The continuing support thread for living alcohol free, every day. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello, and welcome to the alcohol-free support thread. The original thread was started about three years ago by drybird.

We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. Whatever your reasons, whatever you’re going through, someone here will have been there too. People here will have done that first sober holiday, first sober Christmas/birthday/work do/wedding/funeral, first AF night out with the drinking friends, first (and 2nd and 3rd…) AF Friday night/Sunday lunch, first day 31/day 101, first lapse. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size and we have all been there too when things go wrong.

If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quit altogether then maybe have a look at the long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board? Lots of support there too.

Brew yourself a and come on in!

Thank you so much for replying. I am staying in tonight as my partner has his Christmas do! He is one of those people who take it or leave it with alcohol and can stop when he's had enough.

My other issue is that I drink very quickly. Maybe it's the 90's and early 00's culture of boozing hard and being outrageous thank god before social media was a thing.

I can go weeks without a drink and I'm fine. I don't ever crave it but it's social situations like last night where I think "oh I'll just have a couple" and then I can't remember what I've said to people or what I've done. The shame is off the record. I have another work Christmas party next week where I won't drink at all.

Welcome @wannabedry I namechanged too to join this thread. Congratulations on your day 1 and taking this step to get some support. Enjoy a lovely sober day today and look forward to waking up unhungover tomorrow.

Thank you xx god I feel rubbish.

@wannabedry its a learning curve, don’t be too hard on yourself.

planning ahead for drinks situations like parties helps me. sometimes it can help to say to friends that you are off the booze, so you won’t be drinking at xxxx party. I was surprised how people didn’t query this, or thought it was no big deal (it felt huge to me)

plan the drinks you will have, so bring your own AF stuff or have a reply ready for when you are asked what you want.

it takes practice and it gets easier.
focus on sleeping well, waking up with no hangover and all the horror that goes with it.

I am 44 and grew up with all the ladette culture and was a big party animal. The last few years I just can not process alcohol like I used to. So I have to remind myself that it is just not worth it for the impact it is on my physical and mental health.

Alcohol Explained by William Porter was a good quit lit book where the penny really dropped for me. Rationale and easy to read.

I quite liked Mrs D is going with out and the unexpected joy of being sober. Sober Dave podcasts are good too.

Keep on keeping on.

Good morning all. 23 months and 1 day here. I celebrated with milk.

@wannabedry welcome

I am going to be honest and say I still think about wine but the smell puts me off. It sour to me. I never go to the corner shop and I can't do the disturbed sleep. I love champagne but I am fussy. I do get glassy eyed for that but I now work in a strict no drinking company. It helps a lot! The DH, DS and DD don't drink much or in the case of the DD not at all. My alcoholism really effected my children for which I shall forever be ashamed.
However I am proud to say I have lost 53 pounds and look five years younger. I don't eat the crisps or cheese that went with the booze.
Would I go back to my five bottles a week? Absolutely not.
You can do this. Try 30 days, you won't regret it. Freedom my friends.

Hello. Sorry for the silence, it has all been kicking off here. DH had a call late last night from a hospital saying that his dad is very poorly with a chest infection and might not survive much longer. The hospital 's four hours away by car. I poured dh a tiny whisky and me a glass of milk. I'm so proud of myself today. DH is on his way to the hospital now. They had a very difficult relationship so not sure how it's going to go. In the meantime there's a load of unrelated admin stuff to do here.
Sorry for the lack of individual replies, I will check back in later today to catch up properly.

Hi 👋 can I join you? I did 79 days sober, but then drank again last night… feeling very sorry for myself… hoping to do better in future and thought this thread might give me some moral support.

Hi all,

@Wantofeelgood sorry to hear about your slip, BUT a bad day is just that. You can dust yourself down and pick up where you left off. You're doing so well, and it is tough. I am sure we all have stories of slip ups to tell. Well done for coming back, and carrying on.

