The continuing support thread for living alcohol free, every day. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello, and welcome to the alcohol-free support thread. The original thread was started about three years ago by drybird.

We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. Whatever your reasons, whatever you’re going through, someone here will have been there too. People here will have done that first sober holiday, first sober Christmas/birthday/work do/wedding/funeral, first AF night out with the drinking friends, first (and 2nd and 3rd…) AF Friday night/Sunday lunch, first day 31/day 101, first lapse. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size and we have all been there too when things go wrong.

If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quit altogether then maybe have a look at the long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board? Lots of support there too.

Brew yourself a and come on in!

Morning all, on this wet Thursday (or Friday Eve as I prefer to think of it). I have a day full of stuff today but thankfully none of it too taxing and it can all be done indoors.

Quick wave to helenahandcart and kate489, how are you both?

Any thoughts on low alcohol drinks (it's a gin in a tin and is 0.5% alcohol)

I've always stuck to totally AF alternatives as far as I know at least but I still cook with wine.

Wanted to try it as WW always says the M&S tins are nice but not sure if low alcohol is any different to alcohol free in terms of maintaining sobriety?

I have no issue with low alcohol drinks, on the basis that there is probably more alcohol in a banana, but I think this is an area where you need to work out what you’re comfortable with.

I am also broadly ok with alcohol in food, although I do regret once accepting a trifle that was very heavy on the sherry!

This is me too. I also use vanilla extract which is about 30% alcohol. But agreed it has to be what you are comfortable with. But you won't feel any alcohol effects from a 0.5 tin of G&T or a 0.3% can of beer

Thank you. I'll give it a try and then at least it's another drink option for me. I never liked real gin so we'll see. If not I'll stick to my AF lager and Martini Vibrante.

It's strange as I don't bat an eyelid about cooking with wine (and happily give that food to my kids) but it just gave me a wee pause for thought.

I did mistakingly buy some vanilla cream infused with a vodka liqueur a while ago. I didn’t actually realise so had a nice big glob on top of a dessert. It was rank and I could definitely taste the alcohol in it.

I don't really care for the taste of low alcohol beers but I'm fine with cooking with wine (though I prefer not to if dh isn't around). I do use a drop or two of angostura bitters in AF drinks sometimes, but I hate Christmas cake and Christmas pudding that have alcohol in them. I think you just work out what works for you.

Hello my lovelies, just popping onto this thread as I thought of you today - 3.5 years sober! Fab to see so many familiar names still and some new ones too❤️

@BunniesBunniesBunnies ! Lovely to see you! And a huge congratulations on 3.5 years x

Huge congratulations on 3 years Bunnies!

For those who have moved on to tackling their sugar addiction I'd really recommend the Glucose Goddess on Instagram and her book the Glucose Revolution. Controlling my blood sugar much better has really helped manage cravings. But it's definitely one for when you've cracked the sobriety a bit - in the first days you need to just focus on the no alcohol. The Dr Chris and Dr Xand podcasts on processed foods were also really helpful in putting me off them, in much the same way as William Porter put me off alcohol

Congratulations Bunnies! That's fantastic 🏆 It's lovely to hear from you, you were one of my inspirations here in my early days AF. I hope you're well and happy.

Congratulations @BunniesBunniesBunnies, that's brilliant! xx

Hope everyone is doing OK. Sending love. x

Congrats @BunniesBunniesBunnies .

It's fair to say I often over think things. I can also be very self critical on occasion.
Over the past 10 months, I have caught myself over thinking my past, going through all of my regrets.
Trying to keep enough regret to maintain momentum on sobriety without beating myself up and expending too much negative energy on things I cannot change.
No-one said this was going to be easy.
Early night beckons!

@Onewildandpreciouslife runners never fail to amaze me with the sheer determination they have. But running with a cast on is something else! Huge respect. I think I'm doing brilliant if I make it to parkrun!

Thank you @PosiePerkinPootleFlump I do need to get back into exercise. I used to run, swim and cycle when I had more time and energy, and I know I need to get back into it all now my kids actually go to sleep at a reasonable time. The endorphins from that beat drinking hands down, I just make it a habit again.

Thank you for checking in @Blackberryblossom I'm doing well. 4 weeks today. Mostly I like that the constant noise in my head about when are we having wine has stopped. But I've also noticed I'm more patient and less agitated with DC. Makes me want to keep going.

