On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat *2024*

[Swannyb]

@amdone123 @mj20 @touty @Hohofortherobbers @Coppergate7 @bigbus @colouringindoors @wellitywellness @Atacamadesert @Freezingfeetwarmheart @WouldRatherBeAPieceOftToast @Hohofortherobbers @mickandrorty @Mykittensmittens @afaloren @NoTeaNoShade @CrackersCheeseNoWinePlease @LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

I also have not showered in days. I have not eaten properly in days either. I have not done anything bar drink and scroll for days.

I'm so glad you can see your gp this week. She seemed so understanding last time. Don't worry about drinking today - you can start afresh Wednesday. Get it out of your system, so to speak.
So, you've been through the mill with the break up last year and you'll be the first to admit, it knocked you for six. Yes, since then, you've made some wrong moves, but at least you can admit it and see your faults.
The wine hasn't helped you in this process but you know that anyway. You've coped with this trauma and turmoil in the only way you know.
I think you know this is rock bottom now. And that's a good thing, because the only way is up. A better future awaits you.
I know you probably feel shit and all those horrid feelings we all get after drinking and acting out of character, but try not to dwell. It's done, you're not proud of it but you CAN turn it around.
Vent, share here, no judgement - we're here for you. ❤️
P.s - why don't you have a nice, long bubble bath. Then a cup of tea ( if you can) and try to eat something.

Oh there are so many other things that have happened too in the interim but as I am posting about them under another name I cant say here but its just like the universe is out to get me. No matter what day I wake positive etc something happens. Every single week for months something has happened that I cannot control and it just all is weighing on me.

Thank you for not judging me. I just want to change things around. I am just so sad in myself that I have actually turned into the crazy ex. I have. I feel sick inside myself.

@Needtokickthehabit I think sometimes it can feel like one thing after another. It can be soul destroying and it all gets too much. That's why I'm glad you're seeing your gp.
Try to think positively - one step at a time.
This time next week you could be feeling a little better, then in a month, 6 months, it could all be so different.

It started with the breakdown which resulted in the break up then I got a diagnosis of something (nothing to do with alcohol) then family crap and it just seems to be ongoing. Every day. And I know that is exaccerbated by the alcohol. I know this. And yet here i am. It can only get better. I did hit rock bottom this week and I know it can only get better I just need to kick myself up the ass.

@Needtokickthehabit keep posting here and we can try to help.

I see you mentioned having a rock bottom moment, I had mine at the start of the year, I’ve been sober 15 weeks now, it has not been easy but it does get easier as time goes by. You can feel better.

Well this morning is going ok so far. i went to bed early last night and managed to shower first which in itself was a miracle. My house got sorted yesterday as I pottered about while sipping the wine but I did sip not glug. Still drank two bottles but that was from early I guess.

Today is a new day. I am off to work shortly so that will be a good thing to keep me off the booze and kids back home this evening.

@Needtokickthehabit sorry I don’t have any useful advice, it’s tough breaking the cycle, baby steps - just wanted to send you some virtual support

@Needtokickthehabit It sounds like you have been self medicating with alcohol and as we all know that doesn't end well. Well done on taking the first steps to tackling it yet. Hopefully the GP can help direct you to someone who can address the root cause of your drinking. I have not been brave enough to be honest with my GP.

I am drinking every day. Maybe about a bottle of wine a day. Two at the weekend. I need to cut it out. Maybe we could keep ourselves accountable.

@YoghurtPotWashingMachine I have but then as we all know alcohol makes us do stupid things/make calls/send messages etc and then I feel shittier the day after and the cycle continues.

Two things I need to do. Step away from the booze and step away from the internet while I am cutting down cos the two together are lethal.

So I opened up this evening to a friend. We had a chat about how we cope with things, shes had a lot happen too recently but it is only recently we have reconnected after a few years due to many things. Out of the blue she contacted me and it came at the best time.

I have had half a bottle of wine, about to turn off the internet and go to bed and not touch anything else. I need to do this. Hopefully my GP can see me tomorrow.

I know what you mean about mixing internet and alcohol @Needtokickthehabit. It wasn't ADHD that was your non alcohol related diagnosis was it? Alcohol (and social media in fairness!) are lethal for dopamine-seeking ADHDers.

