The continuing support thread for living alcohol free, every day. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello, and welcome to the alcohol-free support thread. The original thread was started about three years ago by drybird.

We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. Whatever your reasons, whatever you’re going through, someone here will have been there too. People here will have done that first sober holiday, first sober Christmas/birthday/work do/wedding/funeral, first AF night out with the drinking friends, first (and 2nd and 3rd…) AF Friday night/Sunday lunch, first day 31/day 101, first lapse. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size and we have all been there too when things go wrong.

If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quit altogether then maybe have a look at the long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board? Lots of support there too.

Brew yourself a and come on in!

@helenahandcart78 it varies. I am hoping he will go back to no spirits. He used to shout at me too and I did say I was leaving him (he would be knackered if I did). He has stopped the shouting.

I do get cross when he wonders why his legs aren't working. His cognitive processing is very low (it's like he has a learning disability now) but he does understand the alcohol thing - until he starts drinking.

I visualise too. I went through a stage where not having a drink felt dull but I have upped my game in doing other things (it all got a bit Netflix-y) and that helped.

Timeline. I would say 2-3 months in I looked a lot younger. Like some dullness had been scraped away. Hair and eyes so much more sparkly.

Hi all, I have read the previous thread and have to say that a lot resonates.

I am on Day 5, so a total newbie to this. Day 1 I did have a theatre visit and where normally I would have at least a bottle of wine during the evening, I managed without any.

I had decided to do Sober October as I've started to drink so much more, it's like I don't have an off button when I start, and the weekend is starting on a Thursday, through to Sunday night.

I quite easily don't drink Monday to Wednesday.

I really cannot moderate, so I know I need to stop entirely.

The problem is I don't get hangovers, I can polish off 2 bottle of wine and get up fine the next morning.

I don't feel like I'm drinking to cover anything up. If anything life is easy. I think I'm just bored and have got into a habit of drinking being a fun activity.

My husband doesn't drink, so it isn't difficult to avoid alcohol.

My worry is that I'm being damaged and by the time I find out my liver is f####d it will be too late.

Joining this thread for accountability and coping mechanisms. Love The Obstacle Course on the previous thread.

@stilldumdedumming I really am in awe of your strength and resilience in such a difficult situation. Do you have any help or respite? Is he still under active medical review?

Hello @SissySpacekAteMyHamster! I'm a relative newbie too and am taking so much strength from this thread so stay here and bask in the warm waters of support and advice!

Your story sounds very similar to mine - boredom and seemingly unshakeable associations between wine and relaxation/happiness. As you can see from my earlier posts, I am engaged in active warfare on this with my nemesis the Wine Witch.

Someone up thread said something like "why would you take 1 hour of an ethanol hit when you can have 24 hours of contentment?" I am keeping this firmly in my mind.

For years, I was like you - no problem staying off it Mon - Wed and then the weekend gong would sound (on a Thursday) and off I'd go. Lockdown tipped me over the edge into every night drinking, then starting earlier, then drinking quicker, until finally I had completely forgotten what it was like not to open a bottle every night or wake up feeling refreshed and well-rested.

The cliches are cliches but they are true - alcohol is like the pitcher plant - the slippery slope - the boiling frog. I'm getting out now before I fall any further!

Hi everyone, checking in on the new thread, day 20 here. Feel I'm thinking about drinking less, which is freeing.

I almost had a rum at the start of the week following a stressful day. Somehow convinced myself it was ok as not wine. Managed to resist, and now I feel too protective of my streak to end it on a whim. I hope that attitude sticks. I have told myself 30 days so it feels manageable. I actually looked like I had a tan this morning. My skin certainly likes sober me.

Well done @Kate489 20 days is fantastic! Very heartening to hear you're thinking less about drinking. And feeling like you are preserving a winning streak is such a good incentive to keep it going.

Do you feel like you have to plan distractions at trigger times, or does that start become less necessary with time?

Friday tomorrow and day 13 - hope it's not unlucky for me 😁
Ah no, the thought of the hangover free Saturday morning will keep me right!

Yes! The further we get from
The drink, the more weird it feels to deliberately sabotage your weekend by feeling ill!

@helenahandcart78 we are 3 years on so I can leave him for an evening. In fact I go to yoga every week and often go to see my mum alone. He is safe enough - though he couldn't get help if anything happened.

Tonight I was at a poetry night with the brilliant Liz Berry. Transported to her great aunts crossing to Canada as a 12 year old British Hone child. Just beautiful stuff. Apparently it was on R4 for anyone interested.

But in answer to your question- no, I don't get any help. And it's definitely taken it's toll. His family are useless and never ask how it is.

Still here. Still forging on. About 18 months now. Life is immeasurably better.

In the last four weeks, I have finally tackled my chocolate habit as well, so as at this morning I'm 4 lbs down and have far more energy. Sugar is the real enemy, I'm sure of it.

Have a safe and sober weekend all.

600 days for me today. Love a round number 😊

Here's to the next 600!!

Just found this thread. I've gone 329 days. Pulling up on 1 year. No going back now. This is it.

Woop woop @Crunchymum !

Welcome @Archymum . Glad you’ve found us. And congratulations on 329 days!

Wow those are some impressive numbers! @Crunchymum I love a round number too! And 600 is an awesome one!