Morning all. Got all philosophical on the train this morning- getting sober is like being given a big shovel. I’m over 18 months now, and I’ve done a fair bit of digging into my “why”, but I feel like I’m about to go down into a whole new level. My kindle library is full of quit lit, a bit of stuff on mindfulness and over achieving, but I’ve just downloaded Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents. I’ve become really conscious over the last few weeks of how hard I work to monitor my husband’s moods, and avoid upsetting him. I also have a really reactive client at work that gets me disproportionally stressed.

Time to roll up my sleeves and dig deeper, I think.

Good to hear from you @Kate489 and well done on 4 weeks! Glad you’re feeling the emotional benefits

@Onewildandpreciouslife I recognise that - including trying to manage dp's moods. I have decided that there has to be a better way.

Without going into detail, I had a very secure and loving home and also a lot of abuse from outside my home which I was not allowed to talk about for fear of rocking the boat. It's made my boundaries shocking and I absolute dread conflict. I'm working on it. (I am very grateful for the secure loving part- it absolutely saved me.

Congratulations on your four weeks @Kate489 ! That's brilliant

I'm in awe of everyone here who doesn't only stop drinking but also digs deep into the background to their drinking in the first place.

@Kate489 well done. I bet you didn't think you could do four weeks sober?

I am still here lads just not putting markers out there as to my home life whilst the rozzers check out the latest situation.

4 weeks is epic @Kate489 well done.

I always think my reasons for drinking were so cut and dried (specific trauma - birth of disabled DC3 and very sudden death of my mum a few years later) but my drinking had already moved into the "problematic" area before either of these events. I am lucky in that there is no childhood trauma / abuse / significant life events prior to my DC3 in 2018 but there is of course lots of low level stuff I'd love to have the opportunity to work through one day.

I think ultimately I drank to forget.

And lovely to hear you are well and rocking 3.5 years Bunnies you have always been such an inspiration to me.

Morning all. TW: death / drowning.

Had a truly awful night last night - someone drowned in front of me. Was at a waterfront restaurant- saw someone swimming in the water, thought “pissed idiot” then they disappeared under the water and were gone. So quick. The next table and I turned to each other and said “did you just see that?”. I called 999 but then could hear that several other people had done the same so hung up.
Got a callback from 999 to check I was ok because I’d cancelled, and explained the situation.
Staying in a local hotel in my own, so got into pyjamas very quickly so couldn’t go to the bar. Was woken at nearly midnight by the police following up. I was one of the few witnesses they’d spoken to who were sober, so was asked if I’d go back and show the police divers where I’d seen him go under. Still no body found.
Such a strange experience: it was so quick, so quiet, like nothing happened. But for someone and their family everything happened.
Am ok ish this morning. But thank God I wasn’t drinking last night. It would be so easy to want to drink to shut out the thoughts, but I need to remember that the fact I was sober meant I was hopefully some help in getting him recovered. And the reaction of some of the people who were in the restaurant who had been drinking was really shocking.
Am back with my family this afternoon which will be a big relief.

Bloody Hell @Onewildandpreciouslife how absolutely awful.

As you say the absolute catastrophic devastation this has caused some poor family today is just heartbreaking.

You did all you could. You've helped the police narrow the search area and hopefully they can find the persons body to allow the family some level of closure. Of course I'm sorry you had to witness such an event and I hope you continue to feel okay. Make sure you reach out if you struggle. And yes this is something that would have most people reaching for their poison of choice so take this is a (very unwanted) win.

I'm very, very aware of the monumental shift a sudden death causes in your life. It's life changing and never in a good way. That poor family.

Oh my goodness @Onewildandpreciouslife . What an absolute horrific event last night. 😢 So sorry to hear of this. There are no words.... just tragic.

Yes, it would be something that could very easily lead to drink, but be thankful you were sober at the time and able to help the police. Well done on staying sober since. It might seem insignificant on the face of something like this, but it's still so important.

Well I just need to put it on ‘paper’ talking to my parents makes me want to drink. It really really triggers my self destruct notions. I won’t. I’m cracking open a zero wine instead. But fuck me, this is one of the strongest cravings I have had in a long time.

@Onewildandpreciouslife sorry to hear you had such a tragic evening x

I think it’s good to name it @Fortheloveofgodwhy, and well done on resisting.