The continuing support thread for living alcohol free, every day. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello, and welcome to the alcohol-free support thread. The original thread was started about three years ago by drybird.

We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. Whatever your reasons, whatever you’re going through, someone here will have been there too. People here will have done that first sober holiday, first sober Christmas/birthday/work do/wedding/funeral, first AF night out with the drinking friends, first (and 2nd and 3rd…) AF Friday night/Sunday lunch, first day 31/day 101, first lapse. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size and we have all been there too when things go wrong.

If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quit altogether then maybe have a look at the long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board? Lots of support there too.

Brew yourself a and come on in!

paging @helenahandcart78 @FridayImInLove1 @REP22 @WendyWagon @Onewildandpreciouslife @rothbury @Crunchymum@Minutebyminute @MerylSqueak @stilldumdedumming @kate489 @justdrink @thestartofsomethinggood @fortheloveofgodwhy @sweetleftfood

I just went back through the last few pages so will have missed lots of regular posters as it’s been so busy here. hotstepper comes to mind along with bunnies and breathmiller and rockinghorse - apologies to all missed.

Thanks @Blackberryblossom
I've been very distracted by ds going to uni. The truth is he hasn't lived with me for 8 years so we built up a close telephone relationship. He's now super busy at uni and I know his daily calls will drop off. I need to get on with my own life!

Thanks Blackberry checking in on day 601 !

Reporting for duty @Blackberryblossom! I feel oddly thrilled to be in at the start of a thread 😁

Guess what I am doing right now? Making myself breakfast! [waits patiently while everyone shrugs and rolls their eyes]

It has been a very long time since I was fit to stomach breakfast. And I'm being very decadent in my choice - toasted walnut cob with Brie and blackberry jam and a big cup of strong tea. I've gone completely off coffee now - too many hangover associations.

Dog walk done. Will finish this lovely treat and then up to get ready for going into the office.

Yesterday was a bit crap but the "first" Sunday is done and I'm treating it as a learning exercise. Slept well and ready to whip the wine witch's ass this week. Xx

Ah, new thread - thank you @Blackberryblossom 😊

Here's the old thread - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4837512-the-continuing-support-thread-for-living-alcohol-free-everyone-welcome

Thank you @Blackberryblossom

I'm feeling a little bit grumpy today. I went away at the weekend (armed with my alcohol free g&t) and had a fantastic time. My friends also didn't consume a lot (they are super supportive).

When I got home, DH had drank the cans of lager that were in the house (and have been since he decided to stop drinking in the house, in July).

There were AF beers available, and I know that he is a grown ass man, he is in charge of his decisions and can do what he wants, but it has really rattled me that he did that. Like he broke a promise to me as soon as I was out of the house.

I need to get over myself... 😠

Thank you so much @Blackberryblossom, for your encouragement, support, for the new thread and for keeping us going. You're an absolute star. ❤

The dog and I are down on Dartmoor now. Unfortunately my "D"M is in tow. The passive-aggression started yesterday, a little earlier than expected. In store for us today is: lunch with her sister (oh goody) followed by a visit to her elderly friend who runs and lives at a remote religious retreat where, as a child, I was dragged to and forced to endure religious services that went on for hours, were utterly bonkers, and was beaten if I protested.

My M used to attend support services for the families of drinkers. One of their main mantras is "I didn't cause this". That's a tenet I take serious issue with, I'm afraid.

The dog has been primed to keep me going. I am giving him some egg and leftover veg. so that his farts will be as toxic as possible. He's a good boy and will not let me down. He loves his mama.😈

There is a pub literally outside my bedroom window. It is going to be a long week. Remember me in your prayers, my friends.

Strength and love to all. xx

Ah, I need to get back on here. I posted many months ago. Life has been fairly hectic of late, though thankfully alcohol free.
Timescale wise, I'm on day 287 (or 9 months and 14 days, whichever sounds better!)
Continuing to be patient with myself and remember that 'the only drink I need to avoid is the first one'
Looking forward to reading more shared experiences, hints tips and general chat around this brilliant thing - sobriety.
I may occasionally moan about it too. Well, not sobriety itself, just everything else in life which can get in the way.
Here's to another sober week

Thanks for the new thread @Blackberryblossom .
On my retreat I turned my phone off on Friday night when I went to bed, and didn’t turn it on again until Sunday morning. Really made me question what I use my phone for, and how often. Was away with 15 others, and everyone found not having their phone harder than staying silent!
And yesterday I found the pub! I’ve been to the retreat centre a few times, and was convinced there had to be a pub nearby. Just to decompress, you know? Haha - we are so good at kidding ourselves. Found it on my run yesterday morning.
I read somewhere that people go a bit “woo” in their second year of sobriety- maybe this is the start. I’ve deleted Twitter. Still on mumsnet, obvs, but may post a bit less often.
Waving at newbies, veterans and returners x

Checking in lads.

