The support thread for anyone trying to lead an alcohol free life.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome. We are a bunch of people (mainly women) trying to give up alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans who can offer advice and signposting.

We don't encourage moderation purely as it can be triggering for some to read.

I'm Wendy and I'll be the captain of the ship for the next two months or so.
I gave up drinking in January 2022.

Thank you @Onewildandpreciouslife @WendyWagon @EastCoastDamsel @ponzusoup and @ShyMaryEllen thank you all for being so kind.

@ShyMaryEllen I actually like that. I could say 4 months with one fall. My last long sober period ended as I had one and you know how that ends, but it wasnt just the night it was a few years. But I need to just get back on and take it one day at a time again. And yes you are right @WendyWagon I am always greatful of every sober day.

Thanks all x

Greetings all. Late on today, as have been to hospital. No helpful updates, only options seem to be drastic surgery or doing nothing and see what happens. We've gone with door number 2, to see what a fortnight's inactivity will bring. SO hot today though - it was 33 degrees in the hospital car park.

Double congratulations @ponzusoup on the 90+ days AND the AF holiday. Absolutely fantastic. I am currently having the "forever....? Really...?" type thoughts myself at present, though am managing to keep a lid on them. I agree with @Onewildandpreciouslife , i just concentrate on 'one day at a time', I find that helpful.

Some friends are organising a massive reunion bash in London later in the year. Day 1 of the firm planning and already much wine talk. I am strangely not bothered by that. I thought I would be, but actually I'm looking forward to it and NOT drinking. Hopefully that will last.

It's interesting to read about everyone's experiences with the sundry AF options on offer, which ones appeal and which ones don't. I'm not particularly tempted myself - I've never tried AF beer or wine/spirits, I worry the taste might be triggering for me. I generally stick with sparkling water or orange juice and lemonade (bet that would be gorgeous with the blood orange juice that @WendyWagon mentioned earlier). I do like the occasional posh squash - I've just discovered a Robinson's Fruit Creations in Apple and Rhubarb that is very lovely indeed. I suppose in this hot weather, we could make our own ice lollies from our favourite AF tipples... I can also recommend a plain old banana, peeled and wrapped in cling-film, frozen and eaten straight from the freezer. Most pleasant.

Sid has not been idle while I was out at the hospital. No - whilst my M was in the garden dead-heading her sweet-peas, he peed and shat on her carpet. I have just had to sit through an analysis of why he did this; what might have prompted it; etc. He went through a phase of it a few months ago but it hasn't happened in ages (and NEVER anywhere else, just at M's). I proffered apologies and that perhaps his holiday had unsettled him. But in the last couple of minutes, it's just dawned on me. I know why he did it. He did not like the harsh pasting I received the other night (mentioned in my p.21 post). He doesn't appreciate seeing me bring shouted at or distressed. And he has quietly meted out his "punishment". It's why he did it in the past, I'm certain. There has been quiet coexistence in recent months, so no "accidents". And now another period of screeching and unwarranted abuse, followed up by this new dirty protest. I couldn't be prouder of him, god love him. I know I will be subjected to further "what's changed?!" on-the-spot analysis shortly. But I fear the honest response of "Sidney does not care for your tone, mother" would be received about as well as a pork chop platter at a synagogue buffet, so I will maintain strategic bafflement. Good boy Sid; mamma's proud of you. 😈

Welcome back @Womanshour. I am so sorry you took a tumble. I know how utterly wretched you must feel; I have fallen myself on more than one occasion. We're human - we get it a bit wrong sometimes; that's what we do. BUT you are back here, and that takes grit and courage. Don't underestimate that. Don't beat yourself up too badly, look after yourself, dust yourself off and forwards you go. It will be alright. Glad to see you back with us ❤️. Here is a picture of faecally-focussed hero Sid especially for you - this is his outstretched arms pose, sympathetic comfort, come-here-and-have-a-cuddle expression. We hear and understand you, and we don't love you any the less for having had a bit of a wobble. It's good to see you again. It will be alright soon. xx

Well lads (including Sid) I've had a dry mouth like a rats a*se today.
I snaffled the last of the blood orange juice and even had a cola (I hate the stuff). Best get me to the boudoir before I disgrace myself.