I was AF for six weeks then had (planned) drinks at Easter..... and have had a drink most days since. I like myself much more AF so I really do need to get back to it!

@Formel yes it was in fact and I am now on medication for it. I had convinced myself once I went on medication I would stop drinkihng but did not.

I woke up this morning thinking today is the day. I slept well and I have half a bottle of wine for later as I did not cave. I have my GP appointment this evening and then the mail arrived and although I never ever believed I would get my closure from the ex, he has outlined and in a nice polite respectful way why we broke up etc. Now yes its broken my heart but this is a sign that today is the day I get my life back. He clearly knew I needed reassurance that what we had was as real for him too and that he did love me. He even did not blame me for the breakup and it was 100% my fault. I lost a good one. I really did but we are over, and I will never move forward if I dont get the help I need so while I am typing this in tears I do appreciate him doing that. I am so grateful for it.

Anyway big girl pants pulled up. I need to sort myself out. Today I do that. My god I have fucked things up so bad but the only way from here is up.

@Needtokickthehabit I'm so pleased you got that closure. Good luck with the GP appointment.

I'm not medicated but I am AuDHD and there is so much of a link between booze and ND. I am looking for alternative dopamine hits which are equally repetitive, sensory-seeking and don't require me to actually leave the house or make effort in the evenings when I am usually exhausted after a day of dealing with people. I've seen knitting or crocheting recommended but I'm not convinced!

@Formel omg, that sounds so.much like me. I'm sure that had I been diagnosed as a child, they'd have said I'm nd. I don't have adhd - I did a test not long ago, but yes, it's so interesting. I'm not convinced by knitting or crocheting either, but I have considered painting.
@Needtokickthehabit I'm so glad you got closure, too - you're sounding so much more positive. Good luck at the doctors.

Yesterday was, up til now, possibly the worst day of my life.
My little dog had been getting progressively worse with his health problems so we made the decision to have him pts ❤️
I drank 1 bottle at teatime then another later on. I'm not bothered about that - my way of coping.

@Amdone123 I’m so sorry for your loss. What a horrible day. Please be kind to yourself x

Sorry to hear your news x @Amdone123

@Amdone123 Very brave and kind thing to do but so heartbreaking, my thoughts are with you xx

@Amdone123 oh you poor thing. Its a very hard decision to make even when sometimes the right one. Thinking of you x

@Needtokickthehabit how did you get on ?

Thanks for all the messages, folks. I'm up n down, veering from knowing it was the best thing to do and then just wanting him back, ill or not.
I'll get there.

I had 2 glasses of wine last night with a takeaway as the tennis was on, dh was working til midnight and the silence in the house is deafening.
I've got 2 days til I go away so I'm staying af to give my mind and body a little reset.

Hope everyone is doing OK. ❤️

@Amdone123 so sorry to hear your news

So sorry to hear your news @Amdone123.

Hey everyone, just catching up on the news!

@Amdone123 im so so sorry to hear about your little dog. We’ve talked about it so many times on here over the years. I’m so sorry. Thinking of you.

@Needtokickthehabit your posts are so brave and honest. Also your insight is incredible, so please hold on to that. Yes you are struggling with some emotional issues and you’re struggling with alchol but you recognise your behaviours and why they happen and you are so reflective. That in its self is so reassuring. Keep posting here lovely. We are all here for you!!!

not much to report here…. Day 22/23 here! Managed a sober bday meal out last week!!! Have bought myself a half bottle of rose for the weekend, but wondering if it’s even worth the anguish of the mental method. It feels easier being sober xxx

@Mj20 thanks ❤️

Wow, you're doing really well. It's definitely easier being sober I think. All that mental anguish 🥴.

Slept dreadfully, not alcohol related. So much to do today but that's a good thing. Holiday tomorrow so looking forward to a change of scenery.
And I need a plan really so I don't drown in prosecco.

Hey @Amdone123 holiday sounds exciting and exactly what you need.
what is your plan going to be???
I’m still undecided whether to have a couple of glasses of wine or not. Which makes me think I just shouldn’t bother, but at the same time I don’t know if I want to live my life completely alchol free xxxx