The continuing support thread for living alcohol free, every day. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello, and welcome to the alcohol-free support thread. The original thread was started about three years ago by drybird.

We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. Whatever your reasons, whatever you’re going through, someone here will have been there too. People here will have done that first sober holiday, first sober Christmas/birthday/work do/wedding/funeral, first AF night out with the drinking friends, first (and 2nd and 3rd…) AF Friday night/Sunday lunch, first day 31/day 101, first lapse. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size and we have all been there too when things go wrong.

If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quit altogether then maybe have a look at the long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board? Lots of support there too.

Brew yourself a and come on in!

Just popping on to wish everyone a peaceful, restful and sober Christmas.

Second sober one for me and I'll be hitting 2 years in February.

Will be cracking open the AF Martini later and trying to hold my PMA about being the only AF adult at Christmas dinner tomorrow. My Boxing days always used to be ruined by my savage drinking on Christmas day. Well not anymore. I'll have us all walking a few miles at 9am Boxing day.

Have a good one 🌲

This will be my 7th sober Christmas, I haven’t consumed alcohol since 4th October 2017. It’s been life changing.
It hasn’t always been easy.
I’m in a far, far better place and ‘treated’ myself to some glass bottles of coke to drink over the festive period, with added lime slices.
I won’t miss alcohol, but will eat too many chocolates instead 🤣🤣.
Knowing I won’t wake with a massive hangover, horrendous anxiety and feeling like sh*t is enough of a reward for me AND most of all, for my family.

Morning all, happy Christmas Eve!
Hi @maddiemookins16mum , that's phenomenal! You hit the nail on the head about the benefit to family. I will be fully present and regret-free all the way through Christmas.
@Crunchymum - two years in February! That feels as if it's flown by. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.
I'll be checking in here tomorrow and Boxing Day, it always helps me remember that Christmas without alcohol is still Christmas. DH had a big do during the week so is still recovering from that not planning on drinking a lot.

Just leaving this here from Sobergirlsociety on my Insta feed this morning.

Just trying to stay awake long enough to do the stockings! Christmas Eve is so much calmer AF. Happy Christmas all.

Christmas day without a hangover from excess on Christmas Eve is a joy.
it’s quiet and peaceful, the three wise teens are still sleeping, and I am sat with the cats and the dog enjoying the peace and calm. Sending everyone strength and peace today whatever you may be doing

Happy Christmas @threeandmeandthedog . It’s magic, isn’t it?

Wishing everyone a happy and peaceful Christmas. If it all gets too much, do whatever you need to - hide in the bathroom, go for a walk, eat chocolate. By being sober you are giving yourself and your family the best gift there is x

Morning all.
Merry sober Christmas.

Just going to put the oven on for the turkey. I managed to get out yesterday. Hoorah. Walking on a stick and shuffling but I hate anyone else choosing my meat.
New meds later this week.
I'll let you all know re my AF cocktail later. X

Good morning all. This is my first sober Christmas - I am only a couple of weeks in. I wasn't a daily drinker, not even a weekly drinker, but drinking with colleagues or groups of friends was my danger time, I could never have just a couple. I would drink to black out and always do stupid stuff - fort with inappropriate people, cry, offer unsolicited advice, but strangers drinks. I would dread looking at my WhatsApp messages and bank balance in the morning.

I've been this way for year, maybe 8 or 9 years. It started in my early 30's when I had a heavy drinking boyfriend who would get annoyed if I didn't drink and would drink fast. It was a strange time and looking back, pretty emotionally abusive.

I'm in a good place now - early 40's in a new relationship and very happy but drinking was still my downfall. My partner isn't a big drinker - one of the things that attracted me to him. I've had a few blackout sessions since being with him though, sometimes with him (where I have drunk loads and he hasn't) and sometimes without. It has been causing me huge anxiety and low level depression so a couple of weeks ago, I decided enough was enough and I'm doing 100 days sober. Hopefully more.

