The continuing support thread for living alcohol free, every day. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello, and welcome to the alcohol-free support thread. The original thread was started about three years ago by drybird.

We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. Whatever your reasons, whatever you’re going through, someone here will have been there too. People here will have done that first sober holiday, first sober Christmas/birthday/work do/wedding/funeral, first AF night out with the drinking friends, first (and 2nd and 3rd…) AF Friday night/Sunday lunch, first day 31/day 101, first lapse. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size and we have all been there too when things go wrong.

If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quit altogether then maybe have a look at the long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board? Lots of support there too.

Brew yourself a and come on in!

That’s awful @Onewildandpreciouslife , such a tragedy. That poor family.
I can imagine how seeing that could shake your resolve, but you did well not returning to a drink.

@Fortheloveofgodwhy your post rang bells with me. Well done on opening the AF wine and posting here. My mum used to insist that the reason I stopped drinking is so I can “make” her feel like an “alcoholic”. She’s drinking less now though, which is great.

I have a cold. Had a very unexpected craving in front of dh’s open bottle of red as I was heading towards the Sudafed. Absolutely no idea where it came from, as I wouldn’t have been able to taste it anyway. And seconds later the craving was gone. It really took me back to the early days and how very challenging it was to be in the jaws of a craving. Actually, it was Friday evening, that explains the craving!

Thanks all. A new day and the start of half term here 😬. @Blackberryblossom my dad saw me drinking zero red on video call a few weeks ago and said ‘oh good you’re back on the proper stuff…’ like why?!

Sorry interrupted.. why on earth it is a good thing? They live in another country, I see them physically 2/3 times a year and have never restricted alcohol or commented on their drinking. In fact they are a pain for turning up with no wine when staying and despite now no longer drinking I still make sure to have wine they like in the house …

My guess is that if you were drinking it would take the pressure off them. You not drinking disturbs the narrative of “everyone drinks. It’s completely normal. Nothing to see here!”

I agree with @Onewildandpreciouslife . It is odd though. When we have smoking or vaping guests we never feel obliged to get in their preferred cigarettes or vapes. It just shows how normalised alcohol has become.

oh it is definitely to normalise their drinking ... but ihave a sister who has been TT for over a decade... I bet they wouldn't say a word to her. HA!! But there is the reason i am in therapy. Anyway, those nasty wine bitch cravings do appear even when you think you have mashed her to a pulp...

Impressed with everyone who overcomes triggers and can ignore the subtle pressure from family and friends.
At a recent family function, I was nursing a 0% beer. A passing cousin remarked "ah great to see you're drinking again!" I simply smiled and moved on.
Not entirely sure why people react that way. Their own guilt? Do they genuinely think drinking alcohol is better? Would we say the same to a vegetarian re eating meat?
Sobriety is the best choice I've ever made, though the journey hasn't always been easy.

Hello everybody 👋 and thanks @Blackberryblossom for the new thread. It's great to see so many of us still going strong, and so many new names too. I'd love to know how many people these threads have helped to quit, or begin the path to quitting - I should have kept a spreadsheet!

I've been on holiday this week and for the first time in ages had thoughts of alcohol that weren't completely negative. Seeing people enjoying drinks in beautiful settings made me feel like I was missing something - not all the time, but it niggled at me. I never feel this way at home any more, so it must be to do with the unusual context and not being adapted to being here alcohol free. I even caught myself in a real WTF moment of thinking I could pause at a bar for a beer, on my solitary walk, while the rest of my family was busy with something else, and that nobody would ever know. It only lasted a second but it shows how easily the thoughts can creep in. After 3 years and 10 months AF I'm still vulnerable to alcoholic thinking - and always will be. I'm reporting it to you guys to keep myself accountable - I was shocked at myself TBH. Vigilance and ruthless honesty are the only way to handle this, I guess.

@Onewildandpreciouslife so very sorry to learn of what happened; that must be very deeply distressing. Sending you love and best wishes.

@Blackberryblossom hope your cold is better soon.

Triggers are sneaky and cruel. They can strike at the most random of times. And people of the "oh just one" brigade and their ilk certainly don't help. I'm sure they wouldn't suggest "just one sniff" of cocaine or "brilliant, glad to see you're back chasing the dragon!" to a recovering drug-user.

Like @Drybird2020 and Mad-Eye Moody in Harry Potter say - "Constant vigilance!" is the best way. And the continued enjoyment of the sober morning feeling.

Strength and love xx

agh - today is one of those days I wish I still drank. It would be so much easier (short term obvs) if I could escape these feelings by drinking.

Going to see mum in her care home later. The nurse said last time it would help if she had a photo album of old times. So I’ve made one. Fucking hell that was painful. So many lovely people gone.

And still got the visit to go, so that was the “easy “ part.

Just needed to get that out. I won’t drink today.

Hope everyone else is ok x

@Onewildandpreciouslife sending you some precious ohms to help with the visit

@Onewildandpreciouslife rough day. Thinking of you. Well done on your commitment to staying strong.

The visit was fine! The photo album really helped so it was worth the pain.