Thanks everyone!

just popping in to reply to this from @FridayIminLove1 over on the old thread

I feel very low today but I'll be ok. I have to meet my new boss and am so ashamed with stitches over my eye.. anyway. .. found the joy of being sober very good; but I've not yet read the follow- up. I listen to some podcasts like the tee total trail. A few more books or podcast recommendations would be great pls.

hope you’re ok today. How did it go? Re books and podcasts - I really rated the Sunshine Warm Sober follow up. It really helped me to affirm my AF intentions and the actual why of my reasons for continuing to do this long after those pink clouds had been eclipsed by continuing real life. She doesn’t pull her punches. Lotta Dann is another who’s written stuff going from the early days to tackling the “what now?” feeling that I got after a couple of years AF (that feels weird to write!) My other suggestion is to consider signing up to scribd for the free 30 day trial. Lots of quit lit, audiobooks and podcasts on there though sadly not Catherine Grey at the moment. But there is Lotta Dann, Allen Carr, Holly Whitaker, Annie Grace and plenty of others. I think you can search on there without having to be signed on, and it’s not like audible with strict limits on how many you can have at once. I am not affiliated, just hugely grateful. It was audiobooks that got me through the early weeks, in the car, on the school run, in bed…

@justdrink, i think that would upset me a bit too. It implies he hasn't really been 'on board' just paying lip service. To be charitable to him though, you could interpret it as him stepping up to support you even if he's not as enthusiastic as you about it all?

My DH is a nightly drinker. 4 or 5 beers and 1 or 2 glasses of wine with dinner. He is supportive of me as I think he had noticed the shakes and general debilitation - but I suspect he is also secretly aghast at the idea that I will never drink again!

Having been on the other side of people voicing concern about my drinking, I know even slightly prodding him to cut down will just make him defensive, so I am saying absolutely nothing. I think he may naturally reduce the wine intake as it's no longer a "shared" bottle. (Obviously with me opening a second bottle - at least - for my own private consumption 😳)

@REP22, passive aggressive, needy and narcissistic mother here too. Emotionally draining and saps your confidence and self esteem. I can now see through her most of the time and can head off the never ending conversations before she gets stuck in. Sending you positive vibes xx

275 for me. I don't post much but love the threads and follow many of the recommendations. I've got to the stage where I very rarely have a craving which is lovely. Just avoid the first drink and the rest is golden. Onwards...

Congratulations! That’s a great milestone. Hope you enjoyed it

I’ve been sober for nearly 3 and a half years, which I’m loving after a 12 year battle with booze and drugs, I’ve not thought about drink in such a long time, BUT, I’m currently house sitting for my parents and looking after the cat, and they left a half drunk bottle of red on the side. I didn’t want to drink it but i felt like it was all I could look at, so I moved it. It was a really weird feeling. Feeling fine now that it’s out of sight, but honestly yesterday I just couldn’t stop looking at it and feeling uncomfortable!

Hi @IVFfirsttimer91 , congratulations! Life must feel very different now.

I would have been tempted to pour it away... Are they away for long enough that it would go off anyway?

@Blackberryblossom they’re away for a few weeks but I’m only here until Thursday. My sister is coming over then. To be honest, my parents are quite heavy drinkers so the house is stuffed with booze. It hasn’t bothered me since I put the bottle in the utility room yesterday thankfully! I think it was just jarring to see because I don’t have anything remotely like it at home.

@helenahandcart78 was it you who said that having one glass of wine should be some sort of crime (I am paraphrasing and being a bit silly!). I feel the same. They brought of having one glass of wine makes me irrationally angry!

Hello! I was a lurker (reader/catching up) on the last thread, but hope you don't mind my contributions here. Well done to everyone on their AF journey. I'm on day 10 and I look forward to the day when I can say I'm a non drinker and haven't had a drink in x years. I could say it today, but I don't think anyone would believe me!

Sounds like it was a good weekend away @justdrink. Understand you being a bit upset at your DH drinking but focus on yourself first and foremost and know you're doing amazing. Maybe it will click for him at some point and you will be an inspiration!

@REP22 sounds like a tough gig your time away with DM. We're thinking of you.

@helenahandcart78 hi fellow newbies! Loving your contributions.

@IVFfirsttimer91 well done on knowing yourself and moving the wine. We have to be vigilant! Congrats on such a long history of AF

@stilldumdedumming I often think alcohol should be illegal....

Anyway hi all! Thanks for your support. This is the one for me. This is THE time. I can do this!

Morning all.
Hope you’re feeling a bit better @rothbury

@helenahandcart78 and @REP22 - there are some interesting stats about childhood trauma and alcohol problems. I’ve found unpicking the links between eg conditional love (eg disproportionate response to bad exam results) and perfectionism, and the effects of having to parent your parent, really interesting.

I follow the.holistic.psychologist on Instagram, and some of her posts are like gut punches, but in a good way(!). I’ve also read “how to survive your childhood” which was a Catharine Gray recommendation, and is really helpful.

Hi all. Upto day 82 and another one who can’t believe it. Wet and windy here and I will have to walk the dog in a minute. Off today as worked a day at the weekend. Have a good day all

7 months sober, mostly due to gall bladder pain when I last drank alcohol. Waiting for operation for removal. Can honestly say I don't miss it now. I really thought I would too, but can quite happily sit with diet coke in a pub even when OH is having a pint. Great not having hangovers when I get up.

@Onewildandpreciouslife that was exactly my situation, right down to the specific examples you raised - conditional love, disproportionate response to exams results. I'm not saying my childhood was traumatic, but it definitely has given me some very negative core beliefs and hang-ups. I've had counselling and therapy in the past for perfectionism and imposter syndrome which can both become crippling when you don't recognise them for what they are.
I have little doubt my drinking has been a coping mechanism - trying to escape the constant self criticism and self doubt. I couldn't have chosen a worse way to cope.

But - no more!! Already I'm feeling more confident, more relaxed and more able to handle the (ever present) critical inner voice, who I think may be the wine witch's sister 😁