On the subject of forever I always say I'm thinking about it. I love champagne as you know, a wedding without it? gosh hard question. I am usually like 'Gareth' in four wedding. I do wear a kilt occasionally but don't smoke cigars. I love a fried breakfast too. I haven't been to a wedding since giving up the grog.

I've scoffed the ice cream so I'm going up to watch midsommer or suchlike.
Love to all my sober sisters x

Good evening to you @WendyWagon , hope you have a restful evening. I like the Father Brown series with Mark Williams, there are loads on the iPlayer. Also like Vera, but not before bedtime, hehe.

With you on the cola. 'Tis the sputum of Beelzebub. Cherry cola most especially.

Snuffles and wags from Sid. xx

@REP22 thank you. You have such a gift of giving the kindest messages that really means something thank you so much. Loving the picture as well he is gorgeous!

I have my cbd drink and I'm doing OK x

@Womanshour pick yourself up dust yourself down and start again x

@REP22 loving the idea of a dirty protest

@Sortingmyselfoutdayatatime thanks! I am dusting, looking forward to good sleep! X

Morning, just checking in. Even on a hot and sweaty night alcohol free sleep does not disappoint. Thank goodness for sober sleep.

I hope everyone has peaceful days. @REP22 I'm sorry you are having medical worries. I hope you are being well looking after x

Ahoy me hearties ❤️

A hot night but I slept a bit.
Friend coming for lunch today. She asked me for sparkling water so we're all good. She was my big drinking buddy but she lost her husband 18 months ago. A huge shock to all. He was the original 'mad man'. Loads of of fun but the booze got him. A lesson to all around him.

@REP22 my dogo has taken to peeing on the Persian rug in the hall. No idea why but we've managed to hose pipe it. I think dogs know more than we are led to believe.

Thank you for your kind words @Womanshour , that means a lot. I hope you are continuing to mend well. Sober sleep never gets tired (ironically 😉).

That's encouraging about your friend @WendyWagon - I'm sorry she lost her husband. A grim way to go. I hope you have a lovely lunch and that she's doing OK.

Sidney's predecessor was a feisty Parson Russell Terrier, who was mistress of the protest pee. A silent assassin. Once, on the last evening of a big family holiday, she was displeased that she was left behind when we went out for a meal. My DB was deemed chief villain of the piece, so she got into their bedroom, opened his suitcase, liberally p*ssed all over his belongings (a super-canine effort, as long walks had been had as well as being let out for wee-wee before being left) and then wiped herself on the underside of the suitcase lid. Zip to zip for the longest wipe possible. All of the stuff had to be emergency-laundered overnight before being dried and repacked for departure. It was a long, silent dawn. But it was always very, very clear who was the culprit. She wanted you to know.

It never occurred to me that Sid's "mistakes" were carefully-targeted retribution until fairly recently. A particularly memorable episode - I still don't know how he did it (or even IF, really, but it can only have been him) - was just before Christmas (never a good time for me; it brings out my M's dissatisfactions with me to new and cruel levels), when the gusset of my M's favourite and expensive winter PJs were torn out and disappeared. No sounds/sightings of the deed; no evidence left; utter poker-face of Sid when interrogated; no trace of consumed fabric in his lavatorial leavings in the days following. 'Tis mystery all. The Moriarty of silent but skilfully-crafted mayhem, it seems. Never repeated (thus far). But a subtle look of understanding has passed between us. He knows I know. The boy is a genius. We had to buy a replacement pair. I got some in the M&S sale that said "Love Happy" on the front. Money well-spent.

I didn't concede anything when interrogated again last evening. Sid knows I've got his back, as he has mine. I confined myself to "Perhaps he feels he's made his point." and left it at that. It's been largely forgotten, as M has royally f###ed up her internet access and new mobile SIM and the long-suffering poor s#d on the helpline has had enough, so I am needed for unpicking the mess. Onwards, ever onwards. The Joy of Sid (there's a book in there somewhere - hopefully without the presence of the Bearded Man 😉) and his mute justice is that there is always plenty more where that came from. What a wonderful dog he is. He's by no means perfect, but I am so lucky to have him.

Strength and love to you all. Stay safe in the heat. xx

Good afternoon chums (and cuddles to Sid).

