The continuing support thread for living alcohol free, every day. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello, and welcome to the alcohol-free support thread. The original thread was started about three years ago by drybird.

We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. Whatever your reasons, whatever you’re going through, someone here will have been there too. People here will have done that first sober holiday, first sober Christmas/birthday/work do/wedding/funeral, first AF night out with the drinking friends, first (and 2nd and 3rd…) AF Friday night/Sunday lunch, first day 31/day 101, first lapse. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size and we have all been there too when things go wrong.

If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quit altogether then maybe have a look at the long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board? Lots of support there too.

Brew yourself a and come on in!

Waves to @Crunchymum and @MyBedIsMySpiritualHome 👋 how strange that coming up to the 4 year mark has given you a wobble too - a line from Annie Grace that stuck with me is "thinking about drinking isn't drinking". This was in my head a lot in the early days when booze was never far from my thoughts and I'd try to acknowledge it and ride it out. Maybe now thinking about drinking is a useful reminder of why we don't want to do it, and to stay alert!

I am loving the 306 and 616 day milestones, @Gymspiration and @Crunchymum , congratulations to you both!
@Drybird2020 thank you for your honest reply. It sounds like your holiday had its moments. I would have been furious too. And yes, thinking that no-one would ever know is definitely the doorway to a very dark place.
dh has a bottle of red open for the weekend. I smelled it to see if my sense of smell was back after my cold. As always now, it smelled absolutely rank. I’m never going back. I’ll also never be able to tell if wine has turned any more 😂 it always smells off now.
I hope everyone is enjoying half term, and holidays if you’re away. How are you doing @Kate489 and @Onewildandpreciouslife ?

Marks have new 0.5% lemon and rosemary aperitif. Not tried it yet. It's winking at me.

Police advice not to comment on home still.
Still here lads.

Good to see you @WendyWagon. Thinking of you. 💐xx

Strength and love to all. x

I’m good thanks @Blackberryblossom - recovering from a grotty cold and feeling quite tired, but fine other than that. Surgery tomorrow night

All the very best for your surgery tomorrow @Onewildandpreciouslife . I hope you’re back home soon afterwards and able to recover in comfort.

Hope you and your family are ok @WendyWagon . Thank you for the Marks heads up! Hope you’re settling in well at work too.

waving to @rep22 and ddog too. Dd has caught my cold so tomorrow’s plans might be off.

Sending you lots of love and good vibes for later @Onewildandpreciouslife

Did I miss something WW?

@Onewildandpreciouslife good luck tonight.

@Crunchymum just trying to keep an even keel. Mh hasn't been great due to outside forces.

Thanks all. All done, back in my room and fine, if a little sore!

Morning all. Rubbish night’s sleep, probably due to drinking too much coffee too late (I wasn’t allowed coffee after 10am yesterday so was making up for lost time!) and the after effects of the anaesthetic.

At least I didn’t add alcohol into the mix! Fascinating how susceptible our sleep is to chemical interruptions- it’s no wonder sleep is so affected by drinking and not drinking

Glad to hear all went well @Onewildandpreciouslife I hope you are recuperating at home now.

I'm sadly one of those crappy sleepers. I never fall straight to sleep, never sleep the whole night through, can't daytime nap etc. Its been this way as a child and as an adult (sober and as a drinker). Its just the way I am.

But I don't feel that depressing tiredness I used to have as a drinker. Alcohol inflicted tiredness was self inflicted but also the tiredness you know you'll drink again later to try and suppress. I don't miss it at all.

See my username?!? That's me now.
Loads of stretches of sobriety then I think I can moderate.
Nope
Not a chance
No way
So here I go again... looking forward to checking in regularly to be inspired and for accountability

Welcome @Iamateadrinker
Moderation is too hard - welcome to freedom!

Hope you have a better night tonight @Onewildandpreciouslife

Thinking of you too @WendyWagon

Welcome @Iamateadrinker . I never managed to moderate for longer than a day or two, I love the certainty of not drinking at all, ever.

Now at the point of half term where I have no idea what day it is.

@Onewildandpreciouslife hope your recovery goes well and you are now home.

Day 4 over here. Lots to think about. I shared a bottle with DH on Saturday night. Had less than half in the end and had no interest in the glass that was left on Sunday. After internal debate I allowed myself for two reasons. 1. I wasn't sad, I wanted a drink with DH as I was in a positive frame of mind I hadn't been in for a while. 2. I felt I wanted to gauge my reaction to having a drink to test my resolve.

I didn't enjoy it as much as I hoped. I was very controlled and didn't drink quickly, or more than I'd agreed with myself. I felt ok the next day and now have lost interest in it again. I thought it would have taken over my thoughts, but thankfully no. I think my 5 weeks of sobriety have shown me more positives than negatives, and I want to keep to it. My Saturday night was no better for drinking. After reading these threads I see it in a whole other way. It's a lot to get my head around. But ultimately it's better when drinking isn't an option.