Lovely to see some new 'faces'. It's a tricky time of year to knock booze on the head. There is so much expectation at Christmas to drink alcohol. It's everywhere. Insidious, really. I have lost far too many Christmas memories with my children to booze. It was the norm to drink excessively for the whole festive period. It's far nicer to be taking a different path.

I faced my first sober night out last night, and it was so much easier than I thought it would be. I had a great time, and woke up feeling very smug while DH complained of a hungover.

Still having ups and downs emotionally. I am so tired, and can feel quite low at times. I know from experience that it passes, I just wish it would pass faster.

I hope you're all enjoying your sober weekends so far.

Just realised I'm day 19, not day 18! Hurrah

Hi all, welcome to the new posters, good to read your chat and well done for quitting this side of Christmas, it can't be an easy time to stop.

I'm at 6 weeks today, and looking forward to hitting 50 days next week. I'm enjoying The Sober Diaries and I'm glad to say the Wine Witch is much quieter these days. It's the thought of waking her up that stops me even contemplating a wine when the thought pops into my head. She is wild and far too consuming for me to handle.

When I last posted I was about to go out with friends sober for the first time, however had to cancel as DS was unwell. I have since told another friend I've stopped drinking and why. She was supportive. It was good to make it real with someone other than DH. It's still not a conversation I'm keen to have often though as I'm not quite ready to fully admit it to the world. I'm still getting my head round things, but currently have no desire to end my streak.

Welcome @KeepScrapingBy 79 days is amazing, you can do it again!

Worked out that we will save about £100 a month and that’s from the cut down amount we were drinking before stopping.

Day 27 here and like @Kate489 I have no desire to end the streak although DH has been talking about drinking at Xmas.

Morning all.
Sorry to hear about DH’s father - @Blackberryblossom. You sound like you’re having a tough time of it at the moment, so well done on not escaping into drink.

Welcome @KeepScrapingBy - these slip ups can be useful “data points” on the overall journey. I like the analogy that if you’re cycling from London to Brighton and you fall off your bike, you don’t go back to the beginning- you get back on, a little bruised maybe, and keep going, with a bit more experience of what caused the crash.

Good to see you @Kate489 and congratulations on 6 weeks!

Good morning,
I'm really sorry to hear about your DH's dad @OfDragonsDeep and well done - easy to excuse alcohol (well would be easy for me) as helpful or medicinal in a time of crisis.
Hello @Kate489 and nice to meet you. Isn't it weird (when you look at it) that we feel we have to have that conversation at all? Alcohol is so ingrained in our culture.
@Wellysock there is a batttle going on in my head about Christmas. The wine witch is saying 'one glass of champagne ...'. I love champagne - I don't care about giving up anythign else but champagne is hard! Except then I remember it wouldn't be one glass. If it could have been one glass, I wouldn't be here now. And also while that first sip is heaven (and I think it is imporatnt to acknowledge that this is a real loss!) I quickly become a slightly knocked off version of me, less available for real relating to people I love.
Another big family event last night. I loved not drinking, and waking up feeling refreshed this mornign even more.
Have a cosy rainy (here) Sunday everyone.
Day 24.

Afternoon all, I'm celebrating day 7 today. I've had family staying and haven't felt the need to get shitfaced. If I'd been with friends I probably would have felt very different. All of my friends are very boozy so I just don't feel like I can be around them at the moment. Not blaming them for my actions of course, just hard to not get sucked into having a drink. Feeling pretty positive on the whole but still have pangs of regret and wondering why I can't moderate, just feels a bit unfair. Wish I was someone who had an off switch.

Hello @geoffman and well done on 7 days! And on protecting yourself by not being around your friends right now. It is SO hard to accept that we can't moderate. I keep telling myself I would have done it by now if I could. One of the best things about sobriety is losing that mental load of shalli shan't i just one etc etc.

Still here still alcohol-free. Thank you for the good wishes. Dfil is doing a bit better today after a very rough day yesterday. Hopefully that recovery will continue into tomorrow. I am tired and my mind is all over the place, but I am here and present for dd.