I am glad it was worth the effort and angst @Onewildandpreciouslife

It must be incredibly tough - take today as a win if you can. You did good.

That sounds like a happier outcome @Onewildandpreciouslife . I bet you’re glad you didn’t decide to drink. How lovely that the photo album helped

It was lovely to hear from you @Drybird2020 . There must be hundreds of us who have followed in your footsteps through these threads. How was your holiday apart from the craving? And yes, it’s different contexts that open the door to cravings for me too. How interesting that you found yourself thinking “no-body would ever know”. That really chimed with me and I’m not sure why.

I am on the tail end of this cold, hopefully getting back into my stride tomorrow. Meanwhile I am craving nothing harder than a lemsip.

@Onewildandpreciouslife hope you're OK after the weekend events, what a situation and how good that being sober was so beneficial. Quite the thing to reflect on. Also feel for you with the care home photo album, have been there.

I am still hanging on, but only just. Next hour will tell a tale. I gave myself permission to drink on Sunday but when it came to it I didn't want to. A risky technique that works for me. I'm realising that my drinking is very dependant on my parents situation. I feel a lot of pressure to be there for my dad as I have no siblings and mum in a care home, but dealing with his life admin etc stresses me but I feel no choice as he has nobody else. He visited today while I was WFH which I hate as he doesn't pick up on cues that I'm busy and I don't like to say no he can't visit. There's more to it all, wrapped up in how we've all coped with DMs dementia, just so difficult and wish she was here to keep him right!

It’s so hard @Kate489, I’m sorry. We want so hard to run away from it all, but we know we can’t really. And I know that I am infinitely better able to cope now I’m sober

This page certainly helps, and thinking about the morning after. Not that I would necessarily be hungover, but the disappointment would just add to my mental torment and I don't want more of that.

My danger time passed, I spoke to DH about things. I think he's starting to understand a bit more now. People don't see me as a big drinker. I guess I wasn't, but I did drink for the wrong reasons and too frequently.

@Kate489 i suspect this "People don't see me as a big drinker. I guess I wasn't, but I did drink for the wrong reasons and too frequently" was me too.

There may be people who drink more than I did who think they don't have a problem. Heck there might be people who drink what I did and it currently genuinely isn't a problem.

But I drank for the wrong reasons, too often, and it was creeping up. That was a good enough reason to stop for me.

I think we are presented this image that you don't stop until 'rock bottom' and hence everyone says they aren't there yet. But something that is manageable or okay to someone else might still be MY time to stop. And that doesn't mean it isn't the right time.

@Drybird2020 thanks for checking in. The noone would ever know thought resonates. I almost had a drink the other night with that reasoning. Then I reminded myself that that's how it starts and also I would know!

Also, I thought noone would know in times before and I kept pushing it til some people did know (although I still managed to hide a lot of it).

"No-one will ever know" is such a dangerous thought. I gave myself a fright. It's real inner addict stuff and shows that it's a permanent condition, even if you have kicked the substance itself for a substantial amount of time.

My holiday was great thanks @Blackberryblossom , marred only by FIL allowing my 12 year old to try wine, and DH not stepping in to prevent it. I was absolutely furious when I found out. Totally lost my shit. But it led to useful conversations with DH and DS and I think has opened the door to further constructive communication about booze, curiosity, experimentation and the pitfalls. FIL is a lost cause and we hardly ever see him so there's no point addressing it with him.

Hi @Drybird2020 and lovely to see you! We quit at the same time (I used to be Trees) and I am also coming up to 4 years now.

I also had my closest call in the past couple of weeks - a very bad day at work followed by an event away from home where everyone else was drinking. I really wanted to.

I didn’t though. So glad now. I’ve also completely quit a 15 year co codamol habit in the past couple of months - Pepsi Max is my final challenge - for now it is weekends only 🫣

Well done everyone on keeping on. It’s the numbing I crave. But it doesn’t help. I wish I was someone who uses exercise to numb things! I think my life would be quite different!

Sober for 306 days, well as at 11pm tonight.
I've had AF beers and quite enjoyed them. Still trying to find grown up non alcoholic drinks.
I've avoided AF gin, prosecco or red wine. I'm not sure how the experience would affect me. It feels too close to the truth.
Love to read the stories and experiences of everyone on here. It really is uplifting.
Ribena and a family bag of crisps for later!
Happy sober weekend to all

We are away for half term (just a UK break). I've done several trips AF now so it's second nature. I've got a bottle of Martini Vibrante [and I'm back on the sugar after 6 weeks off but I needed "something" which I realise is a bit worrying 😟]

Weather is crap but we should get a few walks in, play a lot of boardgames and read a lot. Also have a few nice restaurants booked.

Back to sugar free from the 30th!!

Always lovely to see the now infamous Drybird2020. Where would a lot of us be without your wonderful threads?

I'm day 616 and looking forward to hitting the 2 year / 1000 day milestones. I have every confidence I can and will succed.

It's good to know that even years down the line the old wine witch come calling and whilst I'm dedicated to remaining AF I'll also be mindful to be vigilant.