The continuing support thread for living alcohol free, every day. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello, and welcome to the alcohol-free support thread. The original thread was started about three years ago by drybird.

We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. Whatever your reasons, whatever you’re going through, someone here will have been there too. People here will have done that first sober holiday, first sober Christmas/birthday/work do/wedding/funeral, first AF night out with the drinking friends, first (and 2nd and 3rd…) AF Friday night/Sunday lunch, first day 31/day 101, first lapse. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size and we have all been there too when things go wrong.

If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quit altogether then maybe have a look at the long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board? Lots of support there too.

Brew yourself a and come on in!

Morning all. I am loving the idea of AF insides unfurling like petals and long Saturday runs.

DFIL died overnight. It was the one night we'd had the phones off too, as the hospital had said he was doing better. Somehow we slept through the landline too. DH is an only child and his mum died years back. I'm checking in to remind myself that alcohol won't help.

So sorry @Blackberryblossom . Sending hugs.

So sorry to hear that @Blackberryblossom x

Yes @livingalivelife alcohol is very inflammatory for our bodies (and dehydrating at the same time, which is why it makes our faces both puffy and wrinkly at the same time. Neat trick, eh?)

@Blackberryblossom Im sorry to hear this. Take care and make sure you take time to look after yourselves.

Day 29 here, keep on keeping on and have managed to do 2 c25k runs outside. Next run is week 2, run 3. Am actually quite enjoying it.

Have got pretty much all the presents wrapped and put away so that’s one less stressful thing to do. Still another week left for the kids at school, this term has seemed so long.

@Blackberryblossom I am very sorry to hear about your FIL, How is your DH holding up? Being present to support your husband is all you can do and as you have already recognised you need to be sober to be present.

Sending you and your DH love and light.

I like the idea of a peaceful response @WendyWagon . I can recommend the rhubarb and ginger AF gin in Sainsbos- can’t remember the brand but it’s a hexagonal bottle.

I used to love champagne, cava, crement etc Dry and sparkling. I had AF frexinet the other day and it was dry and quite pleasant. I was never a fan of the alcoholic one but this one was ok.

@Blackberryblossom so sorry to hear your news. You are right- alcohol will not help at all. Sending you love and strength

Morning all.
Congratulations on 30 days @OfDragonsDeep ! Glad you’re enjoying the running too.

Hope you and DH are doing ok @Blackberryblossom - tough times

Thanks everyone for your support, it really helps. We can't really do much until we get the medical certificate about the death, and that is unlikely to happen for a few days at least because a second hospital Dr has to countersign it. Once we have that we can register the death and then get on with banks, utilities, house etc. We've got a provisional funeral date booked in the new year but it's dependent on all the paperwork being done in time. But I suppose we have a focus now. Still staying off the poison, and dh is sticking to his AF weekdays too, which is great.
We had a delivery of AF IPA for Christmas, and should have some Wilfreds arriving tomorrow. I'm going to track down some caffeine-free coke zero too so I can make fake JD & coke with the Lyres that came yesterday. I'm aiming for a Xmas full of self care ready for the "deathmin" in the New Year.

DH is doing well! All things considered. He's somewhere between sadness and relief that his dad isn't suffering any more.

@Blackberryblossom I am sorry to hear your news.

I am so sorry to hear this @Blackberryblossom and I hope your DH is doing Ok. Well done in holding on to the faith - everything is harder with alcohol.

Hello everyone
checking in for accountability because I can feel I'm in danger this evening. Friday night, finishing work, seeing my DP properly for first time in ages, community gathering. Am playing the tape forward like mad but it is super hard. Just to need to get through this craving and I know by 9pm I will very very glad not to have drunk.
day 29.

@livingalivelife hang in there. Make a plan about what soft drink you will have. The first bit is the hardest for me.
Find a way to celebrate that doesn’t involve booze. We’re having AF mojitos here 🥳

Hang in there @livingalivelife . It’s hard but we can do this. I’ve just arrived at my weekend away and am hiding in my bedroom- everyone else has been drinking for 2 hours and is so loud! Am trying to summon the energy to brace the noise for a coffee. It will be fine - just don’t take the first glass x

Aah thanks @Onewildandpreciouslife and @MyBedIsMySpiritualHome you are nice to reply. Got my becks blue on ice and feeling a bit more confident. @Onewildandpreciouslife your weekend sounds tricky! Well done.

You can do this @livingalivelife and you’ll be so grateful you didn’t drink come the morning. Thinking of you too @Onewildandpreciouslife and your sober Saturday run that’s waiting for you in the morning.

I have another cold, this autumn/ winter has been rubbish for illness chez Blackberryblossom. We are finally putting the tree up tomorrow and I have all the nice AF drinks for that. If only I could taste anything 😂

Morning all, I seem to be totally devoid of any Christmas spirit this year.

I actually feel completely flat and wish it was all over. Drinking was always a massive part of my festive period and I feel utterly miserable about Christmas without it. I really need to sort myself out!!