I've spoken to my GP, and he is going to (direct quote) 'ask the team to look at the coding on my records'. Quite what that means in terms of action I'm not sure, but it was a telephone appointment, we'd had a long discussion about my breathlessness, and this was tacked on the end. I could tell he wanted to get off the line, but I could hear him typing, so I assume that means he's taken action. I'll have to keep checking my notes to see if anything changes, but I don't know that I'll be able to tell if a code is altered. We'll see. I'm not sure he understands why I'm so concerned, but I think these days patient requests have to be at least considered, and the evidence is there in the form of the fibroscan results.

well done @ShyMaryEllen i hope this results in the changes you want and deserve on your records.

Yes, top stuff for having the conversation @ShyMaryEllen , it can't have been easy. Hope it results in a good outcome for you. x

Thanks, both.
Re Sid and the strategic defecation - my grandpuppy left us a steaming present under the Christmas tree once, after being unhappy with being in the dining room for the hour or so we were eating. It's not as though he was left out - he had his own plate of pigs in blankets and a party hat - but maybe he was offended by Cards Against Humanity. Anyway, I found his festive present with my new Christmas slippers, and was unimpressed. My children still think it's hilarious to imitate my reaction by holding up a slipper and shouting 'shiiiiiiiiiit' in a high-pitched voice😡. I would have sworn that I reacted in a much more measured and genteel manner, but they are having none of it, the blighters.

Well done @ShyMaryEllen for raising it, I hope you have a positive result. Have you thought about approaching PALs if no change? X

I might do that. I’ll see what happens and if nothing changes I’ll ask why. I know the liver nurse wants me to continue with the regular ultrasounds and I’m happy to do that for obvious reasons. If that’s only possible with a diagnosis of cirrhosis I have choices to make, I suppose.

I don’t know what to expect to see though. The original diagnosis was ‘suspected cirrhosis’ as I didn’t get a fibroscan. After that, letters to and from the hospital listed it amongst other conditions as I guess the doctors just note one another’s comments. Ultrasounds would come back with ‘liver texture consistent with cirrhosis’ which is obviously confirmation bias, but US is not able to be specific as it doesn’t measure stiffness.

What I would like is for the letters not to list cirrhosis as a comorbidity and/or a contraindication for other treatments. I hate being checked in for, say, a colonoscopy and having to reiterate my drinking history to the nurse and then the doctor. It’s embarrassing and can result in things like the amount of anaesthetic on offer being reduced. It comes up every time I see someone medical. Why does an asthma nurse need to know that I used to be a drinker when I don’t have a condition that might possibly affect her approach to my care? I live in a small town in the sticks, and people know one another, too. You are never more than three degrees of separation from anyone else.

I don’t expect anyone to go through and alter letters (if that’s even possible) but I would like it noted as a correction or something. I would hate to have it in notes that my children might see if I end up in hospital, or on my death certificate (#cheery).

Is this something the practice manager might deal with?

Hi all hope everyone is well @ShyMaryEllen well done for raising with your doctor. I'd email the admin at the practice I think and see if they can follow up to check if it's been done.
@Womanshour so sorry to hear of your blip. I agree that it's worth thinking about it as say, 100 days sober with 1 slip, rather than starting again at day 1. Obviously we're all different and maybe it's not the same for you, but I know when I stopped smoking if I took myself back down to day 1 then I'd be more likely to just smoke again because I had less to lose IYSWIM?
We got back from holiday yesterday. I'm very pleased that other than the ACCIDENTAL swig of rum and coke - that wasn't my fault, I'd asked for AF gin and tonic, but the waitress didn't understand me, and it was dark out so I didn't actually realise until I tasted it - I managed it alcohol free. This was definitely helped by us all being ill for a large part of the holiday with (I suspect) covid picked up from the plane. The full works. Including dodgy stomach which I've not had with covid before. Although I guess it COULD have been covid WITH travellers diarrhoea!! Nice!
Anyway I'm feeling very pleased that I have my first ever AF holiday under my belt, and I actually enjoyed it (other than the illness!)
Love to all.

Good morning shipmates.
@Itsrainingten well done on the sober holiday. Mine was to Florence a couple of years ago. I ate ice cream instead.

