I posted in relationships and was directed here and I think this is the right place.
I have an alcohol problem. I've known for the last couple of years that it's been getting worse but I kept thinking I could control it and get back to where I was. Recently it's been bad. While I don't drink every day, I do drink 3/4 nights a week and often alone.
The reason I drink is because I'm lonely.
DS is 7 and is in bed sound asleep by 7.30 each night. DH has a medical issue which causes him a lot of pain and means he doesn't sleep well, so often he goes up to bed around 8.30pm. If he stays up with me, he's just zombied on his phone or snoozing. He does tend to go out once a week with his mates and I always feel a bit hurt that he can make the effort to see and spend time with them, but there isn't much or any effort to do the same with me.
His medical issue means we don't have sex (maybe once every few months), we often don't sleep together because his sleep issue means he often disturbs me so he choses to go into a different room, we can't do much at the weekends because of his pain and limited mobility and generally I just feel so stuck in a rut.
I do 90% of the housework, we both work full time, DS has several activities he does over the weekends which I take him too. None of this suffers because of my drinking which I think means I'm functioning.
But my relationship is down the toilet. Around once a week I drink far too much and DH and I have a blazing row. I know it's largely my fault for drinking but I just feel so unsupported, so alone and so lonely. But how can I be mad at DH when he isn't choosing to be the way he is? He's always had a short fuse but the pain he's in means he's always in a bad mood, DS is often in trouble for really basic kid things, I will piss DH off if I say something in the wrong tone, or whinge at him to help more.
I came clean to DH about my drink problem a few weeks ago and he said he would be there for me to help me, but he hasn't. Nothing has changed. This weekend was exactly the same as every other. I can't burden him with my problem and I'm supposed to be there for him at the moment with his condition. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I'm at work today with a stinking hangover because I had about 2.5 bottles of wine last night and another blazing row with DH which ended with me drinking more out of spite. I'm just so pathetic.