jan thread and May start posting on there!
I received an invitation to a friends birthday celebration this weekend and when I replied to say yes please and could I bring anything, I also said that I wasn’t drinking alcohol at the moment. As you say, hoping that being open reduces temptation.

Sorry you’re in a tough place @SadMama87 , hope today is better for you.

@AFmammaG thanks. I am stuck in a negative cycle. I’m not creating a life I’m happy or proud of, especially in regards to my DH. I have to take ownership of that.

Woke today still very upset, and DH is still in bed so I’m on mommy duty, stewing in my feelings. At least it’s snowing. Very beautiful outside.

I am going to utilize AA to help me. That’s the only way I’ve found that works longer than a week, especially with a drinker in the house.

@SadMama87 I think that would be a very brave step forwards. Do you remember a while ago when we spoke about our baseline and how it drops and gets lower every time we have a bad experience with drink. That makes it so much harder to raise it back up to what must be a normal level for everyone else?

Once that normal has dropped down to the floor it’s really hard to raise it again. The only way I have managed it is by consistently making better choices for me (not DH or the DC but me). More good than bad and then eventually the bar raises and I start to feel like a better person with a better life.

@SadMama87 I guess I just don't want to say out loud that my drinking is problematic if I'm honest. I managed to get it on audible and I'm actually enjoying it so far. I did drink on Sunday but I not Friday/saturday/Monday so I'll take that as a small win.

I will not drink today.

I think the same for me really - it's my only "treat" I run a growing PE backed company, three kids (one with Sen) trying to maintain a marriage and have issues around cleaning obsessively in the home. Helps me sleep. "I've earned it" all the usual shit.

Definitely trying to reframe it as not giving up but gaining. Being free of the control.

So much time is spent thinking about it. What a waste.

@BoilingHotand50something Amazing work on 500 days. Can I ask more about your journey?

Hi @TouchOfSilverShampoo - of course.

I have enjoyed a drink for years. Even at university, I was the one that didn’t know when to stop, and would encourage a Sunday drinking session. This continued over the years and the only time I really took a break was illness and pregnancies. Like many, since the pandemic, the habit escalated and became a nightly habit. At least half / two thirds of a bottle of wine per night, more at weekends. It got to the point where I was glugging it down and it was seemingly having little to no impact on me in the moment. But sleep was a different matter - I was waking up every night with a racing heart, a feeling of doom, anxiety and every morning was saying ‘I need to stop!’. But by dinner time OU was another matter.

I had various attempts at stopping but never got past a Friday night. And the weekends would be a total binge to reward myself for not drinking during the week.

And one day, having read the original Day 1 thread that this one stemmed from, I just thought ‘enough’. I was so bored of it - the drinking, the thinking about drinking, the working out when I could next have one, the anxiety, the low level constant hangover. So I stopped. I used a hypnotherapy recording twice, the support from this thread and the TryDry app to log my dry days and I haven’t drank since.

@AFmammaG honestly I do not remember that conversation, but thank you for reminding me. It’s true. I need to take better care of myself also. I get stuck in this martyrdom cycle that no one asked me to be part of. I do it to myself. I watched the women in my family do the same things and they are all doing terribly.

I don’t drink last night, and I stood up for myself when my DH disappeared expecting me to do everything in the home with the children. He still hasn’t apologized and refuses to talk about what happened.

Today I am going to try fasting for a bit. Fasting really cuts down my sweet tooth and I am going to try to get back to low carb. I feel (and look) so much better when I’m low carb. And I’m not going to drink tonight and want to at least listen to some AA materials.

Oooo and today I have a very important call to secure funding for trade school!! Not sure if I mentioned it here or not but I have been working towards becoming an electrician. A few weeks ago I passed the entry exams with flying colors so today is when I secure the funds to attend.

Hope everyone has a beautiful day!!

You are sounding much more positive, good luck for the funding call @SadMama87 - you’ve got this!

Day 9 for me. I’m stuffing myself full of fruit, veg and water. All good stuff. I’m also slowly winding back my bedtime from 11pm to 10.45. Once I can get to sleep then I’ll wind it back to 10.30. I think I must be seriously sleep deprived but can’t sleep if I go to bed too early because I’m a creature of habit. It’s freezing here so haven’t been out much walking but have been on the treadmill.

@BoilingHotand50something So much of what you said resounds.

Always the party girl. Spent a few years travelling doing the same.

Worked shifts so could drink at "unusual" times. Apart from pregnancy I think I drink every day.

Pandemic was a turning point for me. No driving and no leaving the house so bang on 5pm I would open wine as my reward for getting through another ridiculously hard day.

Since then, a bottle of wine every night. Waking up feeling mildly sick. Racing heart. Suspicious stomach pains.

The last two years my career has taken off but that's also come at a price, being number 1 in a high pressure org - so a good day was a bottle of wine. A hard day was a bottle of wine. Any excuse.

I'm currently listening to This Naked Mind but the hypo audio you had would be amazing if you could recommend??

Day 4 - longest stretch I've had off since.... I can't remember. Probably last January.