Another blood test for me today and then a trip to the car dealership. I'm going to have a easier car, higher up and automatic. Let's hope I don't have to wait too long.
A good lunch was had with my old friend yesterday. A short visit where she asked me how much I paid for my house, my salary and finally could she have a tour. I only answered the first question as she could look it up anyway. The salary I didn't answer and the third I said no as both DC were upstairs wfh.
It has bugged me all night.
We lived in a historic house some years ago with a famous previous owner. It felt like the National Trust! I'll never forget my sister's MIL having a tour at my mums funeral!
I hate the way the vast majority of women in my area feel it's OK to talk money all the time. It drives me potty. They know the cost of everything and the value of nothing. However we did have a laugh re the mutually known millionaire who has scammed three breakfasts in the last year ('oh I forgot my card, my card's not working and can we go halves on a £7 bowl of soup?'). I'm blinking glad I don't drink anymore because I hadn't noticed for years. I am waiting for the next outing. I shall be watching for the moths to fly.

Morning all. Welcome home @Itsrainingten and sorry to hear about the holiday illness. I often come down with something on holiday. I think it is because my body gives itself permission to be ill.

@ShyMaryEllen well done on raising the question. I have a love/hate affair with the NHS coming from a country where healthcare is predominantly private I love that money is not a consideration accessing the care you need BUT I hate the paternalistic, bureaucratic nature of the care given and the fact that one is often made to feel like a burden to the system..both in general and specifically when encountering medical professionals.
I hope they can amend your records to display the correct history so that you don't have to explain everything all the time but I fear you will find that the misdiagnosis lingers.

Day 61 for me today! Went to the local family-run cinema with DS yesterday and ordered a Becks Blue. The woman behind the country looked at me incredulously and said, "That is an alcohol free one that". Which I found quite hilarious. Just responded with, "Perfect 😁!" Weird the need to point it out, it's like they used to say, "That SavvyB you've ordered is a 12%" 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well, I've checked my notes, and on the front page (ie the most recent one) there is a code with the note 'fibrosis of the liver'. Whether that will help or not, I don't know, but I guess that as it supersedes the cirrhosis one it means that officially that is the current diagnosis. At least I don't have to declare cirrhosis on insurance or other forms now. I've been putting ALD (alcohol induced liver disease) for a while now anyway.

At the rate I'm going, the front page will soon drop off anyway - I have other health issues that mean regular blood screens that take up most of a page, and prescriptions take care of the rest 🙄.

Honestly, avoiding getting to this point is by far the best course of action. If you are tempted to drink, wind the tape forward to this sort of bollox. It will put you right off your gin.

So - a modified (or is it an unmitigated?) success. Thanks for understanding, everyone. I can't talk about this anywhere else, so I haven't known whether I was being unreasonable or not.

@ShyMaryEllen excellent news.

Thank you. However. I have just seen a letter sent to a consultant about another issue, and both cirrhosis and fibrosis are recorded in the 'medical history' section. I had a feeling that this would happen.

@ShyMaryEllen ffs. keep going. they need to remove cirrhosis and stick with fibrosis only. you will get there. they're probably all in a rush and just don't get the consequences for eg insurance etc. sending strength and patience your way x

Yes, I wanted them to remove the cirrhosis reference. It looks as though whoever wrote the letter has just cut and pasted from the notes. It does say 'fibrosis F3', which a doctor will realise is not cirrhosis, but I cringe when I see the word, and don't want it to be there. The consultant is a cardiologist, and there is virtually no chance that my liver has anything to do with his area of specialism, so I don't know why he needs to know, but then the same applies to my trotters, and the podiatrist needs to know the far end of my medical history too.

I believe it's all but impossible to get medical notes altered, but if the fibrosis marker could be put in brackets next to the cirrhosis diagnosis or something it would be much more useful. This way the embarrassment factor is still there, but I guess if anything came to pass (eg an insurance claim) I could prove that as of April the diagnosis had changed. With hindsight I don't think it was cirrhosis in the first instance, but the local hospital didn't have a fibroscan machine at the time, so they didn't check. In some ways it was better for me to think the worst, as it really scared me away from wine in the way a fibrosis diagnosis might not have done. I still feel so ashamed though, and the thought of it being on my death certificate for my children to see haunts me in the small hours when I can't sleep🙄.

Anyway, I'll stop boring on now. Tomorrow I'm going away to hide from the bathroom fitters, and I'll come back to a shiny new room for my scented baths after 2 weeks. My husband is staying behind so as an added bonus I get a fortnight on my own.