@helenahandcart78 my trigger is stress, I have learnt since stopping. My habit was always a drink once my DC were in bed, so I would be thinking about it all afternoon. I'm on my own with them Monday and Tuesday then work Wed to Fri when they are in nursery. They were my stressful days, so they were my drinking nights. Then it slowly creeped into everyday.

So 5-8 is my danger time, once DH home and before dinner. I was very grumpy first week and just let myself do very little in the evenings. Since then though I've been doing housework etc, keeping busy and realising how much more productive my nights can be. In turn a little less stressed the next day as more organised.

I would like to be a social drinker again in the future if possible. But for now I know I need to stay off it as the urge is still to drink solo in my old pattern and that's where I feel I'm on a bad slippery slope.

@stilldumdedumming that is really sad about his family. You are shouldering a massive burden but I'm glad to hear you can get out and about and have a bit of "me" time. I take my hat off to you xxx

Wow, love hearing all the big three figure numbers from you sober veterans! And really good to hear how your lives are so much better for it. Thank you x

@Kate489 yes, stress is (was!) a trigger for me too.

When my DS was young, I'd pick him up from nursery after work, and he'd be grumpy and then dinner was a battle (he's still a nightmare now about food!) and bed time took hours, and it was just so easy to have a glass a wine on the go throughout to "take the edge off".

Problem is, circumstances change but by then the habit is ingrained. The one thing that has floored me this last couple of weeks is how unstressed I am! Work is still crazy, difficult decisions to make and conversations to have, which at one stage would have had me cowering under the duvet. I am now tackling these things head on, first thing in the morning! Unthinkable a very short time ago.

My core belief was that I couldn't cope with stress and needed a crutch. Turns out I couldn't cope with wine...

Wednesday was my Sobervesary. 7 years. I was a 4 bottle of wine a weekend person. Plus a couple in the week if I could get away with it.

Best thing I ever did, rarely get cravings. I can never drink again.

Wine was my friend, she kept me company, stopped me being lonely, numbed the pain of losing my Mum.

She wasn’t a good friend. I don’t hang out with her anymore.

Wow, some brilliant posts recently. What an inspirational lot. This is exactly why I'm here.
Sobriety can be damn lonely.
@helenahandcart78 and @maddiemookins16mum wow again.
Both those posts just resonate with me.
Helluva stressful work day, yet it went brilliantly and there's no way things would have been the same this time last year.

I love that idea - " I thought I couldn't cope without alcohol, turns out I couldn't cope with it"

Well, to my shame, I've just had a huge wobble. Massive. Was in the supermarket buying groceries there. (What the hell was I thinking, going to the shop at this time on a Friday?? Clearly getting way too cocky 😔)

I panicked as I really thought I would buy wine so I threw a bottle of 0% red wine and a pack of Becks Blue into my trolley. I don't even like normal Becks and the unanimous verdict is non-alcohol wine is the devil's wee!

I also bought copious amounts of crisps, Maltesers and cheese. It's funny now but I truly was panicking.

Anyway, have made myself a huge pot of posh Assam tea (another panic purchase) and the danger seems to have passed.

Good god, this is hard though.

@helenahandcart78 - take a deep breath, a big gulp of lovely tea, and give yourself a huge pat on the back. Take that as the major win it was. You’re probably too young to remember “weebles wobble but we don’t fall down”.

And yes, it is hard. There’s no getting around that I’m afraid. But there’s a sign outside a local gym which says “If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.” Makes me smile every time.

Hi @Gymspiration - I agree about the loneliness of sobriety. Not that you can’t be with people, but that you see stuff that others don’t, and don’t want to.

Thank you @Onewildandpreciouslife, I do indeed remember the Weebles! Ah, they don't make kid's shows as good these days 😄

Feeling much better now and yes, I am treating it as the first major challenge completed... it was just so scary how quickly it crept up on me. I'd been so resolute all day. I think a seed was planted when I mentioned to a friend this morning that I was doing Sober October (my cover story at the minute) and she said - completely innocently - that she would join in by abstaining during the week. Unconsciously I must have been thinking, 'well that sounds very sensible, surely I can do that too..."

I would stress, it wasn't her fault - she has no idea of my battle with Skeletor!

Some seriously impressive numbers on this thread. Thank you to those sharing them- it really does help with the inspiration and a reminder that it just gets better and can be done.

@stilldumdedumming you are doing amazingly faced with such difficult challenges. Your love for your husband must run so deep 💕

I'm so glad I didn't crack earlier. Had two Becks Blue and although they are not really to my taste, they were sufficient to mark the "Friday evening" feeling.

The really disturbing thing is that when I started to think about buying a bottle of wine, my next thought was, "Hmm, one is probably not enough. Best get two bottles just in case." Awful.

Heading to the armoury now for some really big weapons to keep Skeletor at bay the rest of the weekend 😁

Checking in here!

Really well done @Crunchymum on your 600 days!

@helenahandcart78 I am sorry but part of me is grinning at your optimism in considering buying two bottles of AF wine Well done on riding it out.

Congratulations to everyone posting with their milestones, it's lovely to hear from you all. And thinking of everyone white knuckling out the early Friday nights. It will be worth it tomorrow morning.

I shall catch up a bit more tomorrow. Right now I need to set a wash to run overnight and put the veggie box out. Then I plan on reading in bed until I drop the Kindle. Rock and roll!

Well done @helenahandcart78 . I actually think maybe it's good to have these little challenges . Strengthens the resolve and stops us from getting complacent!