My sleep is still quite shit and I've had a high level of anxiety. I can't poo.

But.

I don't feel guilty and ashamed and after a coffee first thing I'm pretty fresh.
Drinking tons and tons of water and eating well.

I don't want to be a dry drunk I want to be free.

@TouchOfSilverShampoo You are doing so well. Your sleep will continue to improve. I had my last drink on New Years Eve and I have just started to sleep beautifully. The best thing for me is just not to have that mental guilt and worry.

@TouchOfSilverShampoo i used Clear Minds Hypnotherapy - Controlling Alcohol (my plan was to moderate but I ended up completely stopping).

@BoilingHotand50something Thank you! I'll look it up.

@duckduckgooseduckagain Whoa well I nearly fucked it tonight. But like you I was trying to hang onto this sense of pride of waking up tomorrow and not feeling ashamed. How long did it take for your sleep to settle? I feel more exhausted now than ever.

Incredibly stressful day and so on the drive home I was talking myself into "just having one whiskey" and rationalising it because it's not wine so there's less calories and if I pour a big one then it's still only one drink. "And one drink is ok because I haven't drunk the other days this week".

I had basically convinced myself. Then reminded myself tomorrow is Friday and then it'll be all weekend on the piss if I crack now.

Got through the door and DH was like what on earth is wrong with you - I had to admit I was irritated as hell, tired, hungry, cold, annoyed at everything and desperately wanted a glass of wine.

So he made dinner and poured me a lemonade.

It got me through this stupidly angry wave of emotions I had and now I'm sat here sipping on a herbal tea.

Still not entirely decompressed but past the craving.

@TouchOfSilverShampoo That was a close one. Well done for not giving in. I'd say sleep settled in a week.

Well done @TouchOfSilverShampoo distraction works like a charm.

I’m on day 10. My sleep last night was bliss. Although it took a while to get to sleep, I slept straight through for the first time in ages.

Instead of thinking about what you are missing, turn it around and think about what you are gaining. When I lost the shame of being hungover I gained confidence. I wasn’t hiding from people or avoiding them in case they knew. I could hold my head up.

Checking in still dry day 13. I must admit my sleep is still crap but I am feeling so positive. Like I might really do it this time. I’ve now told all my friends and I feel so much better. The vast majority are supportive. I’m currently pounding the treadmill just to get my steps in. Hope it will help with my sleep issues.

How is everyone else?

That sounds really positive @AFmammaG - well done. Hope your sleep improves.
Im on day 11 - feeling good so far. Drinking alcohol free “rum” and Diet Coke when I feel the urge for a glass of something when I get home from work.
My sleep isn’t great yet either but I’m hoping it will come. I’m trying to do 10k steps each day and have managed every day so far despite the cold weather!
Still nervous about upcoming week of work - that’s usually my stress trigger. But trying to stay focused on the positives which include just feeling calmer more generally.
Hope others are doing ok?

Good job @Limeandsoda2023, I’m cheering you on! Since telling people I’ve felt more determined. Almost like I’ll look foolish if I drink, it’s quite motivating. One friend even offered to do it with me for support but I know I need to do this for myself alone.

I found some deep breathing helped me to sleep last night. Just stopped my mind from wondering and focussed on something else. Distraction really is an underrated tool.

Well done @AFmammaG and @Limeandsoda2023 - keep going. Improved sleep will come! Once I had a couple of weeks under my belt, I found telling people really helped. The vast majority of people have been hugely supportive.

Well done @AFmammaG and @Limeandsoda2023

It's really lovely to hear the mind fog lifting and general positive outlook.

I'm about two thirds of the way through this naked mind and I don't know if something has switched. Surely not??

But basically I had an awful week (work as usual) the pressure of everything there and then at home got a bit much and I admit I had a whiskey on Saturday night.

It was a "special" whiskey, a gift, very expensive and I poured a glass got through half of it and thought, what's the point.

DH asked if I wanted a top up and I said no.

I just wasn't enjoying it.

So yes I had a major slip. But that's one whiskey in 9 days. Whereas usually I would have had at least 9 bottles of wine, a few beers and a few whiskies in this time.

I didn't even have the internal narrative last night (just have one drink, one is fine you've done so well, you've proved you can do it now so one won't hurt monologue).

I'm feeling like I need to start exercising at my energy increases. Just not sure how to fit it in.

I haven't been major strict with food but being kind to myself. Eating well and the right things etc. I haven't weighed myself but I'm sure I've lost a few pounds even if it was all alcohol bloat.

Keep going ladies!!!!

I’m not sure I would class one drink in 9 days as a “major” slip @TouchOfSilverShampoo!

I’m on day 15. On one year no beer at the very beginning they encourage you to set yourself a new (non alcohol related) goal and at the time I thought this is bonkers! Why would I want to do that?! But I did because I promised myself I would embrace the program. 2 weeks in and I get it. Mine is exercise related. Tonight I really couldn’t be bothered but here I am pounding the treadmill and I’m really glad I am.

I don’t know if the new goal is supposed to be a distraction or if it’s to give you something ‘safe’ to fail at but it really is helping me to focus on something other than not drinking.