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Alcohol support

The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

982 replies

Blackberryblossom · 28/06/2023 16:29

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

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WendyWagon · 28/06/2023 16:31

Catching the boat @Blackberryblossom

NeedToChangeRightNow · 28/06/2023 16:32

Hi can I join? I posted last night about my drinking and I've finally admitted to myself it's becoming an issue. A place to come and chat and support each other would be fab

Crunchymum · 28/06/2023 16:34

Yay, a new thread.

Blackberryblossom · 28/06/2023 16:38

You are very welcome @NeedToChangeRightNow . How are you today?

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Blackberryblossom · 28/06/2023 16:47

Thank you @REP22 I knew I forgot something! I have just lost a long list of @ tagged posters.

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NeedToChangeRightNow · 28/06/2023 16:54

@Blackberryblossom I'm feeling okay today is my day 1. I've volunteered to pick DD up from work later to make sure I stay off the wine.
I've been drinking a bottle of wine most nights and it's too much, I have a 7 year old DD and I don't want her to think it's normal. My DM is an alcoholic and I don't want to be like her

REP22 · 28/06/2023 16:57

Hello @NeedToChangeRightNow - welcome. Glad you have found your way here. I'm a fairly recent arrival myself. This is a safe place with lots of lovely, wise and non-judgemental souls.

I saw your other thread earlier. It's a very brave step to admit that you might have an issue, even braver to decide to do something about it. Don't underestimate the strength and courage it took to do that.

Different things help for different people, but for me the books "The Sober Diaries" by Clare Pooley and "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober" by Catherine Gray were extremely helpful. Well-written, engaging, 100% real but non-preachy nor sanctimonious. The podcast series One for the Road by SoberDave can also be a good listen.

I find evenings and weekends the most difficult. But I keep as busy as I can, have something on in the background while I potter/sleep and try and find pleasure in an AF bedtime drink. Chocolate milkshake has been a good friend to me in the past few weeks...

Some of us have a bit of a blip on occasion - certainly myself included - but keep posting here if you want to. There is understanding and kindness here, and you will always be welcome.

It's not easy, but I promise it does get better in time. It will be alright - you can do it. x

NeedToChangeRightNow · 28/06/2023 17:01

@REP22 thank you so much. I know I can do it but if I'm honest I'm a bit scared that I can't, I'm determined though. I poured a glass of wine last night and noticed DD watching out of the corner of my eye and immediately felt guilty. I haven't told anyone in real life about it as I haven't admitted to anyone else it's a problem.
I'll definitely keep posting, you'll be sick of seeing my posts soon ha

REP22 · 28/06/2023 17:01

@Blackberryblossom sorry to jump in with it, hope you didn't mind. Thank you so much for the new thread; I'm sure it will be a great help to many, including my pedantic old self, hehe. This thread has been so helpful to me.

REP22 · 28/06/2023 17:18

@NeedToChangeRightNow I get scared too sometimes. The Wine Witch/Vodka Voldemort is supremely talented in spinning the "how will I manage/cope/sleep without it?" web. It does get easier in time to reply "oh DO f--- off" to the internal wine-whine, but it's not always nice. The feeling of defeating the urge and not succumbing is rather good though.

You don't have to tell anyone IRL if you don't want to. It's not their business. The Catherine Gray book offers some responses to questions (well-meant and otherwise) about why we're not having a drink. I did once try one along the lines of Robert Downey Jnr's ""I guess sometimes I want to have a drink with dinner, but then I remember that I have plans for Christmas." one - I said (last week) "No thanks, I'd like to remember Christmas" but I got a stunned "bloody hell" in response, so now I just blame Slimming World - "no thanks, too many Syns"🙄 or "too many empty calories". But, also, "no." is a complete sentence. You don't have to tell anyone anything if you don't want to. Just post it here, where we will listen and understand.

And no-one will ever be sick of reading what you have to say. Some of us post regularly, some now and again, and I'm sure there are lots who read and understand but never write any posts ever. Everyone is valued and heard. I tend to post in bursts and then not again for quite a while, but I do read it every day, just to see how everyone is and hopefully absorb a bit of strength and wisdom to apply to my own nonsense.

NeedToChangeRightNow · 28/06/2023 17:44

I do have the Annie Grace book 'This Naked Mind' I've started reading it in the past but then given up so I'll pick it back up again.
For some reason I really fancy some Coke Zero so I'll get some of that for tonight

Onewildandpreciouslife · 28/06/2023 19:39

Hello all! Just checking in so I can find you later

ArcticBells · 28/06/2023 19:43

@NeedToChangeRightNow This Naked Mind worked for me. No wine for 3 months- and I was a nearly bottle a nighter!

Blackberryblossom · 28/06/2023 20:28

@NeedToChangeRightNow you can do this. It’s not easy, but equally it is so much easier than constant regret. Planning is your friend- think about what you’d like to drink/do at the times when you’d normally drink, and get supplies in. Try AF versions if that isn’t triggering for you, or really nice soft drinks. A great tip on here a while back was to decide on a widely available go-to AF drink that you can ask for in pubs restaurants etc so that there’s never that moment of indecision/habit. I can’t remember who posted it but it’s brilliant. And good for you setting a different example to your daughters! My dd is 15, and I love that I can be fully present for her now. No matter where she is, I can get in the car and pick her up, and no matter how early it is on a weekend morning I can be a good listener. But best of all is that she is so proud of me. For quit lit I would add in Lotta Dann either Mrs D is going without or The Wine o’clock Myth. I really liked Mrs D is Going Within too, once I’d settled into AF and was starting to deal with the bits of life that still weren’t right. I always seem to be posting about this, but the scribd app has loads of ebooks and audiobooks quit lit, there’s a free month trial and it’s not one book per month like audible.