I'm currently sitting with an AF Buck's Fizz. Quite happy although last week I was in the office and have done something to my back. I have been in extreme pain ever since, I can't move without my partner aiding me and am on strong meds so couldn't drink even if I wanted to. I don't know what I've done to my back but it's really jarring. I have physio on Friday.

Anyway, merry Christmas to all! Have a great AF day xx

DH has been drinking all night and all morning. Music blaring.

I saw journal entries from 2021 where I wrote a plan detailing steps to leave and the sort of new life I'd like to lead.

I feel so sorry for this woman, totally let her down. I can see why people have affairs, a part of me dreams of a rich knight in shining armour who can sweep me and DC up into a lovely, safe castle. It's never going to happen, of course. The men just want sex and they can barely handle their own marriage and kids. Nobody is coming to rescue me, I only have myself and I can't even keep my own promises to myself. This horrid life is the sum of all my choices and poor decisions. I was a heavy drinker when we met and found a match in him. When I don't drink I look around and I hate my life so much it's just easier to stay drunk. But I can't because I have DC. I feel immense guilt for the choice of dad I gave them. When he doesn't drink and in a good mood, he's great. But such times are sporradic and unpredictable. I'm thinking of suggesting Alanon to my teen. I know I have to stay sober and stay far away from any affair temptation, it will only make everything worse and hurt even more people.

I hate my life, no wonder I drank. No wonder he drinks.

Happy Christmas everyone!

@AppleCake7 that sounds like a tough situation. Well done on being sober. You have made an amazing change. You sound overwhelmed but remember you can change things for you and your DC. Hang on in there x

Happy dry Christmas everyone, old hands and new. Hold your will, your faith and your sense of humour 👍

@AppleCake7 can you be your own rescue? Sounds like you’re good at planning. You clearly know there’s a better life out there to be made.
hello @wannabedry and congratulations on your first couple of weeks. It’s not an easy time to start but once you’ve done a dry Christmas and new year January is a piece of cake.

hello @WendyWagon @threeandmeandthedog and @Onewildandpreciouslife . I have been for a walk with dh and nearly cried at my thoughtful generous gifts. Not a single bottle of gin to be seen under the tree this year. So far I’ve had a couple of glasses of nozecco, a fake JD & coke, tea and coffee.
I’d love to say it’s peaceful here but Santa brought dd Kazoo Karaoke and we just duetted Teenage Dirtbag with a bass backing

@AppleCake7 - this is why I split with my ex. His excessive drinking and I was being pulled down with him. I also kept journals and turned to Mumsnet in 2018 saying I wasn't sure what to do, "he drinks too much and we don't have sex any more" were my main complaints. People said to leave him and there was life on the other side... But I was late 30's and been with him a long time and couldn't see a way out. I used to write letters to the future me saying I wanted to leave him and that I deserved better and that I hoped I'd left him by the time I next read this.

I read Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway and that, coupled with the dozens of Mumsnet support messages gave me the courage to leave him.

My drinking did reduce but I think I was/am so used to drinking at those levels that it was just normal.

I met my brilliant partner two years ago and he's been a great support. I could never have imagined meeting someone like him. I still have those old diaries where I talk about my ex and I'm so proud of myself now for saving myself.

You can do it. It will be scary and shit at times but it won't be as bad as where you are now. Leaving him puts the power back in your hands. You CAN do it. Think of the future you looking back on you now, willing you to make the change now.

@wannabedry I'm sorry about your back. Hope it eases up a bit for you.

Sitting down here with a cup of tea and some broken biscuits. All good.

Merry Christmas to all! Despite everyone's best efforts, I passed today! (Thank you Mum, for buying nosecco and not actual Prosecco!)

I hope everyone had a great day x

Congratulations @justdrink!

Another sober Christmas done. A few bumps along the way (DP is not quite so "D" at the moment) but I managed to have a lovely day. Had just as much fun as the drunk version of me would have had and am now I'm tucked up in bed with a new book and a hot chocolate.

Second sober Christmas done. This year was a much easier ride emotionally, thankfully. It’s still a revelation being able to remember all the presents!