It's my second sober Christmas and last year was very similar. I went through the motions, came out the other side but it wasn't particularly enjoyable. I thought this year would be easier?

I have no desire to drink, for the most part I'm very content to be AF and living a quiet and stable life but Christmas is very triggering. I'm ashamed and embarrassed about how deeply entrenched alcohol was in my Christmases (and of course in my life in general. It wasn't just a Christmas problem). I had to ask DP not to buy a bottle of Baileys for himself as I didn't want it in the house. I wouldn't drink it but I don't want him to drink. Which feels very unfair (he's a very, very rare drinker and can really take it or leave it so was fine with my request but still)

Just having a bit of a moan. It will be fine.

I am absolutely with you @Crunchymum . Christmas Day AF challenges me. I think it’s because alcohol somehow became an indispensable part of the day, there is such an expectation to drink. Also there’s not really much in the way of other places to go to on the day that aren’t alcohol related. I do enjoy being present for the whole day though, and I love not being hung over, so there is that. I always remember not going for a bike ride with dd one Christmas Day afternoon. She really wanted to and I was drunk enough to not want to go out. I still feel guilty about that. I always find this board especially helpful at Christmas. I think this year I’ll go for a run or a bike ride or something on the day, if it’s dry, just so there’s something different planned to dozing off on the sofa.

So sorry to hear about your Fil @Blackberryblossom it's a hard time of year to lose someone.

I have realised that I was sober last Christmas as DS was unwell. That has made me feel better, it somehow takes the pressure off. DH and I had a tradition of champagne breakfast, but that has fallen away in recent years with the kids anyway. Will still be hard if there's wine on the table, but hoping the drinkers will stick to beer!

Tomorrow will be 50 days. Felt a bit emotional when I thought about it earlier. It is getting easier. The wine witch is just mumbling now.

Hello @Crunchymum I remember you from when I briefly posted on this thread a long time ago before lapsing (new name now). It is an inspiration to see old hands. Thanks , and to @Blackberryblossom for posting about Xmas. I'm dreading it too. Going to my DP's family which are lovely and very boozy. I'm planning on having good boundaries around time for me - nice long bath, country walk, maybe a run .. but no doubt when the fizz bottles pop it will be tough. My DP has bought some AF fizz which is not too bad at all and I hope will help me feel part of things. Am a big fan of Clare Pooley's original blog (prefer to the book) and she has a good post where she is really honest about the occasions she is nostalgic about and remembers all the times of collapsing on the sofa asleep, waking up feeling like shit, missing out on being truly present with children etc. I found that helpful. I will be posting through the season here for accountability and support!
Day 30.

I’ve found the build up to Christmas slightly easier this year I think. I have definitely tried to keep myself busier though on purpose. I think it’s working.

We’re going to DH parents on Christmas Day and mine on Boxing day. DH has told his parents we won’t be drinking and he had to explain that I am definitely not pregnant 😂

Its just the two days for us and they’re both local so we’re not staying anywhere which must be much harder.

On a more annoying note, I have to have a root canal filling on Thursday ☹️ Hoping it all goes fine and doesn’t cause any problems over Xmas.

Morning all. Did a very hilly long run yesterday morning - magic!

Congratulations on your milestones @Kate489 and @livingalivelife

Am on my way home from the weekend away - have come up with an excuse to leave early. I had absolutely no desire to drink, but I did feel a bit of an outsider. I can live with that though. People drank a shocking amount last night, but I fixed a smile to my face while screaming in my head. We’re all mid 50s, and it really isn’t doing anyone any favours. So glad to have made my escape (both from that lifestyle and the weekend!)

I am very much hibernating at the moment. I am finding it quite freeing not going to all the social events. But I have had a few nostalgic pangs of how nice it would be to have a glass of wine. I just remind myself that it wouldn’t be a glass, it would be way more, and the reality would be feeling awful, hangover, not going for a run in the morning, feeling anxious etc.

So much of my social life and friend circles were based around boozing. So funny that I could t see it at the time. My good friends are still there. And I like my quieter life.

I have a lunch invite to some very boozy friends this afternoon- it’s a drinks/ lunch party, so I can easily swerve it. I am in two minds. My kids are with their dad, so it’s quiet here… but I am enjoying the peace.

@Onewildandpreciouslife your run sounds good- we’ll done on managing the weekend in a way that was comfortable, or at least not too stressful for you.

Afternoon all.
Good to see you @Crunchymum

Processing my latest job fiasco. End of contract. Hopefully they will pay notice and holiday but with a shock message that the office rent hasn't been paid makes me think Messers Leggit and Scarper may be in play. I bloody pick them. I shall not miss the toxic colleague. He was so nasty. Mainly to women but a total arse. We all think he is a fake. Made up name too (for secruity purposes!). Yeah right.

My birthday tomorrow and the staff had planned a lovely surprise. Now all coming by courier.
I don't have much Christmas booze lusting. There's plenty at chez Wendy but not my poisons. My treat from my booze money not spent is a new mattress this year. Sleep is needed after the eighty hour weeks.
Have a good afternoon my friends.