@REP22 no problem at all! I am woefully under skilled at mumsnetting but felt it was time for me to give something back to the brilliant community here.

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rothbury · 28/06/2023 20:46

Checking in shipmates!

Welcome to any newbies. I will hit my 6 months sober on Friday 😇

I have to be honest and say it’s been easier than I expected. I had made alcohol such a BIG THING and really it’s just something I choose to put in my glass, or not. I am much bigger and stronger than it, so I have kicked it into place.

Moderating is not for me. It means all you do is think about booze and if/when/what/why/how much you are going to drink. Making it important. Now I very rarely think about it, even when I’m out.

That isn’t to say I think I have this thing cracked. I love having this thread to keep me accountable and to get support and advice when things get shit.

Fortheloveofgodwhy · 28/06/2023 21:50

Beep beep I’m here!! Thanks for the new thread @Blackberryblossom

lots of newbs around too which is always great to see. Moderation is an arse. Sobriety is so so so so so so much easier.

I’ve said it before but I do like to repeat myself (even sober) I think of drinking now the same as I do smoking, it’s something I used to do. Sometimes I fancy a fag still even after 17 years. But I have no intention of lighting one up. I actually feel sorry for those still in the trap, smoking or/and drinking. Spending cash on something that literally poisons your body. Makes you feel shit, look shit, and then tricks you into wanting it again to just feel normal. Nah thanks. I’m ok as I am.

changeiscomingg8 · 28/06/2023 21:51

Glad I found you all on this one. Early train to London tomorrow so planning on some quit lit to keep me company.

Onewildandpreciouslife · 28/06/2023 22:43

6 months @rothbury ? Awesome stuff! 👏👏

Ive been reflecting tonight on how wonderful it is to be free of alcohol. I’m going to an event next weekend with a group of friends, and the planning messages have already started - mainly about how to drink without having to queue for booze at the event. I know that would have been me a couple of years ago, worrying about how I’d get hold of enough wine all night. It’s such a relief not to have that stress.

NeedToChangeRightNow · 28/06/2023 22:59

@ArcticBells that's good to know it works, I've read a couple of chapters tonight.
@rothbury that's a great achievement!
Well I've done day 1, I'm now tucked up in bed ready to wake up in the morning refreshed

Overitx · 29/06/2023 02:57

Checking in. Thanks for the new thread. I done something last night which I used to be obsessed with but haven’t done for 1-2 years. A workout!!! It’s as if stopping drinking is making me seek out other ways to take care of my body. I have energy. I’m on day 11 after my last slip up. I drank twice in June. Determined to make it 0 in July. Go on holiday end of July & usually need a drink to get on the plane. Then continue all flight. Upon landing I’m groggy and dehydrated. Not how I want to start my two week break with kids. I’m so determined this time, I really am.

Overitx · 29/06/2023 03:01

But one thing I have found is I’m wide awake at night (hence the 3am post). I’m struggling to stay asleep then fall back asleep.

WendyWagon · 29/06/2023 06:17

Morning all.
@Overitx I could never get back to sleep for decades. I now start counting (black trousers, rings, lipsticks- I don't do sheep 🐑) I have a lot of all the aforementioned.
If you told me I could put myself back to sleep I would have argued the toss for hours. Not sure how but I seem to need the sleep. Glad you did the workout, it will help.
@NeedToChangeRightNow welcome.
@rothbury congrats for tomorrow

Onewildandpreciouslife · 29/06/2023 06:55

@Overitx yay to the workout! I think if you exercise (in whatever form you enjoy and can do) when you’re going sober you create a sort of virtuous circle - you have more energy and time because you’re not drinking, so exercise becomes more achievable , so you feel happier and healthier, so you don’t want to drink as much …

Sorry about the sleep - it will come.

well done on day 1 @NeedToChangeRightNow . I would recommend doing some planning now - what is your plan for this evening? And can you plan a treat for yourself on Sunday if you get to day 3? It can be a really little thing, like a walk with dd or a visit to your favourite coffee shop. Just something to keep in your head when that voice comes calling (I used to think of mine as my inner toddler, rather than a wine witch! They still have a tantrum occasionally)

Blackberryblossom · 29/06/2023 08:15

Morning all! The rain has stopped here, sun is out and there's tea in my mug.
Happy 6 month AF eve @rothbury ! I love your perspective.
Congrats on the workout @overitx. First of many I expect! Re sleeping, it does get better. Have a look at the Headspace channel on YouTube, they have a couple of sleepcasts on there and loads of sleep soundtracks. I also like The Boring Talks either on BBC sounds or as a podcast.
Congrats too @NeedToChangeRightNow you'll have to change your username soon!
Sending a wave to everyone, have a good day.

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