Thanks - had a much better night’s sleep.

Really interesting about Saturday night @Kate489 . I think when you put a distance between yourself and alcohol you can see it more clearly. You start to question “why do I think sharing wine with DH is a positive thing?”, whereas before we would take it as read that that’s just what you do. It means challenging a lot of assumptions, which isn’t always comfortable

There are still times when I think “ooh! Wine!” - like in the taxi home from hospital on Monday night - but they’re pretty fleeting these days, and I know it’s more about escape than pleasure.

Absolutely, distance is certainly making me look at things differently. So interesting reading poster's experiences with other people's reactions to them not drinking too. It's so ingrained as normal and positive in peoples lives. I'm almost sad that I can't see it like that myself anymore.

I'm quite comfortable hiding behind sober October but already feeling bit stressed about making excuses next month. I don't go out often, but have a lunch arranged in November with friends who I previously enjoyed a boozy catch up with. I worry about telling them I'm not drinking, as they delayed meeting until my sober October was over 🤦‍♀️ something for me to mull over in the coming weeks.

Do you have to have excuses for not drinking @Kate489 ? At some point you’d need to tell them that you’re not drinking any more. You might find that it’s not that big a deal, and you can always catch up over a coffee instead of a lunch.

Hope you’re doing ok @Onewildandpreciouslife and getting some time to rest.

All good here. I have that irritating feeling of wanting to something to drink but not being quite sure what. I think it might be a mug of decaf tea (rock and roll).

Hope everyone’s ok. I’m off to make a cup of tea and try to solve a tech problem. Which is ambitious at this time of night but it will only keep me awake if I don’t try.

@Blackberryblossom tonight I have transferred ownership of two cars online and sorted the insurance- so I'd say anything is possible. Go for it!

That’s excellent work @stilldumdedumming ! Well I have done it - needed to work out how to rename markers in Logic Pro for iPad, first of all I made it worse but now it’s fixed and my song is on the way to having nicely labelled verses, choruses and bridge. Go me!

Morning all. Very impressed @Blackberryblossom and @stilldumdedumming.

I always say that people can’t argue with your experience @Kate489 . If you say to friends “I felt so good during Stoptober I decided to carry on for a bit” they can’t argue with that (although they will probably respond by telling you either (a) they don’t drink very much, actually or (b) they’ve been thinking about cutting down).

Yes, I am thinking about proclaiming Sober October as a success and going from there. This is probably the only group who will challenge me tbh as we all travel by train to meet (parking awkward in place closest to us all) and it's just the nature of our socialising as a group. I have met them individually for coffee etc but as a group not drinking will be a point of horror for them. But I know this, so I can prepare! I really enjoy seeing them, so will be going regardless.

Hey all, just popping in for some accountability check. All ok here, we have guests for dinner tomorrow so always good to remind myself in advance why I shall be drinking Nosecco...

Interestingly @Kate489 telling the first group is always the hardest, then it becomes easier and usually is less of an issue than you expected anyway.

This following bit is a rare occurrence and i am at day (...checks nomo...) 627
I had an interesting convo with a friend who came for dinner here as part of a group a month or so ago, i mentioned during our chat that I thought people had drunk very little compared to what i would have consumed a few years back and she said maybe they were on their best behavior because i wasn't drinking - which did make me feel a bit guilty, although no reason why i should!

She then went on to talk about another friend of hers who has stopped drinking and how their get togethers as a group of 3/4 girlfriends were now less fun, as said friend goes to bed earlier, etc, and how they had in the past had some riotous nights where she had been vomiting and unable to cope with collecting her children the next day.. to be honest any residual guilt totally lifted and I said quite confidently 'AND that is why i am happy to be of the going to bed early, and not being part of the late night vomiting and wretched hangover group anymore'.

That was a professional lady in her 50s, who is always so well kept and put together. I don't judge her for being so drunk she was puking in a car well, but at the same time, I can now objectively look at it and say, yep 100% I would rather be the 'spoilsport' who goes to bed when they are tired or/and remembers to serve the cheese course after dinner, wakes without worrying about what was said, and knows exactly the state of the kitchen when I come downstairs at 7.30am bright and breezy...

Evening lads. Still here.

Hello @WendyWagon hope you are OK.

Some really interesting discussion here on telling friends about being AF, and the recalibration of relationships that we're formerly based around alcohol, thank you.

@Fortheloveofgodwhy you highlighted completely possibly the biggest win of AF life for me - being able to be there 100% for my teenage dd. Nothing compares. She's growing up so fast and I am not losing a second of it to hung over mornings or wishing away a pick up journey.
@Onewildandpreciouslife your logic is excellent 😀

Wedding anniversary today. I am choosing to enjoy the unexpected blue sky and live with my equally unexpected discovery that so many anniversary cards feature pictures of champagne bottles and glasses.