Sorry about the bumps @Crunchymum but hopefully they were more manageable than if you’d been drinking

Morning all.
We are a load of 'hot chocolate Harriets'. I did the same before the fast show. Individual trifle chaser.
Just eaten the cheese scone and one tea down.
Family party at mine on Thursday. Half drink like fish, half teatotal.

I can't give any advice about horrible husbands, mines lovely. But I had somd pretty nasty boyfriends. My thrice married mother used to say if they don't think you are better than sliced bread get rid. They must love you more. The kindest thing anyone can do is not drink around someone in recovery. Believe me it's not forever because at some point it doesn't bother us anymore. A few weeks of support could be life changing.

The troops are off out later, shopping! I'm watching a film.
Have a good day folks.

Morning all.
This is such a weird time between Christmas and New Year - it feels like the whole world is hungover: that slightly disjointed feeling I used to get.

Back to work today, but only for a day and a half, and WFH, so may struggle to be productive!

Morning all.
Party cancelled as I'm still poorly. I can't stand. Nutty ex employers in deep shit in the overseas press.
The contacted me yesterday but I'm on holiday so they can wait.
No drinking here whatsoever. The boys were on the Guinness zero last night.
We used to live in a village where the boozing was rife (it was the start of my dependancy as I was so lonely). Recycling day was fancinating. No one could fit it all in their black box! Ours is now full of juice cartons and pop bottles with the DC back home.
I hate new years eve so I will make plans to go to bed early.

I'm going to take up some light exercise folks in 2024. I still have a wine waist. Blinking awkward for trousers.
Have a calm sober day my friends. X

Hi all
After DH's all day drunk for xmas, he only had a couple on boxing day, the calmness was good, I was glad he wasn't drunk again but I feel sad that this is an 'event' it should be normal. If I ever date again I'll never be with a heavy drinker, ideally a tee totaller.
I had a dream that I said fuck it and drank for new years eve!! I know this was triggered by all the new years eve talk in my support group. I've no social life and DH choice of drinks don't tempt me as I find them vile so I'm not worried about temptation for the NYE. My achilles had been loneliness and feeling hopeless rather than peer pressure or celebrations. It used to be a trigger when I was much younger though. My drinking spiraled during lockdown because I could just order booze right to my door. I.must have waster 1000s ordering home delivery wine. The madness! My poor liver! On the plus side, i'm feeling better everyday, skin looking better, home is tidier, sleep and focus are.improving. my waist is debloating... joining you @WendyWagon on the exercise thing, I always love myself more when I work out and I love noticing increase in fitness. Yeah, the recycling bin tells no lie 😂

Morning all.
My DD’s boyfriend has come to stay with and brought me some Christmas chocolates from Hotel Chocolat which are really clearly marked “alcohol free” in the front- I don’t know if that’s why he picked them, but I was very touched at the thought.

I’ve decided I need to tackle my sugar usage, but that will now need to be after I finish the chocolates. Mind you, I’m sure I can get assistance from the rest of the family with that one!

Greetings, Sober Sisters (and Brothers if here they be)

Today marks four years since my last drink. I remember it very clearly because it was absolutely disgusting- I hate whiskey but that's all there was in the house - and that's the state I had got into. I am glad every day that I freed myself and never need to go back to that place. It was so hard to begin with, until it wasn't. I'm still amazed by how simple it is to live booze free, and how much brighter and richer life is, even when things are tough.

Thank you to everyone who has given love and support, advice and a listening ear - I won't name people because there are so many of you, plus name changes, plus I know I'd leave someone out by accident and I wouldn't want to do that. You are all wonderful!

If you're new to this and struggling, keep going.

If you have been at it a while but you're wobbling, come and talk about it.

If you're lurking and thinking about giving the alcohol free life a try, come and join in. It's better than you could possibly imagine. And not as hard as you think.

Many congratulations on 4 years @Drybird2020 - you are such an inspiration x

@Drybird2020 congrats. Big inspiration to me always.

Morning all. Not going out, no one is visiting. Hermit me but too poorly to walk to the end of the road. Mind you in the old days I use to think if they called the medics I'm full of wine which would mean middle class shame.