Congratulations wendy! Nearly at two years! Congrats too to @Kate489 and @geoffman on your respective milestones. The early days/weeks are definitely the hardest but they give such a strong foundation going forward into the months and beyond.

Hang in there everyone who’s struggling. The bike ride analogy is excellent 🚴‍♀️

Someone, I’m sorry I forget who, asked a couples of pages back how long I’d been AF. It’s just over three years now. I started by stopping for 30 days when it became obvious that Trump had lost the 2020 election. I just suddenly realised that one of my main and most reliable reasons excuses for pouring that first drink every day was gone. After that I decided to carry on until new year and then extended to 100 days…

@llivingalivelife I hear you with the thoughts about just one glass. On the Sober Awkward podcast, they speak about what happens when you have even one alcoholic drink...

When you have an alcoholic drink, it reduces inhibitions, makes you feel a bit of a buzz, etc etc. However, once the effect of the alcohol has worn off, your mood will be lower than it was before you had it. This happens from just one drink.

So whilst you may be in a wonderful mood, and think that just one glass will make it even better, that drink will ultimately lead to you feeling worse than you did before you had it.

This is what keeps playing through my head every time I think 'oh just one at christmas'. Maybe it will feel helpful to you too.

@Wellysock that is helpful, thankyou. Gives me a positive way to think about saying no to that one glass of champagne.

@Blackberryblossom that was me who asked how long you've been sober. Congratulations and thankyou for the inspiration. I have always got stuck soon after 100 days and it's helpful right now to see a sober future.

Day 26.

Could I join this thread please? Have wanted to be completely alcohol free for a long time and have tried many times just posting so I can come back later for some accountability and share more xx

Hello and welcome @thistlescot !

Morning all.
Up as put myself back on the steroids. I shall blow up like puffing Billy but better than howling in bed. The RA has been monstrous.
The son cleared a work top and found my new gin AF from Marks. I will let you know how it is.
Not been out so avoiding Christmas booze displays. They're usually Baileys which is liquid sugar to me. We're having our curry party between new year and Christmas so I am ordering Lambrusco for the troops. I always hated it but my late dad loved it and the GC used to drink his so they can have that on me. Some new ones at 0.5% I believe.
Last year was a struggle but I don't feel like that anymore. Hoorah.
Have a good day my friends and thank you for all the support.

Morning all, and welcome @thistlescot .

I saw an Instagram post yesterday which pictured sobriety as a fairground carousel horse galloping off into the sunset. Yup.

Hope everyone is doing OK.

Im going for a weekend away with some very boozy friends where most of the focus is on drinking - I have a long run planned for the Saturday morning so trying to stay positive about that!

Morning @WendyWagon ! We cross-posted. Sainsburys AF section had lots of different flavoured Tanqueray AF gins this weekend and I thought of you!

@Onewildandpreciouslife ooh we do have a big Sainsbury near us
I shall investigate. I have fancied the orange one if AF. Funny I can't stand real gin.
Someone asked me the other day if I used to be a big drinker, ah yes. I didn't go into details but you know it was a peaceful response. I wasn't embarrassed or offended.
One of our number use to talk about growing up when you stop drinking. I think I have done lots of that. Zen that's what I am aiming for.

Welcome @thistlescot - look forward to hearing your story. I'm a relative newbie here - there are plenty of us as well as experienced AFers.

Morning @WendyWagon and @Onewildandpreciouslife I tried a ready made AF gordons g&t and it was grim - would be nice if tanqueray was better. I tried a Sainsburys AF sparkling rose yesterday - not delicious or in any way like wine and have given it to my kids as breakfast juice! Thank God for Becks blue and AF peroni but I would like to have something that is OK in a champagne glass! beer doesn't look very elegant ..

Still going strong. Very cautiously - it is getting slightly easier, on weekday evenings when my DP regularly as a glass or two of wine. Gathering my strength and my AF options ahead of the xmas season.

Day 27. Feeling my insides sort of relaxing and unfurling. I don't know if alcohol is associated with inflammation (liver obviously but otherwise) but it feels like my whole body is calming down.